Okay, so I have now officially read all the books (aside from that dumb Bree Tanner book that I've decided I'm not bothering with because it'll be just as pointless as Breaking Dawn) and you know what? My opinion hasn't changed. This is still a HORRIBLE series. Even if you lower your standards and look at it as a guilty pleasure book, it's horrible.
There literally is nothing redeemable about it. The writing is bad. The story is bad. The characters are bad. It's just...bad. Not to mention pointless, sexist (to both men AND women), anti-feminist, slightly racist, encourages shallowness, and basically seems to say "you are not complete without a man". Oh, it's also reeks of ignorance and classism (which for those that don't know, is when you look poorly on being lower class and favor being rich). It also has lazy writing, the author didn't do any research whatsoever, and also feels like the author actually thinks she's writing steller literature instead of a cheesy teen vampire novel.
Now, if you are a fan of this and just enjoy it as a cheesy vampire novel and don't actually think it's uber spectacular then great. I have no business with you. I myself enjoy many a book that is maybe not the greatest so carry on. My issue is with the people who honestly and truly think this book is like the best book ever and go around calling it amazing. No. Just...NO. This is not amazing by any stretch of the imagination.
The fact that this series has become so beloved and a world wide bestseller and called the next Harry Potter (I HATE that especially) astounds me. It really is proof that just because something sells well doesn't mean it's good. So there. It's a horrible horrible series and I'm glad I'm finally done with it. This blog is basically finished aside from the editing I'm going to do with previous posts (I've seen a few typos, sorry about that) and coming lists. The lists will be as follows:
One Hundred Reasons Why Twilight is a Horrible series-This is self explanatory and will compile all the reasons I found during my reading of the series.
Fifty Reasons Why Harry Potter is Better the Twilight-I HATE that people have had the nerve to imply Twilight is better then Harry Potter. This list will go into detail about why that simply isn't so.
Books That Have Gotten a Unfair Rep Due to Twilight-Like it or not, Twilight has had an effect on publishing. Particularly regarding book's reputations. Some books have been unfairly labled as Twilight rip-offs or as bad as by Twilight fans and anti's alike and I want to shed some light on these books because I do think this is an unfair thing, although I have been admittedly guilty of it myself (I'm sorry Mortal Instruments! Really, I am!).
After those, this blog will be done and left alone for anyone's enjoyment.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 39-The Happily Ever After
CHAPTER SUMMARY: This stupid, long, and utterly pointless book FINALLY ends. The title of the chapter pretty much sums this up.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Lots of rambling about vampires leaving. Don't care.
Lots of gloating about how awesome Bella was. REALLY don't care.
Talk with Alice. Don't care.
Talk with Jasper about Jenks. Don't care.
Talk about new guy possibly having a thing for Renesmee and causing problems later on. REALLY don't care (and again: I REALLY hope Meyer doesn't write a book about this in the future)
Edward and Bella coo at each other. REALLY don't care.
The end.
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST BOOK EVER.
WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: why was the book even written?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Lots of rambling about vampires leaving. Don't care.
Lots of gloating about how awesome Bella was. REALLY don't care.
Talk with Alice. Don't care.
Talk with Jasper about Jenks. Don't care.
Talk about new guy possibly having a thing for Renesmee and causing problems later on. REALLY don't care (and again: I REALLY hope Meyer doesn't write a book about this in the future)
Edward and Bella coo at each other. REALLY don't care.
The end.
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST BOOK EVER.
WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: why was the book even written?
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 38-Power
CHAPTER SUMMARY: There's a lot of talking and a very short anti-climatic ending as the Volturi leave. Lamest battle, EVER.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I literally don't care about any of this at this point. It's painfully obvious Meyer isn't going to kill anyone important, that the Cullens will live, and it'll be very boring and all of this boring exposition was just leading up to a boring and stupid ending. But Meyer does try a bit to get us excited I guess.
We open with the fight still going on. If one can call vampires pummeling Bella's Mary Sue love shield a fight. Basically all the Volturi try to break through Bella's shield and naturally fail because as Meyer states time and time again: Bella is awesome. Never mind that she suddenly knows how to use this gift at will when before she had trouble. Whatever, right? She's protecting everyone!
Then just as it looks like there's FINALLY going to be a fight. Aro goes "lets vote! Cause it'd be a shame to kill everyone of these people!" Seriously? Who the hell does that in the middle of an impending battle? This is so stupid I don't know where to begin so I'll move on. Then it's a rehash of the same old arguements that oh yeah, were told to us LAST CHAPTER. Stop freaking repeating yourself Meyer, I understand everyone's motivations at this point (even if those motivations make no real sense) MOVE ON WITH THE PLOT. If one can call this a plot.
Then Edward steps forward and of course is all reasonable and oh hello, turns out Renesmee is NOT the first of her kind. Suddenly new guy shows up and hey he was born the same way. Isn't it convenient how no one discovered him before this and he just happened to show up on time? Give me a break. Oh, he's also beautiful and it's hinted further on that he may try something with Renesmee later on. Great. I forsee a sequel involving Renesmee, this guy, and Jacob and because it's Meyer she'll probably go for the sexy white vampire instead of the guy who's been there for her all her life. I hope I'm wrong and that Meyer doesn't do this, but I have a feeling when her next books don't make much more money, this will be the route she goes. Oh, and in case you care, he's there because Alice and Jasper somehow conviently found him in time and hey! they're back!
Of course, we get the lame backstory of the new guy and it's just as absurd and awfully convenient as the rest of this book. I'll spare you details, mostly because I was yawning through it and wanted the battle to resume. Of course, I'm disappointed as the story manages to convince the Volturi to not attack. Stupid speech by Aro and suddenly they're all gone. LAME. Seriously, most anti-climatic thing I've ever read in my life. I've read FANFICTION that is better then this crap!
Much cliche celebrating is to be had after they leave. Boring chapter ends. One more chapter to go! THANK GOD.
WORD LIST: crux, exultantly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Lamest. Battle. EVER.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I literally don't care about any of this at this point. It's painfully obvious Meyer isn't going to kill anyone important, that the Cullens will live, and it'll be very boring and all of this boring exposition was just leading up to a boring and stupid ending. But Meyer does try a bit to get us excited I guess.
We open with the fight still going on. If one can call vampires pummeling Bella's Mary Sue love shield a fight. Basically all the Volturi try to break through Bella's shield and naturally fail because as Meyer states time and time again: Bella is awesome. Never mind that she suddenly knows how to use this gift at will when before she had trouble. Whatever, right? She's protecting everyone!
Then just as it looks like there's FINALLY going to be a fight. Aro goes "lets vote! Cause it'd be a shame to kill everyone of these people!" Seriously? Who the hell does that in the middle of an impending battle? This is so stupid I don't know where to begin so I'll move on. Then it's a rehash of the same old arguements that oh yeah, were told to us LAST CHAPTER. Stop freaking repeating yourself Meyer, I understand everyone's motivations at this point (even if those motivations make no real sense) MOVE ON WITH THE PLOT. If one can call this a plot.
Then Edward steps forward and of course is all reasonable and oh hello, turns out Renesmee is NOT the first of her kind. Suddenly new guy shows up and hey he was born the same way. Isn't it convenient how no one discovered him before this and he just happened to show up on time? Give me a break. Oh, he's also beautiful and it's hinted further on that he may try something with Renesmee later on. Great. I forsee a sequel involving Renesmee, this guy, and Jacob and because it's Meyer she'll probably go for the sexy white vampire instead of the guy who's been there for her all her life. I hope I'm wrong and that Meyer doesn't do this, but I have a feeling when her next books don't make much more money, this will be the route she goes. Oh, and in case you care, he's there because Alice and Jasper somehow conviently found him in time and hey! they're back!
Of course, we get the lame backstory of the new guy and it's just as absurd and awfully convenient as the rest of this book. I'll spare you details, mostly because I was yawning through it and wanted the battle to resume. Of course, I'm disappointed as the story manages to convince the Volturi to not attack. Stupid speech by Aro and suddenly they're all gone. LAME. Seriously, most anti-climatic thing I've ever read in my life. I've read FANFICTION that is better then this crap!
Much cliche celebrating is to be had after they leave. Boring chapter ends. One more chapter to go! THANK GOD.
WORD LIST: crux, exultantly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Lamest. Battle. EVER.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 37-Contrivances
CHAPTER SUMMARY: More talking that is basically the Volturi stating how awesome Renesmee is.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So now that Aro is Team Renesmee he does his best to get all the other Volturi on Team Renesmee as well. Lots of dissention fom mainly Caius who is obviously the one we're not supposed to like. He then points out the Cullen's alliance with the wolves. Good point. But then Meyer drops the bomb: they aren't actually werewolves, guys, they're shifters! What? Now Meyer isn't even trying. I can picture exactly how she's wrote this in her head:
"hmm...the alliance with the werewolves is a problem though...oh, I know! I'll make them NOT werewolves but shifters! That's so much cooler then werewolves! Oh, wait what if my fans question it? Oh, I'll put in this explanation of that their brains just decided on wolves so they've always been wolves! My fans will buy that. They've bought all my other stuff, haven't they?"
I'm telling you, that's how she wrote this whole damn book. She didn't care one lick about making it actually GOOD. She just cared about getting it done and getting more money for it. Yet people accuse JK ROWLING of being the greedy one. Rowling actually cared about writing decent material. Also Rowling donates millions of dollars to charity per year (I have yet to hear of Meyer donating to actual charities that didn't include her friends or that involved promoting her books). Rowling has written charity books that she made no money off of (that Bree Tanner book Meyer made money off of. Red Cross only got a dollar a book while she and her publishers got all the rest and it was overpriced for a novella) and again, Rowling actually cared about the work being GOOD. Because Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was an awesome book, no matter what people have to say about the camping because even the camping had character stuff in it and a POINT. So ask you now, who is the greedy one?
So in more of Meyer's lazy and sloppy writing she contridicts one of the main things driving Jacob and the wolves' mythology. Yet it's treated as no big deal as these aren't Bella or the Cullens. Nice.
Then Irina starts apologizing and I'm seeing where this is going quickly. Big shocker, the Volturi kill her in their warped version of justice. Caius just killed her though, hoping to make Kate and Tanya attack him and start a battle. Unfortunately, they get stopped by the always so right Cullens. Any hope of any excitement at all is quickly diminished. Then hey, the egyptian clan is back! They back up the Cullens claims. It pretty much turns into more "Renesmee is awesome! Don't kill her!" stuff that I'm getting pretty tired of.
Then suddenly those old vampires start a cliche speech about using the super amazing cullens as an example and revolting agianst the Catholic Church-I mean the Volturi. Then it's suddenly the Cullens are innocent but now we have a war and then there's MORE counsel among the Volturi. There's quick and boring good byes for some reason among Bella and her crew. Then...something starts?
WORD LIST: specious, potency, melee, intrinsic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: bad dialogue, lazy writing, Meyer debunking her own mythology for conveniance sake again.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So now that Aro is Team Renesmee he does his best to get all the other Volturi on Team Renesmee as well. Lots of dissention fom mainly Caius who is obviously the one we're not supposed to like. He then points out the Cullen's alliance with the wolves. Good point. But then Meyer drops the bomb: they aren't actually werewolves, guys, they're shifters! What? Now Meyer isn't even trying. I can picture exactly how she's wrote this in her head:
"hmm...the alliance with the werewolves is a problem though...oh, I know! I'll make them NOT werewolves but shifters! That's so much cooler then werewolves! Oh, wait what if my fans question it? Oh, I'll put in this explanation of that their brains just decided on wolves so they've always been wolves! My fans will buy that. They've bought all my other stuff, haven't they?"
I'm telling you, that's how she wrote this whole damn book. She didn't care one lick about making it actually GOOD. She just cared about getting it done and getting more money for it. Yet people accuse JK ROWLING of being the greedy one. Rowling actually cared about writing decent material. Also Rowling donates millions of dollars to charity per year (I have yet to hear of Meyer donating to actual charities that didn't include her friends or that involved promoting her books). Rowling has written charity books that she made no money off of (that Bree Tanner book Meyer made money off of. Red Cross only got a dollar a book while she and her publishers got all the rest and it was overpriced for a novella) and again, Rowling actually cared about the work being GOOD. Because Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was an awesome book, no matter what people have to say about the camping because even the camping had character stuff in it and a POINT. So ask you now, who is the greedy one?
So in more of Meyer's lazy and sloppy writing she contridicts one of the main things driving Jacob and the wolves' mythology. Yet it's treated as no big deal as these aren't Bella or the Cullens. Nice.
Then Irina starts apologizing and I'm seeing where this is going quickly. Big shocker, the Volturi kill her in their warped version of justice. Caius just killed her though, hoping to make Kate and Tanya attack him and start a battle. Unfortunately, they get stopped by the always so right Cullens. Any hope of any excitement at all is quickly diminished. Then hey, the egyptian clan is back! They back up the Cullens claims. It pretty much turns into more "Renesmee is awesome! Don't kill her!" stuff that I'm getting pretty tired of.
Then suddenly those old vampires start a cliche speech about using the super amazing cullens as an example and revolting agianst the Catholic Church-I mean the Volturi. Then it's suddenly the Cullens are innocent but now we have a war and then there's MORE counsel among the Volturi. There's quick and boring good byes for some reason among Bella and her crew. Then...something starts?
WORD LIST: specious, potency, melee, intrinsic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: bad dialogue, lazy writing, Meyer debunking her own mythology for conveniance sake again.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 36-Bloodlust
CHAPTER SUMMARY: They gather for a battle that...doesn't happen.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with vivid description as the Volturi arrive. For some reason as she describes this, I keep thinking of the scene in wraith rider music scene from the Lord of the Rings movie. It makes it much more entertaining. Edward's deux es machina mind reading ability tells us that they did in fact come to destroy no questions asked. Personally I'm all for this, it would be nice finally have some mass destruction in this book. Plus, I hate all the characters so I wouldn't care if any of them bit the dust.
For some reason, Bella becomes absolutely positive they're going to lose. Don't know why she comes to this conclusion, it actually looks like an even fight to me, but she comes to it anyway and becomes furious over the idea and throws the vampire equivolent of a temper tantrum and starts growling. It'll be interesting to see Kristin Stewart try and do this on screen. Bet it'll be hilarious.
Then there's a lot of...wait for it...standing around anxiously. Um...huh? Meyer, I know you can't see R rated films but there are plenty of pg-13 battle movies out there. Watch them please. THAT'S a battle and cause for excitement. Not...whatever the hell THIS is.
To make matters worse, Aro and Carlisle start speaking in that ridiculous dialogue that Meyer has Aro use. People don't generally talk before battles. Certainly not this reasonably. So they start to argue about Renesmee. Then Irina (who is conveniently there) steps forward and they interrigate her.
Then Aro calls Edward forward for some reason or other and this for some reason freaks Bella out and she throws up her stupid love shield that conveniently now works at will for her. Edward and Aro have a conversation we can't hear (thank god) and then Aro asks to see Renesmee. Well, we all know what will happen now, don't we?
Bella brings Renesmee forward. They of course take the time to praise how awesome a vampire she is. UGH. Renesmee speaks to Aro. He of course immediately falls in love with baby Mary Sue. Then he leaves with the others to discuss things.
So I ask you Twihards in case you have an explanation for this BS: WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS WHOLE DAMN BOOK?! It wasn't to watch Bella struggle with her new life with Edward because she HAS no struggle. It wasn't to fight the Volturi because THERE IS NO FIGHT. So what was the freaking point?! Other then to make more money off of gullible teenagers? No wonder fans revolted against this. I'm not even a fan of Twilight and I feel cheated by this book. I can't imagine how an actual fan of the series felt when they read this crap. Meyer has some nerve wondering why fans were so mad at her too. Really, why do you THINK?
WORD LIST: cudgel
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
They came with pageantry, with a kind of beauty.-Fragment sentance. Fix. Also it is not a paragraph so there shouldn't be an indent. In fact, you're better off cutting it all together.
This whole chapter is basically one big cop out because Meyer has no guts and can't write violence.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with vivid description as the Volturi arrive. For some reason as she describes this, I keep thinking of the scene in wraith rider music scene from the Lord of the Rings movie. It makes it much more entertaining. Edward's deux es machina mind reading ability tells us that they did in fact come to destroy no questions asked. Personally I'm all for this, it would be nice finally have some mass destruction in this book. Plus, I hate all the characters so I wouldn't care if any of them bit the dust.
For some reason, Bella becomes absolutely positive they're going to lose. Don't know why she comes to this conclusion, it actually looks like an even fight to me, but she comes to it anyway and becomes furious over the idea and throws the vampire equivolent of a temper tantrum and starts growling. It'll be interesting to see Kristin Stewart try and do this on screen. Bet it'll be hilarious.
Then there's a lot of...wait for it...standing around anxiously. Um...huh? Meyer, I know you can't see R rated films but there are plenty of pg-13 battle movies out there. Watch them please. THAT'S a battle and cause for excitement. Not...whatever the hell THIS is.
To make matters worse, Aro and Carlisle start speaking in that ridiculous dialogue that Meyer has Aro use. People don't generally talk before battles. Certainly not this reasonably. So they start to argue about Renesmee. Then Irina (who is conveniently there) steps forward and they interrigate her.
Then Aro calls Edward forward for some reason or other and this for some reason freaks Bella out and she throws up her stupid love shield that conveniently now works at will for her. Edward and Aro have a conversation we can't hear (thank god) and then Aro asks to see Renesmee. Well, we all know what will happen now, don't we?
Bella brings Renesmee forward. They of course take the time to praise how awesome a vampire she is. UGH. Renesmee speaks to Aro. He of course immediately falls in love with baby Mary Sue. Then he leaves with the others to discuss things.
So I ask you Twihards in case you have an explanation for this BS: WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS WHOLE DAMN BOOK?! It wasn't to watch Bella struggle with her new life with Edward because she HAS no struggle. It wasn't to fight the Volturi because THERE IS NO FIGHT. So what was the freaking point?! Other then to make more money off of gullible teenagers? No wonder fans revolted against this. I'm not even a fan of Twilight and I feel cheated by this book. I can't imagine how an actual fan of the series felt when they read this crap. Meyer has some nerve wondering why fans were so mad at her too. Really, why do you THINK?
WORD LIST: cudgel
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
They came with pageantry, with a kind of beauty.-Fragment sentance. Fix. Also it is not a paragraph so there shouldn't be an indent. In fact, you're better off cutting it all together.
This whole chapter is basically one big cop out because Meyer has no guts and can't write violence.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 35-Deadline
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Meyer wastes readers time with details that we don't care about.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a sappy moment between Edward and Bella ("hurry back to me"? Really?) and she leaves wondering if he knows her plans. Again, Mark from Mark Reads Twilight said it best when he said this a perfect example of why these two are NOT a good couple. Because if their relationship is so good, why is she sneaking around and worrying about him finding out? That doesn't shout healthy relationship to me. That shouts trust issues galore on his part and definitely on hers.
Bella babbles to herself as she drives and I really don't care about all the probably incorrect assumptions she makes about Jenk's character after one meeting. We get more "Bella's so beautiful now she's a vamp!" right before she goes to meet Jenks (the clerk gawks at her and Bella enjoys it; no we're not shallow at ALL). She meets up with Jenks and they have the most boring conversation that is littered with bad dialogue as well. The entire purpose is just so he can hand her the documents. We waste THREE/FOUR PAGES ON THIS ALONE. He couldn't have just sent them to her in an envelope? Really, Meyer? I know you're out of ideas but good god, woman.
Anyway, she goes home documents in hand. Then what follows is a lot of dumb assuming on Bella's part. I'm sorry, why doesn't she, oh I don't know ASK JACOB AND EDWARD?! Why are we wasting time on this stupid plot idea? All she would have to do is hand the documents over to Jacob and say "here, had these drawn up just in case things go bad" and then they could make plans together. Edward probably wouldn't object, seeing as how it's about his DAUGHTERS SAFTEY. But that would easy and logical and hit home just how stupid this all is so Meyer instead has Bella make a big ridiculous production out of all of this and waste not only the reader's time (the reader probably doesn't care about this at all) and paper.
The rest of the chapter is just as pointless really. Basically Bella summarizes boring events that the readers don't care about. There's commentary on the weather and daily routines, much "I love yous", Bella tells Renesmee to run when she says so. Blah, blah, blah DON'T CARE. Then there's much vivid description of all of them gathering around the field and waiting for the Volturi. Seriously, most BORING BOOK EVER to involve vampires and werewolves.
WORD LIST: purveyor
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: pointless chapter is pointless
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a sappy moment between Edward and Bella ("hurry back to me"? Really?) and she leaves wondering if he knows her plans. Again, Mark from Mark Reads Twilight said it best when he said this a perfect example of why these two are NOT a good couple. Because if their relationship is so good, why is she sneaking around and worrying about him finding out? That doesn't shout healthy relationship to me. That shouts trust issues galore on his part and definitely on hers.
Bella babbles to herself as she drives and I really don't care about all the probably incorrect assumptions she makes about Jenk's character after one meeting. We get more "Bella's so beautiful now she's a vamp!" right before she goes to meet Jenks (the clerk gawks at her and Bella enjoys it; no we're not shallow at ALL). She meets up with Jenks and they have the most boring conversation that is littered with bad dialogue as well. The entire purpose is just so he can hand her the documents. We waste THREE/FOUR PAGES ON THIS ALONE. He couldn't have just sent them to her in an envelope? Really, Meyer? I know you're out of ideas but good god, woman.
Anyway, she goes home documents in hand. Then what follows is a lot of dumb assuming on Bella's part. I'm sorry, why doesn't she, oh I don't know ASK JACOB AND EDWARD?! Why are we wasting time on this stupid plot idea? All she would have to do is hand the documents over to Jacob and say "here, had these drawn up just in case things go bad" and then they could make plans together. Edward probably wouldn't object, seeing as how it's about his DAUGHTERS SAFTEY. But that would easy and logical and hit home just how stupid this all is so Meyer instead has Bella make a big ridiculous production out of all of this and waste not only the reader's time (the reader probably doesn't care about this at all) and paper.
The rest of the chapter is just as pointless really. Basically Bella summarizes boring events that the readers don't care about. There's commentary on the weather and daily routines, much "I love yous", Bella tells Renesmee to run when she says so. Blah, blah, blah DON'T CARE. Then there's much vivid description of all of them gathering around the field and waiting for the Volturi. Seriously, most BORING BOOK EVER to involve vampires and werewolves.
WORD LIST: purveyor
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: pointless chapter is pointless
Thursday, December 16, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 34-Declared
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Cullens celebrate christmas and big battle is planned. Amen.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella comes home and much sappyness occurs. Blah.
Then more prattling/summarizing from Bella. What annoys me is that Bella is basically being a martyr again and assuming Jacob and Renesmee will be the only ones to survive. Where exactly did she get this idea? From what I've seen, the Volturi don't have many members, the Cullens on the other hand have a literal ARMY on their hands. So WHY is she so sure they'll lose? They've won so far, haven't they? Plus they have the werewolves who are the only known creature to be able to take down vampires, right? You'd think she'd be a little more confident. But it wouldn't be Bella and Twilight if she didn't act like a damn martyr at least ONCE. Now, it's twice per book. Groan.
The book becomes oddly fitting for this time of year as suddenly they are celebrating Christmas (already? Didn't they have the wedding like a month after graduation? Then Nessie a week later...how much freaking time has passed?! I don't even know!). Of course, it's a great christmas. I'm further shocked at the mention of a MP3 player in this. So they DO exist here! Creepily enough, Jacob gave Renesmee a promise ring. I'm sure that again, Meyer thought this was super cute. I think it's gross cause she's SEVEN YEARS OLD. Another thing: I'm pretty sure Native Americans don't celebrate Christmas, seeing as how that's a CHRISTIAN holiday, so why is the wolf pack even there? I smell lack of research and ignorance again. However, I could be wrong about this as I don't really know any Native Americans. If someone would care to correct me then please go ahead and feel free to ignore this bit.
But even the Christmas holidays are ruined by sad panda Bella who just can't freaking enjoy herself for once. They return home to find Alistair gone and everyone freaked out. Is it a bad sign that I'm racking my brain to remember who Alistair is and why he's so important? He basically left because he felt it was no use. His leaving causes Amun and Kebi (egyptian vamps) to leave but be mad when one of them stays to help.
They start explaining that Alistair was muttering to himself and in that muttering he's worried that the Volturi will just not listen and kill them all anyway. I think it's pretty clear now who the Volturi represent: The Catholic Church. For those that don't know, the LDS loaths the Catholic Church. The Volturi are obviously the Pope and the Cardinals. Meyer, you are not as subtle as you think you are being. Hell, Pullman was more subtle in the His Dark Materials books about the Magistrate (for those that don't know the Magistrate in the books represent the Church and its oppressiveness; Pullman is an athiest btw) then you are being here and that's saying something.
Then suddenly there's talk about whether to fight or not. Um...I thought this had already been decided? Guess not. Well in a cliche move, all the present factions agree to stand with Carlisle. Saw this coming a mile away. No shock factor. Then it turns into a hunt and Bella angsting on the hunt. Then she's all "what if fail?!" blah blah and of course Eddiekins comforts her. Again, why do I CARE? I KNOW she won't fail it's MEYER writing this and it's BELLA. The good guys will win. Boring chapter ends. FIVE MORE TO GO!
WORD LIST: sancrosanct
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: BORING!
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella comes home and much sappyness occurs. Blah.
Then more prattling/summarizing from Bella. What annoys me is that Bella is basically being a martyr again and assuming Jacob and Renesmee will be the only ones to survive. Where exactly did she get this idea? From what I've seen, the Volturi don't have many members, the Cullens on the other hand have a literal ARMY on their hands. So WHY is she so sure they'll lose? They've won so far, haven't they? Plus they have the werewolves who are the only known creature to be able to take down vampires, right? You'd think she'd be a little more confident. But it wouldn't be Bella and Twilight if she didn't act like a damn martyr at least ONCE. Now, it's twice per book. Groan.
The book becomes oddly fitting for this time of year as suddenly they are celebrating Christmas (already? Didn't they have the wedding like a month after graduation? Then Nessie a week later...how much freaking time has passed?! I don't even know!). Of course, it's a great christmas. I'm further shocked at the mention of a MP3 player in this. So they DO exist here! Creepily enough, Jacob gave Renesmee a promise ring. I'm sure that again, Meyer thought this was super cute. I think it's gross cause she's SEVEN YEARS OLD. Another thing: I'm pretty sure Native Americans don't celebrate Christmas, seeing as how that's a CHRISTIAN holiday, so why is the wolf pack even there? I smell lack of research and ignorance again. However, I could be wrong about this as I don't really know any Native Americans. If someone would care to correct me then please go ahead and feel free to ignore this bit.
But even the Christmas holidays are ruined by sad panda Bella who just can't freaking enjoy herself for once. They return home to find Alistair gone and everyone freaked out. Is it a bad sign that I'm racking my brain to remember who Alistair is and why he's so important? He basically left because he felt it was no use. His leaving causes Amun and Kebi (egyptian vamps) to leave but be mad when one of them stays to help.
They start explaining that Alistair was muttering to himself and in that muttering he's worried that the Volturi will just not listen and kill them all anyway. I think it's pretty clear now who the Volturi represent: The Catholic Church. For those that don't know, the LDS loaths the Catholic Church. The Volturi are obviously the Pope and the Cardinals. Meyer, you are not as subtle as you think you are being. Hell, Pullman was more subtle in the His Dark Materials books about the Magistrate (for those that don't know the Magistrate in the books represent the Church and its oppressiveness; Pullman is an athiest btw) then you are being here and that's saying something.
Then suddenly there's talk about whether to fight or not. Um...I thought this had already been decided? Guess not. Well in a cliche move, all the present factions agree to stand with Carlisle. Saw this coming a mile away. No shock factor. Then it turns into a hunt and Bella angsting on the hunt. Then she's all "what if fail?!" blah blah and of course Eddiekins comforts her. Again, why do I CARE? I KNOW she won't fail it's MEYER writing this and it's BELLA. The good guys will win. Boring chapter ends. FIVE MORE TO GO!
WORD LIST: sancrosanct
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: BORING!
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 33-Forgery
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella goes to see a man about documents in what is Meyer's pitiful attempt at writing noir.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a conversation with Charlie. That Bella is of course not paying attention too. I mean why would she? It's just her FATHER, whom she is supposedly so protective of. Couple of boring conversations later Bella, Jacob, and Renesmee are off to visit Charlie.
Bella leaves Renesmee with Charlie and Jacob (am I the only one bothred about how all of Renesmee's parenting seems to be done by people OTHER then supposingly super!Mom Bella and Edward who I've yet see spend any time with her?) and drives off. We get more lazy writing as Bella tells us about her progress. She of course goes to the address that Alice left her. Cue vivid description.
Mark, from Mark Reads Twilight (look it up on Google, this blog is HILARIOUS and so much better then mine) described this chapter best when he said that this is Meyer's attempt to do noir but as usual, she fails because she doesn't grasp what noir IS.
Bella runs into man. Man is not J but apparently works for J and is reluctant to show Bella the way cause he'd possibly lose his job. So man calls J. J freaks out over the Cullen name and agrees to meet. Man flirts with Bella (those pheromones at work again and probably double now that she's a vamp) while waiting for him. Bella goes to meet J. Turns out Jenks is a forger. Alice sent her to him to write up fake documents for them in case they lost for the Volturi. Wow, why do I care?
Meyer, for the record, noir is all about SUSPENSE. You see now, why you failed? There's no suspense here. I honestly don't care about this man and what he does, or about the documents, or about ANY of this. This is just you wasting paper and my time. Noir has femme fatales with dangerous secrets (Bella does SO not qualify), has Humphrey Bogart like dangerous men wanting to know those secrets (none of that here), and again: SUSPENSE. Sorry, but you fail.
So Bella grasps right away what Alice wants her to do and she starts tearing up at the weight of it all. God, I thought we were past crying, emotional, Bella. Guess not.
So Bella creates documents for Renesmee and Jacob. In Meyer's usual lack of creativity, she has Jacob's last name be Wolfe. Really? Documents are planned out and Bella leaves in what is a stupid and pointless chapter and once again: BORING.
WORD LIST: dilapidated,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Charlie laughed and then sighed for the old days.-Um...what? How can you sigh for the old days? How does Bella even know that's what he's sighing about?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a conversation with Charlie. That Bella is of course not paying attention too. I mean why would she? It's just her FATHER, whom she is supposedly so protective of. Couple of boring conversations later Bella, Jacob, and Renesmee are off to visit Charlie.
Bella leaves Renesmee with Charlie and Jacob (am I the only one bothred about how all of Renesmee's parenting seems to be done by people OTHER then supposingly super!Mom Bella and Edward who I've yet see spend any time with her?) and drives off. We get more lazy writing as Bella tells us about her progress. She of course goes to the address that Alice left her. Cue vivid description.
Mark, from Mark Reads Twilight (look it up on Google, this blog is HILARIOUS and so much better then mine) described this chapter best when he said that this is Meyer's attempt to do noir but as usual, she fails because she doesn't grasp what noir IS.
Bella runs into man. Man is not J but apparently works for J and is reluctant to show Bella the way cause he'd possibly lose his job. So man calls J. J freaks out over the Cullen name and agrees to meet. Man flirts with Bella (those pheromones at work again and probably double now that she's a vamp) while waiting for him. Bella goes to meet J. Turns out Jenks is a forger. Alice sent her to him to write up fake documents for them in case they lost for the Volturi. Wow, why do I care?
Meyer, for the record, noir is all about SUSPENSE. You see now, why you failed? There's no suspense here. I honestly don't care about this man and what he does, or about the documents, or about ANY of this. This is just you wasting paper and my time. Noir has femme fatales with dangerous secrets (Bella does SO not qualify), has Humphrey Bogart like dangerous men wanting to know those secrets (none of that here), and again: SUSPENSE. Sorry, but you fail.
So Bella grasps right away what Alice wants her to do and she starts tearing up at the weight of it all. God, I thought we were past crying, emotional, Bella. Guess not.
So Bella creates documents for Renesmee and Jacob. In Meyer's usual lack of creativity, she has Jacob's last name be Wolfe. Really? Documents are planned out and Bella leaves in what is a stupid and pointless chapter and once again: BORING.
WORD LIST: dilapidated,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Charlie laughed and then sighed for the old days.-Um...what? How can you sigh for the old days? How does Bella even know that's what he's sighing about?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 32-Company
CHAPTER SUMMARY:
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella babbles on about the company and problems they pose. I'm sorry but for people who apparently hold human life in high regard, they seem to have no problem letting the other vampires still eat. But it's not in their territory or La Push so it won't be anyone they know which makes it perfectly all right. And people wonder why I scoff when they talk about "Cullenism". Well Jacob is worried and is of course portrayed by Bella as being immature. She's more amazed at how well the visiting vampires tolerate him and the werewolves:
How the HELL is treating someone with the same indifference that you would treat an ANIMAL "easy acceptance"? They're still being racist asses you IDIOT. Acting like they're not there is not acceptance you MORON. Yet she's acting like JACOB is being unfair. God, I hate this girl. Why am I supposed to like her again?
So Peter and Charlotte came and they too, quickly fell in love with deux es machina baby. Then Irish clans and Egyptian clans (really?) show up to help. Irish clans were awesome but the Egyptian clan was difficult. Oh and guess what, the Egyptian clan is somehow white too. Let me guess, turning into a vampire makes your skin white and thus "pure" Meyer, you slightly ignorant and racist dolt? Just when I think this series can't make me any angrier, it does.
Then surprise! Amazon women show up! Sent by Alice of course. In between this absurdity (and Jacob being rude and surly in Bella's privlidged opinion) Bella learns how to fight. Or tries too, see Edward just can't bear to see his woman learn how to defend herself because see, it makes it all that more "real" to him. Meyer, I'm sure thought this was uber romantic. Me, it makes Edward look like a idiot. Okay, I get he's scared. But how about you teach your wife to defend herself so she WON'T get killed, you MORON. I still go by my theory that this is Edward's latant sexism shining through and he doesn't want his wife to know how to fight cause then his manliness will come into question.
But instead of calling him on his stupidity (Edward is never wrong after all) Bella just shrugs and learns from the other vamps. Bella inevitably whines about how hard it is. I for one am kind of happy that there's finally something she doesn't automatically get right away. But of course it's the manly art of fighting so somewhere in there is a message of "girls shouldn't be fighting! It's too hard for us!". Plus her whining also inevitably leads to a "praise Bella Swan!" scene cause we haven't had enough of those.
Then, in an even more absurd twist, Kate enlists Renesmee's help who is all for it. Naturally, being Super!Mom, this springs Bella into action and she protects her baby (which just so you know girls, is the only time we should be fighting) and what do you know? She gets it. Then suddenly her shield starts activating and I'm going to go ahead and say it: LAMEST SUPER POWER EVER.
Then suddenly, another group shows up. They want to help because they've been waiting for someone to try and challenge the Volturi (which of course saintly Carlisle insists that they aren't doing, although gathering an army of vampires like they are sort of suggest otherwise) and boring chapter ends. Going to call it: Cullens become the new Volturi or something as close in power as the Volturi.
WORD LIST: surmised, elasticity, ebbed, egregiously, tandem
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The slight rampant racism in this chapter that Meyer probably doesn't even notice she put in there because she's that out of touch.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella babbles on about the company and problems they pose. I'm sorry but for people who apparently hold human life in high regard, they seem to have no problem letting the other vampires still eat. But it's not in their territory or La Push so it won't be anyone they know which makes it perfectly all right. And people wonder why I scoff when they talk about "Cullenism". Well Jacob is worried and is of course portrayed by Bella as being immature. She's more amazed at how well the visiting vampires tolerate him and the werewolves:
I was amazed at the easy acceptance the visiting vampires had for Jacob; the problems Edward had predicted had never materialized. Jacob seemed more or less invisible to them, not quite a person, but also not food, either. They treated him the way people who are not animal-lovers treat the pets of their friends.
How the HELL is treating someone with the same indifference that you would treat an ANIMAL "easy acceptance"? They're still being racist asses you IDIOT. Acting like they're not there is not acceptance you MORON. Yet she's acting like JACOB is being unfair. God, I hate this girl. Why am I supposed to like her again?
So Peter and Charlotte came and they too, quickly fell in love with deux es machina baby. Then Irish clans and Egyptian clans (really?) show up to help. Irish clans were awesome but the Egyptian clan was difficult. Oh and guess what, the Egyptian clan is somehow white too. Let me guess, turning into a vampire makes your skin white and thus "pure" Meyer, you slightly ignorant and racist dolt? Just when I think this series can't make me any angrier, it does.
Then surprise! Amazon women show up! Sent by Alice of course. In between this absurdity (and Jacob being rude and surly in Bella's privlidged opinion) Bella learns how to fight. Or tries too, see Edward just can't bear to see his woman learn how to defend herself because see, it makes it all that more "real" to him. Meyer, I'm sure thought this was uber romantic. Me, it makes Edward look like a idiot. Okay, I get he's scared. But how about you teach your wife to defend herself so she WON'T get killed, you MORON. I still go by my theory that this is Edward's latant sexism shining through and he doesn't want his wife to know how to fight cause then his manliness will come into question.
But instead of calling him on his stupidity (Edward is never wrong after all) Bella just shrugs and learns from the other vamps. Bella inevitably whines about how hard it is. I for one am kind of happy that there's finally something she doesn't automatically get right away. But of course it's the manly art of fighting so somewhere in there is a message of "girls shouldn't be fighting! It's too hard for us!". Plus her whining also inevitably leads to a "praise Bella Swan!" scene cause we haven't had enough of those.
Then, in an even more absurd twist, Kate enlists Renesmee's help who is all for it. Naturally, being Super!Mom, this springs Bella into action and she protects her baby (which just so you know girls, is the only time we should be fighting) and what do you know? She gets it. Then suddenly her shield starts activating and I'm going to go ahead and say it: LAMEST SUPER POWER EVER.
Then suddenly, another group shows up. They want to help because they've been waiting for someone to try and challenge the Volturi (which of course saintly Carlisle insists that they aren't doing, although gathering an army of vampires like they are sort of suggest otherwise) and boring chapter ends. Going to call it: Cullens become the new Volturi or something as close in power as the Volturi.
WORD LIST: surmised, elasticity, ebbed, egregiously, tandem
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The slight rampant racism in this chapter that Meyer probably doesn't even notice she put in there because she's that out of touch.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 31-Talented
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella becomes even more Mary Sueish by gaining a super awesome super power that is super poweful thus making her even more special (even Renesmee says she's special), talk about Volturi powers that make no sense. Pretty much it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Judging from the title, I'm betting that this is going to be another "lets all praise Bella!" chapter. If not Bella, then it'll be gushing about how awesome Renesmee is. I turn out to be kind of right because right away the Tanya and Eleazer take the time to praise Renesmee's talents and the Cullens as well. Then we learn that guess what! Now Bella has a gift too, guys! Of COURSE she does, never mind that these vampire gifts are supposed to be RARE. Turns out she shields or something and it is of course super powerful. Big shock.
Not only that, due to this, the Volturi's powers won't work on her! Excuse me? WHY? I swear to god, Meyer is literally making this up as she goes. She's not even pretending to try anymore. This of course turns to more "lets all praise Bella!" Even her daughter gets in on the action and says her mother is special. UGH.
So Bella begs to be trained. This somehow turns into more of Meyer's sloppy telling not showing about the Volturi and their methods. I have to say, the more I hear about these powers the less they make sense to me. I thought these powers were supposed to be a reflection of the person's strong trait when they were alive right? Well, what does Bella's shield have to do with anything? She wasn't exactly a protective person when she was alive. Well, not to anyone who wasn't a vampire. Plus, Eleazer's power which is to sense people's gifts (a deux es machina if I ever saw one). What human trait was that? Did he have a talent for spotting talent or something? This is all just further proof that these gifts are literally just convenience for Meyer and that there are no rules for them despite what she says.
This turns into boring backstory and then abruptly stops as company arrives. It's the help Alice and Jasper sent for. I'm sorry, they can get here in like a day from across an ocean but the Volturi take a MONTH? The time rules in this book make NO SENSE.
WORD LIST: macabre
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: oh look, Bella gets another awesome super power guys!
Could you stop crushing my radius?-Oh my god, Meyer, REALLY? Instead of just saying arm like everyone else you have to have them name a body part instead? Seriously? So stupid.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Judging from the title, I'm betting that this is going to be another "lets all praise Bella!" chapter. If not Bella, then it'll be gushing about how awesome Renesmee is. I turn out to be kind of right because right away the Tanya and Eleazer take the time to praise Renesmee's talents and the Cullens as well. Then we learn that guess what! Now Bella has a gift too, guys! Of COURSE she does, never mind that these vampire gifts are supposed to be RARE. Turns out she shields or something and it is of course super powerful. Big shock.
Not only that, due to this, the Volturi's powers won't work on her! Excuse me? WHY? I swear to god, Meyer is literally making this up as she goes. She's not even pretending to try anymore. This of course turns to more "lets all praise Bella!" Even her daughter gets in on the action and says her mother is special. UGH.
So Bella begs to be trained. This somehow turns into more of Meyer's sloppy telling not showing about the Volturi and their methods. I have to say, the more I hear about these powers the less they make sense to me. I thought these powers were supposed to be a reflection of the person's strong trait when they were alive right? Well, what does Bella's shield have to do with anything? She wasn't exactly a protective person when she was alive. Well, not to anyone who wasn't a vampire. Plus, Eleazer's power which is to sense people's gifts (a deux es machina if I ever saw one). What human trait was that? Did he have a talent for spotting talent or something? This is all just further proof that these gifts are literally just convenience for Meyer and that there are no rules for them despite what she says.
This turns into boring backstory and then abruptly stops as company arrives. It's the help Alice and Jasper sent for. I'm sorry, they can get here in like a day from across an ocean but the Volturi take a MONTH? The time rules in this book make NO SENSE.
WORD LIST: macabre
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: oh look, Bella gets another awesome super power guys!
Could you stop crushing my radius?-Oh my god, Meyer, REALLY? Instead of just saying arm like everyone else you have to have them name a body part instead? Seriously? So stupid.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 30-Irresistable
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Edward and Bella have sexy times, talk about the Volturi, and get the Denali clan on their side.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
MORE of Bella angsting/whining again. Geez louise, Meyer. COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW ALREADY. Apparently the Volturi aren't coming for a month....huh? Since when was this decided/known? Why would it take them a month to get to America? HUMANS get here faster then that. That's just...ridiculous.
After her angsting, Bella puts Mary Sue baby to bed and her Gary Stu husband shows up. Sexy times are then had. UGH. Normally I am not this prudish (I wrote slash fanfiction for awhile, okay?) but I just literally do not want to hear about Bella and Edward's sexy times. It does nothing for me, mostly because I hate the two people involved anyway. Plus Meyer's romantic scenes put romance novels to absolute shame. Nickolas Sparks probably would take a look at this writing and go "really?".
It doesn't help that sexy times pretty much means Bella gushing on and on about how hot and wonderful and passionate Edward is. SNORE. Thankfully, it doesn't last long and Meyer as usual chickens out on the actual sex part and cuts to next morning when they start to talk about their plans again.
I was however mildly surprised when Bella asked to learn how to fight. Edward isn't comfortable with this (women fighting! NO! That brings my manlyness into question!) but then lets her. I personally think Bella shouldn't have to ask her husband for permission on how to defend herself but I guess that's just me. Then she asks about weaknesses and we get a info dump on the Volturi via Edward.
I still find all these gifts that Meyer comes up with a tad ridiculous and I'm sorry if these gifts are so rare, then WHY DOES ALMOST EVERYONE HAVE THEM? Talk turns to Eleazer (one of the Denali clan for those who have forgotten) who apparently used to be a Volturi. Go figure.
Tanya and co. show up then (speeding in a car too, this appears to be a vampire thing). They meet Renesmee and freak out (I'm still fuzzy on what exactly is so horrible about a half human/half vampire child...anyone?) but then deux es machina baby makes everything okay by showing them what's been going on. She wins them over and they decide to help. Good lord this is boring.
WORD LIST: petulant, skittered,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
MORE of Bella angsting/whining again. Geez louise, Meyer. COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW ALREADY. Apparently the Volturi aren't coming for a month....huh? Since when was this decided/known? Why would it take them a month to get to America? HUMANS get here faster then that. That's just...ridiculous.
After her angsting, Bella puts Mary Sue baby to bed and her Gary Stu husband shows up. Sexy times are then had. UGH. Normally I am not this prudish (I wrote slash fanfiction for awhile, okay?) but I just literally do not want to hear about Bella and Edward's sexy times. It does nothing for me, mostly because I hate the two people involved anyway. Plus Meyer's romantic scenes put romance novels to absolute shame. Nickolas Sparks probably would take a look at this writing and go "really?".
It doesn't help that sexy times pretty much means Bella gushing on and on about how hot and wonderful and passionate Edward is. SNORE. Thankfully, it doesn't last long and Meyer as usual chickens out on the actual sex part and cuts to next morning when they start to talk about their plans again.
I was however mildly surprised when Bella asked to learn how to fight. Edward isn't comfortable with this (women fighting! NO! That brings my manlyness into question!) but then lets her. I personally think Bella shouldn't have to ask her husband for permission on how to defend herself but I guess that's just me. Then she asks about weaknesses and we get a info dump on the Volturi via Edward.
I still find all these gifts that Meyer comes up with a tad ridiculous and I'm sorry if these gifts are so rare, then WHY DOES ALMOST EVERYONE HAVE THEM? Talk turns to Eleazer (one of the Denali clan for those who have forgotten) who apparently used to be a Volturi. Go figure.
Tanya and co. show up then (speeding in a car too, this appears to be a vampire thing). They meet Renesmee and freak out (I'm still fuzzy on what exactly is so horrible about a half human/half vampire child...anyone?) but then deux es machina baby makes everything okay by showing them what's been going on. She wins them over and they decide to help. Good lord this is boring.
WORD LIST: petulant, skittered,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 29-Defection
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Many plans are made, I'm bored still.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to pretty much where we left off in the last one: with everyone angsting about the Volturi. Suddenly, Alice is gone and we're all worried about her. Not sure why. Then they think the Volturi have arrived. Um...don't they all live in Europe? Whatever. They track Alice and Jasper's trail (vampires apparently have a scent, despite the fact that they're DEAD). Turns out they left. They apparently did this by going into the ocean and crossing it ala the dead pirates in Pirates of the Carribean. Okay. Now there's angsting over Alice and Jasper abandoning them although from what I got from the note they left to find help. Prediction: Alice and Jasper show up with more vamps to help out in the battle that doesn't happen.
Meyer once more tries to allude to classics (and once more fails because she doesn't understand said classic) by having The Merchant of Venice (which Breaking Dawn somehow relates too...) in it. Alice tore page from Bella's copy of it (way to deface books) that had the title and writer and then a note from Alice that says destroy this and a name and address in Seattle. Okay, WHAT?
They go home and there's a lot of nonsense sounding plan making. Emmett and Rose are going to search for nomads (who are of course going to be an scary-savage like ethnic group, I'm betting), Tanya's clan is coming tomorrow apparently. Then Edward (Meyer) takes the time to make sure the reader understands the nomads are not as good as the Cullens and therefore drink human blood (like ACTUAL VAMPIRES).
Later Bella does her not research thing again by going on the internet to find the person Alice mentioned in the note. Big shock, nothing comes up. Meyer puts in a moment with Renesmee (who apparently talks now) and boring chapter ends with her comforting her mother like a good perfect daughter should. Sigh.
WORD LIST: bolstered, infinitesmal
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: the slightly racist tones about the nomads who I bet aren't going to be white
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to pretty much where we left off in the last one: with everyone angsting about the Volturi. Suddenly, Alice is gone and we're all worried about her. Not sure why. Then they think the Volturi have arrived. Um...don't they all live in Europe? Whatever. They track Alice and Jasper's trail (vampires apparently have a scent, despite the fact that they're DEAD). Turns out they left. They apparently did this by going into the ocean and crossing it ala the dead pirates in Pirates of the Carribean. Okay. Now there's angsting over Alice and Jasper abandoning them although from what I got from the note they left to find help. Prediction: Alice and Jasper show up with more vamps to help out in the battle that doesn't happen.
Meyer once more tries to allude to classics (and once more fails because she doesn't understand said classic) by having The Merchant of Venice (which Breaking Dawn somehow relates too...) in it. Alice tore page from Bella's copy of it (way to deface books) that had the title and writer and then a note from Alice that says destroy this and a name and address in Seattle. Okay, WHAT?
They go home and there's a lot of nonsense sounding plan making. Emmett and Rose are going to search for nomads (who are of course going to be an scary-savage like ethnic group, I'm betting), Tanya's clan is coming tomorrow apparently. Then Edward (Meyer) takes the time to make sure the reader understands the nomads are not as good as the Cullens and therefore drink human blood (like ACTUAL VAMPIRES).
Later Bella does her not research thing again by going on the internet to find the person Alice mentioned in the note. Big shock, nothing comes up. Meyer puts in a moment with Renesmee (who apparently talks now) and boring chapter ends with her comforting her mother like a good perfect daughter should. Sigh.
WORD LIST: bolstered, infinitesmal
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: the slightly racist tones about the nomads who I bet aren't going to be white
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 28-The Future
CHAPTER SUMMARY: plans are made to go to South America for some reason and the Alice has a vision that the Volturi are now after the Cullens. Dun. Dun. DUN. Sorry, I'm trying to find some humor in this pile of crap. It's the only way to get through it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Once more we open with Bella prattling on about boring events. Sigh. I'm so over this already. Then suddenly they decide to take a trip to South America. Um...what? Why South America? What happened to that plan of Bellas where she goes to see the Volturi? Oh yeah, I guess that would end the story too quickly for Meyer's taste. So we're getting a jaunt through South America instead. Yay?
Apparently they're going to the Amazon for answers to something or other, I'm guessing Renesmee but why would they find answers for her in the Amazon? I guess I'm over thinking this again. My bad.
So Bella prattles about the travel itinerary and how the Cullens are preparing for it. The guys are doing the manly thing and preparing for the hunting part and the girls are of course packing and tidying up. No gender stereotyping here! No siree.
Then as the girls are cleaning Alice drops the vase and everyone is stunned because you know, she's a perfect vampire they don't DROP things. Gravity doesn't effect them at all in their lives, they have perfect hand eye cordination. UGH.
Anyway, she gets a vision and what do you know? The Volturi are coming after the Cullens now. Didn't see that coming at all. No wait...yes, I did. Irina told the Volturi about Renesmee and how the Cullens are friends with the wolf pack now and basically now the Cullens are dead meat. Finally, something HAPPENING.
Last bit is the Cullens making plans back and forth and not deciding anything and then Jacob coming and Bella saying the Volturi are coming to kill them in her usual typical dramatic fashion. Yeah, kind of saw all of this happening. On, the brighter side of things: TEN CHAPTERS TO GO GUYS!
WORD LIST: quarry, immaculate
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
I wondered if this brought back hard memories of losing their mother so many centuries ago.-Doubtful, Irina is, you know STILL ALIVE.
unmusical tinkling-What's unmusical tinkling? Anyone?
Jasper repeated in a voice like splintering ice.-How does a voice sound like splintering ice? What does that even MEAN?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Once more we open with Bella prattling on about boring events. Sigh. I'm so over this already. Then suddenly they decide to take a trip to South America. Um...what? Why South America? What happened to that plan of Bellas where she goes to see the Volturi? Oh yeah, I guess that would end the story too quickly for Meyer's taste. So we're getting a jaunt through South America instead. Yay?
Apparently they're going to the Amazon for answers to something or other, I'm guessing Renesmee but why would they find answers for her in the Amazon? I guess I'm over thinking this again. My bad.
So Bella prattles about the travel itinerary and how the Cullens are preparing for it. The guys are doing the manly thing and preparing for the hunting part and the girls are of course packing and tidying up. No gender stereotyping here! No siree.
Then as the girls are cleaning Alice drops the vase and everyone is stunned because you know, she's a perfect vampire they don't DROP things. Gravity doesn't effect them at all in their lives, they have perfect hand eye cordination. UGH.
Anyway, she gets a vision and what do you know? The Volturi are coming after the Cullens now. Didn't see that coming at all. No wait...yes, I did. Irina told the Volturi about Renesmee and how the Cullens are friends with the wolf pack now and basically now the Cullens are dead meat. Finally, something HAPPENING.
Last bit is the Cullens making plans back and forth and not deciding anything and then Jacob coming and Bella saying the Volturi are coming to kill them in her usual typical dramatic fashion. Yeah, kind of saw all of this happening. On, the brighter side of things: TEN CHAPTERS TO GO GUYS!
WORD LIST: quarry, immaculate
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
I wondered if this brought back hard memories of losing their mother so many centuries ago.-Doubtful, Irina is, you know STILL ALIVE.
unmusical tinkling-What's unmusical tinkling? Anyone?
Jasper repeated in a voice like splintering ice.-How does a voice sound like splintering ice? What does that even MEAN?
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 27-Travel Plans
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella makes plans to see the Volturi and then Irina sees Renesmee and takes off. About it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
The chapter opens with Bella doing what she does best: prattling on about nothing in particular. Basically she starts babbling about threads and fates and Meyer uses this as a way to summarize events. Basically the events are that everyone is really happy now. Wolves are cool with Jacob and Bella (and they of course LOVE Renesmee), and then talks about Sue and Leah being a part of the family now. Looks like Charlie and Sue hooked up and Leah is around but of course still a pill because she's a dominant female. Then there's just lots of paragraphs about how awesome Renesmee is and how she's progressing and day to day activities. Snore.
Basically a lot of prattling about plans and such. It's all very boring till suddenly Aro (head of the Volturi for those that were asleep during that chapter) sends a note saying he looks forward to meeting Bella. Please note, this is a couple of months after Alice sent the invitation to the wedding. How slow is the mail in this mixed up universe that Meyer has created where teens don't have cell phones or ipods or laptops?
So the note sends everyone into a panic. Bella decides to go see the Volturi by herself. Wow, that's actually a sound plan from Mrs. Cullen for a change. Then suddenly talk turns into a hunting trip. Okay. Whatever. More talk/scenes that show how awesome Renesmee is. Then suddenly Irina shows up. For those that don't remember her as well, she's the one from the Denali clan who resents the Cullens cause they killed Laurant. Anyway, she sees Renesmee in action and then takes off. Bella assumes she's going too...I'm not sure what she's assuming here. But either way she runs after her and of course doesn't catch her. Mentions it to Edward and co. End chapter. Well, at least something is finally happening.
WORD LIST: contention
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I took mythology a lot more seriously since I'd become a vampire.-Good for you. Why didn't you when you were human and dating a vampire?
I'd been reading Tennyson to her one night-Meyer, name dropping classics doesn't make your book look better, PLEASE STOP IT. Also, complicated poetry to a kid? Seriously?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
The chapter opens with Bella doing what she does best: prattling on about nothing in particular. Basically she starts babbling about threads and fates and Meyer uses this as a way to summarize events. Basically the events are that everyone is really happy now. Wolves are cool with Jacob and Bella (and they of course LOVE Renesmee), and then talks about Sue and Leah being a part of the family now. Looks like Charlie and Sue hooked up and Leah is around but of course still a pill because she's a dominant female. Then there's just lots of paragraphs about how awesome Renesmee is and how she's progressing and day to day activities. Snore.
Basically a lot of prattling about plans and such. It's all very boring till suddenly Aro (head of the Volturi for those that were asleep during that chapter) sends a note saying he looks forward to meeting Bella. Please note, this is a couple of months after Alice sent the invitation to the wedding. How slow is the mail in this mixed up universe that Meyer has created where teens don't have cell phones or ipods or laptops?
So the note sends everyone into a panic. Bella decides to go see the Volturi by herself. Wow, that's actually a sound plan from Mrs. Cullen for a change. Then suddenly talk turns into a hunting trip. Okay. Whatever. More talk/scenes that show how awesome Renesmee is. Then suddenly Irina shows up. For those that don't remember her as well, she's the one from the Denali clan who resents the Cullens cause they killed Laurant. Anyway, she sees Renesmee in action and then takes off. Bella assumes she's going too...I'm not sure what she's assuming here. But either way she runs after her and of course doesn't catch her. Mentions it to Edward and co. End chapter. Well, at least something is finally happening.
WORD LIST: contention
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I took mythology a lot more seriously since I'd become a vampire.-Good for you. Why didn't you when you were human and dating a vampire?
I'd been reading Tennyson to her one night-Meyer, name dropping classics doesn't make your book look better, PLEASE STOP IT. Also, complicated poetry to a kid? Seriously?
Sunday, December 5, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 26-Shiny
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Charlie leaves and there is much talk about how awesome Bella is now that she's a vampire. Literally, THAT'S IT.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Open with a somewhat hypocritical conversation with Charlie where they both agree Renee is too weak to know this stuff (lovely). Don't get me started on how apparently Renesmee's middle name is Carlie. Carlisle and Charlie combined. Making her full name Renesmee Carlie Cullen. WORST. NAME. EVER. Then he leaves and Bella goes on and on about how wonderful this is. I for one however, don't think it's wonderful. I will explain further.
A good story and character actually usually has to SACRIFICE something. What does Bella sacrifice? NOTHING. Okay, her humanity. Um...she never cared about being human. She felt humans were weak and inferior to vampires so this actually is not much of a sacrifice. Her mother maybe? I think it's pretty obvious by now her mother was never important (and neither was her father for that matter as she had no problem giving him up). So literally Bella has gained everything and sacrificed nothing in return. So why am I supposed to root for her? She didn't have to work hard for her happily ever after, she didn't have to lose any friends (Angela and company were not Bella's friends), she got the love of her life and she gets to keep her best friend around and she didn't have to sacrifice anything whatsoever in order to get her happily ever after. That I think is the main problem with this series. No effort on the part of the heroine and yet she still manages to get her happily ever after. Hell, Disney Princesses of old (Snow White, Cinderella etc.) worked harder then Bella did! It's ridiculous and about fifty percent of why the Twilight series is bad.
Anyway after Charlie leaves and Bella gloats about getting everything she wants suddenly Edward is all "lets have Emmett and Bella arm wrestle!". Oh yay, more Bella is a super speshul vampire scenes. UGH. Naturally she wins (it's Bella, of COURSE she's going to win). More gag worthy scenes of how awesome Bella (and her daughter) is. ENOUGH ALREADY.
But no, we get more and then Bella goes on about how amazing this is and how as a human she was never really good at anything. Um, excuse me but BULL SHIT. She was good at school (without heavy studying), she was good at cooking, she was somehow plain yet managed to attract tons of guys, and literally her only flaw was that she was clumsy but even her clumsiness was adorable. So excuse me if I don't buy this for a second. For godsakes, she was a teenager who somehow managed to learn to make FRIED CHICKEN. That wasn't Shake and Bake. Lets not forget how well she knew the classics either and thus was bored in English class. Stop trying to make me sympathize with Bella Meyer, it's not working.
The pointless chapter ends with Bella gushing about how awesome she is now that she was a vampire. GAG ME.
WORD LIST:
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "I know. I don't want to freak her out. Better to protect her. This stuff isn't for the fainthearted."-Why hello pot, is that you calling the kettle black? I believe so. Hypocrite, thy name is Bella Swan.
I remembered how it felt, that first uncomfortable immersion in fantasy-the sensation that everything would disappear in the light of the rising sun.-Um...that's funny, as I recall Bella you actually had no problem with vampires existing. You wanted to be one of them after a week of knowing they exist. I smell BS.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Open with a somewhat hypocritical conversation with Charlie where they both agree Renee is too weak to know this stuff (lovely). Don't get me started on how apparently Renesmee's middle name is Carlie. Carlisle and Charlie combined. Making her full name Renesmee Carlie Cullen. WORST. NAME. EVER. Then he leaves and Bella goes on and on about how wonderful this is. I for one however, don't think it's wonderful. I will explain further.
A good story and character actually usually has to SACRIFICE something. What does Bella sacrifice? NOTHING. Okay, her humanity. Um...she never cared about being human. She felt humans were weak and inferior to vampires so this actually is not much of a sacrifice. Her mother maybe? I think it's pretty obvious by now her mother was never important (and neither was her father for that matter as she had no problem giving him up). So literally Bella has gained everything and sacrificed nothing in return. So why am I supposed to root for her? She didn't have to work hard for her happily ever after, she didn't have to lose any friends (Angela and company were not Bella's friends), she got the love of her life and she gets to keep her best friend around and she didn't have to sacrifice anything whatsoever in order to get her happily ever after. That I think is the main problem with this series. No effort on the part of the heroine and yet she still manages to get her happily ever after. Hell, Disney Princesses of old (Snow White, Cinderella etc.) worked harder then Bella did! It's ridiculous and about fifty percent of why the Twilight series is bad.
Anyway after Charlie leaves and Bella gloats about getting everything she wants suddenly Edward is all "lets have Emmett and Bella arm wrestle!". Oh yay, more Bella is a super speshul vampire scenes. UGH. Naturally she wins (it's Bella, of COURSE she's going to win). More gag worthy scenes of how awesome Bella (and her daughter) is. ENOUGH ALREADY.
But no, we get more and then Bella goes on about how amazing this is and how as a human she was never really good at anything. Um, excuse me but BULL SHIT. She was good at school (without heavy studying), she was good at cooking, she was somehow plain yet managed to attract tons of guys, and literally her only flaw was that she was clumsy but even her clumsiness was adorable. So excuse me if I don't buy this for a second. For godsakes, she was a teenager who somehow managed to learn to make FRIED CHICKEN. That wasn't Shake and Bake. Lets not forget how well she knew the classics either and thus was bored in English class. Stop trying to make me sympathize with Bella Meyer, it's not working.
The pointless chapter ends with Bella gushing about how awesome she is now that she was a vampire. GAG ME.
WORD LIST:
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "I know. I don't want to freak her out. Better to protect her. This stuff isn't for the fainthearted."-Why hello pot, is that you calling the kettle black? I believe so. Hypocrite, thy name is Bella Swan.
I remembered how it felt, that first uncomfortable immersion in fantasy-the sensation that everything would disappear in the light of the rising sun.-Um...that's funny, as I recall Bella you actually had no problem with vampires existing. You wanted to be one of them after a week of knowing they exist. I smell BS.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 25-Favor
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob lets the cat out of the bag to Charlie in what is more of Meyer's lazy attempts to solve problems.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to after the sex and suddenly Bella remembers she has a kid! Maybe she should have thought of that before she left? But anyway, she thinks of Renesmee and more angsting is to be had as a result. Yay.
She and Edward find cloths (more mention of super girly Alice finding perfectly fitting cloths and Bella hating them because you know she totally hates being pampered) and go to visit their baby. I'm going to go ahead and call it right now: Renesmee is going to be spoiled. All the behavior that Meyer has written about here have the makings of a spoiled brat. But of course, I'm sure Renesmee won't end up that way ;rolls eyes;.
To make sure once more that we don't get the idea that Bella is in any way equal now that she's a vamp, Meyer solves yet another problem through a lazy solution and without Bella getting any say. Jacob left earlier and told Charlie about him being a werewolf. Being Meyer of course, she has the character tell it word for word instead of just letting us figure it out on our own. Bella is suddenly super worried about Charlie (again, I call bull because her worry about him certainly didn't keep her from becoming a vampire did it?). Long story short: Charlie knows about the supernatural (but not about the Cullens being vamps) and that he has a granddaughter of sorts now. For some reason Bella is shocked he actually wants to meet her. Again I'm angry at Bella because Charlie has shown time and time again that he is a stand-up guy who will stand by his daughter no matter what, even if she doesn't deserve it. Which frankly, Bella doesn't.
So Bella prepares to meet Charlie and this suddenly sets off a "lets all praise Bella!" scene with the Cullens where Alice and Edward gush about how gorgeous she is now that she's a vampire. Someone please explain to me again how this series is supposed to be "deep"?
Then there's more wierdness as they remind her how to act human. My god, really? She's only been a vampire a few days, I thought vampires did human like things out of habit? Now you're telling me they don't? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! It's habit, or it's not habit. Which is it?
So Charlie shows up and I'm actually kind of looking forward to this because Charlie is the only likable character in this series and he's been frankly treated like shit by his daughter, her boyfriend and his family, and the author. I want a big scene where he calls Bella on her crap and tells her she screwed up and that he loves her and will stand by her but that doesn't excuse all the lying she did. I want this scene. I'm not in any way expecting it.
I was right not to. Charlie comes just looks hurt and Bella goes "it's for your own good and I'm really sorry!" and that quickly turns into cooing over how cute Renesmee is. UGH. Charlie basically says okay and he doesn't want to know the rest and then as he's a man, has his attention diverted by sports.
I've mentioned I HATE this series, right?
WORD LIST: artfully, divot, abashed, spastically,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Edward smiled, but he didn't laugh; he was a strong man.-Um...what? How does not laughing make you a strong man? Why does this even matter in the circumstance it's said? This entire sentance is stupid and makes no sense.
I could feel Emmett's silent laughter behind me, sending vibrations through the foundations of the house.-Emmett's power is now to cause earthquakes when he moves?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to after the sex and suddenly Bella remembers she has a kid! Maybe she should have thought of that before she left? But anyway, she thinks of Renesmee and more angsting is to be had as a result. Yay.
She and Edward find cloths (more mention of super girly Alice finding perfectly fitting cloths and Bella hating them because you know she totally hates being pampered) and go to visit their baby. I'm going to go ahead and call it right now: Renesmee is going to be spoiled. All the behavior that Meyer has written about here have the makings of a spoiled brat. But of course, I'm sure Renesmee won't end up that way ;rolls eyes;.
To make sure once more that we don't get the idea that Bella is in any way equal now that she's a vamp, Meyer solves yet another problem through a lazy solution and without Bella getting any say. Jacob left earlier and told Charlie about him being a werewolf. Being Meyer of course, she has the character tell it word for word instead of just letting us figure it out on our own. Bella is suddenly super worried about Charlie (again, I call bull because her worry about him certainly didn't keep her from becoming a vampire did it?). Long story short: Charlie knows about the supernatural (but not about the Cullens being vamps) and that he has a granddaughter of sorts now. For some reason Bella is shocked he actually wants to meet her. Again I'm angry at Bella because Charlie has shown time and time again that he is a stand-up guy who will stand by his daughter no matter what, even if she doesn't deserve it. Which frankly, Bella doesn't.
So Bella prepares to meet Charlie and this suddenly sets off a "lets all praise Bella!" scene with the Cullens where Alice and Edward gush about how gorgeous she is now that she's a vampire. Someone please explain to me again how this series is supposed to be "deep"?
Then there's more wierdness as they remind her how to act human. My god, really? She's only been a vampire a few days, I thought vampires did human like things out of habit? Now you're telling me they don't? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! It's habit, or it's not habit. Which is it?
So Charlie shows up and I'm actually kind of looking forward to this because Charlie is the only likable character in this series and he's been frankly treated like shit by his daughter, her boyfriend and his family, and the author. I want a big scene where he calls Bella on her crap and tells her she screwed up and that he loves her and will stand by her but that doesn't excuse all the lying she did. I want this scene. I'm not in any way expecting it.
I was right not to. Charlie comes just looks hurt and Bella goes "it's for your own good and I'm really sorry!" and that quickly turns into cooing over how cute Renesmee is. UGH. Charlie basically says okay and he doesn't want to know the rest and then as he's a man, has his attention diverted by sports.
I've mentioned I HATE this series, right?
WORD LIST: artfully, divot, abashed, spastically,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Edward smiled, but he didn't laugh; he was a strong man.-Um...what? How does not laughing make you a strong man? Why does this even matter in the circumstance it's said? This entire sentance is stupid and makes no sense.
I could feel Emmett's silent laughter behind me, sending vibrations through the foundations of the house.-Emmett's power is now to cause earthquakes when he moves?
Thursday, December 2, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 24-Surprise
CHAPTER SUMMARY: The snoozefest continues as Bella gets a house and she and Edward proceed to have lots of sex.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I think it's quite obvious at this point that Meyer literally had no idea how to continue this. Which is frankly her own fault. She wrote herself into a corner. That's the problem when you give your characters everything: there's nothing else to write about. Bella got her dream guy, got a perfect baby that she doesn't even have to raise herself, and even gets to keep Jacob in her life! When all is said and done, this should have been the ending to the series. Or better yet, Meyer shouldn't have bothered with this book at all. She literally could have just had Edward and Bella marry at the end of Eclipse, thrown in the baby and had Jacob imprint and that could have been the end. But no, Meyer has to torture us with a long drawn out, waste of paper ending that HAS NO POINT.
So instead of a proper ending we get drivel instead. First half of this chapter is basically devoted to wish fullfillment. Bella gets her own house! In a scene totally stolen out of the original Peter Pan book (if you've only seen the Disney version, Pan and the Lost Boys give Wendy her own cottage) the Cullens show off their wealth and give Bella a new car (never mind that she already had a new one at the beginning of this book) and a new house totally redone and furnished by Esme the super decorater (I've decided amazing decorating is her hidden vampire power).
Much of it is taken up by the Cullens basically tripping over themselves to make Bella happy and congratulating themselves on what awesome gift givers they are. Most of it's nauseating. I totally don't understand this contradictory exchange between Alice and Roselie prompted by Bella asking where Mary Sue baby sleeps:
I guess I'm doing that over-thinking thing that Twihards keep accusing me of because I found so many off things about this exchange. One: her entire life has been a few days. Give it time before you decide she's been spoiled, Alice. Two: Edward doesn't hold his kid at all? Three: there was no need to say she took Renesmee expertly in her arms. Just say she took her into her arms. Stop trying to beat your word count Meyer. Four: She's spoiled? But she's not spoiled? WHAT? What does this exchange even mean? Five: First you she's the most spoiled in existance, which implies there are more of her kind. Then you say the beauty of being one of a kind. Either there are more of her or there aren't. Again: MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND. And finally: what on earth does her being one of a kind have to do with her being spoiled her not? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. This entire exchange makes no freaking sense other then to remind us that Mary Sue baby is a super speshul snowflake. Oh, and I guess it was to lead into the paragraph that had Bella thinking that "oh, me and Roselie ARE still friends! Yay!" Whatever.
As the gift giving goes one Bella still has the same reactions she would have if she were human and she feels relief because you see, she was uber worried that her core self would change after she became a vamp. Okay, yes, a normal person might worry about that. Except that if you read through the books SHE NEVER ONCE WORRIED ABOUT THIS. So this is frankly bull.
Cue vivid description as the Cullens take Bella to her very own cottage. Which is of course perfectly suited to her tastes (if she has any) and utterly wonderful in every way. Because the Cullens could never get anything wrong you see.
Then all the pretty description turns into what we've all (well...not me) been waiting for: vampire sex! Well...the precursor to vampire sex because she literally gets them going hot and heavy like last time and then cuts off to next morning. Oh Meyer, you tease.
Next morning is basically a conversation about how long their sex drive will probably last. Just know it's long. Sigh. Then the chapter abruptly ends with them laughing at something or other in bed. Again, I'm bored.
WORD LIST: acquiescence, beribboned, superlatives
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Late summer roses bloomed in a handkerchief-sized garden-That must be a really small garden, seeing as how handkerchiefs are about the size of a mini notebook computer. Stupid description.
that his wits-scramblingly beautiful face-Really? You went with that? Again: bad description.
He smiled a wide, gleaming smile-I get it, he smiled. I swear the editors must have been half asleep when they approved this.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I think it's quite obvious at this point that Meyer literally had no idea how to continue this. Which is frankly her own fault. She wrote herself into a corner. That's the problem when you give your characters everything: there's nothing else to write about. Bella got her dream guy, got a perfect baby that she doesn't even have to raise herself, and even gets to keep Jacob in her life! When all is said and done, this should have been the ending to the series. Or better yet, Meyer shouldn't have bothered with this book at all. She literally could have just had Edward and Bella marry at the end of Eclipse, thrown in the baby and had Jacob imprint and that could have been the end. But no, Meyer has to torture us with a long drawn out, waste of paper ending that HAS NO POINT.
So instead of a proper ending we get drivel instead. First half of this chapter is basically devoted to wish fullfillment. Bella gets her own house! In a scene totally stolen out of the original Peter Pan book (if you've only seen the Disney version, Pan and the Lost Boys give Wendy her own cottage) the Cullens show off their wealth and give Bella a new car (never mind that she already had a new one at the beginning of this book) and a new house totally redone and furnished by Esme the super decorater (I've decided amazing decorating is her hidden vampire power).
Much of it is taken up by the Cullens basically tripping over themselves to make Bella happy and congratulating themselves on what awesome gift givers they are. Most of it's nauseating. I totally don't understand this contradictory exchange between Alice and Roselie prompted by Bella asking where Mary Sue baby sleeps:
Alice shrugged. "In Roselie's arms. Or Jacob's. Or Esme's. You get the picture. She has never been set down her entire life. She's going to be the most spoiled half-vampire in existance."
Edward laughed while Roselie took Renesmee expertly in her arms. "She is also the must unspoiled half-vampre in existance," Roselie said. "The Beauty of being one of a kind."
From Breaking Dawn Chapter 24
I guess I'm doing that over-thinking thing that Twihards keep accusing me of because I found so many off things about this exchange. One: her entire life has been a few days. Give it time before you decide she's been spoiled, Alice. Two: Edward doesn't hold his kid at all? Three: there was no need to say she took Renesmee expertly in her arms. Just say she took her into her arms. Stop trying to beat your word count Meyer. Four: She's spoiled? But she's not spoiled? WHAT? What does this exchange even mean? Five: First you she's the most spoiled in existance, which implies there are more of her kind. Then you say the beauty of being one of a kind. Either there are more of her or there aren't. Again: MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND. And finally: what on earth does her being one of a kind have to do with her being spoiled her not? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. This entire exchange makes no freaking sense other then to remind us that Mary Sue baby is a super speshul snowflake. Oh, and I guess it was to lead into the paragraph that had Bella thinking that "oh, me and Roselie ARE still friends! Yay!" Whatever.
As the gift giving goes one Bella still has the same reactions she would have if she were human and she feels relief because you see, she was uber worried that her core self would change after she became a vamp. Okay, yes, a normal person might worry about that. Except that if you read through the books SHE NEVER ONCE WORRIED ABOUT THIS. So this is frankly bull.
Cue vivid description as the Cullens take Bella to her very own cottage. Which is of course perfectly suited to her tastes (if she has any) and utterly wonderful in every way. Because the Cullens could never get anything wrong you see.
Then all the pretty description turns into what we've all (well...not me) been waiting for: vampire sex! Well...the precursor to vampire sex because she literally gets them going hot and heavy like last time and then cuts off to next morning. Oh Meyer, you tease.
Next morning is basically a conversation about how long their sex drive will probably last. Just know it's long. Sigh. Then the chapter abruptly ends with them laughing at something or other in bed. Again, I'm bored.
WORD LIST: acquiescence, beribboned, superlatives
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Late summer roses bloomed in a handkerchief-sized garden-That must be a really small garden, seeing as how handkerchiefs are about the size of a mini notebook computer. Stupid description.
that his wits-scramblingly beautiful face-Really? You went with that? Again: bad description.
He smiled a wide, gleaming smile-I get it, he smiled. I swear the editors must have been half asleep when they approved this.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 23-Memories
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella angsts in what is yet another pointless chapter.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
All that drama that was promised? Skipped. We don't get to see Bella attack at all. We see the aftermath instead. LAME, Meyer, very lame. But I don't know why I'm surprised about this anymore. Every violent scene in this stupid series has been pg or takes place off screen. Yet Meyer has no problem writing scenes with violent births. If someone wo.uld like to explain this slight hypocrisy then please, do so.
Anyway, the aftermath turns out to be that Seth got his shoulder broken and Bella angsts about what a monster she's become. But of course everyone (including Seth) is quick reassure her that no, she isn't. Seth even goes as far to say that it was deserved! Um...NO. Look, yes Bella has every right to be mad about Jacob imprinting on her kid but just slap him or something. NO ONE deserves getting their shoulder dislocated, I don't care how made you are at the person. Be a bigger person and kick them out if you're that mad at them. But I forget, Bella is a Mary Sue therefore everything she does is perfectly acceptable. Even when she loses her temper and endangers everyone and hurts someone who she WASN'T EVEN MAD AT. But it's Bella, so it's okay! UGH.
If that's not ridiculous enough, turns out Renesmee isn't venomous! What? Is she a vampire or isn't she? How can you bite but not turn or feed? This makes no sense WHAT SO EVER.
As Bella sits and broods we get more of Meyer's lazy conflict solving. Turns out that now that Jacob imprinted on his little Mary Sue the rest of the wolf pack can't attack the kid as that would cause one of their own harm. Also since Jacob let Bella be turned, that means all is well in that area too. So crisis averted yet again. BORING. We don't even get to see the drama from this. Boo.
Then suddenly Bella starts worrying about Charlie and what to do about him. I'm sorry, why didn't she worry about him BEFORE she was turned into a vamp? Now all of a sudden he's actually important to her? I don't buy it. Sorry, Meyer.
More angst, angst, angst from Bella about the imprinting deal. I'm bored with this already. Suddenly the Cullens are all it's time to measure Renesmee! What? Turns out she is now toddler age. Gives whole new meaning to "my, they grow so fast" doesn't it?
Bella gets to hold her baby and now we learn that Renesmee is not only a Mary Sue, she's a deux ex machina as well. She has some sort of wierd ability to implant memories in a person (how does that even work?) and so we get to see all her thoughts on the matter. She loves Jacob you see. She loves everyone. She just wants everyone to get along! Seriously, GAG ME.
Somewhere in all this huge waste of time, we learn that Jasper (who suddenly has gained the nickname Jazz, when did that happen?) is angsty now too. See, now that he sees how well Bella's doing he thinks all that worry about newborns was just a self-fullfilling prophecy. See, they only acted that way because they were TOLD that they were going to be that way. God, this series gets even more absurd as it goes on. Oh, and apparently vampires don't need to sit either or some such rot. They just sit out of habit. What?
This utterly pointless and boring chapter ends with Alice handing Bella a key with a pink bow. It's Bella's birthday guys! Prediction: this is going to get worse.
WORD LIST: mitigated, antagonistic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Carlisle chuckled."I wish treating humans were this instantaneously gratifying."-Well, excuse me for being HUMAN, Carlisle. Sorry if my body is inadequate for you. We heal slow, sorry if that's not good enough for you.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
All that drama that was promised? Skipped. We don't get to see Bella attack at all. We see the aftermath instead. LAME, Meyer, very lame. But I don't know why I'm surprised about this anymore. Every violent scene in this stupid series has been pg or takes place off screen. Yet Meyer has no problem writing scenes with violent births. If someone wo.uld like to explain this slight hypocrisy then please, do so.
Anyway, the aftermath turns out to be that Seth got his shoulder broken and Bella angsts about what a monster she's become. But of course everyone (including Seth) is quick reassure her that no, she isn't. Seth even goes as far to say that it was deserved! Um...NO. Look, yes Bella has every right to be mad about Jacob imprinting on her kid but just slap him or something. NO ONE deserves getting their shoulder dislocated, I don't care how made you are at the person. Be a bigger person and kick them out if you're that mad at them. But I forget, Bella is a Mary Sue therefore everything she does is perfectly acceptable. Even when she loses her temper and endangers everyone and hurts someone who she WASN'T EVEN MAD AT. But it's Bella, so it's okay! UGH.
If that's not ridiculous enough, turns out Renesmee isn't venomous! What? Is she a vampire or isn't she? How can you bite but not turn or feed? This makes no sense WHAT SO EVER.
As Bella sits and broods we get more of Meyer's lazy conflict solving. Turns out that now that Jacob imprinted on his little Mary Sue the rest of the wolf pack can't attack the kid as that would cause one of their own harm. Also since Jacob let Bella be turned, that means all is well in that area too. So crisis averted yet again. BORING. We don't even get to see the drama from this. Boo.
Then suddenly Bella starts worrying about Charlie and what to do about him. I'm sorry, why didn't she worry about him BEFORE she was turned into a vamp? Now all of a sudden he's actually important to her? I don't buy it. Sorry, Meyer.
More angst, angst, angst from Bella about the imprinting deal. I'm bored with this already. Suddenly the Cullens are all it's time to measure Renesmee! What? Turns out she is now toddler age. Gives whole new meaning to "my, they grow so fast" doesn't it?
Bella gets to hold her baby and now we learn that Renesmee is not only a Mary Sue, she's a deux ex machina as well. She has some sort of wierd ability to implant memories in a person (how does that even work?) and so we get to see all her thoughts on the matter. She loves Jacob you see. She loves everyone. She just wants everyone to get along! Seriously, GAG ME.
Somewhere in all this huge waste of time, we learn that Jasper (who suddenly has gained the nickname Jazz, when did that happen?) is angsty now too. See, now that he sees how well Bella's doing he thinks all that worry about newborns was just a self-fullfilling prophecy. See, they only acted that way because they were TOLD that they were going to be that way. God, this series gets even more absurd as it goes on. Oh, and apparently vampires don't need to sit either or some such rot. They just sit out of habit. What?
This utterly pointless and boring chapter ends with Alice handing Bella a key with a pink bow. It's Bella's birthday guys! Prediction: this is going to get worse.
WORD LIST: mitigated, antagonistic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Carlisle chuckled."I wish treating humans were this instantaneously gratifying."-Well, excuse me for being HUMAN, Carlisle. Sorry if my body is inadequate for you. We heal slow, sorry if that's not good enough for you.
Monday, November 29, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 22-Promised
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella discovers Jacob imprinted on her daughter and freaks. As well she should.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We begin where we left off, with much gag-worthy speculating on how wonderful and super special Bella's daughter is. If Bella is Super Mary Sue, then her daughter is like uber Mary Sue extroardinare. Why do I say this? Well, for one, EVERYONE loves her! Seriously, they just look at her and melt. I know she's a baby but even this is a little ridiculous. Also, she has super speed growth. That's right, within a few months she'll be a freaking SEVEN year old! Or her body will be. Her mind too. I could maybe forgive Meyer for the fact that a vampire can suddenly have kids, but now that kid has excellarated growth too? Are you kidding me?! She also is naturally super intelligent already LESS THEN ONE WEEK AFTER HER BIRTH. I'm sorry Meyer, no you are not being scientific at all. You are making this up as you go, stop trying to say otherwise. Don't even get me started that the excellerated growth means that Bella and Edward get to skip out on the hardships of taking care of a baby and being a parent. Heaven forbid they work at something, you know? All these clues make me realize this baby will turn into an uber Mary Sue. As we read on, I'm sure my suspicians will be confirmed.
They get to the Cullens house after Edward talks about the wonderful Mary Sue baby they created and Jacob shows up. Surprise you guys! She's no longer conflicted about him! They are no longer in love. He is now in love with her baby (though she doesn't know that yet but somehow senses he's now over her) and she no longer has any romantic feelings for him! Conflict aborted! In the most lazy way possible. So just note teenagers: to get over conflicting romantic interests: turn into a vamp and have the other person imprint on someone. Problem solved! God this is so stupid.
Just so we don't start getting any ideas that Bella is an equal among these men now that she's a vamp, Jacob and Edward test her and don't let her in on it. Edward also continues to neglect telling her info that she should probably know such as that her best friend imprinted on her baby. So yeah, Bella's strong now but she's still a woman.
Then Bella meets her Mary Sue baby for the first time. Of couse, there's no issue with the bloodlust. She's perfectly in control. It all of course turns into a praise-fest of how awesome Bella was during the hunt. Ugh. I get it Meyer, she's a super awesome vampire. MOVE ON PLEASE. Then her Mary Sue baby appartently has powers to communicate with people so no need to guess what the baby needs or is trying to say. Seriously, Meyer is taking all the fun out of this. I wanted to see Bella and Edward deal with parenting and hard work for a change. Nothing tests a relationship more then having a kid. It also would have required them to work at their relationship too. But as noted before, Meyer seems to detest hard work or conflict of any kind for her characters.
Somehow, Bella finally catches on that Jacob imprinted on her kid. The drama that insues, almost kind of makes up for all the gag-worthy lets-praise-Bella moments that seem to be the only point to this book. Granted, it's still full of grating dialogue and writing, but at least there's finally some real drama and an actual conflict introduced. More then halfway into this stupid book. But it's there!
Basically what insues is over the top Bella on the war path. While it is kind of fun finally seeing her get angry (this is the first time I've actually seen her express strong emotion I believe) it's still contrived soap opera worthy dialogue. She starts yelling at Jacob, he tries to assure that it's really all right, and she points out that no, it isn't. Just when things get interesting with her going for Jacob's throat (yes, really) the chapter ends. At least something actually happened in this one.
WORD LIST:none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: He knew her and I did not. It wasn't fair-Oh gee, Bella, cry me a freaking river. Could you BE anymore immature?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We begin where we left off, with much gag-worthy speculating on how wonderful and super special Bella's daughter is. If Bella is Super Mary Sue, then her daughter is like uber Mary Sue extroardinare. Why do I say this? Well, for one, EVERYONE loves her! Seriously, they just look at her and melt. I know she's a baby but even this is a little ridiculous. Also, she has super speed growth. That's right, within a few months she'll be a freaking SEVEN year old! Or her body will be. Her mind too. I could maybe forgive Meyer for the fact that a vampire can suddenly have kids, but now that kid has excellarated growth too? Are you kidding me?! She also is naturally super intelligent already LESS THEN ONE WEEK AFTER HER BIRTH. I'm sorry Meyer, no you are not being scientific at all. You are making this up as you go, stop trying to say otherwise. Don't even get me started that the excellerated growth means that Bella and Edward get to skip out on the hardships of taking care of a baby and being a parent. Heaven forbid they work at something, you know? All these clues make me realize this baby will turn into an uber Mary Sue. As we read on, I'm sure my suspicians will be confirmed.
They get to the Cullens house after Edward talks about the wonderful Mary Sue baby they created and Jacob shows up. Surprise you guys! She's no longer conflicted about him! They are no longer in love. He is now in love with her baby (though she doesn't know that yet but somehow senses he's now over her) and she no longer has any romantic feelings for him! Conflict aborted! In the most lazy way possible. So just note teenagers: to get over conflicting romantic interests: turn into a vamp and have the other person imprint on someone. Problem solved! God this is so stupid.
Just so we don't start getting any ideas that Bella is an equal among these men now that she's a vamp, Jacob and Edward test her and don't let her in on it. Edward also continues to neglect telling her info that she should probably know such as that her best friend imprinted on her baby. So yeah, Bella's strong now but she's still a woman.
Then Bella meets her Mary Sue baby for the first time. Of couse, there's no issue with the bloodlust. She's perfectly in control. It all of course turns into a praise-fest of how awesome Bella was during the hunt. Ugh. I get it Meyer, she's a super awesome vampire. MOVE ON PLEASE. Then her Mary Sue baby appartently has powers to communicate with people so no need to guess what the baby needs or is trying to say. Seriously, Meyer is taking all the fun out of this. I wanted to see Bella and Edward deal with parenting and hard work for a change. Nothing tests a relationship more then having a kid. It also would have required them to work at their relationship too. But as noted before, Meyer seems to detest hard work or conflict of any kind for her characters.
Somehow, Bella finally catches on that Jacob imprinted on her kid. The drama that insues, almost kind of makes up for all the gag-worthy lets-praise-Bella moments that seem to be the only point to this book. Granted, it's still full of grating dialogue and writing, but at least there's finally some real drama and an actual conflict introduced. More then halfway into this stupid book. But it's there!
Basically what insues is over the top Bella on the war path. While it is kind of fun finally seeing her get angry (this is the first time I've actually seen her express strong emotion I believe) it's still contrived soap opera worthy dialogue. She starts yelling at Jacob, he tries to assure that it's really all right, and she points out that no, it isn't. Just when things get interesting with her going for Jacob's throat (yes, really) the chapter ends. At least something actually happened in this one.
WORD LIST:none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: He knew her and I did not. It wasn't fair-Oh gee, Bella, cry me a freaking river. Could you BE anymore immature?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 21-First Hunt
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella hunts a mountain lion and of course is super good at it the first time around.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Okay, I know I've been spontanious with the reviews it's just that it's holiday season at the store I work at and if you know retail, you know that this is exhausting and the last thing I want to do is come home and read through a crappy book like this. Plus, I've been busy with actual good books (for the most part...) for my book review blog. But I promised myself I would actually read through this entire series this year and so I'm going to TRY and have a chapter at least every day now, or at the very least every other day. To celebrate at the end, I'm going to give you a complete run down of one hundred reasons why this book is bad (with evidence) as well as my list of why Harry Potter is better then this, and a complete list of books that are better then this series and thus will end this blog. Jury is still out on whether I will bother with Bree Tanner and The Host.
Now that you know my plans, lets move on, shall we? So this chapter is cleverly titled first hunt. Who wants to guess about what happens? If you guessed that Bella goes on a hunt and is super great at it like she is at everything else, congratulations, you win cookies ;sends them virtually to you;. Because this is pretty much the whole pointless chapter.
Bella goes off hunting with Edward. Briefly she inquires about Renesmee (am I the only one who thinks it's weird that there are two e letters at the end of that name? If it's a combination shouldn't it be spelled Reneesme?) and we get hinting of Jacob imprinting on the baby but of course, Edward doesn't tell her this and insteads dodges the questions she has. I see that even though she's a vampire now, Bella is still not equal nor will she be told information that she should know because she's a silly over emotinal female. Sigh. Even when the women get powers, they're STILL demeaned in this series.
Oh, and if you want a laugh, she goes hunting in a blue silk cocktail dress that Alice apparently fit her in. I'm sorry WHAT? I know Alice likes high fashion, but there is practical high fashion out there. This is so totally ridiculous that I don't know where to begin so I'm moving on.
They start off hunting and we are treated to more scenes where Bella is such a super awesome vampire. Hell, she's such an awesome vampire now that the pesky little clumsiness trait she had is totally gone! So now Bella is full blown Mary Sue, with powers! Yay! As if I didn't find her character boring enough BEFORE she was a vampire. Oh, and to add to the ridiculousness of the dress, she's also doing all this leaping and hunting with SILVER SATIN SHOES. That apparently didn't break or fall off when she was doing all these superman heroics. Those must be some well made shoes. Oh, never mind she gets rid of them before she does the serious hunting. But keeps the cocktail dress.
More super awesome Bella scenes (where she's not at all hindered by her impractical dress). I'm so bored with this. I was bored when it started. I'm bored now. Then things just get confusing. I literally am not sure what is going on. Particularly with this exchange:
Beat him before? Huh? What is she even talking about?! I must have missed something...if a Twihard could explain this to me, please do so. Confusing exchange quickly turns into MORE Bella is so awesome now scenes with Edward heaping praise on her. Gag me with a spoon. Then we are treated to a gross scene where she kills a mountain lion. You know for someone who is a vegetarian, I find it odd that Meyer has no problem killing off animals in this book. Wonder what Freud would have to say about that?
Annoying scene about Edward lamenting that he has trouble with not having to protect her now. Some lame thing about how blood with herbivores smells different then carnivores which makes no sense whatsoever. More hunting scenes. I have to wonder where they're finding all this unprotected wildlife in WASHINGTON STATE but whatever.
Turns out hunting turns Bella on so we're treated to scenes with her and Edward. Yack. She asks to see her baby and boring pointless chapter ends. Once again: HOW DID THIS GET PUBLISHED?!
WORD LIST: exultant, dessicated, compulsory
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: she hunts in a cocktail dress? Seriously?
My mouth felt like four o'clock on a June afternoon in Death Valley.-Um...what? She's thirsty? Hungry? What does this sentance even mean?!
Mostly him-his strange honey-lilac-and-sun perfume.-First, why are there hyphans between honey lilac and sun? That's not needed, second what is a honey lilac? I'm pretty sure that flower doesn't exist and SUN DOESN'T HAVE A SMELL.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Okay, I know I've been spontanious with the reviews it's just that it's holiday season at the store I work at and if you know retail, you know that this is exhausting and the last thing I want to do is come home and read through a crappy book like this. Plus, I've been busy with actual good books (for the most part...) for my book review blog. But I promised myself I would actually read through this entire series this year and so I'm going to TRY and have a chapter at least every day now, or at the very least every other day. To celebrate at the end, I'm going to give you a complete run down of one hundred reasons why this book is bad (with evidence) as well as my list of why Harry Potter is better then this, and a complete list of books that are better then this series and thus will end this blog. Jury is still out on whether I will bother with Bree Tanner and The Host.
Now that you know my plans, lets move on, shall we? So this chapter is cleverly titled first hunt. Who wants to guess about what happens? If you guessed that Bella goes on a hunt and is super great at it like she is at everything else, congratulations, you win cookies ;sends them virtually to you;. Because this is pretty much the whole pointless chapter.
Bella goes off hunting with Edward. Briefly she inquires about Renesmee (am I the only one who thinks it's weird that there are two e letters at the end of that name? If it's a combination shouldn't it be spelled Reneesme?) and we get hinting of Jacob imprinting on the baby but of course, Edward doesn't tell her this and insteads dodges the questions she has. I see that even though she's a vampire now, Bella is still not equal nor will she be told information that she should know because she's a silly over emotinal female. Sigh. Even when the women get powers, they're STILL demeaned in this series.
Oh, and if you want a laugh, she goes hunting in a blue silk cocktail dress that Alice apparently fit her in. I'm sorry WHAT? I know Alice likes high fashion, but there is practical high fashion out there. This is so totally ridiculous that I don't know where to begin so I'm moving on.
They start off hunting and we are treated to more scenes where Bella is such a super awesome vampire. Hell, she's such an awesome vampire now that the pesky little clumsiness trait she had is totally gone! So now Bella is full blown Mary Sue, with powers! Yay! As if I didn't find her character boring enough BEFORE she was a vampire. Oh, and to add to the ridiculousness of the dress, she's also doing all this leaping and hunting with SILVER SATIN SHOES. That apparently didn't break or fall off when she was doing all these superman heroics. Those must be some well made shoes. Oh, never mind she gets rid of them before she does the serious hunting. But keeps the cocktail dress.
More super awesome Bella scenes (where she's not at all hindered by her impractical dress). I'm so bored with this. I was bored when it started. I'm bored now. Then things just get confusing. I literally am not sure what is going on. Particularly with this exchange:
"How did you do that?" he demanded.
"You let me beat you before, didn't you?" I demanded back, ignoring his question.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 21
Beat him before? Huh? What is she even talking about?! I must have missed something...if a Twihard could explain this to me, please do so. Confusing exchange quickly turns into MORE Bella is so awesome now scenes with Edward heaping praise on her. Gag me with a spoon. Then we are treated to a gross scene where she kills a mountain lion. You know for someone who is a vegetarian, I find it odd that Meyer has no problem killing off animals in this book. Wonder what Freud would have to say about that?
Annoying scene about Edward lamenting that he has trouble with not having to protect her now. Some lame thing about how blood with herbivores smells different then carnivores which makes no sense whatsoever. More hunting scenes. I have to wonder where they're finding all this unprotected wildlife in WASHINGTON STATE but whatever.
Turns out hunting turns Bella on so we're treated to scenes with her and Edward. Yack. She asks to see her baby and boring pointless chapter ends. Once again: HOW DID THIS GET PUBLISHED?!
WORD LIST: exultant, dessicated, compulsory
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: she hunts in a cocktail dress? Seriously?
My mouth felt like four o'clock on a June afternoon in Death Valley.-Um...what? She's thirsty? Hungry? What does this sentance even mean?!
Mostly him-his strange honey-lilac-and-sun perfume.-First, why are there hyphans between honey lilac and sun? That's not needed, second what is a honey lilac? I'm pretty sure that flower doesn't exist and SUN DOESN'T HAVE A SMELL.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 20-New
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella becomes a super awesome vampire! That's about it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
When Bella wakes up we're treated to how uber special her senses have become. Cue lots of heavy description. Here's a brief example of what we're "treated" too:
...wow, that's a lot of description to describe...dust. Don't get me started on how apparently it's very pretty. Give me a break. Then suddenly we're treated to how she doesn't need to breath yet breaths anyway and somehow that lets her taste everything in the air...just, what? How on earth can you taste anything in the air? Meyer continues to make no sense whatsoever. Oh, and somehow despite the fact that she's in a place where she just gave a bloody birth the air tastes just wonderful and is just as super awesome as the really pretty dust. Whatever.
Then Bella gets up and all the family is cautious. She focuses and Edward and if you thought her waxing poetic was bad before? It's ten times worse now. See, apparently all of that pales in comparison to seeing him when you're a vampire. He's even more perfect and wonderful now. How blind she was! Gag me with a spoon. Proof of how bad it is:
Yeah, like I said before, give me a break. Oh, and how exactly does a voice have velvet folds? It's SOUND.
I have to say, for a newborn, Bella is remarkably coherent. She says that human emotions would come back later but she's feeling them now as she worries about Charlie and Jacob so that discredits that idea really quick. She also still feels the very human emotions of lusting after Edward's beauty so I call shenanigans on Meyer. Bella is still perfectly all right. A fact that is told to us a page or so later. Turns out Bella's such a wonderful controlled person that apparently this makes it so she's not as out of control as other newborns. Or other some such rot. Either way we're basically told: Bella's super awesome so of course the bloodthirst doesn't make her a monster! Now enjoy as she becomes a super special vampre! Ugh.
Then if this lame explanation isn't bad enough, Alice shows up with a mirror for some wierd reason and Bella sees herself in the mirror and OMG! she's so beautiful guys! Cause you know, she was so plain before ;rolls eyes;. Oh no, wait...there apparently is one little flaw: her upper lip is slightly out of balance. Big whoop.
Oh and apparently Edward still can't hear her mind. Can't have that, can we?
She leaves with Edward, Jasper, and Alice to go hunt. End revolting and uninteresting chapter.
WORD LIST: sinously, concerted
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Getting cheated out of Bella being a bloodthirsty vamp
This whole chapter basically is saying Bella is super awesome now that she's a vampire over and over again. Yack.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
When Bella wakes up we're treated to how uber special her senses have become. Cue lots of heavy description. Here's a brief example of what we're "treated" too:
Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In the front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and seperate. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 20
...wow, that's a lot of description to describe...dust. Don't get me started on how apparently it's very pretty. Give me a break. Then suddenly we're treated to how she doesn't need to breath yet breaths anyway and somehow that lets her taste everything in the air...just, what? How on earth can you taste anything in the air? Meyer continues to make no sense whatsoever. Oh, and somehow despite the fact that she's in a place where she just gave a bloody birth the air tastes just wonderful and is just as super awesome as the really pretty dust. Whatever.
Then Bella gets up and all the family is cautious. She focuses and Edward and if you thought her waxing poetic was bad before? It's ten times worse now. See, apparently all of that pales in comparison to seeing him when you're a vampire. He's even more perfect and wonderful now. How blind she was! Gag me with a spoon. Proof of how bad it is:
I could not answer immediately, lost as I was in the velvet folds of his voice. It was the most perfect symphony, a symphony in one instrument, an instrument more profound than any created by man.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 20
Yeah, like I said before, give me a break. Oh, and how exactly does a voice have velvet folds? It's SOUND.
I have to say, for a newborn, Bella is remarkably coherent. She says that human emotions would come back later but she's feeling them now as she worries about Charlie and Jacob so that discredits that idea really quick. She also still feels the very human emotions of lusting after Edward's beauty so I call shenanigans on Meyer. Bella is still perfectly all right. A fact that is told to us a page or so later. Turns out Bella's such a wonderful controlled person that apparently this makes it so she's not as out of control as other newborns. Or other some such rot. Either way we're basically told: Bella's super awesome so of course the bloodthirst doesn't make her a monster! Now enjoy as she becomes a super special vampre! Ugh.
Then if this lame explanation isn't bad enough, Alice shows up with a mirror for some wierd reason and Bella sees herself in the mirror and OMG! she's so beautiful guys! Cause you know, she was so plain before ;rolls eyes;. Oh no, wait...there apparently is one little flaw: her upper lip is slightly out of balance. Big whoop.
Oh and apparently Edward still can't hear her mind. Can't have that, can we?
She leaves with Edward, Jasper, and Alice to go hunt. End revolting and uninteresting chapter.
WORD LIST: sinously, concerted
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Getting cheated out of Bella being a bloodthirsty vamp
This whole chapter basically is saying Bella is super awesome now that she's a vampire over and over again. Yack.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 19-Burning
CHAPTER SUMMARY: We get Bella's point of view of the change. Yay?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Pretty much this whole chapter is Bella rambling on and on about nothing in particular. In short: it's another pointless chapter. Is Meyer getting paid by the word or something? That's my only explanation for all these wasted chapters that should have been cut.
We start off with Bella being in pain and apparently surprised by the pain. Okay. Then in case we couldn't figure out Bella was in pain by her stating it, Meyer elaborates in yet another over wordy, badly puncuated paragraph that is not really a paragraph:
More flowery descriptions of pain and then obvious "look how selfless she is!" commentary and then we have lines from the last chapter. That's when you realize: Meyer is basically redoing a scene from the previous chapter in another character's point of view...just...why? Really, what on earth is the point of all of this? Never mind that Bella would probably have been too focused on pain to think this clearly.
But whatever, Meyer continues to rewrite a scene. Maybe she forgot that she had put this scene in Jacob's point of view already? I mean she doesn't edit so it wouldn't suprise me.
So this all ends up very boring and annoying because this doesn't really tell us everything we didn't learn from Jacob: scene was utterly disturbing and gross, we are supposed to love Bella for being such an utterly wonderful selfless person, she loves Edward and baby lots and lots, blah blah blah. God, get new material already! Preferably some that doesn't make me want to puke.
More of Bella being a martyr, blah, blah, more I love my baby so much (even though i call it my little nudger-Really?) and then it moves on to her changing into a vamp. Okay, this I thought would maybe be mildly interesting. Finally, Bella is going to become the bloodthirsty vamp she always wanted to be and I am kind of eager to see how the blood and hunger and all that stuff that comes with being a newborn vamp will effect her.
Well if that ever happens in this (which I doubt it will because it's Twilight, heaven forbid things be DIFFICULT for Bella) it's not in this chapter. Bella loses conciousness before the biting part (assuming there's actual biting in this psuedo-vampire book). Yet again, we get cheated because Meyer is big freaking chicken. Really, if all this stuff bothered her, WHY DID SHE WRITE A FREAKING VAMPIRE BOOK?
Bella wakes up and it's MORE rambling about nothing in particular aside from how much pain she is in. Then suddenly all the vampire senses start to kick in. Due to this, she somehow hears Edward and all the Cullens while she's unconcious...Yeah, don't get me started on how stupid this is.
Then we get one boring conversation between Alice and Edward that reveals...nothing. Meyer, FYI overheard conversations in books are supposed to reveal something. Boring pointless chapter ends with Bella opening her eyes.
WORD LIST: sanguine
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The utter pointlessness of this chapter
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Pretty much this whole chapter is Bella rambling on and on about nothing in particular. In short: it's another pointless chapter. Is Meyer getting paid by the word or something? That's my only explanation for all these wasted chapters that should have been cut.
We start off with Bella being in pain and apparently surprised by the pain. Okay. Then in case we couldn't figure out Bella was in pain by her stating it, Meyer elaborates in yet another over wordy, badly puncuated paragraph that is not really a paragraph:
Reality was red, and it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize fighter, trampled by bulls, and submerged in acid, all at the same time.Okay, Meyer, we get it. She's in pain. Move on please. That is also quite a collection of ways to describe pain there, I'm beginning to see where Bella gets her masochistic tendancies from.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19
More flowery descriptions of pain and then obvious "look how selfless she is!" commentary and then we have lines from the last chapter. That's when you realize: Meyer is basically redoing a scene from the previous chapter in another character's point of view...just...why? Really, what on earth is the point of all of this? Never mind that Bella would probably have been too focused on pain to think this clearly.
But whatever, Meyer continues to rewrite a scene. Maybe she forgot that she had put this scene in Jacob's point of view already? I mean she doesn't edit so it wouldn't suprise me.
So this all ends up very boring and annoying because this doesn't really tell us everything we didn't learn from Jacob: scene was utterly disturbing and gross, we are supposed to love Bella for being such an utterly wonderful selfless person, she loves Edward and baby lots and lots, blah blah blah. God, get new material already! Preferably some that doesn't make me want to puke.
More of Bella being a martyr, blah, blah, more I love my baby so much (even though i call it my little nudger-Really?) and then it moves on to her changing into a vamp. Okay, this I thought would maybe be mildly interesting. Finally, Bella is going to become the bloodthirsty vamp she always wanted to be and I am kind of eager to see how the blood and hunger and all that stuff that comes with being a newborn vamp will effect her.
Well if that ever happens in this (which I doubt it will because it's Twilight, heaven forbid things be DIFFICULT for Bella) it's not in this chapter. Bella loses conciousness before the biting part (assuming there's actual biting in this psuedo-vampire book). Yet again, we get cheated because Meyer is big freaking chicken. Really, if all this stuff bothered her, WHY DID SHE WRITE A FREAKING VAMPIRE BOOK?
Bella wakes up and it's MORE rambling about nothing in particular aside from how much pain she is in. Then suddenly all the vampire senses start to kick in. Due to this, she somehow hears Edward and all the Cullens while she's unconcious...Yeah, don't get me started on how stupid this is.
Then we get one boring conversation between Alice and Edward that reveals...nothing. Meyer, FYI overheard conversations in books are supposed to reveal something. Boring pointless chapter ends with Bella opening her eyes.
WORD LIST: sanguine
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The utter pointlessness of this chapter
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Part III-Preface
Okay, last one today, I just want this over with since as usual the preface is shorter then this post.
CHAPTER SUMMARY: This starts off with a quotation from Empire by Orson Scott Card. Now, I must say I was surprised at first that Meyer even knows who Card is because the man is actually, you know an author that's still alive and not something assigned in English class or the super-easy YA books she usually harolds as fantastic. But then I remembered something. Card is a member of the LDS church. Also, as much as I like his writing (if you haven't read Enders Game DO SO) I can't stand Card himself. Because Card is frankly a homophobic bigot. Go on the net sometime and look up interviews with him if you don't believe me. Considering I'm pretty sure that Meyer is narrow-minded as well (and probably homophobic herself though I haven't seen tendancies yet, but the fact that there are no homosexuals at all in any of her writing is pretty telling) I'm not all that surprised she likes him enough to quote him. Though who wants to bet like all the previous quotes she completely misses the point of the quote and it ends up having nothing to do with her story at all? I guess we'll find out.
As always Meyer uses the preface to spoil what will happen. Also as always, it's Bella facing danger and putting herself in harms way for someone else. No surprise whatsoever. I'm starting to miss Jacob...at least things were interesting with him for awhile because there were actually some new scenes. Now it's just going to be recycled scenes yet again.
From the Preface, the danger is the Volturi (let me guess, they're after the baby!) and it cuts off as Bella growls and oh look, she's a vamp! God help me, this is going to be torture isn't it?
WORD LIST: billowing
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: They ghosted closer-I HATE this wording she keeps insisting on using. Because to me I picture ghosts closing in on Bella. Pick other wording Meyer!
CHAPTER SUMMARY: This starts off with a quotation from Empire by Orson Scott Card. Now, I must say I was surprised at first that Meyer even knows who Card is because the man is actually, you know an author that's still alive and not something assigned in English class or the super-easy YA books she usually harolds as fantastic. But then I remembered something. Card is a member of the LDS church. Also, as much as I like his writing (if you haven't read Enders Game DO SO) I can't stand Card himself. Because Card is frankly a homophobic bigot. Go on the net sometime and look up interviews with him if you don't believe me. Considering I'm pretty sure that Meyer is narrow-minded as well (and probably homophobic herself though I haven't seen tendancies yet, but the fact that there are no homosexuals at all in any of her writing is pretty telling) I'm not all that surprised she likes him enough to quote him. Though who wants to bet like all the previous quotes she completely misses the point of the quote and it ends up having nothing to do with her story at all? I guess we'll find out.
As always Meyer uses the preface to spoil what will happen. Also as always, it's Bella facing danger and putting herself in harms way for someone else. No surprise whatsoever. I'm starting to miss Jacob...at least things were interesting with him for awhile because there were actually some new scenes. Now it's just going to be recycled scenes yet again.
From the Preface, the danger is the Volturi (let me guess, they're after the baby!) and it cuts off as Bella growls and oh look, she's a vamp! God help me, this is going to be torture isn't it?
WORD LIST: billowing
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: They ghosted closer-I HATE this wording she keeps insisting on using. Because to me I picture ghosts closing in on Bella. Pick other wording Meyer!
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 18-There are No Words for This
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Baby is born, Jacob imprints. Big shocker.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
This is going to be a brief review because my mind is still boggling at the absurdity and slight backwards thinking in this chapter. Long story short: baby is born in a really messy bloody birth scene that is enough to make any girl not want to get pregnant like EVER. Seriously, I thought super religious people saw birth as a beautiful event that was a gift from God or whatever? We know that Meyer is very religious so what's up with this rather disturbing birth scene? Kind of makes you wonder if she actually thinks birth is horrible or something...
Now the backwards thinking I'm referring too is that why exactly is Meyer perfectly comfortable writing a bloody scene where a baby is ripped from her mother's stomach, yet she's not comfortable writing a sex scene? Does that seem weird to anyone else? I know she's Mormon and they have this thing about porn or whatever but I was also under the impression they had a thing about bloody violent scenes and therefore they can't watch rated R movies? Let me tell you: this scene? Definitely Rated R material. So really, what gives?
Well, after baby is born, Jacob mourns Bella (thinking she's dead but as there's HALF A BOOK LEFT STILL she's obviously still alive) and then we get treated to yet another character turnaround where he decides he's going to kill the baby girl (now dubbed Renesmee which has to be one of the worst baby names for a fictional character I've ever seen. Even Albus Severus from Harry Potter is going WHAT?). Couple of disturbing pages of him planning his mode of attack. Roselie comes out with the baby, their eyes meet, and bada bing bada boom he's imprinted on the baby. His part in this story pretty much ends there. The assasination of Jacob Black's character is now officially complete. Congrats Meyer, you utterly ruined the one good male character you had in this series. Pat on the back and all as I'm sure that was your intention because he was competing with your honey Edward too much.
If that isn't bad enough, I clicked next page on my Kindle after this only to find the following: Book Three-Bella.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thought we got rid of her? Damn it, Meyer!
WORD LIST: None for this chapter (but I'm sure there'll be tons of fun ones in Bella's part to make up for it)
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The assasination of Jacob Black's character.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
This is going to be a brief review because my mind is still boggling at the absurdity and slight backwards thinking in this chapter. Long story short: baby is born in a really messy bloody birth scene that is enough to make any girl not want to get pregnant like EVER. Seriously, I thought super religious people saw birth as a beautiful event that was a gift from God or whatever? We know that Meyer is very religious so what's up with this rather disturbing birth scene? Kind of makes you wonder if she actually thinks birth is horrible or something...
Now the backwards thinking I'm referring too is that why exactly is Meyer perfectly comfortable writing a bloody scene where a baby is ripped from her mother's stomach, yet she's not comfortable writing a sex scene? Does that seem weird to anyone else? I know she's Mormon and they have this thing about porn or whatever but I was also under the impression they had a thing about bloody violent scenes and therefore they can't watch rated R movies? Let me tell you: this scene? Definitely Rated R material. So really, what gives?
Well, after baby is born, Jacob mourns Bella (thinking she's dead but as there's HALF A BOOK LEFT STILL she's obviously still alive) and then we get treated to yet another character turnaround where he decides he's going to kill the baby girl (now dubbed Renesmee which has to be one of the worst baby names for a fictional character I've ever seen. Even Albus Severus from Harry Potter is going WHAT?). Couple of disturbing pages of him planning his mode of attack. Roselie comes out with the baby, their eyes meet, and bada bing bada boom he's imprinted on the baby. His part in this story pretty much ends there. The assasination of Jacob Black's character is now officially complete. Congrats Meyer, you utterly ruined the one good male character you had in this series. Pat on the back and all as I'm sure that was your intention because he was competing with your honey Edward too much.
If that isn't bad enough, I clicked next page on my Kindle after this only to find the following: Book Three-Bella.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thought we got rid of her? Damn it, Meyer!
WORD LIST: None for this chapter (but I'm sure there'll be tons of fun ones in Bella's part to make up for it)
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The assasination of Jacob Black's character.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 17-What do I Look Like? THe Wizard of Oz? You Need a Brain? You Need a Heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I Have.
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob mopes and angsts then surprise! Baby comes. I meanwhile am trying to figure out what's up with that chapter title.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
We start where we left off: with Jacob angsting some more. Yay. Because we haven't had enough of that in this book. He takes off in Edward's super expensive fast car (which is like what, the sixth or seventh car mentioned that these guys own? No one needs that many cars). Like everyone else in this series he speeds yet manages to not get in an accident or get caught by the cops. Edward has his Gary Stu powers, what's Jacob's excuse for avoiding these pitfalls?
Where is Jacob going you ask? Well, he's decided he wants a soulmate to imprint on of his very own. Never mind that in the past he has (rightfully so) stated that imprinting bothers him and feels like it takes peoples free will and isn't fair (it isn't). But never mind that! Meyer apparently feels it's totally understandable that he is now searching for a girl to imprint on. For the record, it isn't understandable. In fact, it's a little disturbing.
Even more disturbing then when Jacob decides to do his soulmate hunting in a kids park. What the hell? Pedophile behavior anyone? Don't get me started on how he takes up two handicapped parking spaces. I hate people that take two spaces diliberately and it's even worse that they are handicapped. But I guess since Jacob is in a bad mood I'm supposed to excuse his disrespectful behavior. Whatever.
Then a girl shows up and somehow comes to the conclusion that Jacob stole the car. Why on earth would she think this? Yeah, he took two parking spaces. But that doesn't scream criminal (I know jerks who do this simply because they can and don't want their precious vehical near other cars). Oh wait, let me guess, he's a minority so he couldn't possibly have afforded such a car on his own. I do want to give Meyer the benifit of the doubt on this, but something tells me this was her thinking.
Then after accusing him of being a thief with no basis for it, she starts ohing and ahing over it. Really? Though I am mildly surprised that Meyer is having a girl know about cars but that pleasant surprise is ruined by Jacob being totally stunned that a girl knows something about cars. Newsflash Jacob/Meyer, girls knowing about cars is actually not an unusual thing. Talk to my over fifty mother sometime, she probably knobws more about cars then my Dad does (and he has no problem with this either or the fact that she's ;gasp!; into sports, imagine).
This pointless conversation doesn't really go anywhere nor seem to serve any purpose. Jacob briefly imagines a whole scene with them dating (who does that with a person THEY JUST MET AND DON'T EVEN KNOW THEIR LAST NAME?) and makes more disturbing inner commentary. Then suddenly he decides to go back to the Cullens (and somewhere along the way accepts Seth and Leah as pack...I think that's what that commentary was supposed to be about anwyay...).
He arrives and finds out that apparently while he was gone Leah told off Bella about the way she was treating him. This of course greatly upset pur wittle Mary Sue and thus all the Cullens because heaven forbid someone actually tell Bella she's in the wrong about something (even when she is in this case). Even Jacob is irritated with her even though she was DEFENDING HIM. Personally, I say bravo Leah, bravo.
But enough about the harpy, Meyer quickly moves onto yet another Bella is so selfless, fragile, whatever scene. I'm so sick and tired of these! Turns out her baby is ready to be born...or at least I think that was what was going on. I was too busy rolling my eyes through the corny dialogue so I may have missed a thing or two.
WORD LIST: none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: treatment of Leah yet again
More ridiculous expensive cars for the Cullens
More Bella is so wonderful scenes that make me gag
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
We start where we left off: with Jacob angsting some more. Yay. Because we haven't had enough of that in this book. He takes off in Edward's super expensive fast car (which is like what, the sixth or seventh car mentioned that these guys own? No one needs that many cars). Like everyone else in this series he speeds yet manages to not get in an accident or get caught by the cops. Edward has his Gary Stu powers, what's Jacob's excuse for avoiding these pitfalls?
Where is Jacob going you ask? Well, he's decided he wants a soulmate to imprint on of his very own. Never mind that in the past he has (rightfully so) stated that imprinting bothers him and feels like it takes peoples free will and isn't fair (it isn't). But never mind that! Meyer apparently feels it's totally understandable that he is now searching for a girl to imprint on. For the record, it isn't understandable. In fact, it's a little disturbing.
Even more disturbing then when Jacob decides to do his soulmate hunting in a kids park. What the hell? Pedophile behavior anyone? Don't get me started on how he takes up two handicapped parking spaces. I hate people that take two spaces diliberately and it's even worse that they are handicapped. But I guess since Jacob is in a bad mood I'm supposed to excuse his disrespectful behavior. Whatever.
Then a girl shows up and somehow comes to the conclusion that Jacob stole the car. Why on earth would she think this? Yeah, he took two parking spaces. But that doesn't scream criminal (I know jerks who do this simply because they can and don't want their precious vehical near other cars). Oh wait, let me guess, he's a minority so he couldn't possibly have afforded such a car on his own. I do want to give Meyer the benifit of the doubt on this, but something tells me this was her thinking.
Then after accusing him of being a thief with no basis for it, she starts ohing and ahing over it. Really? Though I am mildly surprised that Meyer is having a girl know about cars but that pleasant surprise is ruined by Jacob being totally stunned that a girl knows something about cars. Newsflash Jacob/Meyer, girls knowing about cars is actually not an unusual thing. Talk to my over fifty mother sometime, she probably knobws more about cars then my Dad does (and he has no problem with this either or the fact that she's ;gasp!; into sports, imagine).
This pointless conversation doesn't really go anywhere nor seem to serve any purpose. Jacob briefly imagines a whole scene with them dating (who does that with a person THEY JUST MET AND DON'T EVEN KNOW THEIR LAST NAME?) and makes more disturbing inner commentary. Then suddenly he decides to go back to the Cullens (and somewhere along the way accepts Seth and Leah as pack...I think that's what that commentary was supposed to be about anwyay...).
He arrives and finds out that apparently while he was gone Leah told off Bella about the way she was treating him. This of course greatly upset pur wittle Mary Sue and thus all the Cullens because heaven forbid someone actually tell Bella she's in the wrong about something (even when she is in this case). Even Jacob is irritated with her even though she was DEFENDING HIM. Personally, I say bravo Leah, bravo.
But enough about the harpy, Meyer quickly moves onto yet another Bella is so selfless, fragile, whatever scene. I'm so sick and tired of these! Turns out her baby is ready to be born...or at least I think that was what was going on. I was too busy rolling my eyes through the corny dialogue so I may have missed a thing or two.
WORD LIST: none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: treatment of Leah yet again
More ridiculous expensive cars for the Cullens
More Bella is so wonderful scenes that make me gag
Monday, October 25, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 16-Too-Much-Information Alert
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Boring is briefly interupting with sexist chat between Leah and Jacob and the series gets more ridiculous if that's possible.
COMMENTARY/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
The chapter opens up with Leah and Jacob going on patrol. Now actually there is some decent stuff going on here. I do find the conflict with Jacob and Seth and Leah a slightly interesting. But of course that's all quickly turned into rage inducing once Seth leaves. Because it then turns sexist. Yes, even more sexist then before.
See, first Leah talks with Jacob about Sam and it actually is good at first, even if I still find that apparently Leah shouldn't have expected any kindness simply because she wasn't handling her rough situation well. Then Leah comments that she understands where Roselie is coming from and the conversation turns to babies. See, turns out Leah can't have kids because she's a werewolf. Now this part is not the rage inducing part. What's rage inducing is apparently Leah (aka Meyer speaking for Leah) thinks that just because she can't have kids that means there's something "wrong" with her. That's she's not a woman. No. I'm serious. Here's a telling quote if you don't believe me:
WHAT. THE. HELL?
Excuse me, Meyer but please do not tell me you are trying to say what I'm pretty sure you're trying to say here. Please do not tell me you honestly think that a woman's worth is based solely on her being able to have children. That if she can't have children that means she's not a true woman. Just please tell me you are NOT THAT IGNORANT or SEXIST. For godsakes, I thought this sort of thinking went out the window DECADES ago. Apparently not. To the young impressionable girls reading this crap: DO NOT BUY IT. It is crap. A woman's worth is not solely tied up in her ability to have kids. You know who likely came up with that theory? MEN. Men who wanted to blame women for the fact that THEY couldn't have kids because there was something wrong with THEIR sperm. God, just when I think this series can't get anymore horrible.
Then there's the fact that she's all but implying that you are less of a woman if you can't or don't have kids. So me and several other women I know are apparently not women because we are a) not married, and b) don't have kids (and in my case not sure if I even WANT kids). All those women who can't have kids due to difficulties with in their bodies and probably had to deal with emotional stuff for it? You can't have kids because it means you're not a "real" woman. God, this is such BS. I can't believe a publisher/editor left this in here and didn't look at her in disgust. My only explanation is that only one or two other people actually read through it and those few people were her "yes maam" people who bow to her every whim and therefore didn't call her on this blatant sexism. UGH.
The chapter continues to get more horrible. Jacob makes more disgusting jokes at Roselie's expense. Then goes to see Bella and then suddenly oh look, Edward can hear the babies thoughts now! It what is more obvious pro-life propaganda, he hears the baby's thoughts and falls in instant and utter love. He is now completely on Bella's side and chapter ends with him kicking Jacob out of the house. Give me a break. The baby is inside Bella's womb. They wouldn't be having any thoughts beyond "hungry". Once again, Meyer proves she slept through biology class.
WORD LIST: none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: SEXISM.
For a second I thought she was making a jok that was in very poor taste.-EXCUSE ME? You're worried about Leah making a joke in poor taste? You? The guy who makes dumb blonde jokes at the expense of Roselie and excuse it because you think she's a bitch? Hypocrite, thy name is Jacob Black.
None of us wanted to deal with that breakdown. Obviously, it wasn't like we could empathize.-So just because you couldn't empathize that's supposed to exuse you guys for being utter asses to her? I don't think so. This also disputes your claim a chapter or two ago where you said you did actually try to deal with Leah because it's very obvious from this and evidence in other books that you didn't.
COMMENTARY/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
The chapter opens up with Leah and Jacob going on patrol. Now actually there is some decent stuff going on here. I do find the conflict with Jacob and Seth and Leah a slightly interesting. But of course that's all quickly turned into rage inducing once Seth leaves. Because it then turns sexist. Yes, even more sexist then before.
See, first Leah talks with Jacob about Sam and it actually is good at first, even if I still find that apparently Leah shouldn't have expected any kindness simply because she wasn't handling her rough situation well. Then Leah comments that she understands where Roselie is coming from and the conversation turns to babies. See, turns out Leah can't have kids because she's a werewolf. Now this part is not the rage inducing part. What's rage inducing is apparently Leah (aka Meyer speaking for Leah) thinks that just because she can't have kids that means there's something "wrong" with her. That's she's not a woman. No. I'm serious. Here's a telling quote if you don't believe me:
Of course I remembered Leah's panic that first month after she joined the pack-and I remembered cringing away from it just like everyong else. Because she couldn't be pregnant-not unless there was some really freaky religious immaculate crap goin on. She hadn't been with anyone since Sam. And then, when the weeks dragged on and nothing turned into more nothing, she'd realized that her body wasn't following the normal patterns anymore. The horror-what was she now? Had her body changed because she'd become a werewolf? Or had she become a werewolf because her body was wrong? The only female werewolf in the history of forever. Was that because she was as female as she should be?
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 16
WHAT. THE. HELL?
Excuse me, Meyer but please do not tell me you are trying to say what I'm pretty sure you're trying to say here. Please do not tell me you honestly think that a woman's worth is based solely on her being able to have children. That if she can't have children that means she's not a true woman. Just please tell me you are NOT THAT IGNORANT or SEXIST. For godsakes, I thought this sort of thinking went out the window DECADES ago. Apparently not. To the young impressionable girls reading this crap: DO NOT BUY IT. It is crap. A woman's worth is not solely tied up in her ability to have kids. You know who likely came up with that theory? MEN. Men who wanted to blame women for the fact that THEY couldn't have kids because there was something wrong with THEIR sperm. God, just when I think this series can't get anymore horrible.
Then there's the fact that she's all but implying that you are less of a woman if you can't or don't have kids. So me and several other women I know are apparently not women because we are a) not married, and b) don't have kids (and in my case not sure if I even WANT kids). All those women who can't have kids due to difficulties with in their bodies and probably had to deal with emotional stuff for it? You can't have kids because it means you're not a "real" woman. God, this is such BS. I can't believe a publisher/editor left this in here and didn't look at her in disgust. My only explanation is that only one or two other people actually read through it and those few people were her "yes maam" people who bow to her every whim and therefore didn't call her on this blatant sexism. UGH.
The chapter continues to get more horrible. Jacob makes more disgusting jokes at Roselie's expense. Then goes to see Bella and then suddenly oh look, Edward can hear the babies thoughts now! It what is more obvious pro-life propaganda, he hears the baby's thoughts and falls in instant and utter love. He is now completely on Bella's side and chapter ends with him kicking Jacob out of the house. Give me a break. The baby is inside Bella's womb. They wouldn't be having any thoughts beyond "hungry". Once again, Meyer proves she slept through biology class.
WORD LIST: none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: SEXISM.
For a second I thought she was making a jok that was in very poor taste.-EXCUSE ME? You're worried about Leah making a joke in poor taste? You? The guy who makes dumb blonde jokes at the expense of Roselie and excuse it because you think she's a bitch? Hypocrite, thy name is Jacob Black.
None of us wanted to deal with that breakdown. Obviously, it wasn't like we could empathize.-So just because you couldn't empathize that's supposed to exuse you guys for being utter asses to her? I don't think so. This also disputes your claim a chapter or two ago where you said you did actually try to deal with Leah because it's very obvious from this and evidence in other books that you didn't.
Friday, October 15, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 15-TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Title pretty much sums up this chapter. Yes, believe it or not, we have ANOTHER chapter with NOTHING HAPPENING.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I'll spare you my rants on what a waste of paper these pointless chapters are. Here's a few bullet lines on what goes on:
-Wee little chat with Seth about patrol and sets Jacob off on angsting.
-Jacob worries about Bella yet again.
-ANOTHER Bella is so selfless! scene. Ugh.
-More bashing of Roselie by Jacob that we're supposed to find funny. I fail to see why I should find him aiming a doggie bowl at her head and Edward letting him funny.
-MORE worrying about Bella Sue and the she's so selfless junk.
-MORE pointless talk about how Bella is being so selfless with Charlie (even though she never cared about his feelings before so I don't buy it), and Meyer tries to make us believe that she did do some world building by giving us old stories that make no sense.
That's it. Please note, I was trying to be generous as well. But literally this chapter is pointless and more recycled scenes that don't add anything to the "plot" or book.
WORD LIST: habitation
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: More horrible treatment of Roselie that I'm apparently supposed to find funny.
BORING.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I'll spare you my rants on what a waste of paper these pointless chapters are. Here's a few bullet lines on what goes on:
-Wee little chat with Seth about patrol and sets Jacob off on angsting.
-Jacob worries about Bella yet again.
-ANOTHER Bella is so selfless! scene. Ugh.
-More bashing of Roselie by Jacob that we're supposed to find funny. I fail to see why I should find him aiming a doggie bowl at her head and Edward letting him funny.
-MORE worrying about Bella Sue and the she's so selfless junk.
-MORE pointless talk about how Bella is being so selfless with Charlie (even though she never cared about his feelings before so I don't buy it), and Meyer tries to make us believe that she did do some world building by giving us old stories that make no sense.
That's it. Please note, I was trying to be generous as well. But literally this chapter is pointless and more recycled scenes that don't add anything to the "plot" or book.
WORD LIST: habitation
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: More horrible treatment of Roselie that I'm apparently supposed to find funny.
BORING.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 14-You Know Things Are Bad When You Feel Guilty For Being Rude to Vampires
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Um...once more NOTHING HAPPENS. Unless you count Jacob being an ass to Roselie yet again.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
This is going to be a pretty short commentary because frankly nothing happened. Twenty pages of Jacob babbling on and arguing back and forth with various people, and Meyer making sure we understand that we are not supposed to like Roselie and that Bella is utterly selfless. Same old, same old, blah, blah MOVE ON ALREADY.
Seriously, if I were a publisher and this book got past my desk into stores, I'd be horrible embarressed by it. Because you can't tell me this is a book to be proud of. It's crap. Lots of bad wording, pointless scenes over and over again, and frankly horrible characters. I mean the first three were bad, don't get me wrong, but at least you got the feeling that Meyer was at least TRYING. Here, it's like she thought "well, this is going to make gobs of money anwyway and my fans will love anything I write so I'm not even going to bother trying to make it good." Don't even try and tell me she didn't think that, or something very similar. It's a horrible attitude to have as well. If you want an excellent example of how to end a popular series, look at Harry Potter and Hunger Games.
Now, I know a lot of readers complained about the last books of these series, but even if you maybe weren't happy with the end, they were still very good. In Deathly Hallows, Rowling had excitement and character developement. Was some of it a tad long? Sure, but even in the stuff that was long, she revealed things like character developement, world building, and even what was going on in the other side. I was never outright bored with it like I am with this ridiculous book.
Then there's Mockingjay. I know a lot people likewise didn't like how she handled the love triangle but it was still excellent. I personally never cared about the romance I cared about the war and Collins was not afraid to off popular characters (likewise with Rowling in HP) and she still made it interesting.
I get NONE of that from this boring book. If I were a Twihard at this point I'd be saying to myself "I waited a year for THIS?!" and Meyer wonders why fans weren't happy with her after it ended?
My other rant from this chapter is Jacob's treatment of Roselie and how apparently I'm supposed to find this funny. He is downright insulting to her. Look, I'm no fan of Roselie, but I'm no fan of Jacob's either. He has no right to tell dumb blonde jokes to her face and treat her the way he does. I also find it telling that most of the blonde girls in this series are treated like their bitches. For instance, Bella's unreasonable hatred of Lauren who just simply has the audicity to not like her automatically. Although it starts to make sense when you go to Meyer's website and look it up. She apparently dislikes blondes. I personally find it dumb to dislike people based on hair color alone but this is Meyer we're talking about so I'm not totally surprised and in further proof that these "characters" are really just mouthpieces for Meyer to fullfill her wishes, they don't like blondes either and get away with treating them horribly.
Other then the stupid blond joke and more of "Bella's so selfless!" there really isn't anything else to comment on other then, once again, it's BORING. There's also a scene with Alice that is more foreshadow about Jacob and the baby.
WORD LIST: condesation
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The treatment of blonde girls in this series
Edward sat at the other end of the couch with Bella's burrito'ed feet in his lap.-Yes, this is seriously in here. Bad description Meyer and burrito'ed isn't a word. This made me think that her feet had somehow been made into burritos or something.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
This is going to be a pretty short commentary because frankly nothing happened. Twenty pages of Jacob babbling on and arguing back and forth with various people, and Meyer making sure we understand that we are not supposed to like Roselie and that Bella is utterly selfless. Same old, same old, blah, blah MOVE ON ALREADY.
Seriously, if I were a publisher and this book got past my desk into stores, I'd be horrible embarressed by it. Because you can't tell me this is a book to be proud of. It's crap. Lots of bad wording, pointless scenes over and over again, and frankly horrible characters. I mean the first three were bad, don't get me wrong, but at least you got the feeling that Meyer was at least TRYING. Here, it's like she thought "well, this is going to make gobs of money anwyway and my fans will love anything I write so I'm not even going to bother trying to make it good." Don't even try and tell me she didn't think that, or something very similar. It's a horrible attitude to have as well. If you want an excellent example of how to end a popular series, look at Harry Potter and Hunger Games.
Now, I know a lot of readers complained about the last books of these series, but even if you maybe weren't happy with the end, they were still very good. In Deathly Hallows, Rowling had excitement and character developement. Was some of it a tad long? Sure, but even in the stuff that was long, she revealed things like character developement, world building, and even what was going on in the other side. I was never outright bored with it like I am with this ridiculous book.
Then there's Mockingjay. I know a lot people likewise didn't like how she handled the love triangle but it was still excellent. I personally never cared about the romance I cared about the war and Collins was not afraid to off popular characters (likewise with Rowling in HP) and she still made it interesting.
I get NONE of that from this boring book. If I were a Twihard at this point I'd be saying to myself "I waited a year for THIS?!" and Meyer wonders why fans weren't happy with her after it ended?
My other rant from this chapter is Jacob's treatment of Roselie and how apparently I'm supposed to find this funny. He is downright insulting to her. Look, I'm no fan of Roselie, but I'm no fan of Jacob's either. He has no right to tell dumb blonde jokes to her face and treat her the way he does. I also find it telling that most of the blonde girls in this series are treated like their bitches. For instance, Bella's unreasonable hatred of Lauren who just simply has the audicity to not like her automatically. Although it starts to make sense when you go to Meyer's website and look it up. She apparently dislikes blondes. I personally find it dumb to dislike people based on hair color alone but this is Meyer we're talking about so I'm not totally surprised and in further proof that these "characters" are really just mouthpieces for Meyer to fullfill her wishes, they don't like blondes either and get away with treating them horribly.
Other then the stupid blond joke and more of "Bella's so selfless!" there really isn't anything else to comment on other then, once again, it's BORING. There's also a scene with Alice that is more foreshadow about Jacob and the baby.
WORD LIST: condesation
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The treatment of blonde girls in this series
Edward sat at the other end of the couch with Bella's burrito'ed feet in his lap.-Yes, this is seriously in here. Bad description Meyer and burrito'ed isn't a word. This made me think that her feet had somehow been made into burritos or something.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 13-Good Thing I've Got a Strong Stomach
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella drinks blood and then there's talking amongst the pack. Amen.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Remember how I thought maybe the blood thing would actually be interesting? I take it back. It's just as boring as the rest of this pointless book. In the beginning Jacob finally gains some insight into what Leah must be feeling by watching Bella and Edward:
I want to call a big bullshit on Jacob. You say you felt bad for her? That's funny, this is the first instance I've seen you actually empathize with her situation. Also, if the pack actually did feel bad for her, they certainly didn't show it. Need proof? See all the previous chapters of Breaking Dawn and Eclipse that have Leah in it. She's demonized and made out to be a big bitch and not one of you (Bella or Jacob or the pack or even her own BROTHER) expressed sypathy for her situation.
Then there's the fact that her lashing out is actually very reasonable. Look at her sitaution for a minute, as hard as I know this is for you selfish characters. First, the guy she loves suddenly dumps her and says "Oh yeah I'm in love with your cousin, who is also your best friend! But I can't help it, it's imprinting." Assuming Sam even took the time to explain the imprinting thing to her. I'm betting he didn't. Then your supposed best friend/cousin decides to not care one bit about your feelings and not only date him and have big wedding, she invites you to the wedding and everyone expects you to just suck it up and be happy for them.
Then you suddenly start feeling wierd and start turning into a wolf and probably no one in La Push helped you through it because you're female, why on earth would you be a wolf? Then when they do figure out you're a werewolf you're treated like an unnatural being because women aren't supposed to be wolves. If that isn't bad enough, the guy who dumped you is now your leader and you not only have to deal with him but hear his thoughts, most of which have to do with the girl he dumped you for. Plus you have to put up with a bunch of guys who very obviously don't think you belong there and treat you like crap. Yet, Jacob thinks she handled this poorly? I personally think she handled it as well as anyone could. But of course, she's not Bella therefore she's not perfect, therefore she's treated like SHE'S the problem. Have I mentioned I hate this series?
To top it off, Bella is shocked about Leah being there going "but she hates us!". Okay, yeah Leah has shown dislike but where did we get the impression she hated Bella? THEY'VE NEVER INTERACTED BEFORE. I'm tired of Meyer telling us but not showing us and not giving us good reasons for the things she's telling us.
So Roselie and Carlisle bring Bella blood in a sippy cup and the girl who in the first book fainted at one little drop of blood not only says it smells good but drinks it down with no problem. Consistancy with character once again ignored for Meyer's convenience. Then we have another scene meant to show us how selfless Bella is (she isn't) and then wolves from Sam's pack show up to discuss things with Jacob. This is not as exciting as it sounds.
Basically Jacob does a lot of talking with the three wolves that Sam set out in the hopes to negotiate. He sends Jared, Quil, and Collins. For those who have no clue who Jared and Collins are, they are new members who must have joined up recently but they're so unimportant Meyer never takes the time to describe them to us or give us any info on them. Lovely.
Sam tries to lure Leah and Seth back and it naturally doesn't work. Once again, Leah is belittled during this. Why Jared and the pack think that will work I don't know but considering their douchebag behavior in the past I'm not surprised. So long boring conversation short, the three of them don't return and chapter ends with them leaving. Once again, nothing happens and I'm bored. God what a waste of money and paper this book is.
WORD LIST: lank, whir
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Roselie darted downstairs after a second, flying through the room like a sharp breeze.-How can a breeze be sharp?
I mumbled in a weak rim-shot impression.-Huh? I don't get this. What's a rim-shot impression? Anyone?
The faint, soundless shimmer in the air.-Shimmer never makes sound. This is redundant and a fragment sentance.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Remember how I thought maybe the blood thing would actually be interesting? I take it back. It's just as boring as the rest of this pointless book. In the beginning Jacob finally gains some insight into what Leah must be feeling by watching Bella and Edward:
I knew what it was like for Leah, having to see that all the time. Having to hear it in Sam's head. Of course we all felt bad for her, we weren't monsters-in that sense, anyway. But I guess we blamed her for how she handled it. Lashing out at everyone, trying to make us all as miserable as she was.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 13
I want to call a big bullshit on Jacob. You say you felt bad for her? That's funny, this is the first instance I've seen you actually empathize with her situation. Also, if the pack actually did feel bad for her, they certainly didn't show it. Need proof? See all the previous chapters of Breaking Dawn and Eclipse that have Leah in it. She's demonized and made out to be a big bitch and not one of you (Bella or Jacob or the pack or even her own BROTHER) expressed sypathy for her situation.
Then there's the fact that her lashing out is actually very reasonable. Look at her sitaution for a minute, as hard as I know this is for you selfish characters. First, the guy she loves suddenly dumps her and says "Oh yeah I'm in love with your cousin, who is also your best friend! But I can't help it, it's imprinting." Assuming Sam even took the time to explain the imprinting thing to her. I'm betting he didn't. Then your supposed best friend/cousin decides to not care one bit about your feelings and not only date him and have big wedding, she invites you to the wedding and everyone expects you to just suck it up and be happy for them.
Then you suddenly start feeling wierd and start turning into a wolf and probably no one in La Push helped you through it because you're female, why on earth would you be a wolf? Then when they do figure out you're a werewolf you're treated like an unnatural being because women aren't supposed to be wolves. If that isn't bad enough, the guy who dumped you is now your leader and you not only have to deal with him but hear his thoughts, most of which have to do with the girl he dumped you for. Plus you have to put up with a bunch of guys who very obviously don't think you belong there and treat you like crap. Yet, Jacob thinks she handled this poorly? I personally think she handled it as well as anyone could. But of course, she's not Bella therefore she's not perfect, therefore she's treated like SHE'S the problem. Have I mentioned I hate this series?
To top it off, Bella is shocked about Leah being there going "but she hates us!". Okay, yeah Leah has shown dislike but where did we get the impression she hated Bella? THEY'VE NEVER INTERACTED BEFORE. I'm tired of Meyer telling us but not showing us and not giving us good reasons for the things she's telling us.
So Roselie and Carlisle bring Bella blood in a sippy cup and the girl who in the first book fainted at one little drop of blood not only says it smells good but drinks it down with no problem. Consistancy with character once again ignored for Meyer's convenience. Then we have another scene meant to show us how selfless Bella is (she isn't) and then wolves from Sam's pack show up to discuss things with Jacob. This is not as exciting as it sounds.
Basically Jacob does a lot of talking with the three wolves that Sam set out in the hopes to negotiate. He sends Jared, Quil, and Collins. For those who have no clue who Jared and Collins are, they are new members who must have joined up recently but they're so unimportant Meyer never takes the time to describe them to us or give us any info on them. Lovely.
Sam tries to lure Leah and Seth back and it naturally doesn't work. Once again, Leah is belittled during this. Why Jared and the pack think that will work I don't know but considering their douchebag behavior in the past I'm not surprised. So long boring conversation short, the three of them don't return and chapter ends with them leaving. Once again, nothing happens and I'm bored. God what a waste of money and paper this book is.
WORD LIST: lank, whir
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Roselie darted downstairs after a second, flying through the room like a sharp breeze.-How can a breeze be sharp?
I mumbled in a weak rim-shot impression.-Huh? I don't get this. What's a rim-shot impression? Anyone?
The faint, soundless shimmer in the air.-Shimmer never makes sound. This is redundant and a fragment sentance.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 12-Some People Just Don't Grasp the Concept of "Unwelcome"
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Leah shows up and is treated like she's a horrible person, Meyer tries to use Carlisle to show that all of this is actually quite scientific and logical (it isn't), they decide to feed the demon baby blood.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
You know, I am getting very tired of this demonization of Leah. Particularly as it makes no sense to me. Really, why does Jacob dislike her to begin with? Why does she dislike Bella to begin with? No genuine reason is given and the ones that are given make all the characters look extremely petty. So really the only conclusion I can draw is that it's actually MEYER who doesn't like Leah and so makes her the bad guy in all the characters head so the readers know we aren't supposed to like her either. Except I actually think for myself and therefore I like Leah. She's actually the only tolerable character in this stupid series for me.
The chapter opens with Leah showing up and Jacob is pretty much a childish asshole to her. You would think he would welcome the help but no, she's such an evil woman therefore he doesn't want her there. She doesn't want to be there either but due to Meyer's nonsensical compulsion thing she HAS to belong to a pack of some sort and Jacob is apparently the lesser of two evils. Please note, Meyer makes sure to say that she wasn't strong enough to break off and go it alone. Oh no, a strong female character able to lead her own pack? Can't have that. So no, she has to follow Jacob instead (who I personally see as weaker then Leah but somehow HE'S able to break off the compulsion to follow but you know, he's a man therefore it's okay for him).
So basically the first couple of pages are Jacob being an ass. It's very annoying. Especially when he's practically telling Leah what Seth feels about the situation and I'm sorry but who gave him the right to a) Tell personal feelings like that to his sister, and b) How does he even know that Seth feels that way? Being Alpha doesn't give you the right to speak for someone eles's feelings Jacob. Plus, even after figuring out Leah's feelings on the matter with Sam he still feels no sympathy for her or understands where she's coming from. In fact it almost feels like he sympathizes with SAM more because he had to put up with her. Tell me Team Jacob fans, why am I supposed to prefer him over Edward again? Because he's frankly turning into just as much of a sexist douchebag as Edward is.
Eventually he reluctantly agrees to let Leah stay (my how big of him) and then he goes to the house and ends up talking to Carlisle. What follows is more of Meyer's pitiful attempts to make this series scientific. Unfortunately all she ends up doing is making it more obvious that she did no research whatsoever and is literally making this up as she goes. I don't care how many chromosomes a person does or doesn't have, Meyer. When they are DIFFERENT SPECIES they CAN NOT PROCREATE so it's STILL impossible. Stop backing yourself into a corner and just say it's magic. Becausse this science talk is not helping you.
Then Edward and Jacob come up with a way to help Bella get better. Feed her fetus blood, therefore making Bella drink blood. I'm still confused about why exactly none of these guys seem to know what the fetus will be. Gee, Edward's a vampire and if he created it and it needs blood...I'm going to guess it's a vampire? Really, how stupid are you people? Plus, why are we so convinced it's going to be a guy?
Roselie is all for it, and so is Bella of course (she's so selfless remember, never mind that thing about her NOT BEING ABLE TO STAND THE SIGHT OF BLOOD). I also must say this whole thing reeks of more Pro-Life propaganda. I can practically hear Meyer going: "see, needs of the mother will be met when you meet the needs of the baby! That whole arguement is just sillyness!". Again, I have no problem with people who are Pro-Life. I just wish Meyer didn't cram such an obvious agenda into this in such an unsubtle and frankly ridiculous way.
Chapter ends with them deciding to feed Bella human blood to feed the fetus so she'll be okay. Hmm...sounds potentially icky. Maybe there's hope for this book after all.
WORD LIST: intravenously
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Turn around before I rip out one of your hamstrings.-Why would you threaten someone with this? Most people don't even know what hamstrings are. Just say leg like a normal person.
Moving whisper-quiet as only a vampire could.-What the hell does whisper-quiet mean? Just say he moved quietly.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
You know, I am getting very tired of this demonization of Leah. Particularly as it makes no sense to me. Really, why does Jacob dislike her to begin with? Why does she dislike Bella to begin with? No genuine reason is given and the ones that are given make all the characters look extremely petty. So really the only conclusion I can draw is that it's actually MEYER who doesn't like Leah and so makes her the bad guy in all the characters head so the readers know we aren't supposed to like her either. Except I actually think for myself and therefore I like Leah. She's actually the only tolerable character in this stupid series for me.
The chapter opens with Leah showing up and Jacob is pretty much a childish asshole to her. You would think he would welcome the help but no, she's such an evil woman therefore he doesn't want her there. She doesn't want to be there either but due to Meyer's nonsensical compulsion thing she HAS to belong to a pack of some sort and Jacob is apparently the lesser of two evils. Please note, Meyer makes sure to say that she wasn't strong enough to break off and go it alone. Oh no, a strong female character able to lead her own pack? Can't have that. So no, she has to follow Jacob instead (who I personally see as weaker then Leah but somehow HE'S able to break off the compulsion to follow but you know, he's a man therefore it's okay for him).
So basically the first couple of pages are Jacob being an ass. It's very annoying. Especially when he's practically telling Leah what Seth feels about the situation and I'm sorry but who gave him the right to a) Tell personal feelings like that to his sister, and b) How does he even know that Seth feels that way? Being Alpha doesn't give you the right to speak for someone eles's feelings Jacob. Plus, even after figuring out Leah's feelings on the matter with Sam he still feels no sympathy for her or understands where she's coming from. In fact it almost feels like he sympathizes with SAM more because he had to put up with her. Tell me Team Jacob fans, why am I supposed to prefer him over Edward again? Because he's frankly turning into just as much of a sexist douchebag as Edward is.
Eventually he reluctantly agrees to let Leah stay (my how big of him) and then he goes to the house and ends up talking to Carlisle. What follows is more of Meyer's pitiful attempts to make this series scientific. Unfortunately all she ends up doing is making it more obvious that she did no research whatsoever and is literally making this up as she goes. I don't care how many chromosomes a person does or doesn't have, Meyer. When they are DIFFERENT SPECIES they CAN NOT PROCREATE so it's STILL impossible. Stop backing yourself into a corner and just say it's magic. Becausse this science talk is not helping you.
Then Edward and Jacob come up with a way to help Bella get better. Feed her fetus blood, therefore making Bella drink blood. I'm still confused about why exactly none of these guys seem to know what the fetus will be. Gee, Edward's a vampire and if he created it and it needs blood...I'm going to guess it's a vampire? Really, how stupid are you people? Plus, why are we so convinced it's going to be a guy?
Roselie is all for it, and so is Bella of course (she's so selfless remember, never mind that thing about her NOT BEING ABLE TO STAND THE SIGHT OF BLOOD). I also must say this whole thing reeks of more Pro-Life propaganda. I can practically hear Meyer going: "see, needs of the mother will be met when you meet the needs of the baby! That whole arguement is just sillyness!". Again, I have no problem with people who are Pro-Life. I just wish Meyer didn't cram such an obvious agenda into this in such an unsubtle and frankly ridiculous way.
Chapter ends with them deciding to feed Bella human blood to feed the fetus so she'll be okay. Hmm...sounds potentially icky. Maybe there's hope for this book after all.
WORD LIST: intravenously
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Turn around before I rip out one of your hamstrings.-Why would you threaten someone with this? Most people don't even know what hamstrings are. Just say leg like a normal person.
Moving whisper-quiet as only a vampire could.-What the hell does whisper-quiet mean? Just say he moved quietly.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 11-The Two Things at the Top of My Things-I-Never-Want-To-Do List
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob breaks off from the pack with Seth and goes to help the Cullens. Pretty much it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
Well, as I predicted Jacob doesn't follow Sam's orders. But instead of challenging Sam he breaks off from the pack and forms his own with Seth...or something. I don't honestly understand this sudden compulsion thing Meyer is talking about. It was never once mentioned in the other books from what I remember but from the way it's described it's like the pack members have no choice but to follow the alpha, in this case Sam, even if they don't agree with the decisions being made. Boy, Meyer is really big on taking away people's free will isn't she? Girls don't have a choice but to love the guy who imprinted on them (and they likewise have no choice but to love her), Bella has no choice but to love Edward (according to her anyway), and now even the pack members don't really have a choice but to follow Sam even if they don't want to. Because I can bet Leah would love to break off from the pack considering the way they all treat her. But we can't have that because she's female so instead Jacob somehow magically is able to overcome pack compulsion and stands up to Sam.
I know this all sounds exciting and I too was actually going "yay, finally something going on!" but it actually turns out to be quite boring. Jacob basically lectures Sam and is all "oh no, I won't fight you that's wrong" and then runs off to join the Cullens, Seth of course joins Jacob. Once again, possible excitement/conflict is avoided in favor of dragging out the story. Sigh.
Jacob and Seth meet up with the Cullens and explain that the pack is planning an attack. The rest of the chapter is basically all of them waiting for the attack. Oh, and Bella has gotten worse. That's it. Even the one exciting thing going on in this book is boring and utterly predictable. Sorry this one is so short but literally this is all that happens so I don't have much to talk about/rant about other then what I've been complaining of since the beginning: this is absurd and boring and doesn't make much sense and to top it off is poorly written.
WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: conflict avoided yet again.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
Well, as I predicted Jacob doesn't follow Sam's orders. But instead of challenging Sam he breaks off from the pack and forms his own with Seth...or something. I don't honestly understand this sudden compulsion thing Meyer is talking about. It was never once mentioned in the other books from what I remember but from the way it's described it's like the pack members have no choice but to follow the alpha, in this case Sam, even if they don't agree with the decisions being made. Boy, Meyer is really big on taking away people's free will isn't she? Girls don't have a choice but to love the guy who imprinted on them (and they likewise have no choice but to love her), Bella has no choice but to love Edward (according to her anyway), and now even the pack members don't really have a choice but to follow Sam even if they don't want to. Because I can bet Leah would love to break off from the pack considering the way they all treat her. But we can't have that because she's female so instead Jacob somehow magically is able to overcome pack compulsion and stands up to Sam.
I know this all sounds exciting and I too was actually going "yay, finally something going on!" but it actually turns out to be quite boring. Jacob basically lectures Sam and is all "oh no, I won't fight you that's wrong" and then runs off to join the Cullens, Seth of course joins Jacob. Once again, possible excitement/conflict is avoided in favor of dragging out the story. Sigh.
Jacob and Seth meet up with the Cullens and explain that the pack is planning an attack. The rest of the chapter is basically all of them waiting for the attack. Oh, and Bella has gotten worse. That's it. Even the one exciting thing going on in this book is boring and utterly predictable. Sorry this one is so short but literally this is all that happens so I don't have much to talk about/rant about other then what I've been complaining of since the beginning: this is absurd and boring and doesn't make much sense and to top it off is poorly written.
WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: conflict avoided yet again.
Friday, October 1, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 10-Why Didn't I Just Walk Away? Oh Right, Because I'm An Idiot.
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Another boring chapter where Jacob tries to talk sense into Bella (it doesn't work) and then he meets the pack and the pack decides to attack the Cullens because apparently a BABY is pure evil and must be killed.
REACTIONS/THOUGHTS/NOTES:
First part of this super angsty chapter is mostly Jacob thinking. While I am enjoying Jacob's point of view ten times more then Bella's (not hard), I still find this book utterly ridiculous. In fact, Meyer has Jacob describe the shenanigans going on perfectly:
Wow. Even the author is admitting this is all ridiculous (though she probably doesn't realizing she's point it out, she probably thinks she's making a clever joke). As Jacob's thoughts advance, he also describes Bella perfectly too:
See? SEE? I'm not just imagining this. I'd be thrilled about this except NO ONE DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. Being a Martyr in the Twilight world is practically a GOOD thing in this warped universe Meyer has created. Also, I don't think Bella was born in the wrong century because she's a martyr. I think she was born in the wrong century due to her prehistoric attitudes/views on how women should be, her sexist/anti-feminist point of view, and many other things.
The Cullens leave Bella and Jacob alone to talk and there's more painful awkward dialogue. But Meyer tries to lighten things up by bad jokes. There's actually a Simpsons reference (and reference to technology!) made by Bella who doesn't strike me as the type to sit down and watch the Simpsons (I mean this girl doesn't read books written after the eighteen hundreds, yet she's not snooty enough to watch The Simpsons which, lets face it, is a pretty dumb show). But as all things in Twilight do, the quick bouts of humor fades away to buckets of angst.
Jacob tries to tell Bella she's being dumb about this. Bella for some reason brings up imprinting like she actually knows anything about how Jacob will feel when it happens (and it's an obvious unsubtle foreshadow AGAIN) and naturally that ticks Jacob off. More angst follows. We learn that Bella plans to survive by becoming a vampire after the birth of the demon spawn-opps, I mean baby. During Bella's speech there's many Christian/Mormon propaganda going. I caught it and I haven't been to a church service since I was like nine, THAT'S how unsubtle this all is.
Now during angsty talk, Jacob tells Bella about Edwards messed up plan and instead of being disgusted by it like every female in their right mind would be, she practically goes "oh, what a silly man. I can't believe how much he loves me, willing to do something like that" and then nothing more. Hell, she's practically more awed by Edward then she already was.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT. THE. HELL??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing more? No anger over the fact that Edward practically pimped Bella out to Jacob (who agreed) without her permission? After the last two chapters I don't know why I'm so surprised about this but I am. I am also further disgusted with this series and I didn't think my opinion could sink any lower after the last chapter. Congratulations Meyer, you proved me wrong.
In other words, all this angsty talk with Bella accomplishes nothing. She still plans on having the baby and then Jacob goes to leave and face his pack. They learn about Bella's pregnancy through his thoughts and are disgusted by it (why, I have no clue, considering they're the ones who imprint on people with no choice on the matter but whatever right?). So now Sam and the pack are all for attacking the Cullens and now Jacob is upset by this (as well as Seth for some reason). There is further demonization of Leah and Jacob goes to attack her and is stopped by the pack.
But does Sam reprimend Jacob for attacking one of his own? No. He chastises Leah, nothing is said to Jacob on the matter. But because Leah is the resident bitch, we have to be mean to her even though she technically was only speaking the truth.
Jacob is now suddenly very reluctant to attack the Cullens and I'm confused. A chapter ago HE WAS PLANNING ON DOING THE SAME THING yet now all of a sudden he's, no this is wrong!
But Meyer needed Jacob to be the good guy in this so instead of actually going through a crazy little thing called character developement, she has him suddenly change his entire way of thinking on the situation with now explanation for why. Sloppy writing as usual.
The chapter ends with Sam forcing Jacob to follow his orders to attack the Cullens in the morning. Let me guess: Jacob and Seth not only find away to stop it, Jacob eventually challenges Sam and becomes Leader of the pack. The way Meyer writes, this is totally what's going to happen, or something along these lines. She doesn't exactly think outside the box, you know?
WORD LIST: sallow
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: whole freaking book is absurd
REACTIONS/THOUGHTS/NOTES:
First part of this super angsty chapter is mostly Jacob thinking. While I am enjoying Jacob's point of view ten times more then Bella's (not hard), I still find this book utterly ridiculous. In fact, Meyer has Jacob describe the shenanigans going on perfectly:
Like I was in some Goth version of a bad sitcom.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 10
Wow. Even the author is admitting this is all ridiculous (though she probably doesn't realizing she's point it out, she probably thinks she's making a clever joke). As Jacob's thoughts advance, he also describes Bella perfectly too:
The girl was a classic martyr. She'd totally been born in the wrong century.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 10
See? SEE? I'm not just imagining this. I'd be thrilled about this except NO ONE DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. Being a Martyr in the Twilight world is practically a GOOD thing in this warped universe Meyer has created. Also, I don't think Bella was born in the wrong century because she's a martyr. I think she was born in the wrong century due to her prehistoric attitudes/views on how women should be, her sexist/anti-feminist point of view, and many other things.
The Cullens leave Bella and Jacob alone to talk and there's more painful awkward dialogue. But Meyer tries to lighten things up by bad jokes. There's actually a Simpsons reference (and reference to technology!) made by Bella who doesn't strike me as the type to sit down and watch the Simpsons (I mean this girl doesn't read books written after the eighteen hundreds, yet she's not snooty enough to watch The Simpsons which, lets face it, is a pretty dumb show). But as all things in Twilight do, the quick bouts of humor fades away to buckets of angst.
Jacob tries to tell Bella she's being dumb about this. Bella for some reason brings up imprinting like she actually knows anything about how Jacob will feel when it happens (and it's an obvious unsubtle foreshadow AGAIN) and naturally that ticks Jacob off. More angst follows. We learn that Bella plans to survive by becoming a vampire after the birth of the demon spawn-opps, I mean baby. During Bella's speech there's many Christian/Mormon propaganda going. I caught it and I haven't been to a church service since I was like nine, THAT'S how unsubtle this all is.
Now during angsty talk, Jacob tells Bella about Edwards messed up plan and instead of being disgusted by it like every female in their right mind would be, she practically goes "oh, what a silly man. I can't believe how much he loves me, willing to do something like that" and then nothing more. Hell, she's practically more awed by Edward then she already was.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT. THE. HELL??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing more? No anger over the fact that Edward practically pimped Bella out to Jacob (who agreed) without her permission? After the last two chapters I don't know why I'm so surprised about this but I am. I am also further disgusted with this series and I didn't think my opinion could sink any lower after the last chapter. Congratulations Meyer, you proved me wrong.
In other words, all this angsty talk with Bella accomplishes nothing. She still plans on having the baby and then Jacob goes to leave and face his pack. They learn about Bella's pregnancy through his thoughts and are disgusted by it (why, I have no clue, considering they're the ones who imprint on people with no choice on the matter but whatever right?). So now Sam and the pack are all for attacking the Cullens and now Jacob is upset by this (as well as Seth for some reason). There is further demonization of Leah and Jacob goes to attack her and is stopped by the pack.
But does Sam reprimend Jacob for attacking one of his own? No. He chastises Leah, nothing is said to Jacob on the matter. But because Leah is the resident bitch, we have to be mean to her even though she technically was only speaking the truth.
Jacob is now suddenly very reluctant to attack the Cullens and I'm confused. A chapter ago HE WAS PLANNING ON DOING THE SAME THING yet now all of a sudden he's, no this is wrong!
But Meyer needed Jacob to be the good guy in this so instead of actually going through a crazy little thing called character developement, she has him suddenly change his entire way of thinking on the situation with now explanation for why. Sloppy writing as usual.
The chapter ends with Sam forcing Jacob to follow his orders to attack the Cullens in the morning. Let me guess: Jacob and Seth not only find away to stop it, Jacob eventually challenges Sam and becomes Leader of the pack. The way Meyer writes, this is totally what's going to happen, or something along these lines. She doesn't exactly think outside the box, you know?
WORD LIST: sallow
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: whole freaking book is absurd
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