NEW MOON: Chapter 3-The End

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Basically? Edward leaves and Bella goes into a catatonic state. Yeah. Really. I don't need to make this stuff up.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella feeling miserable (again) and of course, Edward is still hot which doesn't help her mood. See, there is the problem with having a boyfriend who is hotter then you. You always look bad by comparison. Alice is not there as Bella notes, she is with Jasper of course. Bella acts bitchy the whole day, then there is random what the hell stuff with Bella daydreaming and coming up with random scenarios that make me go huh? I mean, seriously this girl has literally already planned out what she and Edward are going to do from now on. Without asking Edward. I'm sensing communication issues and serious denial issues on Bella's part.
Anyway during all this random daydreaming of how her life is going to be now, Bella has work. We are not told what that work is, only that she works in a store and works with Mike. Um...details Meyer? Is it a grocery store, a retail store, what? All of a sudden we're not getting vivid descriptions and this is something we actually need to know!
Well, Bella gets home...from wherever it is she works, and Edward and Charlie are hanging out on the couch watching sports because they are men, it is all they watch (more of that not-to-subtle sexism and stereotyping going on, this time aimed at men). Bella starts to take pictures all of a sudden appreciative of her gifts and starts to snap pictures. There's a kind of cute scene where she takes pictures of Charlie and Edward and they of her with two of them and so on. Edward leaves and it is suddenly the next morning (that's when you need paragraph breaks Meyer, just a tip). She brings her camera and for some reason can't be bothered to take pictures herself so she has her friends do it. Then gets annoyed when they get really into it:

A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemed strangely childish. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for normal human behavior today.
From New Moon, Chapter 3

God, everytime I start to like Bella a bit, she goes back and acts like this and I want to smack her all over again. Enjoying LIFE is NOT childish Bella. Being HUMAN, is NOT childish Bella. GET. OVER. YOUR. SELF. Again, I'm sure this was Meyer's attempt to make it seem like this girl is super mature. Unfortunately it comes across as someone who is a snot.
Anyway, school ends again, and Bella somehow gets her pictures developed really quickly and is surprised at how hot Edward looks in his pictures. Never mind that he is a vampire without a soul, so he shouldn't appear in photoes to begin with but whatever. I also must roll my eyes because really, she sees Edward everyday, is always commenting on how hot he is, so why the hell is she so surprised he's hot in his pictures too? Has she never taken pictures before in her life or something?
Well, more school happens and Edward takes her home and they go for a walk. Where Edward drops the bomb: The Cullens are leaving.
For some moronic reason Bella thought Edward would be staying (WHY would she think that? I thought this girl was supposed to be smart?) and is now devasted that he's leaving too. I would feel sorry for her if I didn't think that a) it's about time something didn't go her way and b) I didn't like her and c) if she wasn't so damn overdramatic and kind of stupid about it.
First, it is pretty obvious that Edward doesn't mean what he says. He is doing it for her own good (or his emo self so he can angst; hard to tell with Edward sometimes). Second, as far as break ups go, this is not the most horrible one I've heard or read. He didn't cheat her nor she with him, he didn't viciously dumb her calling her ugly or anything, he didn't use her, and a bunch of other horrible things guys have done to girls (and vice versa in some cases) so really, I have a hard time being sympathetic. All he did was say the truth: the Cullens weren't going to be able to live there forever. It was going to happen sooner or later. Now, mind you he did not have to say he didn't want her. He could have just said they were a danger to her and left it at that. That was a bit of a jack ass move on Edward's part, but it was probably the only way he could think of to get the situation to sink in for Bella.
So, Edward is leaving and asks her not to do anything reckless or stupid (if you've watched the movie or read the book you know she ignores this later), and then exit stage right, Edward Cullen (sadly not for long).In fact, she pretty much starts right away. The minute he leaves, she starts walking in the forest. Without paying any attention to where she's going or trails or anything. Geez, they didn't walk far, she couldn't have just walked to her bedroom and cried like normal girls do after breakups? Oh wait, it's Bella. Never mind.
As if this wasn't dramatic enough, it starts to rain. Yeah. Then some guy named Sam Uley finds her because it turns out Charlie sent a search party after her. Wow. Fast work Charlie. He even has some doctor there named Dr. Gerandy and once again the readers are apparently supposed to know who this random character is. Evidently the whole town already knows the Cullens have left (again, fast work, didn't Edward just leave a few hours ago?). The La Push tribe is also being painted as heartless because they are happy that the Cullens are gone. To L.A. Oh Meyer, you cheeky little devil you ;rolls eyes;. As if this isn't harsh enough, Edward took his CD. Then, you remember in the table of contents those chapters labled as months? Yeah, turns out they are just pages with the months on them in capital letters. Not only do I feel severely cheated, I feel the need to explain to Meyer that a PAGE with ONE WORD does not qualify as a CHAPTER. I'm sure Meyer thought she was being brilliant, showing how Bella was basically catatonic during this time for FOUR MONTHS. Only because her BOYFRIEND LEFT. On one hand, it is kind of telling, on the other hand, it just drives home further how pathetic Bella is as a heroine.

WORDS THAT DON'T BELONG/A TEENAGER WOULD NEVER SAY/WRONG USE: sieve
DASH COUNT: 39
POSSIBLE EDITS: ONE word is NOT A CHAPTER and therefore should NOT be on the table of contents.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of these questions would have to waint because they were for Alice. How as Jasper this morning? What had they said when I was gone? What had Roselie said? And most importantaly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future?-Whoa, whoa. What? Roselie is now the one who sees visions? Because from the wording of that paragraph that is what I got from that. It would have been smarter to leave the question about Roselie out because a) It's already covered in the what did they say question and b) it confuses the reader into thinking the next question is about Roselie.

NEW MOON: Chapter 2-Stitches

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Carlisle stitches Bella up, they talk. Edward and Bella go to her house, chat with Charlie, make out, Edward refuses to put out/I mean drink Bella's blood, and there is pouting on Bella's part and then she goes to sleep.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS
This was actually not a half bad chapter. Kind of boring, but there weren't any completely obvious grammer mistakes for a change (other then the overuse of dashes) and for once, no theosaurus words that made me roll my eyes. There were still annoyances in storytelling (Bella being one of them because I want to smack her on like every page), but Meyer, you've made actual progress it looks like. Keep it up!
Anyway, everyone freaks out except for Carlisle. Emmett and Roselie take Jasper away (with Roselie looking smug for some reason that is not named, other then for Meyer to apparently take the oppurtunity to point out once again that this girl is a bitch; in case we didn't get the picture already). Alice and Edward help Carlisle with Bella and there's this little exchange that kind of amuses and makes me annoyed at the same time:

"I'll stay," he said.
"Why are you so masochistic?" I mumbled.
Bella to Edward in New Moon, Chapter 2

This amuses me because it points out something that I have been musing to myself. I think Edward IS slightly masochist. It makes me annoyed because Bella? Is kind of one too so she has no room to talk.
So, Alice and Edward then leave and it's just Carlisle and Bella with Carlisle assuring our Sue that it is not her fault of course (it's NEVER her fault, remember). Bella starts questioning Carlisle then. This is where we get to the slightly good part of this chapter because I'll admit it: I kind of like Carlisle. Not personality-wise (I find him to be a tad self-righteous) but character-potential wise. Because he seriously had the potential to be an awesome character if Meyer had bothered to focus on something other then Edward and Bella's "True Love". Come on, look at his back story: priest-guy turned vampire? Lived through many things, has to struggle with that and the vampire coven he's a part of...it just seriously makes me sad that such awesome character potential was wasted on Edward and Bella instead and not even spent wisely because the two of them stink in the character department.
But anyway, Carlisle talks about his past, which is basically Meyer reminding us of his past in case we've forgotten about it, and then there is some talk of religion and I have to say, I find this part, hard to believe:

"But never, in the nearly four hundred years now since was born, have I
ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the
other."
Carlisle, New Moon, Chapter 2

I'm sorry, this is CRAP. Meyer would have us believe that this man who has seen all the major wars (including American ones and world ones), the Holocaust, 9/11, the very VAMPIRES he's met, etc. has not ONCE questioned the existance of God? Please. Meyer, no ones faith is THAT absolute. Anyone who has said otherwise is probably lying through their teeth. For crying out loud, he was a clergyman WHO GOT TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE. Don't tell me that doesn't make someone question whether or not there is a God. But no, she wants Carlisle to be perfect, so of course, he has always believed in God. Never mind that there are people who struggle with their faith and come out stronger for it. This is an example of a huge character FAIL. Other then my beef with this, I do find this conversation interesting and am pleased that Meyer has actually brought it up in here, you don't find this talk in many vampire books. Sadly, it ends.
Afraid that we're talking about something other then Edward for a change, Meyer quickly brings it back from Carlisle and faith to Edward and how what he feels about this is what is keeping him from changing Bella (that selfish jerk) and then Carlisle starts talking about Edward's mother and how he found Edward. While I find the story to be a tad melodramatic/Lifetime of the movie weekish, it is kind of intriguing. It makes me wonder what Edward did before he was a vampire. I mean, were his parents rich or poor? Did he have lots of friends or was he always anti-social?
But rather then answer these actual interesting questions, Edward arrives to take Bella home. Boo. It was getting good for a moment there. She says her good-byes to Esme and Alice and they leave. There's this STUPID start of a conversation where I have to shake my head at Bella/Meyer's logic:

I cringed at his remoteness. "Tell me you forgive me."
From New Moon, Chapter 2

Seriously, any sane person would have realized by now it wasn't their fault. It was one of those things. But I've sort of come to the conclusion that Bella has a lot of pshycotic issues (dependency, martryism, bitchiness to name a few) so I'm really not that surprised at this. See, little things like this keep me from enjoying what would have otherwise been a decent chapter. I also find it ironic again that EDWARD is telling BELLA to quit being melodramatic. This from the guy who said in the last chapter he had thought of ways to commit suicide should Bella have died and all those times he tells Bella over and over again "I'm dangerous, stay away!"
Anyway, they get to Bella's house, she briefly says hi to Charlie (who doesn't even blink at her arm, I like Charlie and all but seriously this is BAD PARENTING; I'm not even a parent and I can tell you that), and then goes to her bedroom and she and Edward open the rest of her presents.
Turns out Esme and Carlisle got her PLANE TICKETS. That's a seriously extravagant gift to give to your son's first girlfriend. I know they have cash to burn and all, but really? Miss Manners on gifting would seriously be raising an eyebrow at this. Then it's time for Edward's gift and he got her a CD that he recorded that was of himself playing his own music. This is kind of romantic and kind of egotistical at the same time. But it is sweet and about the closest these two come to being an actual teenage couple so I'll let it go.
So, they make out (completely disgregarding Charlies rules there, way to respect your dad Bella; why is this girl considered a great role model again?); it becomes urgent and of course, Edward stops before they go too far. He leaves and Bella has a nagging feeling something is wrong. Dun. Dun. DUN. Sorry, had to put it there, because it seriously might as well be there.

WORD LIST: tourniquet

HYPHAN/DASH COUNT: 26

POSSIBLE EDITS: Alice was there.-This is not only a stupid sentence to start a paragraph with I'm not even sure if it can be considered a sentence, it looks like a fragment actually), but it's pointless and not necessary. Please cut from story entirely.
Carlisle's black bag was already on the table, a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall.-This should be split, as it makes no sense the way it was used. Instead there should be a period after table, and then it should say: a small, but brilliant, desk light was plugged into the wall.

GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Roselie, her devine face strangely smug-How can you be strangely smug? Anyone?
he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door.-How do you sprint smoothly through a door? Unless that door happens to be like the ones on the Enterprise or something. Plus, the way it's described I keep picturing Edward prancing girlishly.I'm going to call this bad description use. Although the image it gave me in my head was funny.

NEW MOON: Chapter 1-Party

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella is turning eighteen and hates it cause that means she's getting SO OLD, she and Edward watch Romeo and Juliet and totally miss the point of it, and then she gets a surprise party (that she hates) and gets cut...by wrapping paper and the Cullens go nuts over the wee drop of blood. Any hope I had for this book possibly being better is pretty much dashed as well.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS/GENERAL STUFF:
We open with Bella dreaming. See, she's sure she's dreaming because 1) it's sunny and 2) that's her dead grandmother in front of her. Personally, I would think the dead lady would be more of a giveaway then sun, but that's apparently just me. Then suddenly, Edward is there and as always, is sparkly. Bella is immediately worried about explaining this to her grandmother. Um...if you're sure this is a dream, then why the hell are you worried about explaining something to a dead person in your dream? I'm just saying.
Then, to her shock, Edward goes to the old lady and wishes her happy birthday. Oh noes, that old lady is HER! How horrible! She's so OLD! Bella is horrified at this when she wakes up. God, not even five pages into this (I'm guessing, remember, I'm reading kindle version) and I'm already pissed off at Bella. Were I a senior citizen I'd be highly offended by this. Being old is not horrible. It's maybe a little incovenient, what with health problems and all but obviously, Bella does not care about that, she is clearly more concerned that getting old will make her look...old. For crying out loud, she's searching for wrinkles in the mirror when she's only turning EIGHTEEN. God, shallow bitch much Bella? The fact that I'm already getting pissed off at this girl a few pages in, is not a good sign.
Anyway, Bella leaves quickly and is annoyed that her dad gave her presents even though she told him not too. Yes, what a jerk he is, getting his daughter gifts. Vivid description as Bella drives to school and again as she sees Edward and thinks that her dream did not do him justice. I notice that Meyer did not bother with description for Bella in this book, but happily does so for Edward and the Cullens. Just so we know who the real important people are, you know. Even though last I checked, a book that was in first person pov was supposed to be about that person, not the hot guy she's lusting after. I'm thinking Meyer has realized that she made Bella so boring and annoying that she decided to focus on the Cullens and others instead.
Anyway, Bella has arrived at school and is annoyed that they continue to wish her happy birthday. So evidently six months have passed and Bella has clearly not grown out of her selfish bitchy ways. The Cullens are dead or have died young, so probably they realize how important life is and that birthdays are special occasions that should be celebrated. So get off your freaking high horse and let them celebrate your birthday, Bella.
Alice has conviently had a vision about what presents Bella got and she is annoyed by this. We also get this:

Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "Of course
you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your
way, Bella."
From New Moon, Chapter 1

Um...wow, Meyer must have had some really great birthdays in the past. Also, how the hell is this different from the usual way Bella is treated? Everyone freaking loves her and she always gets her way most of the time to begin with. Meyer has inadvertedly pointed this out and she probably doesn't even know it.
Anway, Bella laments that she is now a year older then Edward. Now this is where I get annoyed again because Meyer/Bella is trying to make it out to be like she's being this big cougar or something the older she gets. Edward has been around over ninety years or so. He is technically old enough to be her great-great something grandfather. If anyone is being a pedophile here it's HIM. She has no reason to be concerned about this, therefore this is dumb. She should be more concerned about the fact that she is dating a guy who is almost a hundred years older then she is. But of course, since Edward is perfect, there isn't anything wrong with what HE'S doing. I am further pissed off that Bella is still annoyed that her boyfriend
won't change her:

I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest. What was so great about
mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing-not the way
the Cullens did it, anyway.
From New Moon, Chapter 1

WHY is this book being hailed as a great book for Christians to read? What's so great about mortality? Last I checked, the Christians had a belief that life was the greatest gift God gave us. But Bella-Sue doesn't care about that. She just wants to bang her boyfriend for eternity. Also, there are plenty of things that are bad about being a vampire or did she totally forget that homicidal vampire she met six months ago? Or how about the whole blood thing? I would think a girl who is supposedly terrified of blood would not want to be a vampire because oh yeah, you have to live off of blood. Also, did she not get the whole thing about being tempted to kill humans?
Okay, back to the book. There's arguing over Bella coming over to the Cullens and Edward finally says he'll watch Romeo and Juliet with her and then they'll go over to the Cullens. There's note how no one stares at them anymore, even though they probably didn't stare to begin with but whatever. Mike is also evidently okay with it now, but Bella notes he's changed his appearance and scoffs at him because he's clearly trying to emulate Edward and no one can hope to look as wonderful as him. Because you know, Edward owns the messy hair look. That Harry Potter guy? Yeah, he's trying to copy Edward too.
Bella apparently hates attention (even though all her actions suggest otherwise) and there is talk that apparently Bella has a job! There is no mention as to what that job IS. Also, we finally learn that Renee is apparently a kindegarten teacher. Um what? My impression of Renee was anything BUT a teacher. I just can't picture her as one, she's so damn flaky and if she can't even use an authoratative voice on BELLA how the hell does she manage a room full of kids? Also, I'm sorry, but teachers and police chiefs are not exactly hard knock life in the cash department. My grandmother was a teacher and she has made a damn fine living on it. Likewise with other teachers I've known. So I'm sorry if I don't get why Bella is suddenly lamenting that she's evidently a poor child. Also, if Renee is a teacher I would assume she values education, so I would assume she had made Bella's vacation fund early and had a lot in it. By the time I was eighteen I had enough to pay for the first few years of college and that was even after dipping into it a bit to pay for a trip in high school. So, yeah, several things about Bella's supposed money woes don't click. Especially since they evidently had plenty of money to send Bella to dance school and music lessons. Dance schools are expensive. So are music lessons.
Then of course, this brings up Edward's financial status and of course, he's rich. It's nothing he actually earned though. See, Alice? Can predict stocks. This unfortunately further makes Alice's visions look like crap. Because according to Bella/Meyer a few pages ago, her gift is based on people making decisions. Stocks are not based on decisions. They are based on how many items people are buying at a given time and many other things I don't really get, but I can tell you it is not based on decisions. Likewise, weather? Not based on decisions. So I'm sorry, but Meyer saying they're based on decisions is crap.
We get a whole paragraph on the status of the unimportant, yet more interesting, side characters. Angela and Ben are still dating, Mide and Jessica apparently have broken up, there's some new guy named Conner who I don't know and don't remember from the last book but he's in there, Lauren is still a bitch because she isn't magically Bella's friend and Bella can't bother to take the time to befriend her like a normal person. That would be actual work in a relationship, you see. Bella also clearly still does not think much of her friends because they supposedly ostracize the Cullens. Okay, yeah on one hand maybe they do. But on the other, Alice and Edward could make and actual EFFORT to befriend these people instead of sitting at the end of the table and not talking to people. If they don't want to appear intimidating and treated differently then maybe they could chat with normal people and put an actual effort in to be friends, until they do, they probably aren't going to be befriended because they'll continue to be seen as arrogant. Which, frankly, they are.
Anyway, school ends, and Bella drives home with Edward (there is arguement over whether he drives or not, I'm sorry but it's HER CAR, general rule of thumb is that people drive their own cars). Corny kissing scene and I really have to roll my eyes. These two have been together six months, right? Generally after six months, most teenagers lose that "my lover is perfect" glow. Six months have given the couple time to realize, no the other is not pefect and depending on the relationship those flaws either strengthen or weaken it. But no, Bella is still in that "Edward is perfect, Edward is God" phase. Actually, I think it's gotten worse since the last book. One more reason that this book series "romance" is not realistic.
So, anyway, sappy scene where they watch Romeo and Juliet. We get Edward's commentary on Romeo and frankly it might as well be Meyer saying "my Edward is so much more better then this guy!" and as usual she completely misses the point. Romeo and Juliet? SATIRE. This was Shakespeare's way of commenting on how foolish all the young people being in love and rushing into marriage in his time was. It is outrageous because it's MEANT to be outrageous in order to make a point. Also, even if it's not satire (some people dispute this I think), it is definitely a tragedy. So, yeah, Romeo would destroy his own happiness. That is what is so damn tragic about it! That's what a tragic play IS! I'm sorry, but I thought Meyer was a LITERATURE MAJOR? Did she skip class the day they discussed it or something? I'm beginning to think so.
Edward then laments over the fact that being a vampire doesn't make it as easy for him to be killed...unlike that guy who got killed in the last book. I can already think of a few ways Edward might die using Meyer's methods. Edward clearly isn't trying hard enough. Anyway, Edward mentions the Volturi, and in what is so not an epic foreshadow (note sarcasm) explains that they are an old and powerful family that pretty much rules the vampires.
So then Charlie appears and Bella is disappointed when her dad gives permission for her to go to the Cullens (again, what a jerk!). Cutesy clutzy!Bella moment with her new camera, and they leave. Edward finally tells Bella to stop being a selfish bitch to which I applaud, it's about time someone told her when she's being one. There's mention that Roselie and Emmet are back (from Africa of all places, you guys figure that one out, you tell me please) and Roselie still doesn't like her; that harpy. They get to the Cullens house (insert vivid description) and Bella groans when she sees decorations and it's clear that they are having a party for her, those jerks.
So, present time! Somehow, Bella manages to get her finger SLICED by...wrapping paper. I'm sorry, WHAT? What the hell kind of wrapping paper did these guys use? I've never in my life gotten sliced by wrapping paper. Small little paper cut, MAYBE, but the kind of cut Meyer's talking about? No. Know why? The edges of wrapping paper? DULL. Especially when you consider the way Bella said she opened the package I have to shake my head in disbelief at this. I mean, at least say she was holding a letter opener or something. That would be more believable then THIS. But, nontheless, Bella gets sliced and the Cullens go nuts over her blood.

WORD LIST:quantifiable (bad word usage, meant for numbers not the situation she uses it in)

POSSIBLE EDITS: paragraph two is one large run-on sentence that needs to be chopped up and not a paragraph.
many of these hyphans should be commas or semi-colons.
It wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard and cold-and perfect-as an ice sculpture, but it was definitely preferable.-First, there do not need to be any punctuation whatsoever between the words 'and perfect'. Actually, and perfect isn't even NEEDED because Meyer has already drilled into our skulls enough times that Edward is perfect, by now she's just being redundant.
He laughed. "I have to step out for a second"-he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice-"Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."-Meyer does this CONSTANTLY and it drives me crazy. Why? IT IS WRONG PUNCUATION. The kind you see in fanfics. Here is how it SHOULD look:
He laughed."I have to step out for a second," he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." Seriously, her book is FULL of this mistake and it drives me nuts.

HYPHAN COUNT: 73. Yeah, I could be wrong, but I'm thinking definant hyphan abuse, how about you guys?

GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Our mouths-hers a wizened pucker-spread into the same surprised half smile at just the same time. -wizened pucker? Seriously? You're using that to discribe someones MOUTH? Not to mention, it is not necessary to say her mouth was old and wrinkly, you could have just said they both smiled at the same time without being insulting about the old person. This is one of those cases where those hyphans should be commas as well.
The voice I'd walk through fir for-or less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for.-How is sloshing through cold and endless rain less dramatic then walking through fire? Please.
so how was I supposed to explain the fact that brilliant sunbeams were shattering off his skin-sunbeams do not SHATTER. They REFLECT LIGHT, they do not SHATTER.
Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime.-Peoples voices do not sound like COLORS, Meyer! Yes, it can sound like a wind chime, in that case just say it sounded like a wind chime. Do not use a COLOR to describe a SOUND. It's stupid.
I turned to give Edward a basilisk glare.-Now we're using ANIMALS to describe things. That sound you hear is me banging my head against a wall.

NEW MOON-Cover and Preface

Okay, so we have gone on to the second book. I never thought I'd actually bother with the rest of the series but I keep on getting told by Twihards: oh but the first book is the worst in the series, it's gets better, honest! Considering what I've heard happens, I highly doubt it (and considering these are the same ones who reccomended this crap to me in the first place...) but I have this thing about finishing up book series so here I am. I mostly started this blog in the first place to motivate me to finish it.
So, anyway. As I said in the last post, I am using the Kindle version of New Moon. Therefore, there will not be page numbers anymore since the kindle versions and book versions differ on pages. Just know it's in the chapter and I'll let you have the fun of finding it. With that said, lets move on to the book cover and the preface.

BOOK COVER:
Well, like Twilight, the book cover is pretty. It's black with a pink blooming flower on it. Kudos to the cover artist and publisher on that since it's a fact that publishers/editors are usually responsible for covers of books. Meyer probably did get to give her approval, but you can bet she didn't have the idea for the flower. She has even said so on her website that she is not actually solely responsible for the covers. Which I'm thinking is a good thing.
Beginning part is the copyright page (written in 2006, and owned by publisher and Meyer) and then there is a table of contents. Why the hell the dedication page and the beginning quote page is included in the table of contents, I do not know, but whatever. Just know that this is kind of stupid.
Anyway, dedication to her dad that is pretty sweet, and then the book starts.
The opening quote this time is from Romeo and Juliet. Um...okay. I really hope that Meyer is not trying to say that Edward and Bella are Romeo and Juliet because please, they so aren't. I also don't have a clue what this will have to do with the book (I'm still trying to figure out what the point of a quote from Genisis had to do with Twilight) but maybe it will turn out to be profound. Who knows?

Preface:
I've come to a conclusion after looking up what preface means on my new dictionary on Kindle (which is really pretty nifty, have I mentioned I love this thing?): Meyer doesn't know what a preface is. Here is the definition of preface:
An introduction to a book, typically stating its subject, scope, or aims.
Now, that said, all the preface really is, is Bella walking through a big crowd and the clock striking omniously in the background. Yeah. She wasted a page on that. This is not a preface, it is a prologue. Especially since she has an epilogue in this book. In order for there to be an epilogue, you should have a prologue. That's writing 101. I can't believe her publisher didn't tell her this and say change those prefaces to prologues because they are not prefaces. Oh wait, I keep forgetting, Meyer doesn't like having her work edited like all those other writers have too. Even though it really really needs it.
Okay, I'm done ranting about this subject. But honestly, that sentence is really all that happens here. Bella walks through a crowd as some clock strikes the hour. Of course, since it's Meyer, it's made out to be all overdramatic with flowery words:

I fought my way through the callous crowd, but the hands on the huge clock
tower didn't slow. With relentless, uncaring force, they turned inexorably
toward the end-the end of everything.
From New Moon, Preface

Wow. I see Meyer still hasn't learned the lesson of overdoing the theosaurus words, so still more words to put on my word list. Bella is also still playing martyr, but like the last book, it'll probably just be her being stupid and emo again. But basically this happens: Bella walks through a crowd, the clock strikes and she's lost something and therefore has no desire to live anymore. Again. Ten bucks says that precious something she's supposedly lost is Edward. Sigh. I am going to try and keep an open mind. Honest. But seriously, I see no improvement here. In fact, this pretty much reminds me of the situation in Twilight. Well, who knows, maybe this time it'll actually be dangerous and not solved so easily. Maybe.

WORD LIST: inexorably
POSSIBLE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS: None that I can see right off, but quite a few run-on sentences that should have been shortened or not needed at all. Ex: But this was no dream, and, unlike the nightmare, I wasn't running for my life; I was racing to save something infinitely more precious.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The clock tolled again, and the sun beat down from the exact center point of the sky.
How the heck does she know that's the center point of the sky? I mean, really?

TWILIGHT: Epilogue-An Occasion

CHAPTER/EPILOGUE SUMMARY: Bella and Edward go to a dance and there is no real conclusion because there was no real plot.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So we start by Edward escorting Bella and they're all dressed up and fancy. Gee, I wonder where they're going? ;you can't tell in typing, but that was heavy sarcasm) and Bella is really upset. You see, she hates surprises. Plus, Edward and Alice were super mean to her by giving her a pretty dress and glaming her up. This isn't at all ungrateful and bratty. I may not like dressing up myself, but if someone takes the time to do it for me, I thank them still and show appreciation for their care and consideration. Not Bella, though. This is major offense to our Sue.
If that weren't stupid enough, apparently Tyler has shown up at her house, expecting to take her to prom. Um...NO boy is THAT stupid. By now, it's pretty obvious that she and Edward are a thing. Tyler would have gotten the message and backed off. But no, apparently he's so enamored with our Sue he's putting all guys to shame and Edward takes great glee in embarressing him to death. Yeah, this is great guy.
But Bella isn't worried about poor Tyler's feelings, she's more pissed that her boyfriend has the nerve to take her to the prom. How dare he. What an insensitive jerk. God, Bella, GROW UP. If he wants to take you to the prom, let him. You may not understand it, but part of being a couple is compromise. Do something you don't neccessarily like to make the other happy (don't be a doormat, but on things like this, it's okay to let go a little). So much for that junk about wanting to be equals or whatever.
She is kind of okay when she hears Alice is going to be there, not okay when Roselie is going to be there (see, Roselie still doesn't magically like her like everyone else and Sue doesn't like that she has to make an effort to be friends with her like you know, a NORMAL person). So they get there and everyone is of course, looking at awe at the Cullens. Here is what Roselie and Alice are wearing: a black satin dress with geometric cutouts taht bared large trangles of her snowy white skin. Roselie: a vivid scarlet dress that is backless, tight in her calves where it flared into a wide ruffled train, with a neckline that plunged to her waist.
What the hell? In my school prom, these girls would have been sent home. They do not let teenage girls dress like that and for good reason: they would be called tramps. The only place those would even be deemed appropriate would be the red carpet and probably even there, they would get put on the worst dressed list. Seriously, cutouts? No one makes dresses like that, that fad didn't last long for a reason. Oh wait, no I get it. Meyer is trying once again to drill in our heads that these creatures are beautiful and perfect and worthy of being in the movies. Except that even stars, make style mistakes and these dresses seem ridiculous to wear at a high school prom. Where did they even find dresses like these in Forks? No one sells dresses like these except for in designer stores. So not only is Meyer being illogical again, she apparently does not realize schools have dress codes for proms and that this is actually considered bad fashion. She needs to watch Project Runway and take lessons in fashion from Tim Gunn.
After a lame vampire joke (where I suddenly wonder when Bella gained knowledge of cult vampire movies all of sudden, when earlier she had to do research on vampires) they dance. Some crap about Bella feeling like she's five (what? Why would you feel like you're five when you dance? Especially since she doesn't strike me as the whirl around with her father/mother type) and then Jacob shows up!
He's magically grown half a foot in a few short weeks. No one grows that fast, this is moronic. Edward is jealous of course because she chats with him and he has the nerve to compliment her but not enough. Give me a freaking break. I proms tend to be cheesy but at this point, Meyer is taking the cheese and spreading it so thin that it might as well be melted cheese. I suddenly have a craving for nachos...
So anyway, cheesy crap, I love you Bella, no I love you Edward, kiss, kiss, the end. THANK GOD.
Now I can talk about what I've decided is the major issue with this book: it could have been ten times better.
Really. As crappy as this whole book is, there was serious potential. Unfortunately, that dream went to the wrong author. That's assuming of course, the dream story is even real. I still say that's Meyer making something up to make this seem more interesting, and make it look like it had to be written. But whether it's real or not, I wish this idea had come to a more competant and talented writer.
Think for instance, if Stephan King decided to write about a girl discovering vampires. Edward would have been the ultimate villian. The Cullens would have been actual vampires, there would be a cautionary tale in there somewhere and pshycological stuff induced on Bella and as it's King, it would have been freaking brilliant. It wouldn't be young adult, but that's the whole damn point.
Or if any author had done it, not just King. Hell, I have a better way this could have gone down. Instead of making it all about Bella and Edward, I would have made it about the Cullens. I would have done a whole book on each of them, focusing in on where they come from, and them finding out about it. Bella would have been a tiny subplot in a epic family drama about vampires trying to live amongst humans. There would be major lessons about how vampirism is not a good thing, how immortality is not all it's cracked up to be, things they miss about being human, what happened to people in their past etc. That's just me too, who is not a published author. I'm sure there are other more brilliant (and published) authors who could take the very idea of Twilight and make it ten times more awesome then this. I know a few slash/fanfiction authors who would make this real juicy.
So yeah, that is the real problem with this book for me: the lost potential. This could have been so much more then what we actually got. Instead, what we got was crap and that crap is being hailed as one of the best books of the decade. I weep for the future of young adult fiction, I really do.
Well, on to New Moon, I guess. Who knows, maybe it'll get better? Yeah, I doubt it too, but you never know. A few things will be different with the New Moon readalong. When I do quotes, I'll be saying what chapter it's from instead of pages because from now on my Twilight books are going to be on Kindle. It's cheaper and I don't have to waste shelf space on this crap. I know the Kindle versions aren't the same as the paperback versions so I'm going to just tell you what chapters they are from instead. Second: no more better books every chapter. I will occasionally reccomend a book, but not every chapter this time. Third: different things to keep track of. For instance I think I will keep track of possible edits this time, as well as eye-roll worthy lines. Will still keep track of bad word use as well. So, that will be all that's different. Will still do summary and commentary and so on.

WORD LIST: staggeringly, vicarious

BOOK THAT IS BETTER: Whuthering Heights
WHY IT IS BETTER: For some damn reason, Twilight keeps getting compared to this. I want it to stop. Bella and Edward are in NO WAY like Catherine and Heathcliff. For that to happen, they would have to have character. Also, please note, Whuthering Heights? Depressing as hell and not romantic. It was about a relationship, yes. A nonhealthy relationship...okay, maybe in that aspect Bella and Edward are like Catherine and Heathcliff. But Twihards/Meyer keep going on about the "great romance" and that this is why it's similar. Yeah. The most romantic part in this story is when Catherine DIES. Most of it, is about Heathcliff taking revenge and with notes on class division and whatnot. It is not "romantic" it is heavy and dark drama and Twilight WISHES it were Wuthering Heights. Look, don't take my word for it. Read it yourself and you too will wonder "why the hell are these two books even being compared?"

TWILIGHT: Chapter 24-An Impasse

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella is in the hospital. She talks to Edward and her Mom and is staying in Forks. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the stunning conclusion. ;sigh; I went through all this crap for THIS?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with Bella waking up again in the hospital. This may be a stupid thing I've just noticed, but why is the first line of all these chapters in capitals and bolded? It makes it look like Bella's screaming the first line. I don't know why I haven't noticed this until now and now it's kind of bugging me...probably some stupid stylistic thing Meyer came up with to make her book even more "unique and special".
So anyway, apparently last chapter wasn't enough for us to establish that Bella didn't die, she tells us again, that she is not dead. Then the stupid girl goes to rip something she was hooked to off. For the love of god, if any of you woke up in a hospital, would you be tearing off the IV drips or any of the instruments designed by professional doctors TO KEEP YOU ALIVE? No? Me neither. But apparently Bella is so super special smart, she knows these things are pointless, and are just going to embarress her because looking like you're sick is dorky. I'm sure, that once again, Meyer put these traits in Bella to make her look "independent" but once again, it just ends up making her look either stupid, or a brat (with a hint of ungratefulness). In this case, it's kind of a bit of both.
Anyway, she wakes up and Edward is there! Wee! Cue cheesy dialogue where Edward assures her that it wasn't just her that was stupid, it was all of them. As if that makes it okay. She is horrified to learn that her MOM is there. Yes, heaven forbid the parental units actually show concern for their children. This is, by the way, another instance of Bella's "independance" actually being her acting like a brat. Apparently, the story is that Bella fell down two flights of stairs and through a window. Edward jokes that it actually could happen with her. Ouch. Nice boyfriend Bella. Instead of smacking him like I would have done, Bella just sighs though and is embarressed that she's all bleeding and stuff. She apparently had blood transfusions and Edward didn't like it because she smelled different. Because you know, that's so much more important then her being healthy.
Then she mentions his biting thing and we get this:

"It was impossible...to stop," he whispered. "Impossible. But I did."
From Twilight, page 460

So it was impossible...but it wasn't? That makes sense. Especially considering from what was written, you had no problem controlling yourself. Therefore, I'm going to say, the one making the problem out of this is YOU. Which seems to be a big thing in this book. All these so called "problems" these characters have, are pretty much ones they invent themselves. Bella's father had no problem with Edward. She made that up on her own. Ditto, Edward drinking her blood, ditto Forks being a horrible no good place to live. When they don't invent the problems themselves, it's ones that they've created by being generaly stupid. Those boys chasing Bella? Wouldn't chase her if she told them straight out that she didn't appreciate it. The James thing could have been taken care of in the meadow or in Forks. It could have been avoided in the first place if Edward have taken her out of there before they came! Yeesh.
But anyway, all is well, Bella and Edward chat...about themselves. Incidently, Bella is afraid of needles. Why didn't this come up in her last hospital visit? Besides, I've had an IV in my hand, it's uncomfortable, yeah. But you can't really think about the fact that it's a needle because you can't see the needle.
So yeah, they talk and oh look, Bella's mother finally shows up. We get a CORNY scene before she shows up where I want to smack Bella again and tell her to get a grip (yes, she almost cries AGAIN at the mere thought of Edward leaving, UGH). So Edward goes to the chair and pretends to sleep while her Mom comes in. So Renee comes in and I was kind of excited because we know pretty much nothing about this character and I'm curious about this woman who is supposedly Bella's "best friend" and probably has had a big hand in shaping her character.
What I got could best be described as fake. I did not for one minute get the sense that these two were "best friends". They were regular mom and daughter, but with the daughter pretty much patranizing the mother like she does with everyone else. I mean, half the time, she worries, which is what regular moms do. Then the other half is about her and Phil who apparently suddenly got signed. So now they can all live in Florida together! But Bella wants to stay in Forks, three guesses why.
Her Mom of course is suspicious of this and apparently thinks it's horrible that her daughter has a boy who has fallen in love with her. Um...I don't know what kind of "friends" Meyer has, but most friends would be happy for the other in this case. Most MOMS would be happy for their daughter in this case. Unless they have a bad feeling about the guy (which in Edward's case, they totally should, but that's obviously not the reason her Mom is upset about this) then okay. But that's not what's going on here and I have to once again call crap on Meyer's "We're really best friends" theory about Renee and Bella.
So anyway, her mother leaves, Edward gloats about stealing a car (yeah, real catch there, Bella), and then Bella is all affronted that Edward didn't make her a vampire. Because you see, apparently in order to be his "equal" she has to be a vampire.
Wow. Really great opinion of your own race you have there, Bella. Thanks. Here is another major thing that severely irks me about this series. It makes out vampires to be a superior race and that humans, werewolves, etc. are lower beings who cannot hope to compare. Never mind the fact, that vampires are evil beings. Or they are supposed to be. That's not even going into how apparently, Meyer thinks human beings are weaklings, petty, etc. Now, I will not deny that we humans can be stupid and downright cruel (see Holocaust, Crusades, slavery, etc.) but our race can also be pretty damn awesome (we are incidently, the only creatures on Earth who conciously create music, art, and so on. Meyer would not have been able to think up Twilight if she weren't human, you'd think she'd be more grateful). I do not like how Meyer has made this all about superiority in the first place. Why is it the vampires are the perfect race and the werewolves and humans made out to be lower class? I don't like it and it frankly has overtones of bigotry on Meyers part but I'm sure she hasn't thought about that, like she hasn't thought about pretty much everything in this book. That's why I don't really use this argument that much, because I mostly just think this was a result of Meyer's ignorance. She didn't realize that this was coming through in her work. Unfortunately, it does. A competant writer would have realized it, and done something to correct themselves.
But yeah, anyway, Bella is all upset about this in a complete character what-the-hell moment too, I might add. Because really, I'm wondering why she is suddenly so worried about them being EQUAL? She has never put an ounce of thought of this in the past, so why now, all of a sudden? Especially considering that a page ago she was doing this:

"Shhh, Bella, calm down."
"Don't leave me," I begged in a broken voice.
"I won't," he promised. "Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate
you."
From Twilight, page 471

I'm sorry, does this sound like someone who is super worried that she and her honey aren't equals? Never mind that she has done this twice this chapter and at least two/three times within the book when she is horrified by something. Usually at the thought of not being near Edward. While I do agree wholeheartedly that lovers need to be equals, this is crap because Bella has never cared about this in the first place, and she certainly doesn't care about it later on. This was just Meyer going "oh...women will try and call this sexist, even though it is, maybe I should camaflauge it here so I have something to point too when they do that". Or again, that whole not thinking thing that she does.
Then there's crap about Edward wanting her to stay human (which I could agree with and kind of makes me like him more) but her not wanting to stay human. He points out she has parents and she goes "oh, that's not an issue." God, what selfish bitch. Even if her parents can take care of themselves, they would worry about her and miss her BECAUSE THEY'RE HER DAMN PARENTS. Does Meyer not realize that about parenthood? I thought she was a mother for christ sakes! I'm not a mother and I know this!
But anyway, long and dumb conversation short: Edward refuses to turn Bella in order to let her experience being human, Bella is slightly miffed by this and insists she's going to be a vamp someday, more corny dialogue and Bella falls asleep. I wish this was the end, I really really do, but there's an epilogue. Sigh.

BOOK THAT IS BETTER: The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
WHY IT IS BETTER: Well for starters, actual drama, not overly done melodrama like this crap. There is a great setting, memorable characters, and actual character growth. Mary grows from a spoiled selfish brat (much like Bella) into a thoughtful and caring heroine (unlike Bella) and by the end, you love her and root for her. Also, unlike Bella, there is actual reason for why Mary was the way she was. It had to do with her parents and how she was raised. Or not raised in Mary's case. Bella? No excuse for her behavior. Or at least none that Meyer gives that makes sense. The Secret Garden is a classic, and for a good reason.

TWILIGHT: Chapter 23-The Angel

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Fuzzy chapter that was not needed, could have been cut into about one page and could have been added onto the next chapter. Because here's what happens: Edward and company arrive, Edward sucks Bella's blood, the end. Four seperate pages, Meyer wastes on this and it's not even really important or dangerous because he manages to resist her. Yeah. I'm not even sure why I'm wasting a blog post on these four pages. I'll probably just do the next chapter for the hell of it today.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So in the overdramatic tone that is on par for this series, Bella is drifting...but she's apparently also drowning...but she also is able to completely tell what's going on so it's not really fuzzy at all...just...I don't know. Even Meyer doesn't seem to know what she's trying to say here. I will say this, though, This:

And then I knew I was dead.
From Twilight, page 452

Yeah, that is dumb. You can't know you're dead, because um...you're DEAD. You cease to exist, you have no soul or something happens to you depending on whatever you believe and there is no way to know you are dead. That we know of. But since dying people can't come back and tell us for sure if they know they are dead or not, who knows, maybe Meyer is correct about this. But I really doubt she is and therefore this whole sentence (made into a paragraph, by the way) is dumb and makes no sense and really not even needed.
But wait for it, the whole reason Bella thinks she's dead? She hears a heavenly voice. I'll give you three guesses who that voice is. Come on, it's not that hard. Who has she been obsessed with throughout the whole book? Yup. She thinks she is in heaven because she sees Edward arrive and calls him an angel throughout the first two pages (meaning first half) of this chapter. Yeesh. Meyer really can't resist reminding us that this guy is perfect, can she? The likeness to the Adonis statues aren't enough, we have to compare him to heavenly beings now. I'm pretty sure God would take issue with this guy being an angel, but I'm probably the only one who is a little miffed on his behalf about that. Side note, I'm not even all that super religious and I'm kind of raising an eyebrow at this. So why exactly are religious Christians championing this book, exactly? Doesn't seem very Christian to me. If any religious Twihards care to speculate and correct me, please feel free; I'm not exactly an expert on the religious thinking of things so I'm not going to try. Though, I'm betting the abstanance from sex has a big part in it.
Anyway, Edward is of course, super angry that Bella...broke her leg and got bit. Um...okay. Nothing too serious, it's not even really fatal. Oh wait, that bite on her hand apparently is killing her. Um...I thought Alice said their venom only incapacitated people? So is Jame's venom different or something? Or is Meyer once again, forgetting her own facts? I'm betting she's forgetting her own facts because she realized that it was kind of stupid for the heroine to just get a broken leg and a few ribs cracked.
But anyway, Carlisle and Alice tell Edward to get the venom out, he he does so, again; not sure how he does this WITHOUT FANGS. Also, you know all that junk about Edward being super dangerous? He manages himself pretty well for a guy who apparently has no control over his bloodlust. I guess that was forgotten in all of this too.
Anyway, long story short: Bella not hurt badly, Edward not dangerous around her blood, Bella falls asleep and I feel severely cheated that all that drama was just leading up to THIS. Some excitement...NOT.

WORD LIST: Tumult (possible wrong use).

BOOK THAT IS BETTER: The Twelve Kingdoms book series, by Fuyumi Ono
WHY IT IS BETTER: To any who have seen the anime of the same name, I don't need to explain. That anime is based on a series of light novels that is pretty awesome and currently being translated from Japanese to English, so we're sadly only up to book three. But each book is actually ten times more exciting then this crap. Which is kind of sad because half of it? Is about politics. Yes, politics have been managed to be more interesting then THIS. Sad, isn't it? Add that to the fact that there are memorable characters throughout the story and it's better written and I've personally never seen another series quite like it (even in anime, though parts of it are kind of like Rayearth by CLAMP (which I also reccomend and is ten times better then THIS))