Thursday, May 27, 2010

ECLIPSE: Chapter 5-Imprint

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob explains imprinting to Bella and this series gets even more ridiculous. I didn't think it was possible, but it does.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So more boring conversation continues from last chapter. Yay. Bella actually asks how he and the rest of the pack are doing. It seems they are taking wonderfully to the whole being a werewolf thing. Quil, in fact loves it. Um...I'm sorry, this is like a complete turnaround from New Moon, isn't it? Most of them were acting like it's this big burden. but now, no it's apprarently only Jacob and Sam who were having the issue about it. Great. Once again, Meyer completely ignores what she's written before. Bella asks about Sam and we get this confusion:
"That's a long story."
"I told you a long story.

From Eclipse, Chapter 5

Huh? When did she tell Jacob a long story? All she did was talk about how perfect she and Edward were for each other and Jacob couldn't possibly get it? Did I miss something? Apparently. But whatever, this is the perfect excuse for Meyer to introduce us to Sam's backstory. She does so (but not before yet another pointed conversation about how Edward is far superior to Jacob because you know, he's MATURE about wanting to kill Jacob, whereas Jake is just being an ass because he makes no secret of it. Once more, double standard for vampires vs. werewolves). Anyway, we learn that Sam was the first to change.
He of course had it much worse because he had to figure it out on his own. We also learn that when he changed, he was dating Leah Clearwater to which Bella is shocked about. Wow, people date before they find their true love?! People obviously as in love as she and Edward are didn't find each other right away?! How shocking and unromantic. Sorry, but that's seriously what she makes it out to be.
This, then also brings up the imprinting subject. You see, werewolves have a soulmate. The minute these guys see their soulmate, all bets are off, this is the one for them. Never mind if the other person doesn't feel the same. Never mind if they are INVOLVED with someone at the time. They see them, that's it. Makes a whole lot of sense, doesn't it? Except...it doesn't. Especially seeing as how Jacob goes on to say it's an exception to the rule, yet later in the series practically the whole damn pack finds soulmates. Lets not even go into how illogical and unfair the imprinting part is to the woman the werewolf imprints on.
I want to go into why I detest the Sam/Emily/Leah thing. Number one thing? Emily and Leah are cousins and supposedly best friends when all this went down. Sam as I said, is dating Leah at the time. She was super worried about his transformation and helping him through it and they were evidently working out. But the minute he sees Emily? Boom. Forgets about her and is completely besotted. What does Emily do in return? Loves him back! Some best friend, huh? Now there is some rot about her supposedly not having a choice in the matter, um...YES SHE DID. She could have stayed away from him. But no. She gives in, they're getting married, and she has the nerve to have Leah be her bridesmaid and everyone is going on about how Leah is being such a good sport about all this! Just...WHAT?
Oh, and somewhere between all this, Bella learns that Jacob now is not aging. Some crap about him now being physically 25...what? Putting that idiocy aside, there's this lovely rant:
"Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day!" I nearly shrieked., throwing my hands in the air. Some little part of me recognized that I was throwing a Charlie-esque fit, but that rational part was greatly overshadowed by the irrational part. "Damn it! What kind of world is this? Where's the justice?"
From Eclipse, Chapter 5

Well first, I'm glad at least Bella KNOWS she's being stupid. But that's undermined by the Charlie insult. I'm sorry, since when does CHARLIE have fits? Non-legit fits like the one you're throwing you utter BRAT? Second, I feel your pain. Really I do. How awful for you to AGE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Must be tough. God, not only is this series sexist, anti-feminist, and slightly racist, it's agist as well. Lovely. Third, Bella, how about feeling some sympathy for Jacob? He's probably not particularly thrilled with not aging because he's not age-obsessed like you are. But you're so damn selfish I bet you didn't think of that.
Needless to say, I kind of loathed this chapter. It had everything I hate about this series: ignorant bigotry, illogical things that border on stupid, selfish and bratty Bella, "true love trumps all other love, deal with it", women don't get a choice in the matter; it's just the way things are, being old sucks! Just, UGH. Hated chapter comes to an end with Bella promising to visit again.

WORD LIST: none that I could see
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Imprinting-MAKES NO SENSE. It also reeks of "man choose woman, woman must take man even if she doesn't want too".
Sam and Emily and the utter WRONGNESS of the whole situation, yet Meyer keeps saying it's okay because they are "soulmates". Even though it's not exactly Emily's choice.
How can a body rapidly and physically change to age twenty-five? Yet still be sixteen? This makes NO SENSE.
Bella. Jacob. Nuff said.
Yet more "Edward is perfect" from Bella and her double standard concerning vampires vs werewolves
The nerve of BELLA snickering at the thought of "love at first sight", yet who was it that fell for Edward in like a week?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

ECLIPSE: Chapter 4-Nature

CHAPTER SUMMARY: This chapter is pretty pointless to be honest. Lots of non-subtle symbolism, Bella and Jacob talk and she proves that she really doesn't know Edward at all. Nothing new is revealed, I want to know why this was made into a whole chapter.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We start off with Bella whining about her bad week. Or she calls it a bad week. I call it her whining because she doesn't get her way again. You see it's bad because now she knows Victoria is out there (even though she knew before, but now she KNOWS, you know?) and the meanie Cullens won't turn her into a vampire even though she obviously needs to be one because she's a pathetic human. Oh, and now Edward is off hunting so she's left alone on top of this misfortune. Give me a break, THIS is a bad week? Oh, and in case we start to think Bella has actually grown a backbone, she says she has abandenment nightmares when Edward is away but since she's so "selfless" she doesn't tell Edward this. Oh, and he leaves corny love notes when he leaves apparently.
Then in an obvious attempt at symbolism, Bella is messing with magnets for some wierd reason and trying to get them to connect. See, in case any of you are slow, the magnets represent the vampires and werewolves and Bella's internal struggle to get them to get along. So basically, Meyer/Bella is telling us that there's a conflict going on between the wolves and vampires and Bella is frustrated by this. Umm...we KNOW this already! Pointless symbolism is pointless. Just get on with it.
Then we have more pointlessness as Bella goes to her store (I love how she goes on about how Mrs. Newton is the last person you would buy hiking equipment from when Bella herself knows next to nothing about the equipment either so it's not like she's much better and quite frankly has she ever talked to the woman? I bet she knows more about it then Bella does having been around the Forks area much longer then she has). There is obvious foreshadow about dangerous going ons in Seattle (um...gee you think? It's a large city, of course there's danger. That's like saying don't go to New York City because there's murders there). Now, where have I seen this type of foreshadow before? Oh yes, NEW MOON and TWILIGHT. Seriously! It's the same damn thing! Can't Meyer come up with something different?
Bella gets to leave and decides at the spur of the moment to see Jacob. She assumes Alice can't see her doing this because it's a snap decision! Because snap decisions are totally different from other decisions! Just...WHAT? Really Meyer, this is reaching even for YOU. Decisions are decisions, it doesn't matter if they are spontaneous or not. If Alice apparently sees decisions then she should be able to see this one because Bella is DECIDING SOMETHING. Good lord.
Somewhat cute reunion between Jacob and Bella but it's quickly diminished by Jacob's "I am a complete ass about vampires" mode. Jacob starts pointing out things about Edward and Bella certainly doesn't like the implications that he's not perfect and their relationship isn't completely wonderful. I'm serious, she gets defensive everytime someone even implies that maybe there are issues here she needs to think about.
They then talk about stuff we already know and I'm bored already. We don't need Jacob's version of what happened in the woods, Meyer because it doesn't reveal anything new. If it did, then okay, but it doesn't so it's once again pointless dialogue. The thing about why Sam feels betrayed is also pretty obvious to everyone who is not Bella Swan so it's also pointless. The nature symbolism is also pointless and obviously just so you can make Jacob seem like a bigoted jerk.
It then turns to Jacob questioning why Bella even loves Edward. Now, most relationships, you can name reasons why. You get along well, you have similar interests, he makes you laugh, etc. But Bella I notice can't do that. Personally, I think Jacob is right on the money when he says it's looks. But you know Bella can't possibly be that shallow so she goes on into this ridiculous spiel:
"I love him. Not because he's beautiful or because he's rich!" I spat the word at Jacob. "I'd much rather he weren't either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit-because he'd still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I'd ever met."
From Eclipse, Chapter 4

There are several things wrong with this. First, there is very clearly a inferiority feeling going on here. In true love, I would think there wouldn't be an inferiority complex. Second, Bella obviously doesn't really know Edward at all. These are just what she THINKS he's like. Because loving? I've seen very little instance of him being loving. Yeah sure, romantic overtures to her. But how about to his other family mothers? Or anyone that's NOT her? Unselfish? Um...he admitted in Twilight that pursuing Bella was selfish of him. Not just to him, but to the Cullens as well and to Bella because look at whats happened to her since they've gotten together. I personally think he's VERY selfish and she's not much better. Brilliant...that's Bella's opinion again, I've seen very little instance of it and that's not really much of a reason to love a person. Decent...to Bella and the Cullens maybe but I've seen little instances of him being decent elsewhere. He's cold to the people at school. He was cold to Jacob even BEFORE the werewolf thing (remember how he belittled him when Bella confessed to flirting with him in Twilight?) and I have to wonder what Bella's definition of decent is.
Now reading this I'm starting to think Bella isn't really in love with Edward himself, she's in love with the IDEAL Edward that she's made up. See, she's made up her mind at the beginning that Edward is perfect, the perfect boyfriend and the one she should be with. Her tunnel vision clearly points to this perfect relationship that she is convinced the two of them have. Heaven help you if you say otherwise. Now, a better writer would have realized this and handled it accordingly. But Meyer also has placed Edward on this pedestal so therein lays the problem and why Bella never realizes that there are issues.
Whatever though, boring conversation ends with Bella accusing Jacob of not being human either and some rot about Jacob being a part of her. God, move on with it already.

WORD LIST: Succinct
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: This whole boring chapter could have been squashed into the next chapter or cut out all together.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

ECLIPSE: Chapter 3-Motives

CHAPTER SUMMARY: In which we see nothing of the Florida trip, Edward and Jacob are in caveman mode and the sexism gets worse in this book.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
You know, I was kind of hopeful about the Florida trip? I thought "wow, maybe there'll be great insight to Renee's character and we'll start seeing why Bella is the way she is." Plus I was interested in seeing how Edward would have handled the sun aspect of Florida. Instead, we get NOTHING. Seriously, Meyer skips the whole damn trip! This chapter starts off when they are landing in Washington FROM COMING BACK and we get a wee little flashback with Renee which only serves to say "Edward and Bella BELONG together! If you can't see that, you're an idiot!". That's it. The end. Can we say COP OUT? A better author would have written the trip out and used it as character developement, but no. Meyer can't be bothered with that and thus I'm left wondering why she even bothered having this plot device at all if she wasn't going to freaking write it in! Oh, and what is this:
Phil was busy-the high school baseball team he coached was in the playoffs-
From Eclipse, Chapter 3

Um...what? I thought Phil was a professional baseball player? He went to Florida because he got signed to a team? What happened to that? He suddenly changed careers? I'm sensing author goof or there was a story there that Meyer forgot to put into New Moon that she thought she had covered, aka PLOTHOLE. Or it was covered in New Moon, I just missed it because I was too busy banging my head at Bella's stupidity. Plothole seems more likely though.
As for the Bella and Edward belong together!moment, that is in the conversation that Bella remembers with her mother. Renee expresses legit concern about how close Bella and Edward are. Now, she does it in the wrong way, she should have said "honey, you have no LIFE except for this one guy! He controls practically every move you make!" But we can't have that in here, because that would imply there is actually something wrong in this relationship! So Meyer writes Renee's concerns wrongly to make it sound like she's being silly and Bella acts accordingly and basically tells her mother she's being stupid. Have I mentioned I hate the way Bella treats her parents?
Back to the present, Bella and Edward say hi to Charlie (who is of course rude to Edward in Bella's opinion simply because he doesn't kiss the ground Edward walks on like she does) and it turns out Jacob has been calling.
He just happens to call when they get home and basically the conversation goes "what do you want? You back? Okay then, bye." Meyer, queen of pointless scenes in her books which is why these things are so damn long. Bella wonders what that pointless conversation was about (I did too) and since she is the only one who knows Jacob so well (excuse me while I laugh) she ponders his motives and comes to the conclusion he was making sure she was still human and is horrified. Um...why? We already covered this situation in New Moon. She KNOWS the minute she gets bitten the treaty is over, WE know it. The only possible reason this whole pointless scene is to make Jacob look like more of an ass to have an aww moment for Bella/Edward fans. Ugh.
Cut to next day at school and Jacob is there! Edward tries to make Bella stay in the car (cue sexist moment), she refuses, and then Edward and Jacob have what I call a "my dick is bigger than yours" moment. There are a lot of these moments in Twilight, I've noticed. This is also yet another sexist moment because why these two are machoing out, poor wittle defenseless Bella is between them and hopelessly torn and close to tears. God, excuse me while I YACK. Never mind that the actual teenage girl going to high school nowadays would not being doing this. She would either a) Smack both of them and stalk off (I had a few friends in school who would have called them morons before hand), b) Enjoyed the heck out of it because in high school, boys fighting over you tends to up your coolness factor (though it also comes with the added occasional whispered "ho"), c) Would have been embarressed about the whole thing and just walked off. But close to tears in helplessness and frozen in the middle of the whole thing? I don't think so. Seriously, Meyer is fairly young, right? She would have gone to school in the eighties/nineties? I would think she would have witnessed a few boys fighting over a girl to know what actual reactions a girl would have to the situation. Enough to know that this scenario is completely sexist and downright stupid.
Anyway, during the "my dick is bigger than yours" moment, we learn that Victoria was in town and Edward was keeping it from her, that's why he was so keen on her going to Florida. Okay. But she still could have gone to Florida on her own or with Alice. Instead of getting pissed at Edward like a normal girl would have, Bella cries and goes into near hysterics. Seriously, Meyer, what the hell? Girls pre-feminism era would have more of a backbone then this. Plus, what happened to that "wanting to be equals thing?" that I've noticed has not been mentioned once in this book. If she wants to be equals, Bella wouldn't burst into tears at the merest hint of danger. She'd put on her big girl panties and deal with it(and if Edward wanted them to be equals, which I don't he does, he would have told her what was going on).
I love Jacob for pointing out that Edward is a controlling ass. Edward and Bella don't like this very much of course (the truth hurts) and after a timely intervention by the principal, Jacob leaves (only after we learn Jacob still has her bike, cue foreshadow to how they'll start talking again). Then we have Bella and Edward passing notes in class (using standard font) where Bella demands to know what happened. She is then horrified by the knowledge (Alice has to FIGHT! How horrible! She's a GIRL!) then there's talk about trip where Edward all but says Bella is completely helpless without him. Um...can we say abuse flag? I'm pretty sure most experts on abuse would raise their eyebrows at this and start muttering about verbal abuse and looking more closely at the relationship. Just...good God. This is the relationship being hailed as True Love? Oh, and then there's some rot on the guys taking bets on who would win in a fight, Edward or Jacob (Mike is for Jacob because you know he's a jerk, and loveable Ben is for Edward). I meanwhile am still reeling from the blatant sexism and obvious controlling boyfriend tendencies.
WORD LIST: none for this chapter. Go Meyer!
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: After the long flight-chasing the sun westward so that it seemed unmoving in the sky- a)Why are we getting a paragraph devoted to weather? B) What?
She wanted to show off the beauties of her new home.-Renee has been living there for about three years now. It's not a new home.
She still looked at Phil with goo-goo eyes-Yes, Bella, way to make your Mom's romance with her HUSBAND seem juvenile compared to your own completely mature romance with the guy you want to have sex with but don't want to marry because of how it would look to other people.
I love how Bella is insisting she and Edward belong together, yet she still takes time to check out Jacob (but only does so because other people in the school are doing it, not her, no siree)
The blatant sexism.
Bella in tears AGAIN.
Bella in general. Edward in general. Kind of half and half on Jacob.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

ECLIPSE: Chapter 2: Evasion

First, apologies for taking so long. I just had to take a break from the crappyness of this book. Plus, I had other books to read that I wanted to get to. But I'm back with regular updates so lets go, shall we?

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella and Edward make plans to see Renee much to Charlie's irritation. That's it. I'm torn between being bored and being pissed off at Bella

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS: Bella is at school. She is also oddly cheerful (according to her, I don't see it). What could be causing this out of character cheerfullness she wonders? Could it be she's about to graduate? No. That would mean she was a regular teenager like everyone else and as we know, Bella is above being a regular teenager. I meanwhile am wondering why a person is debating with herself about why she's cheerful? Really? What human does that? Oh...
As she ponders this topic and never reaches a conclusion (therefore making me wonder why it was brought up in the first place as it's obviously not important) Bella joins Edward, Alice, Angela, and Ben at lunch. Angela is fretting about announcements and how it's such a chore to do. It really isn't that hard, but apparently she needs help and Bella offers. Not because she wants to help but because Charlie would approve. Nice. Also, in this Bella calls her mom by her first name out loud. Um...I thought she didn't refer to her parents by their first name out loud? Going against your rules again Meyer. Then Bella says she's free now and her friends immediately want to celebrate it. Bella starts getting annoyed when they talk about plans for celebration and somehow thoughts turn to Jacob Black. Once more we are treated with the "Bella is so selfless!" sthick. Too bad I don't believe it and think it's got more to do with guilt then with selflessness. Alice has a vision at the table but somehow no one notices.
Cut to after school and somehow Mike and Edward are talking about...what else? Cars. Because you know that's ALL boys talk about. God Meyer, think outside the box would you? How about movies? Or video games? Or their feelings but being guys they talk about feelings in a round about way. But no, all guys talk about are cars and sports in Meyers world. Not only is this sexist, it's stereotyping as well. Plus, I'm sorry, why would Mike think Edward would know anything about cars? When I think of Edward, car trouble knowledge is the last thing I think of. I love that even Bella thinks it's wierd that Edward is being NICE.
Bella and Edward drive home. Insert boring conversation here. Then there is awkward kissing scene. I don't know why but Meyer's "love" scenes just don't do it for me like it seems to do it for everyone else. Maybe it's because I realize that these two aren't really in love, or maybe it's because Meyer writes the kissing parts so clinically and then muddles it up with Bella's commentary. I'm sorry but if you're kissing someone and supposedly really into it, you don't constantly think while you're kissing. I think Bella is doing it wrong. Or Edward is doing it wrong. Or Meyer is just a lousy writer. Probably a combination of all of that.
After Bella answers emails and I even this to be condescending of her because of the things she thinks about her mother. I totally laugh at this:
I was a very different person from my mother. Someone thoughtful and cautious. The responsible one, the grown-up. That's how I saw myself. That was the person I knew.
From Eclipse, Chapter 2

First, HA. Thoughtful? Thoughtful, is THINKING OF OTHERS as wells as thinking of yourself. Bella does not do that. Cautious? Um...New Moon, anyone? Seriously, you would think she never rode a motorcycle or flew off to Italy without checking around first or thinking it through. Responsible? You have no responsibilities! Cooking dinner doesn't count, you just made that up on your own. Grown-up...you whine when things don't go your way or aren't happy about something, you don't look at things from other people's point of view, you put everything into black and white categories, you're bratty to your father who is worried about you. That is not being a grown up. I won't even go into how offensive I find it that Bella all but implies that her own mother is none of these things and is basically stupid. I admit Renee is on the flaky side but if she and Bella are these best friends like she keeps saying, she wouldn't belittle her mother like she does in her head.
Magically, Edward finds the plane tickets that she got for her birthday in New Moon and suddenly it's oh, lets go to Florida for the weekend! Like you don't have school finals to think about at all. But what am I thinking? These are Mary Sue and Gary Stu, they don't need to STUDY. Bella says no, even though she kind of wants too. Then they talk briefly about Alice's vision which was about Jasper...doing something that's not clear. Then they go down to join Charlie for dinner. I have to groan at this:
I wondered if Edward would have a problem with Charlie hanging out in La Push.
From Eclipse, Chapter 2

What. The. Hell? What right does Edward have to say anything about what Charlie does in his free time? Just because Bella lives by Edwards word and law doesn't mean Charlie does. Good lord. Plus, again, Charlie is an ADULT (that thing which Bella is NOT), and therefore can do whatever the hell he wants without Edwards say so. Then to further prove that he's manipulative and controlling, Edward brings up the subject of Bella's tickets to Charlie. See, he doesn't listen to what she actually says because she's a silly woman and therefore doesn't know what's good for her. Edward does, so he's going to go against her wishes regardless if she wants him to or not. This is everyone's idea of the perfect boyfriend?
Charlie seems open to the idea but then rightfully explodes at the thought of him and Bella going together. Not only do these two spend enough time together, in th real world would you let your teen daughter and her boyfriend go on a plane ride to a different state, on their own, when that boy broke her heart not so long ago? Yeah. Charlie is in the right. But of course, in Meyer's world, interfering parents are just being overbearing jerks and don't know what they're talking about. Bella blows up at her father and suddenly saying HE'S being the unreasonable one. I love how suddenly she's saying Renee is actually a authority figure when just a few pages ago, she was saying Renee was irresponsible. But that's not the point, right? Charlie's being unreasonable so Bella is reasoning with him. Now, excuse me but if Bella actually WAS the grown up she says she is, I would think that Bella would have realized Edward was being manipulative and conceded to her father or (this is the one I like) negotiated with her dad and said "how about I go on my own and Edward stays? Or I go with Alice?". But this never once crosses her mind because you know, Edward is always right. It gets even worse as Bella takes Edward out and he all but says he was a manipulative jerk and she LETS IT GO. UGH.
She goes back to Charlie and there's a pointless embarressing scene that goes no where. She decides to see Jacob and as she goes, Edward stops her. Just...jeez louise. I didn't think he could become more of a controlling jerk. Turns out I was wrong. He stops her from visiting and acts like he's being a good guy! Just...ugh! She lets him too! This...just...really? Chapter ends and thank god.

WORD LIST: buoyant (third offense usage, this DOES NOT MEAN CHEERFUL Meyer get that through your damn head), grandiose,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I felt the blood slither from my face.-What? Blood cannot slither because oh yeah, it's technically inanimate. Snakes slither. Blood doesn't. It certainly doesn't do it on the inside of someones face either.
Bella.
Edward and the fact that everyone seems to think this guy is the perfect boyfriend.