Okay, so I have now officially read all the books (aside from that dumb Bree Tanner book that I've decided I'm not bothering with because it'll be just as pointless as Breaking Dawn) and you know what? My opinion hasn't changed. This is still a HORRIBLE series. Even if you lower your standards and look at it as a guilty pleasure book, it's horrible.
There literally is nothing redeemable about it. The writing is bad. The story is bad. The characters are bad. It's just...bad. Not to mention pointless, sexist (to both men AND women), anti-feminist, slightly racist, encourages shallowness, and basically seems to say "you are not complete without a man". Oh, it's also reeks of ignorance and classism (which for those that don't know, is when you look poorly on being lower class and favor being rich). It also has lazy writing, the author didn't do any research whatsoever, and also feels like the author actually thinks she's writing steller literature instead of a cheesy teen vampire novel.
Now, if you are a fan of this and just enjoy it as a cheesy vampire novel and don't actually think it's uber spectacular then great. I have no business with you. I myself enjoy many a book that is maybe not the greatest so carry on. My issue is with the people who honestly and truly think this book is like the best book ever and go around calling it amazing. No. Just...NO. This is not amazing by any stretch of the imagination.
The fact that this series has become so beloved and a world wide bestseller and called the next Harry Potter (I HATE that especially) astounds me. It really is proof that just because something sells well doesn't mean it's good. So there. It's a horrible horrible series and I'm glad I'm finally done with it. This blog is basically finished aside from the editing I'm going to do with previous posts (I've seen a few typos, sorry about that) and coming lists. The lists will be as follows:
One Hundred Reasons Why Twilight is a Horrible series-This is self explanatory and will compile all the reasons I found during my reading of the series.
Fifty Reasons Why Harry Potter is Better the Twilight-I HATE that people have had the nerve to imply Twilight is better then Harry Potter. This list will go into detail about why that simply isn't so.
Books That Have Gotten a Unfair Rep Due to Twilight-Like it or not, Twilight has had an effect on publishing. Particularly regarding book's reputations. Some books have been unfairly labled as Twilight rip-offs or as bad as by Twilight fans and anti's alike and I want to shed some light on these books because I do think this is an unfair thing, although I have been admittedly guilty of it myself (I'm sorry Mortal Instruments! Really, I am!).
After those, this blog will be done and left alone for anyone's enjoyment.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 39-The Happily Ever After
CHAPTER SUMMARY: This stupid, long, and utterly pointless book FINALLY ends. The title of the chapter pretty much sums this up.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Lots of rambling about vampires leaving. Don't care.
Lots of gloating about how awesome Bella was. REALLY don't care.
Talk with Alice. Don't care.
Talk with Jasper about Jenks. Don't care.
Talk about new guy possibly having a thing for Renesmee and causing problems later on. REALLY don't care (and again: I REALLY hope Meyer doesn't write a book about this in the future)
Edward and Bella coo at each other. REALLY don't care.
The end.
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST BOOK EVER.
WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: why was the book even written?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Lots of rambling about vampires leaving. Don't care.
Lots of gloating about how awesome Bella was. REALLY don't care.
Talk with Alice. Don't care.
Talk with Jasper about Jenks. Don't care.
Talk about new guy possibly having a thing for Renesmee and causing problems later on. REALLY don't care (and again: I REALLY hope Meyer doesn't write a book about this in the future)
Edward and Bella coo at each other. REALLY don't care.
The end.
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST BOOK EVER.
WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: why was the book even written?
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 38-Power
CHAPTER SUMMARY: There's a lot of talking and a very short anti-climatic ending as the Volturi leave. Lamest battle, EVER.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I literally don't care about any of this at this point. It's painfully obvious Meyer isn't going to kill anyone important, that the Cullens will live, and it'll be very boring and all of this boring exposition was just leading up to a boring and stupid ending. But Meyer does try a bit to get us excited I guess.
We open with the fight still going on. If one can call vampires pummeling Bella's Mary Sue love shield a fight. Basically all the Volturi try to break through Bella's shield and naturally fail because as Meyer states time and time again: Bella is awesome. Never mind that she suddenly knows how to use this gift at will when before she had trouble. Whatever, right? She's protecting everyone!
Then just as it looks like there's FINALLY going to be a fight. Aro goes "lets vote! Cause it'd be a shame to kill everyone of these people!" Seriously? Who the hell does that in the middle of an impending battle? This is so stupid I don't know where to begin so I'll move on. Then it's a rehash of the same old arguements that oh yeah, were told to us LAST CHAPTER. Stop freaking repeating yourself Meyer, I understand everyone's motivations at this point (even if those motivations make no real sense) MOVE ON WITH THE PLOT. If one can call this a plot.
Then Edward steps forward and of course is all reasonable and oh hello, turns out Renesmee is NOT the first of her kind. Suddenly new guy shows up and hey he was born the same way. Isn't it convenient how no one discovered him before this and he just happened to show up on time? Give me a break. Oh, he's also beautiful and it's hinted further on that he may try something with Renesmee later on. Great. I forsee a sequel involving Renesmee, this guy, and Jacob and because it's Meyer she'll probably go for the sexy white vampire instead of the guy who's been there for her all her life. I hope I'm wrong and that Meyer doesn't do this, but I have a feeling when her next books don't make much more money, this will be the route she goes. Oh, and in case you care, he's there because Alice and Jasper somehow conviently found him in time and hey! they're back!
Of course, we get the lame backstory of the new guy and it's just as absurd and awfully convenient as the rest of this book. I'll spare you details, mostly because I was yawning through it and wanted the battle to resume. Of course, I'm disappointed as the story manages to convince the Volturi to not attack. Stupid speech by Aro and suddenly they're all gone. LAME. Seriously, most anti-climatic thing I've ever read in my life. I've read FANFICTION that is better then this crap!
Much cliche celebrating is to be had after they leave. Boring chapter ends. One more chapter to go! THANK GOD.
WORD LIST: crux, exultantly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Lamest. Battle. EVER.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I literally don't care about any of this at this point. It's painfully obvious Meyer isn't going to kill anyone important, that the Cullens will live, and it'll be very boring and all of this boring exposition was just leading up to a boring and stupid ending. But Meyer does try a bit to get us excited I guess.
We open with the fight still going on. If one can call vampires pummeling Bella's Mary Sue love shield a fight. Basically all the Volturi try to break through Bella's shield and naturally fail because as Meyer states time and time again: Bella is awesome. Never mind that she suddenly knows how to use this gift at will when before she had trouble. Whatever, right? She's protecting everyone!
Then just as it looks like there's FINALLY going to be a fight. Aro goes "lets vote! Cause it'd be a shame to kill everyone of these people!" Seriously? Who the hell does that in the middle of an impending battle? This is so stupid I don't know where to begin so I'll move on. Then it's a rehash of the same old arguements that oh yeah, were told to us LAST CHAPTER. Stop freaking repeating yourself Meyer, I understand everyone's motivations at this point (even if those motivations make no real sense) MOVE ON WITH THE PLOT. If one can call this a plot.
Then Edward steps forward and of course is all reasonable and oh hello, turns out Renesmee is NOT the first of her kind. Suddenly new guy shows up and hey he was born the same way. Isn't it convenient how no one discovered him before this and he just happened to show up on time? Give me a break. Oh, he's also beautiful and it's hinted further on that he may try something with Renesmee later on. Great. I forsee a sequel involving Renesmee, this guy, and Jacob and because it's Meyer she'll probably go for the sexy white vampire instead of the guy who's been there for her all her life. I hope I'm wrong and that Meyer doesn't do this, but I have a feeling when her next books don't make much more money, this will be the route she goes. Oh, and in case you care, he's there because Alice and Jasper somehow conviently found him in time and hey! they're back!
Of course, we get the lame backstory of the new guy and it's just as absurd and awfully convenient as the rest of this book. I'll spare you details, mostly because I was yawning through it and wanted the battle to resume. Of course, I'm disappointed as the story manages to convince the Volturi to not attack. Stupid speech by Aro and suddenly they're all gone. LAME. Seriously, most anti-climatic thing I've ever read in my life. I've read FANFICTION that is better then this crap!
Much cliche celebrating is to be had after they leave. Boring chapter ends. One more chapter to go! THANK GOD.
WORD LIST: crux, exultantly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Lamest. Battle. EVER.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 37-Contrivances
CHAPTER SUMMARY: More talking that is basically the Volturi stating how awesome Renesmee is.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So now that Aro is Team Renesmee he does his best to get all the other Volturi on Team Renesmee as well. Lots of dissention fom mainly Caius who is obviously the one we're not supposed to like. He then points out the Cullen's alliance with the wolves. Good point. But then Meyer drops the bomb: they aren't actually werewolves, guys, they're shifters! What? Now Meyer isn't even trying. I can picture exactly how she's wrote this in her head:
"hmm...the alliance with the werewolves is a problem though...oh, I know! I'll make them NOT werewolves but shifters! That's so much cooler then werewolves! Oh, wait what if my fans question it? Oh, I'll put in this explanation of that their brains just decided on wolves so they've always been wolves! My fans will buy that. They've bought all my other stuff, haven't they?"
I'm telling you, that's how she wrote this whole damn book. She didn't care one lick about making it actually GOOD. She just cared about getting it done and getting more money for it. Yet people accuse JK ROWLING of being the greedy one. Rowling actually cared about writing decent material. Also Rowling donates millions of dollars to charity per year (I have yet to hear of Meyer donating to actual charities that didn't include her friends or that involved promoting her books). Rowling has written charity books that she made no money off of (that Bree Tanner book Meyer made money off of. Red Cross only got a dollar a book while she and her publishers got all the rest and it was overpriced for a novella) and again, Rowling actually cared about the work being GOOD. Because Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was an awesome book, no matter what people have to say about the camping because even the camping had character stuff in it and a POINT. So ask you now, who is the greedy one?
So in more of Meyer's lazy and sloppy writing she contridicts one of the main things driving Jacob and the wolves' mythology. Yet it's treated as no big deal as these aren't Bella or the Cullens. Nice.
Then Irina starts apologizing and I'm seeing where this is going quickly. Big shocker, the Volturi kill her in their warped version of justice. Caius just killed her though, hoping to make Kate and Tanya attack him and start a battle. Unfortunately, they get stopped by the always so right Cullens. Any hope of any excitement at all is quickly diminished. Then hey, the egyptian clan is back! They back up the Cullens claims. It pretty much turns into more "Renesmee is awesome! Don't kill her!" stuff that I'm getting pretty tired of.
Then suddenly those old vampires start a cliche speech about using the super amazing cullens as an example and revolting agianst the Catholic Church-I mean the Volturi. Then it's suddenly the Cullens are innocent but now we have a war and then there's MORE counsel among the Volturi. There's quick and boring good byes for some reason among Bella and her crew. Then...something starts?
WORD LIST: specious, potency, melee, intrinsic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: bad dialogue, lazy writing, Meyer debunking her own mythology for conveniance sake again.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So now that Aro is Team Renesmee he does his best to get all the other Volturi on Team Renesmee as well. Lots of dissention fom mainly Caius who is obviously the one we're not supposed to like. He then points out the Cullen's alliance with the wolves. Good point. But then Meyer drops the bomb: they aren't actually werewolves, guys, they're shifters! What? Now Meyer isn't even trying. I can picture exactly how she's wrote this in her head:
"hmm...the alliance with the werewolves is a problem though...oh, I know! I'll make them NOT werewolves but shifters! That's so much cooler then werewolves! Oh, wait what if my fans question it? Oh, I'll put in this explanation of that their brains just decided on wolves so they've always been wolves! My fans will buy that. They've bought all my other stuff, haven't they?"
I'm telling you, that's how she wrote this whole damn book. She didn't care one lick about making it actually GOOD. She just cared about getting it done and getting more money for it. Yet people accuse JK ROWLING of being the greedy one. Rowling actually cared about writing decent material. Also Rowling donates millions of dollars to charity per year (I have yet to hear of Meyer donating to actual charities that didn't include her friends or that involved promoting her books). Rowling has written charity books that she made no money off of (that Bree Tanner book Meyer made money off of. Red Cross only got a dollar a book while she and her publishers got all the rest and it was overpriced for a novella) and again, Rowling actually cared about the work being GOOD. Because Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was an awesome book, no matter what people have to say about the camping because even the camping had character stuff in it and a POINT. So ask you now, who is the greedy one?
So in more of Meyer's lazy and sloppy writing she contridicts one of the main things driving Jacob and the wolves' mythology. Yet it's treated as no big deal as these aren't Bella or the Cullens. Nice.
Then Irina starts apologizing and I'm seeing where this is going quickly. Big shocker, the Volturi kill her in their warped version of justice. Caius just killed her though, hoping to make Kate and Tanya attack him and start a battle. Unfortunately, they get stopped by the always so right Cullens. Any hope of any excitement at all is quickly diminished. Then hey, the egyptian clan is back! They back up the Cullens claims. It pretty much turns into more "Renesmee is awesome! Don't kill her!" stuff that I'm getting pretty tired of.
Then suddenly those old vampires start a cliche speech about using the super amazing cullens as an example and revolting agianst the Catholic Church-I mean the Volturi. Then it's suddenly the Cullens are innocent but now we have a war and then there's MORE counsel among the Volturi. There's quick and boring good byes for some reason among Bella and her crew. Then...something starts?
WORD LIST: specious, potency, melee, intrinsic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: bad dialogue, lazy writing, Meyer debunking her own mythology for conveniance sake again.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 36-Bloodlust
CHAPTER SUMMARY: They gather for a battle that...doesn't happen.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with vivid description as the Volturi arrive. For some reason as she describes this, I keep thinking of the scene in wraith rider music scene from the Lord of the Rings movie. It makes it much more entertaining. Edward's deux es machina mind reading ability tells us that they did in fact come to destroy no questions asked. Personally I'm all for this, it would be nice finally have some mass destruction in this book. Plus, I hate all the characters so I wouldn't care if any of them bit the dust.
For some reason, Bella becomes absolutely positive they're going to lose. Don't know why she comes to this conclusion, it actually looks like an even fight to me, but she comes to it anyway and becomes furious over the idea and throws the vampire equivolent of a temper tantrum and starts growling. It'll be interesting to see Kristin Stewart try and do this on screen. Bet it'll be hilarious.
Then there's a lot of...wait for it...standing around anxiously. Um...huh? Meyer, I know you can't see R rated films but there are plenty of pg-13 battle movies out there. Watch them please. THAT'S a battle and cause for excitement. Not...whatever the hell THIS is.
To make matters worse, Aro and Carlisle start speaking in that ridiculous dialogue that Meyer has Aro use. People don't generally talk before battles. Certainly not this reasonably. So they start to argue about Renesmee. Then Irina (who is conveniently there) steps forward and they interrigate her.
Then Aro calls Edward forward for some reason or other and this for some reason freaks Bella out and she throws up her stupid love shield that conveniently now works at will for her. Edward and Aro have a conversation we can't hear (thank god) and then Aro asks to see Renesmee. Well, we all know what will happen now, don't we?
Bella brings Renesmee forward. They of course take the time to praise how awesome a vampire she is. UGH. Renesmee speaks to Aro. He of course immediately falls in love with baby Mary Sue. Then he leaves with the others to discuss things.
So I ask you Twihards in case you have an explanation for this BS: WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS WHOLE DAMN BOOK?! It wasn't to watch Bella struggle with her new life with Edward because she HAS no struggle. It wasn't to fight the Volturi because THERE IS NO FIGHT. So what was the freaking point?! Other then to make more money off of gullible teenagers? No wonder fans revolted against this. I'm not even a fan of Twilight and I feel cheated by this book. I can't imagine how an actual fan of the series felt when they read this crap. Meyer has some nerve wondering why fans were so mad at her too. Really, why do you THINK?
WORD LIST: cudgel
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
They came with pageantry, with a kind of beauty.-Fragment sentance. Fix. Also it is not a paragraph so there shouldn't be an indent. In fact, you're better off cutting it all together.
This whole chapter is basically one big cop out because Meyer has no guts and can't write violence.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with vivid description as the Volturi arrive. For some reason as she describes this, I keep thinking of the scene in wraith rider music scene from the Lord of the Rings movie. It makes it much more entertaining. Edward's deux es machina mind reading ability tells us that they did in fact come to destroy no questions asked. Personally I'm all for this, it would be nice finally have some mass destruction in this book. Plus, I hate all the characters so I wouldn't care if any of them bit the dust.
For some reason, Bella becomes absolutely positive they're going to lose. Don't know why she comes to this conclusion, it actually looks like an even fight to me, but she comes to it anyway and becomes furious over the idea and throws the vampire equivolent of a temper tantrum and starts growling. It'll be interesting to see Kristin Stewart try and do this on screen. Bet it'll be hilarious.
Then there's a lot of...wait for it...standing around anxiously. Um...huh? Meyer, I know you can't see R rated films but there are plenty of pg-13 battle movies out there. Watch them please. THAT'S a battle and cause for excitement. Not...whatever the hell THIS is.
To make matters worse, Aro and Carlisle start speaking in that ridiculous dialogue that Meyer has Aro use. People don't generally talk before battles. Certainly not this reasonably. So they start to argue about Renesmee. Then Irina (who is conveniently there) steps forward and they interrigate her.
Then Aro calls Edward forward for some reason or other and this for some reason freaks Bella out and she throws up her stupid love shield that conveniently now works at will for her. Edward and Aro have a conversation we can't hear (thank god) and then Aro asks to see Renesmee. Well, we all know what will happen now, don't we?
Bella brings Renesmee forward. They of course take the time to praise how awesome a vampire she is. UGH. Renesmee speaks to Aro. He of course immediately falls in love with baby Mary Sue. Then he leaves with the others to discuss things.
So I ask you Twihards in case you have an explanation for this BS: WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS WHOLE DAMN BOOK?! It wasn't to watch Bella struggle with her new life with Edward because she HAS no struggle. It wasn't to fight the Volturi because THERE IS NO FIGHT. So what was the freaking point?! Other then to make more money off of gullible teenagers? No wonder fans revolted against this. I'm not even a fan of Twilight and I feel cheated by this book. I can't imagine how an actual fan of the series felt when they read this crap. Meyer has some nerve wondering why fans were so mad at her too. Really, why do you THINK?
WORD LIST: cudgel
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
They came with pageantry, with a kind of beauty.-Fragment sentance. Fix. Also it is not a paragraph so there shouldn't be an indent. In fact, you're better off cutting it all together.
This whole chapter is basically one big cop out because Meyer has no guts and can't write violence.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 35-Deadline
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Meyer wastes readers time with details that we don't care about.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a sappy moment between Edward and Bella ("hurry back to me"? Really?) and she leaves wondering if he knows her plans. Again, Mark from Mark Reads Twilight said it best when he said this a perfect example of why these two are NOT a good couple. Because if their relationship is so good, why is she sneaking around and worrying about him finding out? That doesn't shout healthy relationship to me. That shouts trust issues galore on his part and definitely on hers.
Bella babbles to herself as she drives and I really don't care about all the probably incorrect assumptions she makes about Jenk's character after one meeting. We get more "Bella's so beautiful now she's a vamp!" right before she goes to meet Jenks (the clerk gawks at her and Bella enjoys it; no we're not shallow at ALL). She meets up with Jenks and they have the most boring conversation that is littered with bad dialogue as well. The entire purpose is just so he can hand her the documents. We waste THREE/FOUR PAGES ON THIS ALONE. He couldn't have just sent them to her in an envelope? Really, Meyer? I know you're out of ideas but good god, woman.
Anyway, she goes home documents in hand. Then what follows is a lot of dumb assuming on Bella's part. I'm sorry, why doesn't she, oh I don't know ASK JACOB AND EDWARD?! Why are we wasting time on this stupid plot idea? All she would have to do is hand the documents over to Jacob and say "here, had these drawn up just in case things go bad" and then they could make plans together. Edward probably wouldn't object, seeing as how it's about his DAUGHTERS SAFTEY. But that would easy and logical and hit home just how stupid this all is so Meyer instead has Bella make a big ridiculous production out of all of this and waste not only the reader's time (the reader probably doesn't care about this at all) and paper.
The rest of the chapter is just as pointless really. Basically Bella summarizes boring events that the readers don't care about. There's commentary on the weather and daily routines, much "I love yous", Bella tells Renesmee to run when she says so. Blah, blah, blah DON'T CARE. Then there's much vivid description of all of them gathering around the field and waiting for the Volturi. Seriously, most BORING BOOK EVER to involve vampires and werewolves.
WORD LIST: purveyor
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: pointless chapter is pointless
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a sappy moment between Edward and Bella ("hurry back to me"? Really?) and she leaves wondering if he knows her plans. Again, Mark from Mark Reads Twilight said it best when he said this a perfect example of why these two are NOT a good couple. Because if their relationship is so good, why is she sneaking around and worrying about him finding out? That doesn't shout healthy relationship to me. That shouts trust issues galore on his part and definitely on hers.
Bella babbles to herself as she drives and I really don't care about all the probably incorrect assumptions she makes about Jenk's character after one meeting. We get more "Bella's so beautiful now she's a vamp!" right before she goes to meet Jenks (the clerk gawks at her and Bella enjoys it; no we're not shallow at ALL). She meets up with Jenks and they have the most boring conversation that is littered with bad dialogue as well. The entire purpose is just so he can hand her the documents. We waste THREE/FOUR PAGES ON THIS ALONE. He couldn't have just sent them to her in an envelope? Really, Meyer? I know you're out of ideas but good god, woman.
Anyway, she goes home documents in hand. Then what follows is a lot of dumb assuming on Bella's part. I'm sorry, why doesn't she, oh I don't know ASK JACOB AND EDWARD?! Why are we wasting time on this stupid plot idea? All she would have to do is hand the documents over to Jacob and say "here, had these drawn up just in case things go bad" and then they could make plans together. Edward probably wouldn't object, seeing as how it's about his DAUGHTERS SAFTEY. But that would easy and logical and hit home just how stupid this all is so Meyer instead has Bella make a big ridiculous production out of all of this and waste not only the reader's time (the reader probably doesn't care about this at all) and paper.
The rest of the chapter is just as pointless really. Basically Bella summarizes boring events that the readers don't care about. There's commentary on the weather and daily routines, much "I love yous", Bella tells Renesmee to run when she says so. Blah, blah, blah DON'T CARE. Then there's much vivid description of all of them gathering around the field and waiting for the Volturi. Seriously, most BORING BOOK EVER to involve vampires and werewolves.
WORD LIST: purveyor
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: pointless chapter is pointless
Thursday, December 16, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 34-Declared
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Cullens celebrate christmas and big battle is planned. Amen.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella comes home and much sappyness occurs. Blah.
Then more prattling/summarizing from Bella. What annoys me is that Bella is basically being a martyr again and assuming Jacob and Renesmee will be the only ones to survive. Where exactly did she get this idea? From what I've seen, the Volturi don't have many members, the Cullens on the other hand have a literal ARMY on their hands. So WHY is she so sure they'll lose? They've won so far, haven't they? Plus they have the werewolves who are the only known creature to be able to take down vampires, right? You'd think she'd be a little more confident. But it wouldn't be Bella and Twilight if she didn't act like a damn martyr at least ONCE. Now, it's twice per book. Groan.
The book becomes oddly fitting for this time of year as suddenly they are celebrating Christmas (already? Didn't they have the wedding like a month after graduation? Then Nessie a week later...how much freaking time has passed?! I don't even know!). Of course, it's a great christmas. I'm further shocked at the mention of a MP3 player in this. So they DO exist here! Creepily enough, Jacob gave Renesmee a promise ring. I'm sure that again, Meyer thought this was super cute. I think it's gross cause she's SEVEN YEARS OLD. Another thing: I'm pretty sure Native Americans don't celebrate Christmas, seeing as how that's a CHRISTIAN holiday, so why is the wolf pack even there? I smell lack of research and ignorance again. However, I could be wrong about this as I don't really know any Native Americans. If someone would care to correct me then please go ahead and feel free to ignore this bit.
But even the Christmas holidays are ruined by sad panda Bella who just can't freaking enjoy herself for once. They return home to find Alistair gone and everyone freaked out. Is it a bad sign that I'm racking my brain to remember who Alistair is and why he's so important? He basically left because he felt it was no use. His leaving causes Amun and Kebi (egyptian vamps) to leave but be mad when one of them stays to help.
They start explaining that Alistair was muttering to himself and in that muttering he's worried that the Volturi will just not listen and kill them all anyway. I think it's pretty clear now who the Volturi represent: The Catholic Church. For those that don't know, the LDS loaths the Catholic Church. The Volturi are obviously the Pope and the Cardinals. Meyer, you are not as subtle as you think you are being. Hell, Pullman was more subtle in the His Dark Materials books about the Magistrate (for those that don't know the Magistrate in the books represent the Church and its oppressiveness; Pullman is an athiest btw) then you are being here and that's saying something.
Then suddenly there's talk about whether to fight or not. Um...I thought this had already been decided? Guess not. Well in a cliche move, all the present factions agree to stand with Carlisle. Saw this coming a mile away. No shock factor. Then it turns into a hunt and Bella angsting on the hunt. Then she's all "what if fail?!" blah blah and of course Eddiekins comforts her. Again, why do I CARE? I KNOW she won't fail it's MEYER writing this and it's BELLA. The good guys will win. Boring chapter ends. FIVE MORE TO GO!
WORD LIST: sancrosanct
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: BORING!
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella comes home and much sappyness occurs. Blah.
Then more prattling/summarizing from Bella. What annoys me is that Bella is basically being a martyr again and assuming Jacob and Renesmee will be the only ones to survive. Where exactly did she get this idea? From what I've seen, the Volturi don't have many members, the Cullens on the other hand have a literal ARMY on their hands. So WHY is she so sure they'll lose? They've won so far, haven't they? Plus they have the werewolves who are the only known creature to be able to take down vampires, right? You'd think she'd be a little more confident. But it wouldn't be Bella and Twilight if she didn't act like a damn martyr at least ONCE. Now, it's twice per book. Groan.
The book becomes oddly fitting for this time of year as suddenly they are celebrating Christmas (already? Didn't they have the wedding like a month after graduation? Then Nessie a week later...how much freaking time has passed?! I don't even know!). Of course, it's a great christmas. I'm further shocked at the mention of a MP3 player in this. So they DO exist here! Creepily enough, Jacob gave Renesmee a promise ring. I'm sure that again, Meyer thought this was super cute. I think it's gross cause she's SEVEN YEARS OLD. Another thing: I'm pretty sure Native Americans don't celebrate Christmas, seeing as how that's a CHRISTIAN holiday, so why is the wolf pack even there? I smell lack of research and ignorance again. However, I could be wrong about this as I don't really know any Native Americans. If someone would care to correct me then please go ahead and feel free to ignore this bit.
But even the Christmas holidays are ruined by sad panda Bella who just can't freaking enjoy herself for once. They return home to find Alistair gone and everyone freaked out. Is it a bad sign that I'm racking my brain to remember who Alistair is and why he's so important? He basically left because he felt it was no use. His leaving causes Amun and Kebi (egyptian vamps) to leave but be mad when one of them stays to help.
They start explaining that Alistair was muttering to himself and in that muttering he's worried that the Volturi will just not listen and kill them all anyway. I think it's pretty clear now who the Volturi represent: The Catholic Church. For those that don't know, the LDS loaths the Catholic Church. The Volturi are obviously the Pope and the Cardinals. Meyer, you are not as subtle as you think you are being. Hell, Pullman was more subtle in the His Dark Materials books about the Magistrate (for those that don't know the Magistrate in the books represent the Church and its oppressiveness; Pullman is an athiest btw) then you are being here and that's saying something.
Then suddenly there's talk about whether to fight or not. Um...I thought this had already been decided? Guess not. Well in a cliche move, all the present factions agree to stand with Carlisle. Saw this coming a mile away. No shock factor. Then it turns into a hunt and Bella angsting on the hunt. Then she's all "what if fail?!" blah blah and of course Eddiekins comforts her. Again, why do I CARE? I KNOW she won't fail it's MEYER writing this and it's BELLA. The good guys will win. Boring chapter ends. FIVE MORE TO GO!
WORD LIST: sancrosanct
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: BORING!
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 33-Forgery
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella goes to see a man about documents in what is Meyer's pitiful attempt at writing noir.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a conversation with Charlie. That Bella is of course not paying attention too. I mean why would she? It's just her FATHER, whom she is supposedly so protective of. Couple of boring conversations later Bella, Jacob, and Renesmee are off to visit Charlie.
Bella leaves Renesmee with Charlie and Jacob (am I the only one bothred about how all of Renesmee's parenting seems to be done by people OTHER then supposingly super!Mom Bella and Edward who I've yet see spend any time with her?) and drives off. We get more lazy writing as Bella tells us about her progress. She of course goes to the address that Alice left her. Cue vivid description.
Mark, from Mark Reads Twilight (look it up on Google, this blog is HILARIOUS and so much better then mine) described this chapter best when he said that this is Meyer's attempt to do noir but as usual, she fails because she doesn't grasp what noir IS.
Bella runs into man. Man is not J but apparently works for J and is reluctant to show Bella the way cause he'd possibly lose his job. So man calls J. J freaks out over the Cullen name and agrees to meet. Man flirts with Bella (those pheromones at work again and probably double now that she's a vamp) while waiting for him. Bella goes to meet J. Turns out Jenks is a forger. Alice sent her to him to write up fake documents for them in case they lost for the Volturi. Wow, why do I care?
Meyer, for the record, noir is all about SUSPENSE. You see now, why you failed? There's no suspense here. I honestly don't care about this man and what he does, or about the documents, or about ANY of this. This is just you wasting paper and my time. Noir has femme fatales with dangerous secrets (Bella does SO not qualify), has Humphrey Bogart like dangerous men wanting to know those secrets (none of that here), and again: SUSPENSE. Sorry, but you fail.
So Bella grasps right away what Alice wants her to do and she starts tearing up at the weight of it all. God, I thought we were past crying, emotional, Bella. Guess not.
So Bella creates documents for Renesmee and Jacob. In Meyer's usual lack of creativity, she has Jacob's last name be Wolfe. Really? Documents are planned out and Bella leaves in what is a stupid and pointless chapter and once again: BORING.
WORD LIST: dilapidated,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Charlie laughed and then sighed for the old days.-Um...what? How can you sigh for the old days? How does Bella even know that's what he's sighing about?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a conversation with Charlie. That Bella is of course not paying attention too. I mean why would she? It's just her FATHER, whom she is supposedly so protective of. Couple of boring conversations later Bella, Jacob, and Renesmee are off to visit Charlie.
Bella leaves Renesmee with Charlie and Jacob (am I the only one bothred about how all of Renesmee's parenting seems to be done by people OTHER then supposingly super!Mom Bella and Edward who I've yet see spend any time with her?) and drives off. We get more lazy writing as Bella tells us about her progress. She of course goes to the address that Alice left her. Cue vivid description.
Mark, from Mark Reads Twilight (look it up on Google, this blog is HILARIOUS and so much better then mine) described this chapter best when he said that this is Meyer's attempt to do noir but as usual, she fails because she doesn't grasp what noir IS.
Bella runs into man. Man is not J but apparently works for J and is reluctant to show Bella the way cause he'd possibly lose his job. So man calls J. J freaks out over the Cullen name and agrees to meet. Man flirts with Bella (those pheromones at work again and probably double now that she's a vamp) while waiting for him. Bella goes to meet J. Turns out Jenks is a forger. Alice sent her to him to write up fake documents for them in case they lost for the Volturi. Wow, why do I care?
Meyer, for the record, noir is all about SUSPENSE. You see now, why you failed? There's no suspense here. I honestly don't care about this man and what he does, or about the documents, or about ANY of this. This is just you wasting paper and my time. Noir has femme fatales with dangerous secrets (Bella does SO not qualify), has Humphrey Bogart like dangerous men wanting to know those secrets (none of that here), and again: SUSPENSE. Sorry, but you fail.
So Bella grasps right away what Alice wants her to do and she starts tearing up at the weight of it all. God, I thought we were past crying, emotional, Bella. Guess not.
So Bella creates documents for Renesmee and Jacob. In Meyer's usual lack of creativity, she has Jacob's last name be Wolfe. Really? Documents are planned out and Bella leaves in what is a stupid and pointless chapter and once again: BORING.
WORD LIST: dilapidated,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Charlie laughed and then sighed for the old days.-Um...what? How can you sigh for the old days? How does Bella even know that's what he's sighing about?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 32-Company
CHAPTER SUMMARY:
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella babbles on about the company and problems they pose. I'm sorry but for people who apparently hold human life in high regard, they seem to have no problem letting the other vampires still eat. But it's not in their territory or La Push so it won't be anyone they know which makes it perfectly all right. And people wonder why I scoff when they talk about "Cullenism". Well Jacob is worried and is of course portrayed by Bella as being immature. She's more amazed at how well the visiting vampires tolerate him and the werewolves:
How the HELL is treating someone with the same indifference that you would treat an ANIMAL "easy acceptance"? They're still being racist asses you IDIOT. Acting like they're not there is not acceptance you MORON. Yet she's acting like JACOB is being unfair. God, I hate this girl. Why am I supposed to like her again?
So Peter and Charlotte came and they too, quickly fell in love with deux es machina baby. Then Irish clans and Egyptian clans (really?) show up to help. Irish clans were awesome but the Egyptian clan was difficult. Oh and guess what, the Egyptian clan is somehow white too. Let me guess, turning into a vampire makes your skin white and thus "pure" Meyer, you slightly ignorant and racist dolt? Just when I think this series can't make me any angrier, it does.
Then surprise! Amazon women show up! Sent by Alice of course. In between this absurdity (and Jacob being rude and surly in Bella's privlidged opinion) Bella learns how to fight. Or tries too, see Edward just can't bear to see his woman learn how to defend herself because see, it makes it all that more "real" to him. Meyer, I'm sure thought this was uber romantic. Me, it makes Edward look like a idiot. Okay, I get he's scared. But how about you teach your wife to defend herself so she WON'T get killed, you MORON. I still go by my theory that this is Edward's latant sexism shining through and he doesn't want his wife to know how to fight cause then his manliness will come into question.
But instead of calling him on his stupidity (Edward is never wrong after all) Bella just shrugs and learns from the other vamps. Bella inevitably whines about how hard it is. I for one am kind of happy that there's finally something she doesn't automatically get right away. But of course it's the manly art of fighting so somewhere in there is a message of "girls shouldn't be fighting! It's too hard for us!". Plus her whining also inevitably leads to a "praise Bella Swan!" scene cause we haven't had enough of those.
Then, in an even more absurd twist, Kate enlists Renesmee's help who is all for it. Naturally, being Super!Mom, this springs Bella into action and she protects her baby (which just so you know girls, is the only time we should be fighting) and what do you know? She gets it. Then suddenly her shield starts activating and I'm going to go ahead and say it: LAMEST SUPER POWER EVER.
Then suddenly, another group shows up. They want to help because they've been waiting for someone to try and challenge the Volturi (which of course saintly Carlisle insists that they aren't doing, although gathering an army of vampires like they are sort of suggest otherwise) and boring chapter ends. Going to call it: Cullens become the new Volturi or something as close in power as the Volturi.
WORD LIST: surmised, elasticity, ebbed, egregiously, tandem
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The slight rampant racism in this chapter that Meyer probably doesn't even notice she put in there because she's that out of touch.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella babbles on about the company and problems they pose. I'm sorry but for people who apparently hold human life in high regard, they seem to have no problem letting the other vampires still eat. But it's not in their territory or La Push so it won't be anyone they know which makes it perfectly all right. And people wonder why I scoff when they talk about "Cullenism". Well Jacob is worried and is of course portrayed by Bella as being immature. She's more amazed at how well the visiting vampires tolerate him and the werewolves:
I was amazed at the easy acceptance the visiting vampires had for Jacob; the problems Edward had predicted had never materialized. Jacob seemed more or less invisible to them, not quite a person, but also not food, either. They treated him the way people who are not animal-lovers treat the pets of their friends.
How the HELL is treating someone with the same indifference that you would treat an ANIMAL "easy acceptance"? They're still being racist asses you IDIOT. Acting like they're not there is not acceptance you MORON. Yet she's acting like JACOB is being unfair. God, I hate this girl. Why am I supposed to like her again?
So Peter and Charlotte came and they too, quickly fell in love with deux es machina baby. Then Irish clans and Egyptian clans (really?) show up to help. Irish clans were awesome but the Egyptian clan was difficult. Oh and guess what, the Egyptian clan is somehow white too. Let me guess, turning into a vampire makes your skin white and thus "pure" Meyer, you slightly ignorant and racist dolt? Just when I think this series can't make me any angrier, it does.
Then surprise! Amazon women show up! Sent by Alice of course. In between this absurdity (and Jacob being rude and surly in Bella's privlidged opinion) Bella learns how to fight. Or tries too, see Edward just can't bear to see his woman learn how to defend herself because see, it makes it all that more "real" to him. Meyer, I'm sure thought this was uber romantic. Me, it makes Edward look like a idiot. Okay, I get he's scared. But how about you teach your wife to defend herself so she WON'T get killed, you MORON. I still go by my theory that this is Edward's latant sexism shining through and he doesn't want his wife to know how to fight cause then his manliness will come into question.
But instead of calling him on his stupidity (Edward is never wrong after all) Bella just shrugs and learns from the other vamps. Bella inevitably whines about how hard it is. I for one am kind of happy that there's finally something she doesn't automatically get right away. But of course it's the manly art of fighting so somewhere in there is a message of "girls shouldn't be fighting! It's too hard for us!". Plus her whining also inevitably leads to a "praise Bella Swan!" scene cause we haven't had enough of those.
Then, in an even more absurd twist, Kate enlists Renesmee's help who is all for it. Naturally, being Super!Mom, this springs Bella into action and she protects her baby (which just so you know girls, is the only time we should be fighting) and what do you know? She gets it. Then suddenly her shield starts activating and I'm going to go ahead and say it: LAMEST SUPER POWER EVER.
Then suddenly, another group shows up. They want to help because they've been waiting for someone to try and challenge the Volturi (which of course saintly Carlisle insists that they aren't doing, although gathering an army of vampires like they are sort of suggest otherwise) and boring chapter ends. Going to call it: Cullens become the new Volturi or something as close in power as the Volturi.
WORD LIST: surmised, elasticity, ebbed, egregiously, tandem
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The slight rampant racism in this chapter that Meyer probably doesn't even notice she put in there because she's that out of touch.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 31-Talented
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella becomes even more Mary Sueish by gaining a super awesome super power that is super poweful thus making her even more special (even Renesmee says she's special), talk about Volturi powers that make no sense. Pretty much it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Judging from the title, I'm betting that this is going to be another "lets all praise Bella!" chapter. If not Bella, then it'll be gushing about how awesome Renesmee is. I turn out to be kind of right because right away the Tanya and Eleazer take the time to praise Renesmee's talents and the Cullens as well. Then we learn that guess what! Now Bella has a gift too, guys! Of COURSE she does, never mind that these vampire gifts are supposed to be RARE. Turns out she shields or something and it is of course super powerful. Big shock.
Not only that, due to this, the Volturi's powers won't work on her! Excuse me? WHY? I swear to god, Meyer is literally making this up as she goes. She's not even pretending to try anymore. This of course turns to more "lets all praise Bella!" Even her daughter gets in on the action and says her mother is special. UGH.
So Bella begs to be trained. This somehow turns into more of Meyer's sloppy telling not showing about the Volturi and their methods. I have to say, the more I hear about these powers the less they make sense to me. I thought these powers were supposed to be a reflection of the person's strong trait when they were alive right? Well, what does Bella's shield have to do with anything? She wasn't exactly a protective person when she was alive. Well, not to anyone who wasn't a vampire. Plus, Eleazer's power which is to sense people's gifts (a deux es machina if I ever saw one). What human trait was that? Did he have a talent for spotting talent or something? This is all just further proof that these gifts are literally just convenience for Meyer and that there are no rules for them despite what she says.
This turns into boring backstory and then abruptly stops as company arrives. It's the help Alice and Jasper sent for. I'm sorry, they can get here in like a day from across an ocean but the Volturi take a MONTH? The time rules in this book make NO SENSE.
WORD LIST: macabre
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: oh look, Bella gets another awesome super power guys!
Could you stop crushing my radius?-Oh my god, Meyer, REALLY? Instead of just saying arm like everyone else you have to have them name a body part instead? Seriously? So stupid.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Judging from the title, I'm betting that this is going to be another "lets all praise Bella!" chapter. If not Bella, then it'll be gushing about how awesome Renesmee is. I turn out to be kind of right because right away the Tanya and Eleazer take the time to praise Renesmee's talents and the Cullens as well. Then we learn that guess what! Now Bella has a gift too, guys! Of COURSE she does, never mind that these vampire gifts are supposed to be RARE. Turns out she shields or something and it is of course super powerful. Big shock.
Not only that, due to this, the Volturi's powers won't work on her! Excuse me? WHY? I swear to god, Meyer is literally making this up as she goes. She's not even pretending to try anymore. This of course turns to more "lets all praise Bella!" Even her daughter gets in on the action and says her mother is special. UGH.
So Bella begs to be trained. This somehow turns into more of Meyer's sloppy telling not showing about the Volturi and their methods. I have to say, the more I hear about these powers the less they make sense to me. I thought these powers were supposed to be a reflection of the person's strong trait when they were alive right? Well, what does Bella's shield have to do with anything? She wasn't exactly a protective person when she was alive. Well, not to anyone who wasn't a vampire. Plus, Eleazer's power which is to sense people's gifts (a deux es machina if I ever saw one). What human trait was that? Did he have a talent for spotting talent or something? This is all just further proof that these gifts are literally just convenience for Meyer and that there are no rules for them despite what she says.
This turns into boring backstory and then abruptly stops as company arrives. It's the help Alice and Jasper sent for. I'm sorry, they can get here in like a day from across an ocean but the Volturi take a MONTH? The time rules in this book make NO SENSE.
WORD LIST: macabre
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: oh look, Bella gets another awesome super power guys!
Could you stop crushing my radius?-Oh my god, Meyer, REALLY? Instead of just saying arm like everyone else you have to have them name a body part instead? Seriously? So stupid.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 30-Irresistable
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Edward and Bella have sexy times, talk about the Volturi, and get the Denali clan on their side.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
MORE of Bella angsting/whining again. Geez louise, Meyer. COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW ALREADY. Apparently the Volturi aren't coming for a month....huh? Since when was this decided/known? Why would it take them a month to get to America? HUMANS get here faster then that. That's just...ridiculous.
After her angsting, Bella puts Mary Sue baby to bed and her Gary Stu husband shows up. Sexy times are then had. UGH. Normally I am not this prudish (I wrote slash fanfiction for awhile, okay?) but I just literally do not want to hear about Bella and Edward's sexy times. It does nothing for me, mostly because I hate the two people involved anyway. Plus Meyer's romantic scenes put romance novels to absolute shame. Nickolas Sparks probably would take a look at this writing and go "really?".
It doesn't help that sexy times pretty much means Bella gushing on and on about how hot and wonderful and passionate Edward is. SNORE. Thankfully, it doesn't last long and Meyer as usual chickens out on the actual sex part and cuts to next morning when they start to talk about their plans again.
I was however mildly surprised when Bella asked to learn how to fight. Edward isn't comfortable with this (women fighting! NO! That brings my manlyness into question!) but then lets her. I personally think Bella shouldn't have to ask her husband for permission on how to defend herself but I guess that's just me. Then she asks about weaknesses and we get a info dump on the Volturi via Edward.
I still find all these gifts that Meyer comes up with a tad ridiculous and I'm sorry if these gifts are so rare, then WHY DOES ALMOST EVERYONE HAVE THEM? Talk turns to Eleazer (one of the Denali clan for those who have forgotten) who apparently used to be a Volturi. Go figure.
Tanya and co. show up then (speeding in a car too, this appears to be a vampire thing). They meet Renesmee and freak out (I'm still fuzzy on what exactly is so horrible about a half human/half vampire child...anyone?) but then deux es machina baby makes everything okay by showing them what's been going on. She wins them over and they decide to help. Good lord this is boring.
WORD LIST: petulant, skittered,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
MORE of Bella angsting/whining again. Geez louise, Meyer. COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW ALREADY. Apparently the Volturi aren't coming for a month....huh? Since when was this decided/known? Why would it take them a month to get to America? HUMANS get here faster then that. That's just...ridiculous.
After her angsting, Bella puts Mary Sue baby to bed and her Gary Stu husband shows up. Sexy times are then had. UGH. Normally I am not this prudish (I wrote slash fanfiction for awhile, okay?) but I just literally do not want to hear about Bella and Edward's sexy times. It does nothing for me, mostly because I hate the two people involved anyway. Plus Meyer's romantic scenes put romance novels to absolute shame. Nickolas Sparks probably would take a look at this writing and go "really?".
It doesn't help that sexy times pretty much means Bella gushing on and on about how hot and wonderful and passionate Edward is. SNORE. Thankfully, it doesn't last long and Meyer as usual chickens out on the actual sex part and cuts to next morning when they start to talk about their plans again.
I was however mildly surprised when Bella asked to learn how to fight. Edward isn't comfortable with this (women fighting! NO! That brings my manlyness into question!) but then lets her. I personally think Bella shouldn't have to ask her husband for permission on how to defend herself but I guess that's just me. Then she asks about weaknesses and we get a info dump on the Volturi via Edward.
I still find all these gifts that Meyer comes up with a tad ridiculous and I'm sorry if these gifts are so rare, then WHY DOES ALMOST EVERYONE HAVE THEM? Talk turns to Eleazer (one of the Denali clan for those who have forgotten) who apparently used to be a Volturi. Go figure.
Tanya and co. show up then (speeding in a car too, this appears to be a vampire thing). They meet Renesmee and freak out (I'm still fuzzy on what exactly is so horrible about a half human/half vampire child...anyone?) but then deux es machina baby makes everything okay by showing them what's been going on. She wins them over and they decide to help. Good lord this is boring.
WORD LIST: petulant, skittered,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 29-Defection
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Many plans are made, I'm bored still.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to pretty much where we left off in the last one: with everyone angsting about the Volturi. Suddenly, Alice is gone and we're all worried about her. Not sure why. Then they think the Volturi have arrived. Um...don't they all live in Europe? Whatever. They track Alice and Jasper's trail (vampires apparently have a scent, despite the fact that they're DEAD). Turns out they left. They apparently did this by going into the ocean and crossing it ala the dead pirates in Pirates of the Carribean. Okay. Now there's angsting over Alice and Jasper abandoning them although from what I got from the note they left to find help. Prediction: Alice and Jasper show up with more vamps to help out in the battle that doesn't happen.
Meyer once more tries to allude to classics (and once more fails because she doesn't understand said classic) by having The Merchant of Venice (which Breaking Dawn somehow relates too...) in it. Alice tore page from Bella's copy of it (way to deface books) that had the title and writer and then a note from Alice that says destroy this and a name and address in Seattle. Okay, WHAT?
They go home and there's a lot of nonsense sounding plan making. Emmett and Rose are going to search for nomads (who are of course going to be an scary-savage like ethnic group, I'm betting), Tanya's clan is coming tomorrow apparently. Then Edward (Meyer) takes the time to make sure the reader understands the nomads are not as good as the Cullens and therefore drink human blood (like ACTUAL VAMPIRES).
Later Bella does her not research thing again by going on the internet to find the person Alice mentioned in the note. Big shock, nothing comes up. Meyer puts in a moment with Renesmee (who apparently talks now) and boring chapter ends with her comforting her mother like a good perfect daughter should. Sigh.
WORD LIST: bolstered, infinitesmal
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: the slightly racist tones about the nomads who I bet aren't going to be white
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to pretty much where we left off in the last one: with everyone angsting about the Volturi. Suddenly, Alice is gone and we're all worried about her. Not sure why. Then they think the Volturi have arrived. Um...don't they all live in Europe? Whatever. They track Alice and Jasper's trail (vampires apparently have a scent, despite the fact that they're DEAD). Turns out they left. They apparently did this by going into the ocean and crossing it ala the dead pirates in Pirates of the Carribean. Okay. Now there's angsting over Alice and Jasper abandoning them although from what I got from the note they left to find help. Prediction: Alice and Jasper show up with more vamps to help out in the battle that doesn't happen.
Meyer once more tries to allude to classics (and once more fails because she doesn't understand said classic) by having The Merchant of Venice (which Breaking Dawn somehow relates too...) in it. Alice tore page from Bella's copy of it (way to deface books) that had the title and writer and then a note from Alice that says destroy this and a name and address in Seattle. Okay, WHAT?
They go home and there's a lot of nonsense sounding plan making. Emmett and Rose are going to search for nomads (who are of course going to be an scary-savage like ethnic group, I'm betting), Tanya's clan is coming tomorrow apparently. Then Edward (Meyer) takes the time to make sure the reader understands the nomads are not as good as the Cullens and therefore drink human blood (like ACTUAL VAMPIRES).
Later Bella does her not research thing again by going on the internet to find the person Alice mentioned in the note. Big shock, nothing comes up. Meyer puts in a moment with Renesmee (who apparently talks now) and boring chapter ends with her comforting her mother like a good perfect daughter should. Sigh.
WORD LIST: bolstered, infinitesmal
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: the slightly racist tones about the nomads who I bet aren't going to be white
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 28-The Future
CHAPTER SUMMARY: plans are made to go to South America for some reason and the Alice has a vision that the Volturi are now after the Cullens. Dun. Dun. DUN. Sorry, I'm trying to find some humor in this pile of crap. It's the only way to get through it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Once more we open with Bella prattling on about boring events. Sigh. I'm so over this already. Then suddenly they decide to take a trip to South America. Um...what? Why South America? What happened to that plan of Bellas where she goes to see the Volturi? Oh yeah, I guess that would end the story too quickly for Meyer's taste. So we're getting a jaunt through South America instead. Yay?
Apparently they're going to the Amazon for answers to something or other, I'm guessing Renesmee but why would they find answers for her in the Amazon? I guess I'm over thinking this again. My bad.
So Bella prattles about the travel itinerary and how the Cullens are preparing for it. The guys are doing the manly thing and preparing for the hunting part and the girls are of course packing and tidying up. No gender stereotyping here! No siree.
Then as the girls are cleaning Alice drops the vase and everyone is stunned because you know, she's a perfect vampire they don't DROP things. Gravity doesn't effect them at all in their lives, they have perfect hand eye cordination. UGH.
Anyway, she gets a vision and what do you know? The Volturi are coming after the Cullens now. Didn't see that coming at all. No wait...yes, I did. Irina told the Volturi about Renesmee and how the Cullens are friends with the wolf pack now and basically now the Cullens are dead meat. Finally, something HAPPENING.
Last bit is the Cullens making plans back and forth and not deciding anything and then Jacob coming and Bella saying the Volturi are coming to kill them in her usual typical dramatic fashion. Yeah, kind of saw all of this happening. On, the brighter side of things: TEN CHAPTERS TO GO GUYS!
WORD LIST: quarry, immaculate
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
I wondered if this brought back hard memories of losing their mother so many centuries ago.-Doubtful, Irina is, you know STILL ALIVE.
unmusical tinkling-What's unmusical tinkling? Anyone?
Jasper repeated in a voice like splintering ice.-How does a voice sound like splintering ice? What does that even MEAN?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Once more we open with Bella prattling on about boring events. Sigh. I'm so over this already. Then suddenly they decide to take a trip to South America. Um...what? Why South America? What happened to that plan of Bellas where she goes to see the Volturi? Oh yeah, I guess that would end the story too quickly for Meyer's taste. So we're getting a jaunt through South America instead. Yay?
Apparently they're going to the Amazon for answers to something or other, I'm guessing Renesmee but why would they find answers for her in the Amazon? I guess I'm over thinking this again. My bad.
So Bella prattles about the travel itinerary and how the Cullens are preparing for it. The guys are doing the manly thing and preparing for the hunting part and the girls are of course packing and tidying up. No gender stereotyping here! No siree.
Then as the girls are cleaning Alice drops the vase and everyone is stunned because you know, she's a perfect vampire they don't DROP things. Gravity doesn't effect them at all in their lives, they have perfect hand eye cordination. UGH.
Anyway, she gets a vision and what do you know? The Volturi are coming after the Cullens now. Didn't see that coming at all. No wait...yes, I did. Irina told the Volturi about Renesmee and how the Cullens are friends with the wolf pack now and basically now the Cullens are dead meat. Finally, something HAPPENING.
Last bit is the Cullens making plans back and forth and not deciding anything and then Jacob coming and Bella saying the Volturi are coming to kill them in her usual typical dramatic fashion. Yeah, kind of saw all of this happening. On, the brighter side of things: TEN CHAPTERS TO GO GUYS!
WORD LIST: quarry, immaculate
GENERAL ANNOYANCES:
I wondered if this brought back hard memories of losing their mother so many centuries ago.-Doubtful, Irina is, you know STILL ALIVE.
unmusical tinkling-What's unmusical tinkling? Anyone?
Jasper repeated in a voice like splintering ice.-How does a voice sound like splintering ice? What does that even MEAN?
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 27-Travel Plans
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella makes plans to see the Volturi and then Irina sees Renesmee and takes off. About it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
The chapter opens with Bella doing what she does best: prattling on about nothing in particular. Basically she starts babbling about threads and fates and Meyer uses this as a way to summarize events. Basically the events are that everyone is really happy now. Wolves are cool with Jacob and Bella (and they of course LOVE Renesmee), and then talks about Sue and Leah being a part of the family now. Looks like Charlie and Sue hooked up and Leah is around but of course still a pill because she's a dominant female. Then there's just lots of paragraphs about how awesome Renesmee is and how she's progressing and day to day activities. Snore.
Basically a lot of prattling about plans and such. It's all very boring till suddenly Aro (head of the Volturi for those that were asleep during that chapter) sends a note saying he looks forward to meeting Bella. Please note, this is a couple of months after Alice sent the invitation to the wedding. How slow is the mail in this mixed up universe that Meyer has created where teens don't have cell phones or ipods or laptops?
So the note sends everyone into a panic. Bella decides to go see the Volturi by herself. Wow, that's actually a sound plan from Mrs. Cullen for a change. Then suddenly talk turns into a hunting trip. Okay. Whatever. More talk/scenes that show how awesome Renesmee is. Then suddenly Irina shows up. For those that don't remember her as well, she's the one from the Denali clan who resents the Cullens cause they killed Laurant. Anyway, she sees Renesmee in action and then takes off. Bella assumes she's going too...I'm not sure what she's assuming here. But either way she runs after her and of course doesn't catch her. Mentions it to Edward and co. End chapter. Well, at least something is finally happening.
WORD LIST: contention
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I took mythology a lot more seriously since I'd become a vampire.-Good for you. Why didn't you when you were human and dating a vampire?
I'd been reading Tennyson to her one night-Meyer, name dropping classics doesn't make your book look better, PLEASE STOP IT. Also, complicated poetry to a kid? Seriously?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
The chapter opens with Bella doing what she does best: prattling on about nothing in particular. Basically she starts babbling about threads and fates and Meyer uses this as a way to summarize events. Basically the events are that everyone is really happy now. Wolves are cool with Jacob and Bella (and they of course LOVE Renesmee), and then talks about Sue and Leah being a part of the family now. Looks like Charlie and Sue hooked up and Leah is around but of course still a pill because she's a dominant female. Then there's just lots of paragraphs about how awesome Renesmee is and how she's progressing and day to day activities. Snore.
Basically a lot of prattling about plans and such. It's all very boring till suddenly Aro (head of the Volturi for those that were asleep during that chapter) sends a note saying he looks forward to meeting Bella. Please note, this is a couple of months after Alice sent the invitation to the wedding. How slow is the mail in this mixed up universe that Meyer has created where teens don't have cell phones or ipods or laptops?
So the note sends everyone into a panic. Bella decides to go see the Volturi by herself. Wow, that's actually a sound plan from Mrs. Cullen for a change. Then suddenly talk turns into a hunting trip. Okay. Whatever. More talk/scenes that show how awesome Renesmee is. Then suddenly Irina shows up. For those that don't remember her as well, she's the one from the Denali clan who resents the Cullens cause they killed Laurant. Anyway, she sees Renesmee in action and then takes off. Bella assumes she's going too...I'm not sure what she's assuming here. But either way she runs after her and of course doesn't catch her. Mentions it to Edward and co. End chapter. Well, at least something is finally happening.
WORD LIST: contention
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I took mythology a lot more seriously since I'd become a vampire.-Good for you. Why didn't you when you were human and dating a vampire?
I'd been reading Tennyson to her one night-Meyer, name dropping classics doesn't make your book look better, PLEASE STOP IT. Also, complicated poetry to a kid? Seriously?
Sunday, December 5, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 26-Shiny
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Charlie leaves and there is much talk about how awesome Bella is now that she's a vampire. Literally, THAT'S IT.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Open with a somewhat hypocritical conversation with Charlie where they both agree Renee is too weak to know this stuff (lovely). Don't get me started on how apparently Renesmee's middle name is Carlie. Carlisle and Charlie combined. Making her full name Renesmee Carlie Cullen. WORST. NAME. EVER. Then he leaves and Bella goes on and on about how wonderful this is. I for one however, don't think it's wonderful. I will explain further.
A good story and character actually usually has to SACRIFICE something. What does Bella sacrifice? NOTHING. Okay, her humanity. Um...she never cared about being human. She felt humans were weak and inferior to vampires so this actually is not much of a sacrifice. Her mother maybe? I think it's pretty obvious by now her mother was never important (and neither was her father for that matter as she had no problem giving him up). So literally Bella has gained everything and sacrificed nothing in return. So why am I supposed to root for her? She didn't have to work hard for her happily ever after, she didn't have to lose any friends (Angela and company were not Bella's friends), she got the love of her life and she gets to keep her best friend around and she didn't have to sacrifice anything whatsoever in order to get her happily ever after. That I think is the main problem with this series. No effort on the part of the heroine and yet she still manages to get her happily ever after. Hell, Disney Princesses of old (Snow White, Cinderella etc.) worked harder then Bella did! It's ridiculous and about fifty percent of why the Twilight series is bad.
Anyway after Charlie leaves and Bella gloats about getting everything she wants suddenly Edward is all "lets have Emmett and Bella arm wrestle!". Oh yay, more Bella is a super speshul vampire scenes. UGH. Naturally she wins (it's Bella, of COURSE she's going to win). More gag worthy scenes of how awesome Bella (and her daughter) is. ENOUGH ALREADY.
But no, we get more and then Bella goes on about how amazing this is and how as a human she was never really good at anything. Um, excuse me but BULL SHIT. She was good at school (without heavy studying), she was good at cooking, she was somehow plain yet managed to attract tons of guys, and literally her only flaw was that she was clumsy but even her clumsiness was adorable. So excuse me if I don't buy this for a second. For godsakes, she was a teenager who somehow managed to learn to make FRIED CHICKEN. That wasn't Shake and Bake. Lets not forget how well she knew the classics either and thus was bored in English class. Stop trying to make me sympathize with Bella Meyer, it's not working.
The pointless chapter ends with Bella gushing about how awesome she is now that she was a vampire. GAG ME.
WORD LIST:
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "I know. I don't want to freak her out. Better to protect her. This stuff isn't for the fainthearted."-Why hello pot, is that you calling the kettle black? I believe so. Hypocrite, thy name is Bella Swan.
I remembered how it felt, that first uncomfortable immersion in fantasy-the sensation that everything would disappear in the light of the rising sun.-Um...that's funny, as I recall Bella you actually had no problem with vampires existing. You wanted to be one of them after a week of knowing they exist. I smell BS.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Open with a somewhat hypocritical conversation with Charlie where they both agree Renee is too weak to know this stuff (lovely). Don't get me started on how apparently Renesmee's middle name is Carlie. Carlisle and Charlie combined. Making her full name Renesmee Carlie Cullen. WORST. NAME. EVER. Then he leaves and Bella goes on and on about how wonderful this is. I for one however, don't think it's wonderful. I will explain further.
A good story and character actually usually has to SACRIFICE something. What does Bella sacrifice? NOTHING. Okay, her humanity. Um...she never cared about being human. She felt humans were weak and inferior to vampires so this actually is not much of a sacrifice. Her mother maybe? I think it's pretty obvious by now her mother was never important (and neither was her father for that matter as she had no problem giving him up). So literally Bella has gained everything and sacrificed nothing in return. So why am I supposed to root for her? She didn't have to work hard for her happily ever after, she didn't have to lose any friends (Angela and company were not Bella's friends), she got the love of her life and she gets to keep her best friend around and she didn't have to sacrifice anything whatsoever in order to get her happily ever after. That I think is the main problem with this series. No effort on the part of the heroine and yet she still manages to get her happily ever after. Hell, Disney Princesses of old (Snow White, Cinderella etc.) worked harder then Bella did! It's ridiculous and about fifty percent of why the Twilight series is bad.
Anyway after Charlie leaves and Bella gloats about getting everything she wants suddenly Edward is all "lets have Emmett and Bella arm wrestle!". Oh yay, more Bella is a super speshul vampire scenes. UGH. Naturally she wins (it's Bella, of COURSE she's going to win). More gag worthy scenes of how awesome Bella (and her daughter) is. ENOUGH ALREADY.
But no, we get more and then Bella goes on about how amazing this is and how as a human she was never really good at anything. Um, excuse me but BULL SHIT. She was good at school (without heavy studying), she was good at cooking, she was somehow plain yet managed to attract tons of guys, and literally her only flaw was that she was clumsy but even her clumsiness was adorable. So excuse me if I don't buy this for a second. For godsakes, she was a teenager who somehow managed to learn to make FRIED CHICKEN. That wasn't Shake and Bake. Lets not forget how well she knew the classics either and thus was bored in English class. Stop trying to make me sympathize with Bella Meyer, it's not working.
The pointless chapter ends with Bella gushing about how awesome she is now that she was a vampire. GAG ME.
WORD LIST:
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "I know. I don't want to freak her out. Better to protect her. This stuff isn't for the fainthearted."-Why hello pot, is that you calling the kettle black? I believe so. Hypocrite, thy name is Bella Swan.
I remembered how it felt, that first uncomfortable immersion in fantasy-the sensation that everything would disappear in the light of the rising sun.-Um...that's funny, as I recall Bella you actually had no problem with vampires existing. You wanted to be one of them after a week of knowing they exist. I smell BS.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 25-Favor
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob lets the cat out of the bag to Charlie in what is more of Meyer's lazy attempts to solve problems.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to after the sex and suddenly Bella remembers she has a kid! Maybe she should have thought of that before she left? But anyway, she thinks of Renesmee and more angsting is to be had as a result. Yay.
She and Edward find cloths (more mention of super girly Alice finding perfectly fitting cloths and Bella hating them because you know she totally hates being pampered) and go to visit their baby. I'm going to go ahead and call it right now: Renesmee is going to be spoiled. All the behavior that Meyer has written about here have the makings of a spoiled brat. But of course, I'm sure Renesmee won't end up that way ;rolls eyes;.
To make sure once more that we don't get the idea that Bella is in any way equal now that she's a vamp, Meyer solves yet another problem through a lazy solution and without Bella getting any say. Jacob left earlier and told Charlie about him being a werewolf. Being Meyer of course, she has the character tell it word for word instead of just letting us figure it out on our own. Bella is suddenly super worried about Charlie (again, I call bull because her worry about him certainly didn't keep her from becoming a vampire did it?). Long story short: Charlie knows about the supernatural (but not about the Cullens being vamps) and that he has a granddaughter of sorts now. For some reason Bella is shocked he actually wants to meet her. Again I'm angry at Bella because Charlie has shown time and time again that he is a stand-up guy who will stand by his daughter no matter what, even if she doesn't deserve it. Which frankly, Bella doesn't.
So Bella prepares to meet Charlie and this suddenly sets off a "lets all praise Bella!" scene with the Cullens where Alice and Edward gush about how gorgeous she is now that she's a vampire. Someone please explain to me again how this series is supposed to be "deep"?
Then there's more wierdness as they remind her how to act human. My god, really? She's only been a vampire a few days, I thought vampires did human like things out of habit? Now you're telling me they don't? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! It's habit, or it's not habit. Which is it?
So Charlie shows up and I'm actually kind of looking forward to this because Charlie is the only likable character in this series and he's been frankly treated like shit by his daughter, her boyfriend and his family, and the author. I want a big scene where he calls Bella on her crap and tells her she screwed up and that he loves her and will stand by her but that doesn't excuse all the lying she did. I want this scene. I'm not in any way expecting it.
I was right not to. Charlie comes just looks hurt and Bella goes "it's for your own good and I'm really sorry!" and that quickly turns into cooing over how cute Renesmee is. UGH. Charlie basically says okay and he doesn't want to know the rest and then as he's a man, has his attention diverted by sports.
I've mentioned I HATE this series, right?
WORD LIST: artfully, divot, abashed, spastically,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Edward smiled, but he didn't laugh; he was a strong man.-Um...what? How does not laughing make you a strong man? Why does this even matter in the circumstance it's said? This entire sentance is stupid and makes no sense.
I could feel Emmett's silent laughter behind me, sending vibrations through the foundations of the house.-Emmett's power is now to cause earthquakes when he moves?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to after the sex and suddenly Bella remembers she has a kid! Maybe she should have thought of that before she left? But anyway, she thinks of Renesmee and more angsting is to be had as a result. Yay.
She and Edward find cloths (more mention of super girly Alice finding perfectly fitting cloths and Bella hating them because you know she totally hates being pampered) and go to visit their baby. I'm going to go ahead and call it right now: Renesmee is going to be spoiled. All the behavior that Meyer has written about here have the makings of a spoiled brat. But of course, I'm sure Renesmee won't end up that way ;rolls eyes;.
To make sure once more that we don't get the idea that Bella is in any way equal now that she's a vamp, Meyer solves yet another problem through a lazy solution and without Bella getting any say. Jacob left earlier and told Charlie about him being a werewolf. Being Meyer of course, she has the character tell it word for word instead of just letting us figure it out on our own. Bella is suddenly super worried about Charlie (again, I call bull because her worry about him certainly didn't keep her from becoming a vampire did it?). Long story short: Charlie knows about the supernatural (but not about the Cullens being vamps) and that he has a granddaughter of sorts now. For some reason Bella is shocked he actually wants to meet her. Again I'm angry at Bella because Charlie has shown time and time again that he is a stand-up guy who will stand by his daughter no matter what, even if she doesn't deserve it. Which frankly, Bella doesn't.
So Bella prepares to meet Charlie and this suddenly sets off a "lets all praise Bella!" scene with the Cullens where Alice and Edward gush about how gorgeous she is now that she's a vampire. Someone please explain to me again how this series is supposed to be "deep"?
Then there's more wierdness as they remind her how to act human. My god, really? She's only been a vampire a few days, I thought vampires did human like things out of habit? Now you're telling me they don't? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! It's habit, or it's not habit. Which is it?
So Charlie shows up and I'm actually kind of looking forward to this because Charlie is the only likable character in this series and he's been frankly treated like shit by his daughter, her boyfriend and his family, and the author. I want a big scene where he calls Bella on her crap and tells her she screwed up and that he loves her and will stand by her but that doesn't excuse all the lying she did. I want this scene. I'm not in any way expecting it.
I was right not to. Charlie comes just looks hurt and Bella goes "it's for your own good and I'm really sorry!" and that quickly turns into cooing over how cute Renesmee is. UGH. Charlie basically says okay and he doesn't want to know the rest and then as he's a man, has his attention diverted by sports.
I've mentioned I HATE this series, right?
WORD LIST: artfully, divot, abashed, spastically,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Edward smiled, but he didn't laugh; he was a strong man.-Um...what? How does not laughing make you a strong man? Why does this even matter in the circumstance it's said? This entire sentance is stupid and makes no sense.
I could feel Emmett's silent laughter behind me, sending vibrations through the foundations of the house.-Emmett's power is now to cause earthquakes when he moves?
Thursday, December 2, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 24-Surprise
CHAPTER SUMMARY: The snoozefest continues as Bella gets a house and she and Edward proceed to have lots of sex.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I think it's quite obvious at this point that Meyer literally had no idea how to continue this. Which is frankly her own fault. She wrote herself into a corner. That's the problem when you give your characters everything: there's nothing else to write about. Bella got her dream guy, got a perfect baby that she doesn't even have to raise herself, and even gets to keep Jacob in her life! When all is said and done, this should have been the ending to the series. Or better yet, Meyer shouldn't have bothered with this book at all. She literally could have just had Edward and Bella marry at the end of Eclipse, thrown in the baby and had Jacob imprint and that could have been the end. But no, Meyer has to torture us with a long drawn out, waste of paper ending that HAS NO POINT.
So instead of a proper ending we get drivel instead. First half of this chapter is basically devoted to wish fullfillment. Bella gets her own house! In a scene totally stolen out of the original Peter Pan book (if you've only seen the Disney version, Pan and the Lost Boys give Wendy her own cottage) the Cullens show off their wealth and give Bella a new car (never mind that she already had a new one at the beginning of this book) and a new house totally redone and furnished by Esme the super decorater (I've decided amazing decorating is her hidden vampire power).
Much of it is taken up by the Cullens basically tripping over themselves to make Bella happy and congratulating themselves on what awesome gift givers they are. Most of it's nauseating. I totally don't understand this contradictory exchange between Alice and Roselie prompted by Bella asking where Mary Sue baby sleeps:
I guess I'm doing that over-thinking thing that Twihards keep accusing me of because I found so many off things about this exchange. One: her entire life has been a few days. Give it time before you decide she's been spoiled, Alice. Two: Edward doesn't hold his kid at all? Three: there was no need to say she took Renesmee expertly in her arms. Just say she took her into her arms. Stop trying to beat your word count Meyer. Four: She's spoiled? But she's not spoiled? WHAT? What does this exchange even mean? Five: First you she's the most spoiled in existance, which implies there are more of her kind. Then you say the beauty of being one of a kind. Either there are more of her or there aren't. Again: MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND. And finally: what on earth does her being one of a kind have to do with her being spoiled her not? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. This entire exchange makes no freaking sense other then to remind us that Mary Sue baby is a super speshul snowflake. Oh, and I guess it was to lead into the paragraph that had Bella thinking that "oh, me and Roselie ARE still friends! Yay!" Whatever.
As the gift giving goes one Bella still has the same reactions she would have if she were human and she feels relief because you see, she was uber worried that her core self would change after she became a vamp. Okay, yes, a normal person might worry about that. Except that if you read through the books SHE NEVER ONCE WORRIED ABOUT THIS. So this is frankly bull.
Cue vivid description as the Cullens take Bella to her very own cottage. Which is of course perfectly suited to her tastes (if she has any) and utterly wonderful in every way. Because the Cullens could never get anything wrong you see.
Then all the pretty description turns into what we've all (well...not me) been waiting for: vampire sex! Well...the precursor to vampire sex because she literally gets them going hot and heavy like last time and then cuts off to next morning. Oh Meyer, you tease.
Next morning is basically a conversation about how long their sex drive will probably last. Just know it's long. Sigh. Then the chapter abruptly ends with them laughing at something or other in bed. Again, I'm bored.
WORD LIST: acquiescence, beribboned, superlatives
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Late summer roses bloomed in a handkerchief-sized garden-That must be a really small garden, seeing as how handkerchiefs are about the size of a mini notebook computer. Stupid description.
that his wits-scramblingly beautiful face-Really? You went with that? Again: bad description.
He smiled a wide, gleaming smile-I get it, he smiled. I swear the editors must have been half asleep when they approved this.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
I think it's quite obvious at this point that Meyer literally had no idea how to continue this. Which is frankly her own fault. She wrote herself into a corner. That's the problem when you give your characters everything: there's nothing else to write about. Bella got her dream guy, got a perfect baby that she doesn't even have to raise herself, and even gets to keep Jacob in her life! When all is said and done, this should have been the ending to the series. Or better yet, Meyer shouldn't have bothered with this book at all. She literally could have just had Edward and Bella marry at the end of Eclipse, thrown in the baby and had Jacob imprint and that could have been the end. But no, Meyer has to torture us with a long drawn out, waste of paper ending that HAS NO POINT.
So instead of a proper ending we get drivel instead. First half of this chapter is basically devoted to wish fullfillment. Bella gets her own house! In a scene totally stolen out of the original Peter Pan book (if you've only seen the Disney version, Pan and the Lost Boys give Wendy her own cottage) the Cullens show off their wealth and give Bella a new car (never mind that she already had a new one at the beginning of this book) and a new house totally redone and furnished by Esme the super decorater (I've decided amazing decorating is her hidden vampire power).
Much of it is taken up by the Cullens basically tripping over themselves to make Bella happy and congratulating themselves on what awesome gift givers they are. Most of it's nauseating. I totally don't understand this contradictory exchange between Alice and Roselie prompted by Bella asking where Mary Sue baby sleeps:
Alice shrugged. "In Roselie's arms. Or Jacob's. Or Esme's. You get the picture. She has never been set down her entire life. She's going to be the most spoiled half-vampire in existance."
Edward laughed while Roselie took Renesmee expertly in her arms. "She is also the must unspoiled half-vampre in existance," Roselie said. "The Beauty of being one of a kind."
From Breaking Dawn Chapter 24
I guess I'm doing that over-thinking thing that Twihards keep accusing me of because I found so many off things about this exchange. One: her entire life has been a few days. Give it time before you decide she's been spoiled, Alice. Two: Edward doesn't hold his kid at all? Three: there was no need to say she took Renesmee expertly in her arms. Just say she took her into her arms. Stop trying to beat your word count Meyer. Four: She's spoiled? But she's not spoiled? WHAT? What does this exchange even mean? Five: First you she's the most spoiled in existance, which implies there are more of her kind. Then you say the beauty of being one of a kind. Either there are more of her or there aren't. Again: MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND. And finally: what on earth does her being one of a kind have to do with her being spoiled her not? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. This entire exchange makes no freaking sense other then to remind us that Mary Sue baby is a super speshul snowflake. Oh, and I guess it was to lead into the paragraph that had Bella thinking that "oh, me and Roselie ARE still friends! Yay!" Whatever.
As the gift giving goes one Bella still has the same reactions she would have if she were human and she feels relief because you see, she was uber worried that her core self would change after she became a vamp. Okay, yes, a normal person might worry about that. Except that if you read through the books SHE NEVER ONCE WORRIED ABOUT THIS. So this is frankly bull.
Cue vivid description as the Cullens take Bella to her very own cottage. Which is of course perfectly suited to her tastes (if she has any) and utterly wonderful in every way. Because the Cullens could never get anything wrong you see.
Then all the pretty description turns into what we've all (well...not me) been waiting for: vampire sex! Well...the precursor to vampire sex because she literally gets them going hot and heavy like last time and then cuts off to next morning. Oh Meyer, you tease.
Next morning is basically a conversation about how long their sex drive will probably last. Just know it's long. Sigh. Then the chapter abruptly ends with them laughing at something or other in bed. Again, I'm bored.
WORD LIST: acquiescence, beribboned, superlatives
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Late summer roses bloomed in a handkerchief-sized garden-That must be a really small garden, seeing as how handkerchiefs are about the size of a mini notebook computer. Stupid description.
that his wits-scramblingly beautiful face-Really? You went with that? Again: bad description.
He smiled a wide, gleaming smile-I get it, he smiled. I swear the editors must have been half asleep when they approved this.
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