Thursday, December 16, 2010

BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 33-Forgery

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella goes to see a man about documents in what is Meyer's pitiful attempt at writing noir.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with a conversation with Charlie. That Bella is of course not paying attention too. I mean why would she? It's just her FATHER, whom she is supposedly so protective of. Couple of boring conversations later Bella, Jacob, and Renesmee are off to visit Charlie.
Bella leaves Renesmee with Charlie and Jacob (am I the only one bothred about how all of Renesmee's parenting seems to be done by people OTHER then supposingly super!Mom Bella and Edward who I've yet see spend any time with her?) and drives off. We get more lazy writing as Bella tells us about her progress. She of course goes to the address that Alice left her. Cue vivid description.
Mark, from Mark Reads Twilight (look it up on Google, this blog is HILARIOUS and so much better then mine) described this chapter best when he said that this is Meyer's attempt to do noir but as usual, she fails because she doesn't grasp what noir IS.
Bella runs into man. Man is not J but apparently works for J and is reluctant to show Bella the way cause he'd possibly lose his job. So man calls J. J freaks out over the Cullen name and agrees to meet. Man flirts with Bella (those pheromones at work again and probably double now that she's a vamp) while waiting for him. Bella goes to meet J. Turns out Jenks is a forger. Alice sent her to him to write up fake documents for them in case they lost for the Volturi. Wow, why do I care?
Meyer, for the record, noir is all about SUSPENSE. You see now, why you failed? There's no suspense here. I honestly don't care about this man and what he does, or about the documents, or about ANY of this. This is just you wasting paper and my time. Noir has femme fatales with dangerous secrets (Bella does SO not qualify), has Humphrey Bogart like dangerous men wanting to know those secrets (none of that here), and again: SUSPENSE. Sorry, but you fail.
So Bella grasps right away what Alice wants her to do and she starts tearing up at the weight of it all. God, I thought we were past crying, emotional, Bella. Guess not.
So Bella creates documents for Renesmee and Jacob. In Meyer's usual lack of creativity, she has Jacob's last name be Wolfe. Really? Documents are planned out and Bella leaves in what is a stupid and pointless chapter and once again: BORING.

WORD LIST: dilapidated,
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Charlie laughed and then sighed for the old days.-Um...what? How can you sigh for the old days? How does Bella even know that's what he's sighing about?

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