BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 34-Declared

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Cullens celebrate christmas and big battle is planned. Amen.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella comes home and much sappyness occurs. Blah.
Then more prattling/summarizing from Bella. What annoys me is that Bella is basically being a martyr again and assuming Jacob and Renesmee will be the only ones to survive. Where exactly did she get this idea? From what I've seen, the Volturi don't have many members, the Cullens on the other hand have a literal ARMY on their hands. So WHY is she so sure they'll lose? They've won so far, haven't they? Plus they have the werewolves who are the only known creature to be able to take down vampires, right? You'd think she'd be a little more confident. But it wouldn't be Bella and Twilight if she didn't act like a damn martyr at least ONCE. Now, it's twice per book. Groan.
The book becomes oddly fitting for this time of year as suddenly they are celebrating Christmas (already? Didn't they have the wedding like a month after graduation? Then Nessie a week later...how much freaking time has passed?! I don't even know!). Of course, it's a great christmas. I'm further shocked at the mention of a MP3 player in this. So they DO exist here! Creepily enough, Jacob gave Renesmee a promise ring. I'm sure that again, Meyer thought this was super cute. I think it's gross cause she's SEVEN YEARS OLD. Another thing: I'm pretty sure Native Americans don't celebrate Christmas, seeing as how that's a CHRISTIAN holiday, so why is the wolf pack even there? I smell lack of research and ignorance again. However, I could be wrong about this as I don't really know any Native Americans. If someone would care to correct me then please go ahead and feel free to ignore this bit.
But even the Christmas holidays are ruined by sad panda Bella who just can't freaking enjoy herself for once. They return home to find Alistair gone and everyone freaked out. Is it a bad sign that I'm racking my brain to remember who Alistair is and why he's so important? He basically left because he felt it was no use. His leaving causes Amun and Kebi (egyptian vamps) to leave but be mad when one of them stays to help.
They start explaining that Alistair was muttering to himself and in that muttering he's worried that the Volturi will just not listen and kill them all anyway. I think it's pretty clear now who the Volturi represent: The Catholic Church. For those that don't know, the LDS loaths the Catholic Church. The Volturi are obviously the Pope and the Cardinals. Meyer, you are not as subtle as you think you are being. Hell, Pullman was more subtle in the His Dark Materials books about the Magistrate (for those that don't know the Magistrate in the books represent the Church and its oppressiveness; Pullman is an athiest btw) then you are being here and that's saying something.
Then suddenly there's talk about whether to fight or not. Um...I thought this had already been decided? Guess not. Well in a cliche move, all the present factions agree to stand with Carlisle. Saw this coming a mile away. No shock factor. Then it turns into a hunt and Bella angsting on the hunt. Then she's all "what if fail?!" blah blah and of course Eddiekins comforts her. Again, why do I CARE? I KNOW she won't fail it's MEYER writing this and it's BELLA. The good guys will win. Boring chapter ends. FIVE MORE TO GO!

WORD LIST: sancrosanct
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: BORING!