Tuesday, March 30, 2010

NEW MOON: Chapter 15-Pressure

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella spends time in La Push basically doing nothing and then stupidly jumps a cliff.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Kind of another boring chapter. The cliff diving is seriously the only exciting thing happening and even that's dimmed by the knowledge that we all know she makes it and is dragged down by the fact that you seriously want Bella to GET THE HELL OVER IT. Or at least I do. I'm sorry if I sound unsympathetic but really, this girl has taken this to the extreme and I have little patience for the "my boyfriend just broke up with me how will I ever live with myself!" types. If Bella had moped around for a few weeks or so, I could understand. But seriously, it's been SIX MONTHS now. That is half a year. There comes a time when a person needs to wake up and say "Okay, now is the time to be able to stand on my own two feet and move on" Bella has passed that point a long time ago. Especially as I will again point out: this was not exactly a rough break up.
Okay, well, we open to Bella being stalked-I mean protected by Jacob and his pack. She is spending a lot of time at La Push though I notice there's never actual mention if she actually LIKES it there. Even Mike has noticed and is of course made out to be a resentful jealous baby. I have to comment on this wierd thing:
"I know,"I sighed. "Life is complicated."
"And girls are cruel," Mike said under his breath.
I supposed that was an easy assumption to make, too.

From New Moon, Chapter 15

First of all, huh? I don't get this at all. Second, he has a point. Bella is kind of basically leading Jacob on and she knows it but she's continuing to do so anyway and even worse, he kind of knows it and is letting her do so. But just because Bella doesn't like that Mike is pointing out her shortcomings, Mike is just being resentful and doesn't understand the situation. Now, no he doesn't get all the stuff, but he is right on the money about the leading Jacob on thing.
Anyway, Bella and Jacob spend more time together. There is more bad dialogue where Jacob emos about being a werewolf, Bella emos that she's messed up, and then they both emo about the two of them being messed up though Bella still says she's more messed up then Jacob. Okay, we get it Meyer. They have issues. It would also be more poigntant of you to SHOW us that these two have issues instead of having them lamenting that they have issues but I guess that would be asking too much.
Some notes on Meyer's werewolves that come up in the questioning: speed, body heat, heal really fast. Well, I will say this: at least her werewolves resemble werewolves. Though, I think they're more shapeshifters then werewolves as they can do it all the time instead of the full moon but that's probably just me. Also, at least Meyer gives some sort of reason for why all the stuff comes easily to Jacob: two of his relatives were part of the original werewolf pack.
More bad dialogue as the two start to talk about the Cullens and naturally, this causes Bella MORE pain...I've mentioned she needs to get over this, right? Okay. Then there's transition were she spends more time at Emily's place and both act like good little housewives cleaning, gardening etc. while the men go off and protect. Ye gods, I don't know, but I keep picturing these two and the wolf pack in Little House on the Prairie garb. Maybe because if I think of it in that time period, the way the women act in this book makes more sense and doesn't make me want to scream and wonder if Meyer realizes we are not in the sixties anymore.
Bad transition and then we cut to Bella and Jacob making a date to go cliff diving. Great Jacob, you've become an enabler. Just so you know, my opinion of Jacob has really sunk these last few chapters. I still like him a whole lot better then Edward (not that hard) but it's like Meyer just keeps holding back his character or is chipping away what little character he had as soon as we found out he was a werewolf. I think perhaps if he had stayed a regular human it would have been better. But then Bella can't date a NORMAL human, so of course he was made into a werewolf.
Anyway, fast forward next day. Bella gets to La Push and discovers the wolves are off fighting Victoria and is now all worried even though Billy has said what I've been saying: they obviously know what they're doing, she's being stupid. But what does he know, right? Probably a whole lot more then Bella knows, but that's beside the point. Bella goes and emos out on the beach and decides that she's going to cliff dive, with or without Jacob. Stupid move? Yes, it is.
I will say, this scene was a whole lot more powerful in the movie (even if it was, again, melodramatic). They actually SHOW the wolves fighting Victoria as well as Bella deciding that she's going to cliff dive. Plus, Victoria was also there as an added danger element but that's not here in the book and I this is more instance of where the movie is much better done. Yep, you heard me, I think the movie is better then the book. Not by much mind you, because the vamps still sparkle and Bella has no emotions on her face, but at least I don't get pages upon pages of bad prose describing an event that takes maybe a minute. Also, much less of Bella's whining.
So long story short: Bella jumps off cliff, hears Edwards voice and is happy, and then starts to drown. Her last thought being I love you to Edward. But fear not all, as there are two and a half books more to go in the series, Bella obviously makes it. Damn.

WORD LIST: dilute
POSSIBLE EDITS: It was Spring Break in Forks again. When I woke up on Monday morning, I lay in bed for a few seconds absorbing that.-These two sentences need to be put differently on the page because the way the grammer is makes it awkward. A better way would have been this: It was spring break in Forks again when I woke up on Monday morning. I lay in bed for a few seconds absorbing that.
I do spent most of my time with Jacob, though.-Spent should be SPEND.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I sat down on a patch of semidry rocks and curled up in a ball.-Putting aside how pathetic Bella is being again, how the hell does she know those are semidry rocks? What, she's a geology expert too? Just say she sat down on rocks.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

NEW MOON: Chapter 14-Family

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella meets the wolf pack. They go about protecting her. That is all.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So we finally get to meet the big wolf pack and it is pretty much like how Bella meets the Cullens: they all pretty much accept her, she is perfectly welcome, and is now pretty much under their protection even though she has done nothing warrant that protection. But thus is the power of Mary Sue: you meet a group they will automatically devote everything to you no questions asked.
This chapter also begins what I like to call: vampires are WAY better then werewolves...they just are. Now that is not my attitude (I have no preference for werewolves or vampires, both are equally awesome) but that is Bella's attitude and that pretty much sets the attitude for the rest of the series. I will be giving examples of this attitude as we go further along in the series but the big examples are in this chapter.
Big example one is when you compare Bella's feelings about meeting the wolf pack to her feelings about meeting the Cullens. In meeting the Cullens she is worried about whether or not they'll like her, not about the fact that they could suck her blood out at any moment. But in meeting the wolf pack her reaction is this:
I cowered into Jacob's side, my eyes scanning the forest for the other werewolves.
From New Moon, Chapter 14

Quite different from the Cullens isn't it? With the Cullens she didn't have much assurance that Edward wasn't lying to her (he even told her she should be terrified about walking into a room full of vamps) but with Jacob's pack she was assured none of them were killers and would be nice to her yet she's shaking in her boots. Pretty much the same situation, yet two very different reactions. It says a lot about what Bella thinks about the werewolves versus what she thinks about the Cullens.
Now granted, it probably doesn't help much what happens when she's first introduced, but STILL. What happens when she's introduced is that werewolf pack is not happy (pack consists of Sam, Embry, and two random guys named Jared and Paul all of whom aren't vividly described. Why? Who knows, probably because they aren't important enough to rank vivid description).
Paul is not happy with Jacob and loses his temper and thus he and Jacob get into a vicious wolf fight (I will say, on the New Moon DVD this scene was kind of cool...pity it lasted like a minute). Anyway, two wolves brawl, Sam tells Embry and Jared to take Bella to Emily and they do. Bella is confused that no one seems worried and thus comes the most enjoyable part in chapter: Embry and Jared's banter. Ah, guys who are acting like GUYS. Thank you, Meyer. I was beginning to wonder if you had met the male species. I hope there are more of these two but I'm betting no.
Even this lame joke didn't bug me in this scene:
"Well, the wolf's out of the bag now." Embry sighed.
From New Moon, Chapter 14

This doesn't but me because it's MEANT to be corny and lame. Meant to be corny and lame jokes are fine. It's when something that's supposed to be funny but isn't is when I start to get irritated. Which unfortunately a lot of Meyer's jokes in Twilight are...when she even HAS jokes.
Of course, the scene is slightly dragged because Meyer has to put in what a super awesome werewolf Jacob is. But I can over look the Gary Stuness because I did somewhat like this scene. To sum it up: Embry and Jared make a bet on who will win the fight and leave a mark. Bella thinks they're heartless and is all worried. Sigh. Bella if the pack members aren't worried then there's probably nothing to be worried about. Yeesh.
Anyway, they head off to Emily's who is Sam's fiancee (in a total bitchy way, but that's not covered in this chapter so I'm letting it go till the story comes out but let me just tell you: this match SUCKS even more then Bella and Edward and is of course being heralded as true love). But enough ranting about coming events, we meet Emily and lo and behold. Someone who doesn't have a perfect face in this series. Of course, she was perfect before she got the scars but: a girl that has scars. It is also again really sucky how she got those scars but again, not covered in this chapter.
I would like to point out another example of vampire favortism: Cullen's house gets paragraphs upon paragraphs of description. Emily's place gets one tiny paragraph. We all know that in this series the more vivid the description, the more favored the subject being described is. Don't tell me that isn't so, I mean compare all the descriptions Bella gives of Edward as opposed to the descriptions of minor characters or all things non-Cullen. Yeah, it's a big difference.
Turns out that Emily is not only beautiful (despite scars) but she is an amazing cook too. I love how all the women in this series are master chefs, don't you? Yet you never see the men in the kitchen. I'm just noting another sexist thing about this series, I'm moving on now.
Bella watches them eat and then Jacob, Paul, and Sam come and of course Jacob is all right. Then Sam greets Emily and this pains Bella. See, seeing others happy and in love brings her pain even though it is almost six months after her break up. I am going to say it once more: GET OVER IT. Also, could you be any more self involved? How about being happy that there's proof of love and that maybe you can still find it?
While Bella is having her emo moment, Jacob announces that Victoria is after Bella and is headed to Forks...um, why they couldn't have figured out she was headed to Forks before this, I don't know but whatever. The pack immediately start to make plans to protect Bella and she worries about them even though again: there is proof that they can take on vampires.
Bella spends the day there and goes home with Charlie who is rightfully confused that she and Jacob are okay now. Then Bella starts to think about Jacob calling her a hypocrite. But Bella assures herself that she isn't one just because she would have loved Edward had she known he was a killer because love makes you irrational. Um...yes it does, except love doesn't excuse you from being a hypocrite. Seriously, this could have been a major character revelation and she could have started to correct herself. Instead, she's quickly excused and absolved of being in the wrong simply because: it's love. Ugh. This is why there is never any character developement. Chapter ends with Bella dreaming. Sure does that a lot doesn't she?

WORD LIST: None. Good job, Meyer!
POSSIBLE EDITS: None that I could see right off.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "March Madness is still going," Jacob said.-First, this is again stereotyping the males (all they watch is sports!); second, when did it get to be the end of March? The last I checked it was mid February and maybe a week or so, two tops, had passed. What the hell? Seriously Meyer, it's called TRANSITION. Learn it. Please.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

NEW MOON: Chapter 13-Killer

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob and Bella talk about him being a werewolf. That's it.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with Bella deciding to talk to Jacob. She is convinced that he and his pack are killers (even though she has no proof and um, hello, tale called them PROTECTORS) and is going to tell him that she can't condone his behavior. Not because killing is wrong and she's worried about the people either:
I would tell him to his face that I couldn't just overlook what was going on. I couldn't be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue...That would make me a monster, too.
From New Moon, Chapter 13

Yeah, just so you know this is more evidence against that "Bella is so selfless thing" Twihards keep telling me. Were she selfless she wouldn't be worried about herself and how she felt about the situation. She'd worry about the people that the pack is supposingly going around and killing and what that killing is doing to Jacob and his pack. But again, it's pretty much about her and how she feels about the situation. So, NOT selfless. I also love how she's calling Jacob and his friends monsters. Never saw her call Edward and his kin monsters did you? I'm thinking we have a double standard here, don't you?
Well she gets to Jacob's house and he's asleep (Billy is there but that's not important) so she goes to the beach to wait for him. Vivid description as she walks and waits for him. She thinks how innocent he looked while sleeping and that maybe he's not a monster (don't you love how once again, she focuses on looks and the fact that something so innocent looking couldn't possibly be a monster? Looks can be decieving was obviously not taught to this girl). Jacob then shows up.
Obviously Jacob already knows about the hunters and whatnot, and I must say I particularly LOVED this part:
"You're such a hypocrite, Bella-there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?" His hands shook with anger.
From New Moon, Chapter 13

Finally, a character in this series is calling Bella on her crap. Because Jacob is totally and completely right: she is a hypocrite. Along with a lot of other things that will sadly probably never get mentioned seriously in this book again (even Jacob takes back the hypocrite thing later in this chapter, sigh). Anyway, after much arguing Jacob manages to get it through her head that the wolves are not killing people (um, DUH Bella) and then they are okay again.
We also learned that the pack has killed Laurent (duh again, Bella) and yet Bella still refuses to believe that the pack isn't in danger. Sigh. This girl just refuses to believe that vampires aren't gods, doesn't she? But anyway, Bella finally starts to use her head (sort of) and realizes that if Laurent died and the pack isn't doing it then someone else is killing the people. Wow, give that girl a gold star.
She realizes it's Victoria (duh...I probably need to stop saying that but seriously, there is no other appropriate word for how stupid Bella is in this book) and tells Jacob and Jacob takes off for some reason. Then we're back to Bella being emo AGAIN. I really am getting TIRED of this. But Jacob comes back and all is well (sigh, I wish this girl could learn to stand on her own two feet, seriously).
Bella still refuses to believe vampires aren't gods and goes with Jacob and cue bad dialogue about protecting you and not to subtle telling of what werewolves can do. I have to say, I don't understand why she has the werewolves able to read other pack members thoughts. That makes no sense to me, there has never been anything in werewolf mythology about that nor is there anything about wolves being able to do it. It's like Meyer just thought "well this would be keen, let's throw it in! But I don't want him to overshadow Eddiekins so he can only read other werewolves minds". Which in retrospect, is probably what she did.
Meyer has more fun stamping all over mythology and not researching too: werewolves can shift whenever, moon has nothing to do with it. Ugh. I do sort of understand the pack thing, that coincides with the wolf part but all of them automatically doing what Sam says? So not part of science/and or mythos. There is also more corny lines with Jacob and Bella. We learn that Bella still feels pain at hearing Edward's name. I'm sorry but at this point this is ridiculous. It's been what, five/six months? She should be over it by now. At the very least she shouldn't be feeling pain at the mention of his name. Meyer is just being dumb with this now. It was not THAT painful of a break up. She is supposingly with this new guy so she should be GETTING OVER IT. Well, anyway, boring chapter ends with Jacob and Bella off to see the wolf pack.

WORD LIST: acidic, surreptitiously
POSSIBLE EDITS: Usual couple of dashes that need to be subsituted for proper puncuation or not there at all.
GENERAL ANNOYANCED: My head spun sickingly-Well, how else does one head spin?

Just a note: We're more then halfway through it now according to my Kindle!

NEW MOON DVD special

To take a minute away from the book (will be getting back to it later today) I have rented and watched the New Moon dvd. Is it just me or did they up the melodrama?
I will give them this: they followed the book. Actually, I think they improved on the book because they cut out all the pointless scenes (meaning half the book) and actually showed the action so it wasn't completely boring like the book is. But still, major melodrama going on. It doesn't help that pretty much everyone has the same damn expression on thier face throughout the thing so I can't decide if this can even be counted as acting (yes, Kristin Stewert I'm looking at YOU; but in your defense Bella doesn't exactly go through much emotion besides whine, bitch, and cry in this so you actually probably did a good job it's just that your character sucks). I think the only ones who showed any kind of facial expressions were Bella's human "friends" (how cute were Ben and Angie in this? They're like the cutest nerd couple ever) and Jacob.
But there actually were some good things in this. Here are the good:
1) Music-soundtrack is beautiful and rock songs matched to the scene really well.
2) Bella's wardrobe. I was mildly disturbed that I would actually wear some of the things she had on (that peasant top she had on in the movies for instance). I would totally steal all of Alice's cloths which were much better. Sorry, I'm in Project Runway mode right now. Ignore my fashion obsession.
3) Shirtless guys. Apparently much of the men were allergic to shirts in this movie and in some cases (particularly in Taylor Laughtner's case) this was a good thing and kind of made drudging through the movie worth it. ;drools over wolf pack;
4) Cinematography. Gorgeous shots I will give the director and the crew props on that. They managed to make this film artsy and it totally fits in with how you picture the book. So kudos guys, now please go work on a DECENT movie turned book (may I put my vote in that you guys do Graceling? PLEASE? Oh, or Mortals Instruments!).
5) Voltari-Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning=vampires who are actually VAMPIRES. Thank you! Plus they're just awesome themselves (I've had this wierd thing for Michael Sheen ever since I saw him in The Queen which by the way is way better then this movie).
That is pretty much all that is good about this film. The acting...well there isn't really much acting going on. The actors try I'll give them that but as established in this blog they have sucky source material so they really can't do much but I did find the chemistry between them way more belieavable then I did in the book which is...kind of sad. It also is, I'm sorry, very BORING. Seriously, this movie has vampires and werewolves, you would think that would be EXCITING. But it manages to be slow, predictable, and even more cheesy then regular vampire and werewolf movies (yes, I'm serious).
So while the actors/actresses and crew did try their darnest with what they had...what they had sucked to begin with so it didn't really work. Twilight fans however are probably mucho pleased with it because as I've said, it follows the book. So it's great for the fans...not so great for everyone else but everyone else doesn't really matter in this particular case as like me, they're just going to rent this movie and not spend any more money then two dollars (dollar rental machines rock, need to be more of them).

Thursday, March 18, 2010

NEW MOON: Chapter 12-Intruder

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Basically, Bella finally gets hit by the clue bus. The goodness of the previous chapter wears off again. Sigh.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We left off in the last chapter with someone at Bella's window. She is immediately concerned that it's Victoria come to kill her and just stands there (which seems to be her automatic conclusion to any danger coming her way, I'm just saying) and it turns out to be Jacob coming to apologize. I do admit, the part with him clinging to the tree and it dipping due to his weight is kind of funny. Then there is a brief part where Bella is possessed by someone who actually stands up for herself:
"Get out!" I hissed, putting as much venom into the whisper as I could.
From New Moon, Chapter 12

My reaction to this was: YAY! Bella is finally not going to take it anymore! She's standing up for herself and realizing she doesn't need another jerk of a guy around! Sadly, that did not last:
I looked up at him, the tears not yet dried on my cheeks. "Why would I be okay, Jacob?"
From New Moon, Chapter 12

Sigh. Why can't Bella have a strong moment for herself that lasts more then one damn paragraph? Is that too much to ask? To have a strong female lead? I don't think so, last I checked this was the twenty first century. Though the way Meyer writes women this book, you would think the whole equal rights/feminist movement had never happened.
Honestly, not a lot goes on in this chapter. Jake apologizes for being an ass, Bella excepts and doesn't understand why he can't tell her what's going on, and then Jacob points out what I said in the last chapter: Bella is pretty dumb for not figuring it out already.
Jacob tries to lead her to the answer and because Meyer once more assumes her readers are dumb and have no memories, she not only recaps what happened when Bella and Jacob meant, she inserts a whole scene from Twilight itself. Meyer, give your readers some credit please.
Then because apparently that wasn't enough to jog Bella's memory (seriously, dumbest heroine EVER) she has to have a vivid dream about it too. So basically this chapter is a lot of Jacob apologizing and much recaping of one chapter in Twilight and Bella finally going: they're WEREWOLVES! To which I say: DUH BELLA!
Even dumber is that this rocks her world. I'm sorry but if you've figured out that vampires exist wouldn't your mind kind of go "hmm...I wonder if werewolves and all those other creatures of the knight exist too?" I mean really, it's not the huge stretch that this girl is complaining about. Because of course she complains about it. Because you know falling for a vampire and a werewolf as well just makes her a freak.
So Bella processes this and talks to Charlie the next morning and discovers that now people have decided that the wolves are too dangerous and are going to hunt them down and shoot them. Seems rather sudden for people to decide but whatever. Bella is now convinced that some of the werewolves are bloodthirsty killers and is now worried: what is she going to do now?

WORD LIST: none, good job Meyer!
POSSIBLE EDITS: No need for the italics on words when Bella is angry. Bad stylization.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: We do not need like three/four recaps of one chapter in Twilight. Really, that's overdoing it just a bit.

I know this is short but there really wasn't much stuff going on besides usual bad dialogue. That said, New Moon is coming out on DVD on Saturday. I have to work and the place I work at sells the dvds. I'm sure you can imagine how thrilled I'm going to be on Saturday ;) So question: to rent New Moon to snark at or not to rent New Moon to snark at? That is the question (or to borrow a coworkers bootleg copy to save the money?)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

NEW MOON: Chapter 11-The Cult

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Trying to get New Moon wrapped up this month (I'm just that tired of it and want the torture over with) so more updates per week now. So in this chapter Bella pretty much stalks Jacob, learns he has become one of Sam's followers and that's pretty much it.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS: I admit, this was actually kind of a solid chapter. Still cheesy and overdone (which I've decided must be Meyer's shtick) but nevertheless, actually kind of good. See, I do think Meyer has the potential to write powerful stuff...unfortunately her taste level isn't quite there. When she matures as a writer then maybe she has the potential to be decent. Unfortunately she seems to be of the theory that she is already a good author and that she needs no improvement so I don't anticipate this happening any time soon.
But slightly good chapter isn't perfect and there's still much snarking to be had so let's get to it! We start off with Bella still worried about Jacob and I'm sorry but at this point, she's kind of stalking him:
I called him Tuesday, but no one answered. Were the phone lines still having problems? Or had Billy invested in caller I.D.?
On Wednesday I called every half hour until after eleven at night, desperate to hear the warmth of Jacob's voice.

From New Moon, Chapter 11

Um...wow. I understand that Bella is worried but every half hour? Jeez. This screams desperate woman to me and pretty much every male. Bella argues more with herself against going to La Push and there is mention of Charlie warning her not to make a nuisance of herself....yeah, too late for that Charlie. Seriously, phoning him, EVERY HALF HOUR.
Finally it hits Bella: Sam is the reason Jacob is staying away!. Couldn't at all be that he simply doesn't want to be around her anymore, her Mary Sueness is still intact. Now at this point I was kind of hoping that Bella had developed some brain cells and remembered those tails Jacob had told her about the tribe turning to wolves, made the connection with the wolves in the forest, and thought to herself: wow, vampires/werewolves isn't much of a stretch and it would explain everything. In every other paranormal series, this is what the heroine/love interest would be doing because right now it's kind of like screaming DUH in their faces.
Sadly, I keep forgetting that our suposed smart heroine is actually kind of dumb as rocks because instead of that revelation, she assumes that Sam has lured Jacob to his cult. To quote my favorite TV show Gilmore Girls: Oy to the vey. Well, at least she's on the right track...sort of.
Well with this revelation (and no proof) she calls up Charlie and says something is going down. Charlie, being the decent guy he is, listens to her and says he'll check in on it and there is more abuse of foreshadow as Charlie mentions the wolves again. This makes no sense to me by the way:
I was momentarily distracted-stunned, really-by his news. There was no way the wolves could have survived a match-up with Laurent...
From New Moon, Chapter 11

Um...excuse me? Where did she come up with that conclusion? Did she miss the part where Laurent RAN from the wolves? That to me, says that Laurent knew he was outmatched and was scared. What made her think that Laurent was more powerful then the wolves exactly? Seriously, think before you write Meyer.
Well, Bella of course ignores Charlie's advice (in her usual bratty I-know-best way) and calls Billy next. Jacob is still not there and the fact that he's out with Embry proves to Bella that he's in a cult. So she drives to La Push. On her way there, she runs into Quil who has now also grown and Bella marvels at it and I again want to shake her and yell that she's a moron for not putting one plus one together and getting two.
Quil is now seriously freaked out that he's going to become part of the group and I really felt for him in this chapter. The poor guy is scared out of his mind. But he is quickly brought home and exits faster then you can say stage left and then Bella is at Jacob's house again. Jacob shows up and is angry at her. I admit, Jacob is kind of an ass in this chapter but considering what he's going through I understand. Then we get this epic forewhadow:
I wanted to be a vampire.
The violent desire caught me off guard and knocked the wind out of me.

From New Moon, Chapter 11

I don't know why she's so surprised. It's pretty obvious that Bella has wanted to be a vampire since discovering they exist. Seriously she worships the Cullens, thinks there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with it, and acts like they're better then humans. I still say the only reason Bella was with Edward in the first place is because she wanted him to turn her into a vamp. But that's my theory.
Anyway, Bella tries to talk sense into Jacob and it doesn't really go very well. I will admit this arguement is actually very well done. It is one of the few scenes in this series that doesn't seem forced, fake, or awkward. The motivations made sense and for once there weren't all these ridiculous conclusions going on. Okay, I take that back, there is one where Bella immediately assumes this is all about her and the fact that she doesn't love him yet. Ugh. That is the point where this good scene derails and goes back to the usual melodrama. That melodrama goes right back to where we were a few chapters ago. Yes, ladies and gentlemen it is the return of emo Bella. Ugh again. This pretty much just drives home that there has been no character development for Bella whatsoever.
Emo Bella goes home and is emo while listening to Charlie go into protective father mode. She doesn't even muster up any gratefulness to him, just whines that Billy is being unfair and assuming he thinks she was leading Jacob on (which um...she kind of was) and is not having it. The only thing she's happy about is that Charlie is on her side now. Again, oy to the vey.
Bella dreams again, and this might as well be Meyer screaming into our ear "she's torn between two hot men! Pity her!" Cause you know, we couldn't have figured out what was going on without this pointless scene. All though the imagery of Jacob and Edward shifting together in and out sounds kind of cool...any chance they had that in New Moon? I may have to rent it if that's the case.
Pointless scene then shifts to something scraping against her window.

WORD LIST: ascertained
POSSIBLE EDITS: None that I could see right off, though as usual many scenes that could have been cut.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: return of super emo Bella
The worry was eating a hole in my stomach. Soon I would have matching punctures.-Eh? What's the first puncture from?

Monday, March 15, 2010

NEW MOON: Chapter 10-The Meadow

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Something besides mindless dialogue actually happens! Then it goes back to boring again. Sigh.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
It starts out with Bella being amazingly worried about Jacob and calling him up like a thousand times a week or so. Um...gee, Bella. Do you NOT have a life? I understand you're worried about him and that's great that you're finally worried about someone else besides you and Edward but seriously. Also I have to comment on this:
All I knew about mono was that you were supposed to get it from kissing, which was clearly not the case with Jake.
From New Moon, Chapter 10

First, you don't get mono from just kissing and it's been heavily disputed that you get it by kissing in the first place. That is a stupid schoolyard myth made up and used by bullies to tease couples. Do some actual research Meyer. Second, how does Bella know Jacob hasn't been kissing someone? They weren't mutually exclusive nor, are they spending every waking hour together so how does she know Jacob hasn't kissed someone? I'm just saying. Third, again, looking up stuff on the internet and trusting the first sight you see is not a good way to get information. Read books instead Bella, you know those things you supposedly like so much but never actually seem to read?
I also have to say, Bella is mighty dumb to be so suspicious. She has no grounds for it. Even if she did, Billy is Jacob's parent/guardian and can raise his kid how he sees fit. If he decides it's not safe for Jacob to have visitors, Bella should respect that. But then this is Bella, I've yet to see her show respect for anything in this series. Edward doesn't count, worship/obsession is not respect.
But anyway, Bella gets annoyed when she can't see her boytoy...I mean friend/boyfriend whatever he is now. She goes back into emo mode and I have to sigh again. Seriously, this girl seems to have no inner strength what so ever. It would have been awesome if New Moon had been instead about Bella discover that she is perfectly strong on her own and can survive without Edward. Instead, Meyer made it so all she did was transfer her reliance on Edward to Jacob instead. Not only does this suck, it is massively unfair to Jacob because it's pretty obvious he's a second choice and we all know the minute Edward shows up she's going to drop him like a hot potato. He will show up too. I don't even need to know there are two more books to know this.
Well, Bella calls Jacob yet again and discovers he's off with friends instead of calling her. Now a sad panda, she lies to Charlie (again, should I be counting all of Bella's lies too? Nah, that'd be too many to keep track of) again. Once more using Jessica as her scapegoat. Nice, and she wonders why Jessica isn't talking to her? This is also another reason she's not talking to you Bella:
I wasn't going to call Jessica. As far as I could tell, Jessica had crossed over to the dark side.
From New Moon, Chapter 10

Or, you know, she's just tired of taking your crap. I personally applaud her. So Bella instead does the super smart thing and goes looking for the meadow AGAIN. God, this girl is STUPID. Dangerous animals, HELLO. When your own father, who is the CHIEF OF POLICE, tells you to not hike in the woods, maybe it would be a good idea to LISTEN. Just another reason this girl is so not intelligent.
Many more paragraphs of vivid description are next. Huh, haven't had much of these in this book. I didn't miss them. All the vivid description leads to Bella finally finding the meadow. But this doesn't make her happy, it depresses her even more. Which makes me ask: if you knew it was going to effect you this badly WHY ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR IT YOU DUMB BROAD. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Bella is a masochist.
Bella starts to leave the meadow and big paragraph describing her emotions as she sees...Laurent. Um...did we need all those emotions other then surprise? Not really. Then, because Meyer seems to think her readers have no memory skills, there is a recap of who Laurent is. I find it interesting to note that now Bella says he is beautiful. As seem to recall, she wasn't so flattering in her descriptions of him in Twilight. For some reason, she's happy to see him and acts like they're the best of friends or something. I also seem to recall they didn't say more then two three words to each other...he also said she would make a good meal or something along those lines if I remember correctly. So really, why is she so damn happy to see him? This statement especially makes no sense:
I studied his features with a strangely greedy sense of release. here was someone I didn't have to pretend for-someone who already knew everything I could never say.
From New Moon, Chapter 10

Seriously, where the hell is this coming from? Now I'm beginning to wonder if Bella's memory is slightly unhinged or something. At least she finally starts to realize he's dangerous...way too late of course, but she realizes it at least. Then when she realizes it she just stands there, again. Listens again as a vampire saying he's going to kill her monologues. At least this monologue reveals something: Victoria is after Bella. But still, this is the same thing that happened in Twilight: her listening while her killer is monologuing to her. First, do something different Meyer. Second, didn't she learn her lesson the last time?
Well, this time Bella is saved again. But instead of vampires she's saved by wolves...huge bear-like wolves. They protect her, a brown-haired one reminds her of Jacob (ding ding...foreshadow...ding ding) and she finally starts to run...after the bad guy and the wolves leave... Um...yeah, you maybe should have done that BEFOREHAND? This girls fight/flight instincts suck.
More vivid description as she runs through the forest. Charlie finds her and for some reason doesn't ground her butt when he finds out she a)lied to him and b) went into the forest after he told her not too. As much as I like Charlie, I'm kind of beginning to see why she is the way she is. No one tells her that the things she's doing are wrong, and therefore she keeps doing them because she knows she's never going to get punished...or it could just be that she's a big Mary Sue and Mary Sue's never make mistakes.
But whatever, Bella gets into no trouble at all and there is more foreshadow as Charlie mentions seeing Jacob argue with friends. Seriously Meyer, you're abusing foreshadow, stop it. After Bella listens to the foreshadow, she goes up to her room and goes all emo because she's now terrified of Victoria coming after her. I'm just happy that something finally happened. Too bad it doesn't last.

WORD LIST: perforated, compunctions
POSSIBLE EDITS: All the single sentences being used as paragraphs. For instance: Jacob didn't call. NOT A PARAGRAPH.
At least Jacob wasn't going to die, too.-Comma after die is not needed.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Bella going into emo mode again
The call of a jaybird made me leap back-Bella is suddenly an expert on birdcalls? I thought she wasn't a nature person?
The sudden rush of a squirrel up a hemlock made me scream-again, she suddenly can identify tree types?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

NEW MOON: Chapter 9-Third Wheel

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella has an awkward date with two boys because she just can't tell people "sorry, I don't like you". Some sort of but not quite progress is made with Jacob.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Time passes along. Bella basically pretends she's happy but in reality she's not and at least she realizes something's wrong with her. Unfortunately, she doesn't do anything to help herself. She refuses to do therapy (because that would imply she's not perfect), she doesn't even attempt to enjoy any of the things going on in her life. Charlie is of course made out to be a big meanie just because he wants her to be happy:
And Charlie got his wish: I wasn't miserable anymore.From New Moon, Chapter 9

She also has had lessons but now those are pointless because she doesn't hear Edward in her head anymore (because this is you know, a really big problem not hearing voices in your head). But anyway, all this summary leads up to the fact that it's Valentine's Day. Jacob is sweet and gives her some candy hearts. This makes Bella nervous because you know, we can't have the boy thinking there could be something between them. I would call this noble except that she has been spending every minute of her free time with the boy and has pretty much been flirting with him. If she didn't want a relationship with him, she shouldn't have done those things or just set it straight with him in the first place that she wasn't interested in having a relationship. So it actually isn't noble, so much as she just doesn't back up what she says she wants with her behavior. But I believe I've already mentioned several times that Bella is a hypocrite so lets move on.
It also doesn't help that she basically all but invites him on a date in the next conversation. To see yet another horror movie...must be horror movie season or something...I mean, doesn't she enjoy other types of movies? Bella doesn't exactly strike me as the horror movie type but whatever. Jacob and Bella make plans and Bella pretty much assumes all her friends will be up for it. She planned it, you know.
But her ungrateful friends still aren't accepting her non apology and have claimed to be busy. Mike tries to make it an actual date and instead of point blank telling him she's not interested, she gets people to go. I'm sorry but at this point, Mike still being interested in Bella is plain ridiculous. Most guys by now can take a hint that a girl is just not interested in him. Also considering how Bella treats Mike, most guys would have by then given up trying to be friends with her PERIOD. But no, our Mary Sue is so enamor worthy that a guy is still into her a year after they've met and she's treated him like dirt the entire time. Sigh. I'm beginning to think Mike has less of a backbone then Bella does.
Anyway in a bad transition area we are suddenly on date night and Jacob says this about Mike:
"The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?"
From New Moon, Chapter 9

Um...no, that wasn't Mike. That was TYLER. Mike never actually DATED Bella and therefore never actually thought she was his girlfriend. God, get your own story straight Meyer. I know characters who are not Bella, Edward, and Jacob are unimportant to you but jeez.
Well, turns out the other people can't make it and it ends up just being Bella, Jacob, and Mike. This isn't awkward at all. But that really isn't any excuse for how Mike is treated during this chapter. Even Jacob is a jerk to him and I admit my opinion of him went down quite a bit in this chapter.
Let me put a long story short: Mike is pretty much made out to be a whiny child while Jacob is cool and suave. Except that Mike was sick so he had reason to feel bad. But this isn't the point here. Point is: Mike is a loser, Jacob is not. In fact it's basically drilled into the readers head. What it doesn't point out, is that Bella and Jacob were jerks to him even though he was sick.
Hell, instead of worrying about him or staying with him while he's sick they stand outside the bathroom and discuss their relationship! Some great people here, folks. Stuff like this is why I do not like Bella (and now Jacob, he's still kind of better then Bella but he was an ass here).
In case you want to know what Bella and Jacob where doing while poor Mike was throwing up, Bella basically went against what she said earlier in this chapter and is going to give Jacob a chance but warns that she probably will never get over Edward. Jacob says he has no problem with this and will wait for her and is happy with whatever he's given. Ugh. I feel like lining up all the guys in this book and telling: SHE IS NOT WORTH IT. But because Bella is a Mary Sue they probably wouldn't listen. About the only good thing here is that Bella does actually realize she's being selfish but again; she's agreeing to it anyway. Realizing something does no good unless you actually DO something with that realization. Bella constantly realizes things about herself but does nothing to correct it. It drives me nuts because as a result, there's no character growth and one has to wonder why Meyer even bothered with sequels if Bella is never going to grow as a character.
Mike is taken home (and is further not worried over):
Mike groaned in the backseat, and threw up in the bucket. I grimaced, hoping my own stomach could stand the sound and smell. Jacob checked anxiously over his shoulder to make sure his car wasn't defiled.
From New Moon, Chapter 9

Bella and Jacob: DO NOT become Doctors. In order to become doctors you would have to care about someone's well being when they're sick and not how they're being sick effects YOU. You obviously don't have the capacity to do that.
Well anyway, Bella tells Jacob to call her and is irritated when he doesn't do so right away (um, give him time to come home?) and somehow gets the stomach flu (something else Mike is blamed for). Some erratic time passage (really Meyer, you suck at transition, work on that please) and it's noted later that Mike has recovered. Instead of being happy for him, Bella thinks that okay I only have to suffer a few more hours. Sigh.
Well, she recovers in like one paragraph, and calls Jacob who is also sick and she's actually sympathetic towards him. But apparently he doesn't have the same thing she does and is distant and says good bye quickly. We all know what happens to Jacob later on so who wants to take bets on what he has? In case you're slow I'll give you hint: full moon. This means that the plot is actually moving forward now, right? ;crosses fingers;

WORD LIST: second word use offense for hedged. Capitulation.
POSSIBLE EDITS: Transition-WORK ON IT MEYER. Paragraph breaks during time passage are your friend.
I was like a lost moon-my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation-that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws gravity.-Big huge run on sentance that should not be a whole paragraph and is ridiculously overdramatic even for a emo teenager. Plus, there shouldn't be a hyphan in between disaster movie.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Bella's assworthy behavior again and now Jacob is joining her
Time began to trip along much more quickly than before.-Except that time can't trip because time isn't a person and doesn't have legs. This is stupid. Better way to put it would have been time passed.
I was an empty shell. Like a vacant house-condemened-for months. I'd been utterly uninhabitable. Now I was a little improved. The front room was in better repari. But that was all-just the one small piece.-I was an empty shell was all that was needed here. All the rest of this was pointless elaboration and again, ridiculously overdramatic.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

New Moon: Chapter 8-Adrenaline

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella has motorbike lessons...pretty much it. Oh, and she and Jacob take a walk in the woods....this book does eventually have some sort of point right?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So we start with Bella having lessons on how to ride her bike. I love how she questions Jacob when he knows about bike riding but she knows how much exactly? Oh yeah, nothing. She is utterly terrified yet she's doing this anyway. I have to roll my eyes at this:
I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I'd already lived through the worst thing possible.
From New Moon, Chapter 8

Um Bella? You just got dumped. That is not the worst thing possible. I can think of people who have had it WAY worse then you. Have you ever seen a little movie called Precious? That girl had it way worse then you (I also hear it's a true story). Or say, the people who lived through Katrina, the Haiti earthquake, 9/11...yeah. You have in no way lived through the worst thing possible. Have a little perspective please.
Anyway, Bella starts the bike and falls. But joy! Rapture! She hears Edwards voice when she's being stupid! I'm sorry at this point I have to say, there is most definitely something wrong with this girl and she NEEDS THERAPY. But Meyer isn't going to admit there's issues with our heroine (that would imply she's not perfect) so instead, it's just maybe a little sad. Seriously, does this sound remotely healthy to anyone?:
Being reckless was paying off better than I'd thought. Forget cheating. Maybe I'd found a way to generate the hallucinations-that was much more important.
From New Moon, Chapter 8

Yeah, that is in no way a healthy way of thinking. I'm not even a licensed therapist and I'm picking up dangerous issues with this girl. That's not even going into the fact that she's hearing voices in her head and is HAPPY about it.
I am in no way surprised when crazy girl gets herself hurt. I can't even be further surprised that she's happy about that too. Jacob wisely says hell no when she wants to do more driving and once more I want to hug him. I swear, he's the only sane one in this damn book...apparently that doesn't last though which saddens me.
Jacob worries about her bleeding but Bella is too busy congratulating herself for being stupid. They go to her house (vivid description as she changes) and then she and Jacob talk and he takes her to the hospital...which um, he should of done FIRST but whatever.
Charlie actually buys the excuse they give him about her injury and once again I have shake my head at the bad parenting. I like Charlie but seriously? Bella goes home again and pointless scene with her having a nightmare. Later Charlie questions whether she should be in the garage and Bella lies to her father yet again. There is more foreshadow in talk of wild animals, and then she leaves. Then once again, Bella ticks me off by being an utter brat:
"Charlie's getting nosy," I complained to Jacob when I picked him up after school Friday.
From New Moon, Chapter 8

Well gee Bella, he's your DAD. Heaven forbid he act like one you ungrateful brat. I'm sorry but stuff like this is why I just cannot like this girl or feel remotely sorry for her. She acts so damn ungrateful when her parents worry over her or someone shows concern and acts like all these questions are so damn inconvenient. Yet, if they didn't act like she was the center of the universe she'd probably whine and complain about being ignored or how no one loves her. Plus, that was hardly being nosy. I know fathers who act way worse then Charlie does with Bella and frankly Charlie should be quesioning everything Bella does because this girl is seriously unstable.
Well, anyway, instead of bikes today Bella wants to hike. They stop off at the Blacks and have a chat with Billy and Bella once more acts like an ungrateful brat:
Charlie was not a hard person to live with, but it looked to me like Jacob had it even easier than I did.
From New Moon, Chapter 8

Um, I'm sorry what exactly is so hard about your home life? Oh yeah, NOTHING you brat! Ugh. Someone please tell me that the teenage generation today does not seriously act like this girl. If they do, then I weep for our future generations.
Well, Jacob and Bella go on their hike. Bella actually exhibets care for someone other then herself for a change and asks how things with Embry are. Things are still the same. More foreshadow about the wolves and hint that Jacob is not entirely human (when the cold doesn't bother him) and frankly I think Meyer is now getting ridiculous with the foreshadow. It's been mentioned in this chapter like four times. We get it Meyer, there are big bad things in the woods, Sam and his gang probably have something to do with it and it's going to involve Jacob. Can we PLEASE move on with the plot already? Because basically, Bella and Jacob find nothing and go home. Another pointless chapter. This book does eventually move forward right? Because I'm seriously bored to tears right now.

WORD LIST: No misused words, good job Meyer!
POSSIBLE EDITS: I complained to Jacob when I picked him up after school Friday-Should be I complained to Jacob when I picked him up after school ON Friday.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Bella and her bratty self.
"Trust me. I'm an easy bleeder."-What the hell?