ECLIPSE: Complete thoughts

Basically what I want to know is: WHY IS THIS BOOK EVEN NEEDED?
I mean really? NOTHING HAPPENS! At least, nothing happens that couldn't have been dealt with in either New Moon or Breaking Dawn. This whole book is a fat load of nothing going on. Okay, you have Victoria. Victoria is taken down in ONE CHAPTER. Half a chapter really. Why was her role drawn out in over two books if she was that easily dealt with? For that matter, WHY WAS THE ARMY EVEN CREATED? Really? What was the point?
Then there's the utter complete sexism going on. At first Meyer was subtle with her sexim views. You know, she mainly just kept it with the gender stereotyping and the girls doing the girlie things that they should be doing and it's the same for the guys. But this book, it's like she didn't care about being subtle at all what with the imprinting, the "I need a man and a baby to make me happy" attitude going on. It just...was IRRITATING. It wasn't just women she's sexist about either, the men are pretty stereotyped as well. Don't even get me started on how pathetic she's made these men out to be.
As for Jacob...his original character in New Moon will be missed. I think we can all safely agree (yes, even Twihards cause I've met some Twihards who also think this) that Jacob's character was utterly ruined in this book. All because Meyer was not happy with the fact that people liked him more then Edward and therefore needed to make him look like an ass as opposed to Edward the "perfect gentleman".
Then there's the CONSTANT REPEAT SCENES. This book was a recyced remix of two scenes: Bella begging Edward for sex and him gently chastizing her for being a silly woman with needs and Jacob trying to get Bella to see Edward isn't perfect and her completely ignoring him and then him freaking out about the vampire business. These two scenes pretty much made up ninety percent of the book and man was it annoying.
So in short: this book was POINTLESS. Nothing new was revealed. Bella is still going to marry Edward. WHY WAS IT EVEN WRITTEN? ;looks at the money Meyer made; Never mind, now I know. Well, at least this torture is over. Now it's on to the last book: Breaking Dawn...yay?

ECLIPSE: Epilogue-Choice

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob leaves. Pretty much it.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Before we end this book, Meyer can't help but take more digs at Leah who we must know is an utter bitch because she doesn't have a soul mate and has the nerve to think she can think for herself. One interesting thing is that this is in Jacob's pov. Only it sounds exactly like Bella's POV...which says something about Meyer's writing "skill" right there.
One of the issues I have with this is I find it hard to believe that Jacob actually would demonize Leah like he's doing in this chapter. Because when you think about, he's pretty much in the same boat as she is. She got jilted by a guy she thought was hers and has to see the couple all the time now. He got jilted by Bella and now has to see her with Edward. One would think he'd emphasize with her and the two would form a comadirie based on this.
But since this is Meyer writing this thing, Jacob doesn't like her because...well according this he thinks she's whiney. Well that's rich because he whines quite a bit in this epilogue and as we all know, Bella the girl he loves is the queen of whiners. At least Leah's complaints are pretty legitiment. Which is more then I can say for Bella.
Basically the ending of Eclipse is Jacob running off like a big baby. Really, why did Meyer write this at all?

WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The continued demonization of Leah

ECLIPSE: Chapter 27-Needs

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Another pointless chapter really. I won't even bother summarizing it, it's that pointless.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with Bella driving home in tears (when is she NOT in tears?) over the situation with Jacob. But as always Edward is there to save his damsel in distress (really, was he following her, or what?) and lets her cry. Brief conversation with Charlie and then back to the room with Edward again. More boring conversation and yet MORE references to Whuthering Heights (getting a little desperate now, aren't we Meyer?) and annoying pointless scene cuts off with them going to see Alice.
Bad transition later and Alice is there and her usual flighty self. Somehow in the past day or two Alice managed to get her wedding dress. Of course, the dress is perfect. Somehow we get around to a conversation about how selfless Bella is being again in lettling Alice plan her wedding and going through with it. Yes, what an ordeal to sit back and let someone throw you a party. She is SUCH a good person (please note heavy sarcasm). Then suddenly we get a reverse of the "I want sex, NO!" scene. Now Edward starts things and Bella is suddenly all "nah, I don't need too.' Okay...I guess this is Meyer's way of showing us Bella has grown? Except...I don't see how this growth came about at all. Also, this is about the only growth she has had in THREE BOOKS. That's pretty bad. Bella's now all "no, I'm going to do this the right way and wait till marriage." Because you know, all people who have sex before marriage are sluts/doing it all wrong. Grr. Anyway, this is how it ends: Bella waiting and them getting married. It's all basically THE SAME WAY NEW MOON ENDED.

WORD LIST: None
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Pointless chapter is pointless.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 26-Ethics

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella talks to Charlie, who once more summarizes the book for us, she goes to see Jacob and the two have a heart to heart.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella going home to Charlie and because it wasn't enough to have the Cullens summarize things, we now need to have Charlie summarize things for us. Really Meyer, we're not that stupid. I won't even go into how ridiculous it is to have Charlie not putting two and two together and figuring out that something is going on. I mean really, he's a COP for crying out loud!
Bad transition later and it's the next day. Bella goes to see Jacob. We get his side of things and Meyer can't resist more sexism and attempting to make Leah out to be a harpy. Turns out Jacob's this way because Leah had the nerve to try and fight and Jacob of course, being the big strong male saves her. Naturally, his getting hurt is all her fault because she didn't know her place. Again, I hate this series.
Then we get Jacob being disgusted with Edward and of course Bella's angry at him and he makes a good point about Edward being a manipulater (he is, he SO IS) but because of the source, Bella is perfectly in her right to ignore him. Then Jacob blames HER for the kissing (he's the one who manipulated the situation so there would be a kiss so this is just him being a jerk) and we get tears from Bella (AGAIN).
Then Jacob says well at least we can try to be friends. I'm sorry but WHY DOES HE EVEN WANT TO BE HER FRIEND NOW? Were this the real world and not a wish fullfillment book Jacob would be pissed at Bella by now. He would not have put up with this crap. He would have given up on her back in New Moon. They would not be able to be friends because it's a little hard to forget hurt like the hurt this girl has caused Jacob due to her utter selfishness. This is why this is in NO WAY Whuthering Heights. In WH, there were CONSEQUENCES for Cathy and Heathcliff's selfish behavior. But in this, Bella practically gets rewarded for it! She gets her dream man and later on in Breaking Dawn, she manages to get to see Jacob too! He even becomes a part of her dang family (in a really uber creepy way). So sorry Meyer, this is not at all like Whuthering Heights. Chapter ends with them on good terms (heaven forbid someone not like Bella, you know?) and me disgusted.

WORD LIST: hamstring
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Since everyone in this house was both perfect and impermiable, I could only assume that she'd bought most of these things with me in mind.-Or you know, those things could be why she's pretty you twit. Please spare me this "I'm so ugly" crap, Meyer. I didn't believe it in the first two books, I don't believe it now, especially considering she has two guys in love with her and Mike even still has a thing for her after the crappy way she treats them.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 25-Mirror

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Pointlessness again abounds as we learn the aftermath of a battle. One of the newborns surrenders but is killed by the Volturi anyway and I'm still trying to figure out why the Volturi are even there in the first place.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella standing there helpless again as Edward and Seth collect body parts and burn the bodies. They have typical guy moment and congratulate themselves on a job well done. Then for some stupid reason Edward is afraid Bella would be afraid of him. Um...WHAT? She knew what you did in Twilight, she saw you fight in New Moon. Really, Meyer, stop with the now obvious helpless female junk.
Bella isn't of course and now Edward berates her for trying to help out because it turns out that interfered with their plan. Stupid female trying to fight, always leads to disaster, you know? Then suddenly wolves are uneasy and Volturi show up. After big battle. Really, huge help guys. Then in Bella's most pathetic scene yet in this book, she faints after hearing Jacob was hurt. I've mentioned I hate the sexism in this book, right?
Bella wakes up and oh, Jacob's fine! She's now with all the Cullens who now have a newborn female under their care because she surrendered instead of fighting the Cullens. The girl is in full on blood lust and she gets vivid description (please note that Bella who supposedly doesn't care about looks comments that it was hard to tell if her features were beautiful. Really, why would you care about that?). Then the Volturi show up, late.
Jane asks what's been happening and we get them summarizing the whole book for us. Oh great, because we're so stupid we couldn't have figured this out on our own. Thanks Meyer. Jane interrogates the girl whose name turns out to be Bree (she gets her own short story for some reason that I still can't figure out). It turns out that Bree was really innocent in all this but she gets killed anyway. Lovely. Carlisle and the Cullens don't even put up a fight on her behalf. Some good guys, huh? This is why I don't think of these guys as heroes and why I can't call this an actual saga which is a narrative of a hero's adventure. The only reason I call it a saga in the blog's title is because that's what it's known as.
Anyway, Volturi quickly leave (leaving me to wonder why they were even there in the first place) and chapter ends. If you're wondering about the title, it's because Bella sees what may happen to her when she gets turned when she sees Bree. The unbelievable me, me, me attitude in this characters is ridiculous. She can't spare a moments sympathy or empathy for Bree or her situation or even feel sorry that she has to die for no good reason. Nope. For her it's "oh wow, I may turn out like this girl when I turn into a vamp!" Some selfless heroine.

WORD LIST: minutely, inflectionless
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I couldn't even see a tear in his clothes.-What? All that fighting and somehow perfect Edward manages to keep his clothes intact? This just...is stupid.
They wheeled wildly, out of control.-Um...wait, her eyes are wheeling? Eyes can't do that. Unless she has Sharingun eyes...wait, she's from the Uchiha Clan!? Sorry, couldn't stop the Naruto reference ;)

ECLIPSE: Chapter 24-Snap Decision

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Once again the villian is easily killed and makes me wonder why her demise had to be drawn out for over TWO BOOKS.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to miserable Bella who is moaning about what a whore she is or something like that and Edward of course comforts her. Turns out Jacob wasn't really going to kill himself. He was just saying that to get his kiss. So Jacob is as much of a manipulative bastard as Edward now (again, out of character, and yet more of Meyer making him a jerk so Edward has more appeal). If that isn't bad enough, Bella doesn't blame him one bit, it's still all her fault. She isn't even slightly ticked at how these two guys are basically using her in their little pissing contest. Me, I'd have told them both to go to hell by now. But no, Bella doesn't blame either male and lets Edward reassure her. Que more sappy dialogue and yet another "Bella asks for sex and is rebuffed" scene. Seriously Meyer. NEW MATERIAL. You have heard of it, right?
So Edward, Seth (who is still there for some reason), and Bella make their way somewhere and Edward relays the battle to Bella via his mind link. Wierd and boring. I've also just thought of something. If Alice's future visions can't see the werewolves, then why can Edward read their minds? It seems wierd that some powers would work on werewolves but others wouldn't. But it's probably just because it's convenient for Meyer to have Edward be super vamp and able to read their minds. Either way it's a big cop out and a fairly boring way to show a battle.
Then suddenly Victoria and a blond guy show up. Oh finally, does this mean this agony is going to be over soon? Please say yes. Well, we of course get vivid descriptions of Victoria and the blond guy, whose name turns out to be Riley. Edward talks to Riley and turns out he and Victoria are a thing. But she's basically using him to get her revenge. He suspects this but doesn't want to admit it. Again, Edward's mind reading ability is one big cop out for Meyer because heaven forbid we learn all of this on our own or draw our own conclusions. Nope. We have to have the situation spelled out for us.
It also is pointless because Riley doesn't listen and he and Victoria attack. Edward and Victoria fight while Riley and Seth fight. Bella just stands there being useless as usual because remember: she is female, she is not to be fighting. That is the male's job. Sigh.
So it's a lot of heavy description as Bella stands there and describes the long fight. The one time Bella does actually try and do something? She ends up getting in the way and needs big strong male to protect her of course. Eventually Seth takes down Riley and Edward takes down Victoria. The end of a drawn out battle that really should not have taken this long to get too. I'm also still trying to figure out why she even needed to create a newborn army in the first place if she was going after Bella on her own. I mean really, talk about anti-climatic. Chapter ends.

WORD LIST: coiled (used wrong so many times in this it's not funny), sashayed
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: She coiled and sprang.-Sigh. It is physically impossible for a human being (and a vampire who have human bodys)to coil as we are not SNAKES.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 23-Monster

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Another stupid melodramatic chapter as we have Edward and Bella talking, Jacob discovering they're getting married, him going off the deep end and this causing Bella to realize she DOES have feelings for him. Just how many soap operas was Meyer watching as she wrote this?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella waking up in Jacob's arms and it's all very awkward. He's a douche about it as Meyer is intent on destroying every likability he has in this book. He and Edward almost come to blows in yet another "my dick is bigger then yours" moment and in case it's important Seth Clearwater is there in wolf form. I don't know why it's important, Meyer just keeps telling us he's there.
Jacob goes off to talk with Sam and that leaves Bella and Edward alone for the excruciating small talk that happens with them whenever they're alone. I believe I've said it before but I'll say it again: Meyer SUCKS at dialogue.
Somehow small talk starts to get into best nights of Edward's life (not Bella's because she's unimportant in this relationship of course) and she starts guessing about the nights and of course all the nights involve their relationship in one way or another. Gag me. Then they mention Bella's decision to become a vampire and then they hear a howl. Turns out Jacob heard them so now he knows what Bella chose. I'd feel bad for him, but seriously WHAT DID HE EXPECT? It was OBVIOUS she was going to be a vamp from the day she jetted off to Italy in New Moon after the vampire that freaking broke her heart. If that didn't tell you something about what she was going to choose then you are either monstrously stupid, or heavily in denial.
If this isn't bad enough? Edward admits he knew Jacob could hear them and therefore let him know on purpose. Nice, Edward. But here's the kicker: Bella doesn't blame him or even get upset at him. No, she's upset at HERSELF. WHAT. THE. HELL? The title in this is all reference to what a supposed monster Bella is for having the nerve to love Edward and not Jacob. Sigh. This is not why I don't like Bella. She is perfectly welcome to her feelings. I don't like Bella and think she's a monster because of how she treats her friends and family and is huge giant hypocrite as well as judgemental, shallow and utterly selfish. I also think this all could have been avoided yet again, if she had sat Jacob aside way back in New Moon and said "I just think of you as a friend, don't fall for me". But no, because she's so much in love with a guy and spurned the advances of another that makes her a monster. Not all the other deplorable things she does. God, this series...
Well this causes deep angst in our Mary Sue and then we get more Wuthering Heights comparisons as she says she's Cathy. Well...yeah sort of. Bella is as utterly selfish as Cathy was. But of course that's not why Bella is comparing herself to Cathy, it's because of the love triangle bit and how she presumingly led one guy on while being in love with another. Again, I kind of give on this because yeah she totally led Jacob on but here's the thing: Jacob should have realized a long time ago she didn't feel the same and wasn't going to change her mind. The fact that he still loves her after the way she treated him is rather ridiculous (and something I blame on Meyer who can't write realistic male characters to save her life) and he most definitely shouldn't have assaulted her like he has in this book or keep bugging her when he knows she didn't feel the same. In short, he should have just left her alone. But that would mean there was no point to Eclipse (not that there's much point to it NOW but you know...). Also, I know I've said this before but I'll say it again: trying to compare this crappy book to a classic piece of literature does not automatically make your book a) good, or b) literature.
During the angsting apparently a fight breaks out somewhere. We get no details of course even though this is the big battle everyone's been preparing for. Jacob comes back and in a lovely turn of events threatens suicide. Way to minimalize suicide Meyer. You do know it is NOT ROMANTIC, right? RIGHT? God, this woman is either really ignorant, doesn't care about the messages she's giving young people, or just doesn't care because she gets tons of money to write this crap. Probably a combination of all three.
To stop Jacob from going into the battle to kill himself she lets him kiss her. The kiss is very awkward and wierd. Then during the awkward, slightly angry, and very messed up kiss, Bella realizes "oh, I DO love Jacob!" WHAT? Before all you Team Jacob fans rejoice though, this realization isn't going anywhere as she's still also madly in love with Edward and we all know that in a choice between werewolves and vampires, Bella will always go with the vampires. Chapter ends with Jacob leaving.

WORD LIST: differentiate, ricocheted, seared (used wrong), fissure
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The sound ricocheted off the bare rock face of the mountain and filled the air so it seared from every direction.-Sigh. Words do not express how much this is a fail of a sentence. Ricocheted is a) a word that most teens would never use in the first place, b) implies that the thing being thrown is an OBJECT or PROJECTILE. It is not meant to be used in reference to SOUND which is neither of those things. Seared is to fill something with intense heat. As in the heat from the torch seared. Sound cannot do this. SENTENCE FAIL.
And then, quite distinctly, I felt the splintering along the fissure line in my heart as the smaller part wrenched itself away from the whole.-HUH? I'm assuming this is some really fancy way of saying Jacob took a piece of Bella's heart with her in which case JUST SAY SO.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 22-Fire and Ice

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Edward and Jacob have a long talk about Bella. Everything's decided for her yet again. I'm super bored.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So in Meyer's effort to leave no cliche unturned in this series, Bella, Edward, and Jacob get stuck in a freezing storm as they leave a trail. So the three of them find shelter. Bella is naturally the freezing helpless female and the two guys are fine due to their natures.
The two guys argue until Jacob decides to share body heat. Edward doesn't like this naturally and argues against it, even STOPPING Jacob from doing it. You love this girl, right Edward? If you love her as much as you keep saying, then GET OVER YOURSELF and let the person who can help help her out. Edward does let him (so nice) and then he and Jacob still argue back and forth as she's in between them. Good lord. Were I Bella, I'd be telling them both to get over themselves by now but this naturally never crosses her mind. More pointless chatter about why Jacob's hair is longer when he's a wolf (one, this is pretty obvious, two-WHY DO WE CARE?). If this pointlessness isn't bad enough, Jacob is evidently having fantasies while Bella is shivering from the freezing cold. Wow, Meyer. You just have to make him into the world's biggest douche don't you? I get you're Team Edward but must you destroy the one character in this series that I actually can tolerate?
Basically the two argue about this and then it gets drawn into a conversation about Bella, WHILE SHE'S THERE. Honestly, they have this big heartfelt conversation about their feelings for this girl right in front of her, neither asking for her input. Just...what? Even stupider is the conversation doesn't really go anywhere. They don't suddenly become best buds. There's no major revelation. Nothing. SO WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE THIS CHAPTER? Stupid chapter ends with them falling asleep.

WORD LIST:none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I shivered so hard it was a convulsion.-One, it was a convulsion is an unneeded add on. Two, it should be I shivered so hard, it was a convulsion.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 21-Trails

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella meets up with the wolves and there's mindless chatter as Meyer insists on dragging this book on and on and ON.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella waking up. We get her thinking about her actions in the previous chapter (snore) and then we get Alice acting weird. We get yet more sexist junk, brought to you by Bella Swan:

The urge to fight must be a defining characteristic of the Y chromosome. They were all the same.
From Eclipse, Chapter 21

Not only is it sexist on the men and women's side, it's stereotyping/generalizing as well. Thank you Bella.
Goodbyes are said and she talks to Alice who begs her to throw a wedding party just so Alice can plan/decorate/throw it for her. More gender stereotyping. Yay. Some junk about her giving the ring back (why? She's marrying him, right? What the heck?) and then they meet up with Jacob to lay the trail. Lots of pointless, mindless chatter goes on.
Edward and Jacob talk like Bella is not there or has thoughts of her own yet again. Then we get more pointless chatter with Jacob. He makes a good point about Bella not really knowing anything else besides Edward therefore how does she know he's what she wants but of course, as it's coming from a jealous rival the good point is ignorable in Bella's view. Sigh.
More pity poor Bella scenes as she worries about others in what is Meyer's obvious attempt at making her Mary Sue look selfless and good. She starts talking with Jacob and now he becomes a Gary Stu because due to some weirdness he apparently can actually take over the pack. But of course, he doesn't want to so he lets Sam lead. I'm not sure why this information is relevent at all but something tells me that somewhere down the line Jacob takes over the pack. The two meet up with Edward again and boring pointless chapter ends.

WORD LIST: scuttling, unscrupulous
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The sun was bright outside the window wall when I woke, with small clouds scuttling too quickly across the sky.-First, clouds can't scuttle. Scuttling implies there's feet and movement involved and hurried actions and that there's SOUND INVOLVED. Clouds don't do this. Second, why are we even getting this minor detail? Third, how to clouds move TOO QUICKLY? This whole sentence makes absolutely no sense and is pointless as well. Just say it was a cloudy day and move on.
Why is she dragging this on like this? JUST GET ON WITH IT.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 20-Compromise

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella and Edward cuddle, Bella accepts Edward's marriage proposal and we get the same damn conversation over and over again.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella talking plans. Right from the get go it's obvious this is going to be a heavy Bella and Edward chapter. Great. Missed those. NOT. Also, excuse me but I have to laugh at this:

"For just this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?"
From Eclipse, Chapter 20

Now for some couples, this may be sweet and romantic. But here's the thing. With Bella and Edward: IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THEM. I'm serious. Bella is constantly thinking of Edward and how she is with him, his thoughts on them, how they can be together blah, blah, blah. Essentially this whole battle is about them to begin with so they can be together in peace. Edward is likewise the same way about Bella. So I'm sorry, when is it NOT about them?
Then we get to the obvious: Bella is ready to marry Edward. Please note there has been next to NO wrestling on the matter of whether she should be with Edward period even though all the Twihards like to say this is the book where she does consider other possibilities. She doesn't. Yeah, she wrestles with the marriage idea but she never once considers other options (Jacob was never even in the running, I don't know why Team Jacob fans ever thought otherwise, although I do commend their taste) besides Edward. She made up her mind already: Edward was it. There was seriously NO NEED FOR THIS BOOK WHATSOEVER. Meyer could have just had Bella say yes at the end of New Moon, then move right into Breaking Dawn by having Victoria try to take the baby or something as her revenge. But as she is trying to milk this cash cow for all it's worth, there are for overly long books instead of the short three books this series SHOULD be.
Most of the beginning of this is Bella rambling on and on about stuff we ALREADY KNOW AGAIN. There's romantic kissing (in Meyer's view, I still say the "love scenes" in this book leave much to be desired but that's probably because I despise the characters and the writing) and then Edward gives Bella a present (she acts like this is a huge burden of course).
Turns out to be a glass heart charm. Cute and saccherine like this whole series. Then Bella and Edward start negotiating on the marriage thing. No. I'm serious. They have strings for their own marriage. Um...what happened to "I love you, I want to be with you, lets get married?" Correct me if I'm wrong but marriage is not supposed to be negotiated like this unless it's like a royal marriage or something or a business marriage but those are different. actual romantic marriages shouldn't have the couple NEGOTIATING things like it's a contract. I'm sorry, Meyer expects me to believe this is ROMANTIC?
If that's not bad enough, it turns into yet ANOTHER "I want to have sex! No you don't you silly girl!" conversation. GOD. GET NEW SCENES MEYER! Seriously! Please, move on to the battle so I don't have to endure this condescending sexist/conservative viewpoint YET AGAIN. I get it: sex before marriage is evil and bad and you'll go to hell or whatever. MOVE ON WITH THE STORY.
But of course, the whole thing is made out to be Bella just being a silly female and they move on. But it moves on to yet another "I'm super dangerous" scene. Really, does Meyer have no new scenes at all? She is really, that tapped out on this series? I've read fanfiction that's more original then this crap and less repetitive. Some of that, was TWILIGHT fanfiction. It's bad when the fanfiction from the fandom is better then the PUBLISHED ORIGINAL WORK.
Bella of course, ends up caving to Edward's demands. She'll marry him, let him pay for Dartmouth (of which he probably bribed to get her into in the first place), and buy her a car. Edward accepts and like that, they're married. Joy. Then Bella again wonders what people will think and again I don't know why she cares, she's never cared about these people when she wasn't getting married. They decide to marry in the summer and he gives her an engagement ring that sounds more like a cocktail ring:

Nestled in the black satin, Elizabeth Masen's ring sparkled in the dim light. The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold-delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds.
From Eclipse, Chapter 20

I'm sorry but that doesn't sound pretty at all, that sounds...tacky. But I guess it's a matter of personal taste. If you want to see a picture of said ring, go to google and look up Twilight engagement ring. Boring chapter ends with declarations of love (again, we've had this scene).

WORD LIST: velocity, fetters, dissension
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Recycled scenes again.The ring is UGLY.The band was gold-delicate and narrow. Would have been better to say "The band was a narrow and delicate ring of gold."

ECLIPSE: Chapter 19-Selfish

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Excitement is died down yet again as Meyer takes forever to get to the battle. Drama with the pack is discussed, Bella stands up for herself and feels guilty about it. The end.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
If you, like me, were hoping that a chapter titled selfish meant Bella was going to wake up and realize she was being selfish, that Edward was a selfish guy, that pretty much everyone in this whole series is selfish...you and I are sadly mistaken. Why? Lets get right into it.
We open with Bella waking up and a awkward conversation with Edward. See, he's upset that Bella lets Jacob and others give her presents but not him. Because you know, that's such a HUGE deal. But this doesn't make Bella wake up and think he's selfish (which he is) and not where Meyer gets it from (even though she should). Nope.
The conversation then turns to Bella and Edward discussing the pack and their drama. There are several things that bother me about this conversation but I'll start with numero uno: WHY ARE THEY DISCUSSING MATTERS THAT AREN'T THEIR BUSINESS? Something tells me, the pack would be less then happy that Edward is divulging all their secrets to Bella or even discussing them in the first place! They are not a part of the wolf pack, they have no reason to sit there and judge what is going on in the first place. But they do because this is Bella and Edward. They need to pass judgement on everyone you know?
I'll move on to the drama part of it. Turns out Leah Clearwater has somehow become a werewolf (once more, Meyer debunks her own cannon just for the sake of having something in there). Before all you feminists go yay about this, please know, her being a werewolf is treated as a HUGE burden by the pack. See, because she has the nerve to have feelings and such and is still hurt by Sam leaving her, that is throwing the pack off. They of course feel she's doing it deliberatly. So once again, a female who tries and breaks out of the female gender mold is made out to be a harpy.
Also some drama going about that Embry is born out of wedlock. It's all very horrible for him, because now it's apparently obvious (to these guys anyway, I don't see how it's obvious for anyone else) that because he's a werewolf, it means that whoever his mother slept with was married at the time and he's a half brother to one of the pack. The father of course, is not going to step forward and why should he? It's clearly the woman's fault. Sorry, but that's probably what Meyer is going to make it out to be.
But this isn't the selfish part either. No. The selfish part is when Bella decides she's going to go with Jasper's (actually pretty solid) plan of leading a fake trail and use herself as bait (gee, where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, THE FIRST TWO BOOKS. Get new ideas Meyer). Some of you may be confused as to why this is selfish. So am I but Bella explains. It's selfish because it means she's going against Edward's wishes of keeping her from harm....God I hate this series. Every time a woman (Bella usually) stands up for herself or shows some sort of independance. She is called selfish, or she's made out to be a harpy, or is made out to be some silly creature who doesn't know what she's saying. When her plans do work out, she generally ends up giving the males the credit. Just...UGH.
So then Alice shows up and there's unneeded filler with her and Bella convincing Charlie to let her stay with the Cullens. He caves of course. They arrive at the Cullens and they are training. Jacob shows up and it's all very civil. More Bella worrying and then the boring pointless chapter ends.

WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: more sexism
I swallowed noisily.-Just say she swallowed. Noisily is a pointless add on.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 18-Instruction

To those wondering about all the updating today, this is the last chapter today. There will be more tomorrow. I'm trying to have this all done by the 30th of this month as I'm going on vacation that day for a week and it seems appropriate since the Eclipse movie also comes out that day (on a much happier note, The Last Airbender comes out the next day ;squee;). So expect lots of updating over the next few days.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Werewolves and vampires learn how to kill newborns. Bella is horrified by it all. That is all.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open with Bella going home and still horrified about the fighting thing and all the Cullens reassuring her it'll be fine. She and Edward meet in her room and one minute she Edward are falling asleep and then they start yammering away. All the talk reveals something we already know: Victoria didn't steal Bella's shirt. Um...duh? Really, how slow does Meyer think we are? Also, WHO CARES WHO STOLE IT? The point is it's gone and there's an army. How about we focus on the ARMY instead? That's kind of more important?
Bad transition and we're to the part where they're meeting up with the werewolves. We learn that the pack is now ten people. Then it's basically the Cullens showing the wolves how to kill newborns. It's kind of interesting, yet kind of boring at the same time. I mean, it's apparently pretty easy to kill them, so...why can't we just move on with the big battle? Really, does Meyer need to drag this on like she's doing? The answer? No, not really. But she will because she's Meyer.
There's kind of a cute moment with Alice and Jasper fighting (really, these two are way more adorable then Edward and Bella, even if their romance is yet again "love at first sight") Then it basically amounts to the Cullens squaring off for...some reason. I kind of feel like it's showing off mostly, but that's probably just me.
Then the pack goes forward and sniffs all the Cullens to get their scent so they don't make a mistake in battle and kill one of them. Okay. So it's mostly them sniffing the Cullens. Kind of funny and kind of weird at the same time...
They go to leave and Jacob returns in human form (I see excuse for the movie script writer to have Taylor Laughtner half-naked again...not that I disapprove of this mind you, that was about the only way I got THROUGH the boriness that was New Moon) and we once again get another "my dick is bigger than yours" moment with Bella being horrified by something after Charlie. Really, Meyer GET NEW SCENES. Old recycled scenes are GETTING ANNOYING.
Edward and Jacob once more argue back and forth about what to do with Bella (who once more lets them and doesn't say anything, again NOT EQUALS) and there's talk about leaving a false trail or something. I also want to note: a CELL PHONE is mentioned! So they DO exist in this world! Then why don't people, you know, USE THEM?
Chapter ends with planning over with. Ten chapters to go! Yay!

WORD LIST: boisterously, brace (doesn't look right where it's used)
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: My eyes looked down the wary brace of wolves.-This...just doesn't look right, I'm sorry. It's a weird way to say line of wolves. An editor would have caught that and fixed it but we know Meyer is above an editor...

ECLIPSE: Chapter 17-Alliance

CHAPTER SUMMARY: The werewolves and vampires agree to work together.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open where we left off with Bella going to her party. Big smooch with Edward and they go to the party which is of course huge and fabulous as Alice was in charge (a little note: sequined top and red leather pants were totally stolen from Buffy's wardrobe in season three). There's a little talk of army vampire worry and then the party starts.
All minor characters from school (you know, the friends Bella treated like crap all those years) somehow show up even though I thought she was currently only friends with Angela and Ben. Also I'm sorry, we suddenly are told about this guy named Lee. Who is Lee? For that matter, who is Conner and Samantha? She acts like I'm supposed to know who these random names are but I don't because they are never mentioned in the first place. To her surprise (and mine because I don't get the impression from her description) Bella is enjoying herself. Then the kicker: Jacob shows up.
Quil and Embry are there as well. We have a lame apology scene and then Jacob gives her a bracelet he made himself (another indian stereotype I might add. You know, they ALL know how to carve...;rolls eyes;). This endears him more of course and now they're okay all of a sudden (except for the constant double standard Bella holds him too, but I figure that's a given). Then Jacob knows something is up and they ask Bella what's going on.
She explains about the newborn army. For some reason there's great shock as Bella realizes they're coming to Forks. Um...yeah? They're after YOU aren't they? Where are you? In Forks. Really, how stupid is this girl? So the werewolves offer their help. The vampires agree. For some reason this upsets Bella. Even though, last I checked, this is what she wanted. Whatever. Chapter ends with her being horrified that everyone's gearing up for battle. Sigh.

WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: All at once, everything was surreally normal.- Really? Surreal implies an odd experience. Normal implies...normality. So...it's both? What? This makes no sense. Unless of course, Meyer is once more trying to drill in our heads that Bella is not normal. In which case, we get it already.
More weak female stereotyping as Bella is horrified at the thought of coming battles.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 16-Epoch

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella graduates but as far as she's concerned it's not important. That's about it.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We start with Bella moaning that thing that all woman have said at one point or another: I have nothing to wear. But in this case it's a little stupid. See, Bella is dressing for her graduation and apparently didn't buy a dress ahead of time like all other girls do because you know that would imply she's normal. So she's desperately searching for something dressy and evidently the only dressy thing she has is a khaki skirt...First, khaki skirts aren't very dressy. Second, that's the ONLY skirt she owns? What? Even I own more then one skirt and I don't even dress up that often (I take my que from Kristy Thomas and do the jeans and t-shirt route; if you don't know who Kristy Thomas is you didn't grow up during the nineties and haven't read The Baby-Sitters Club. Shame on you). Third, what about the dress she wore to the prom? Or to her birthday party? She couldn't wear those? Did she get rid of them or something? Then she thinks she knows she would have worn the red shirt that the vamps took and complains about that. But...I thought Meyer specifically said it was a SWEATSHIRT that got taken? Not a blouse? I think Meyer flubbed her own cannon yet again.
But fairy godmother Alice shows up and gives her a dress out of the blue. Wow. We should all have best friends like Alice. Got a special occasion? Have your BFF show up with a stylish number that will fit and look great on you. Seriously, I could have used her for my own prom...
Then as they talk something that's been bugging Bella (even though she never made mention of it that it bugged her but apparently it did) and she realizes, that the army isn't after the CULLENS. It's after HER! Um...okay. Because Bella is just that hard to get rid of, you see...Victoria needs a whole army of newborns to get rid of one human girl...yeah. I won't even bother going into how that makes no sense whatsoever but in a Mary Sue world, it makes total sense.
This horrifies Bella of course and she starts crying AGAIN (am I going to have to start a cry count now?) but then stops to go to graduation. She takes a moment to complain about Charlie again (heaven forbid he drive his own daughter to her graduation, that's so stupid, right?). He tries to have a moment and she rebuffs him as usual. Sigh.
Then Bella goes to take her place and ends up with a babbling Jessica who is excited (like, you know a NORMAL PERSON) and Bella of course treats this with great annoyance. Look, Miss Swan. I know you are above such petty things like being happy at your own graduation. But for some people, graduating from high school is a big deal. The least you could do, is smile back and make some chit chat. But that would be decent and I think we've established by now that you are in no way required to be decent, that would mean you're HUMAN and being human is a dirty word. Jessica's behavior at graduation is actually pretty normal. I ended up talking to people my last week of high school that I never talked to in my whole four years of school there. I'm sure others can say the same.
Basically Bella treats her graduation as some huge inconvience and I'm sorry it ticks me off. A lot of people are lucky to graduate at all. They actually had to you know, WORK to graduate. But little Miss Sue is just so bored by it all and practically says it's stupid:

Because it was an ending, no matter what Eric, that valedictorian, had to say about commencement meaning "beginning" and all the rest of the trite nonsense.
From Eclipse, Chapter 16

She even implies she has more to gain from this then the rest of the students and yet she can't even be bothered to pay attention to the speech! Then you want to talk nonsense: the ceremony went by quickly. Um...no, no, no. No graduation ceremony goes by quickly, unless you have a graduating class of like twenty students.
The insignificant event (I'm sorry, why is this chapter called a word that means notable event when the notable event itself is a few paragraphs and treated like an inconvenience?) passes and she explains her theory to Edward. She has an annoying dinner with Charlie (again, what a huge inconvenience spending time with your family after you've graduated). There's actually a relatively touching moment between the two as she leaves for the party but it's awkward and really forced and random and Meyer kind of redeems herself a little with the scene too as Charlie gives Bella advice and saying she was right to throw a punch in the first place. Chapter ends with Bella going into the doom that is that party thrown in her honor. Yes, what a hardship.

WORD LIST: epoch, trite
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Graduation being treated as insignificant and annoying.
I'm sorry, a whole army is being created to go after tiny little HUMAN Bella Swan? Are you kidding me?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 15-Wager

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Meyer continues her mission to ruin Jacob's character as well as Charlie's character. Not much else happens.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We left off on the so not shocking confession of Jacob saying he loves Bella. But for some reason this actually DOES shock her and she's speechless. I'm sorry, how DUMB is this girl? She never once thought "oh, all that posturing with Edward is because he's jealous!" I mean what the hell? You'd have to be absolutely stupid not to realize the guy DIDN'T have a thing for you. Unless the girl has been living on her own without civilization her whole life there is no way a girl could NOT know that Jacob liked her. Meyer is just being DUMB with this. She is trying to make Bella look like an innocent party in all this and that she did not in fact lead Jacob on, it was just all Jacob's fault. Please Meyer. If Bella is as intelligent as you say, she knew exactly what was going on. Therefore you trying to make her out to be an innocent little lamb (who by the way a few chapters ago was pratically begging for sex so she's obviously not TOTALLY naive like you're trying to make her out to be all of a sudden) does NOT WORK.
But Jacob says he knows Bella doesn't feel the same and I thought okay, but then he goes into pressing her about how she feels about him. If he supposingly accepts she doesn't feel the same, he would've just said his peace so Bella knew and then left. But then that would make him out to be better then Edward and we can't have that, can we? So Meyer continues what seems to be the main purpose of this book: ruin the few good characters she actually has. She's done it with Roselie and Jasper and now it's Jacob's turn. Jacob continues to press Bella about his feelings, even at some point makes out the way he's feeling to be HER FAULT. Granted, I do think she had something to do with it this time, but this is classic sexist behavior: all those sexual dangerous feelings are always women running around in their track suits. It's always the woman's fault!
Then Meyer goes in for the kill: she has Jacob forcefully kiss Bella and she doesn't enjoy it one bit and then after punches him but ends up breaking her hand. Um, first...what? How the hell do you break your own hand punching someone? Give me a break. Even worse then this stupidity, is this:

"Ow! OW!" I screamed, frantically hopping up and down in agony while I clutched my hand to my chest. It was broken, I could feel it.
Jacob stared at me in shock. "Are you all right?"
"No, dammit! You broke my hand!"
"Bella, you broke your hand. Now stop dancing around and let me look at it."
From Eclipse, Chapter 15

WHAT. THE. HELL? SHE broke her hand? YOU are the one who FORCEFULLY KISSED HER and you're blaming her own broken hand that she got from retaliating ON HER? Just...every time I think this series can't get more ugly...it does. What's even worse is that if another author had been writing this he/she would have known this was not Jacob's character AT ALL. Like I said before he would have just had his say and then left to let Bella think about it and respected her decision. He certainly wouldn't have forced himself on her like this and then treat her injury that she got from retaliating like it was HER FAULT. But Meyer is Team Edward all the way. As far as she's concerned any possibility that Bella and Edward aren't the One True Couple every couple should aspire to be is horrible and therefore must be eliminated. So therefore all guys who have a romantic interest in Bella basically get their characters ruined in ways that the author will think make it so Edward looks like the far superior choice even though he's actually not that much better.
This also serves to make all Jacob's good points about the flaws in Bella and Edward's relationship obsolete because as it's coming from a jealous guy it has no merit (in Meyer's eyes anyway). Because after this Jacob goes on to point out flaws and how Bella has never even tried to be happy with him but because of this incident Bella basically doesn't listen to him (not that she did before, but now it might as well be Meyer saying the reader shouldn't listen to these outlandish claims either).
Jacob takes Bella home and even more further attempts are made to ruin Charlie's entire character:

"Why did she hit you?"
"Because I kissed her," Jacob said, unashamed.
"Good for you, kid," Charlie congratulated him.
From Eclipse, Chapter 15

Again, I say WHAT. THE. HELL? What Charlie actually would be saying is (in very dangerous voice) "and just why were you kissing my daughter when she apparently didn't want to be kissed?" Because that's what he really should have said but Meyer has decided Charlie is now a jerk as well because he's not all for Bella and Edward and therefore is now doing her best to make him into worst father ever but it doesn't work because in the first book and second book it's pretty clear he's actually a pretty cool guy. I mean I'm sorry, isn't he a cop? A cop would have been all over this in a second. Also, I thought Bella was complaining that he was overprotective? If he's overprotective he would have been upset about a guy kissing his daughter against his will right? But apparently I think too much and should just accept Meyer's word that we should now not like these two at all.
Then Edward arrives and there's more machoman "my dick is bigger then yours" moments between he and Edward. I so love this:

"if you return her to me in less than perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs."
From Eclipse, Chapter 15

Before all you Team Edward fans melt in the pile of goo Meyer expects you too, really look at that sentence for a minute. If you insert any object name into ther her parts the idea would still be the same. Basically, it's like Bella is a possession that Edward has and he's mad it's been damaged or it's like she's a toy the two idiots are fighting over. Also please notice that once again through all this Bella just stands there and lets Edward fight her battles. Where's that "I want us to be equals thing?
The title chapter turns out to be a pretty insignificant thing about a wager that Emmett and Jasper made so this chapter needs another title. Then Carlisle fixes Bella's hand and we get her prattling on about what being a vampire will be like. I'm sorry, she's JUST NOW THINKING ABOUT THIS? But of course, she thinks, it'll all be worth it and goes into how much she is sacrificing for it but considering all that stuff she's sacrificing she doesn't care about, it once more falls flat. End chapter.

WORD LIST: none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Meyer purposely ruining characters so the reader will end up having no choice but to prefer Edward and Bella.
The complete and utter SEXISM going on with Jacob basically saying what happened was Bella's own fault.
How the hell do you BREAK A HAND by punching someone?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 14-Declaration

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Er...Bella's a whiny brat again and Jacob suddenly announces he's in love with Bella like this is all some big surprise to us...

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
All the excitement of impending war in last chapter? Poof, gone. Now we're back to pitiful filler. Sigh. Meyer can't pace worth a damn in these books. It starts off with Alice announcing the party is still on and Bella being an ungrateful brat about it again. More recycled scenes! Yay!
More talk that the people Jasper hung out with may be coming to help out ("uncivilized" people! Gasp!) Bella is super worried and then she's back on the "oh, change me! I'll be a big help! bandwagon. Meyer, correct me if I'm wrong but the chapter before last, Bella was freaking out and saying she wasn't ready to change no? So freaked out she and Edward agreed to delay it! Yet now she's all rearing to go again? For god sakes, MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Either she's okay with it, or she's NOT okay with it. Having her be okay with it one minute and not the next is STUPID. It is also frankly dragging this book. We all know she's going to be a Super Vamp one day. Having her fake wrestle with the decision is not intriguing, it's annoying.
Then it turns out to Renee calling somehow and Phil had a accident on the ball field apparently. Um...just earlier you were saying he's a teacher, now he's a ball player again? WHICH IS IT? Or does he have two jobs? Make up your damn mind! But obviously it's not important I mean, even Bella can't be bothered to listen to her mother's worries because she's too busy concentrating on her boyfriend. God this girl is so selfish I want to SHAKE HER. HARD.
After that annoying phone call they kiss. Talk of school, more whining about the party and one bad transition later it's the next day and she's had all her finals. Being a Mary Sue she aced them (but as she's a woman she has to give credit to Edward because all her A's are his doing) and they go to drop Bella off at La Push. More obvious trying to make Jacob look bad on Meyer's part (now he's suddenly an impolite person). Jacob is arguing with Sam apparently (what happened to the wolf pack agreeing to help Bella out?), mere mention of Sue Clearwater having issues with her kids now that Harry's gone. Bella invites Jacob to the party she doesn't want. Thinks about end of school and other pointless stuff. Basically it's all rehashing of stuff we already know or have figured out on our own. MOVE ON PLEASE. Then Jacob wakes up and drops the bomb: he's in love with Bella. Um...duh?
I would just like to note we are now halfway through the book and here's all that's happened:
Bella is graduating and Alice is throwing her a party
Newborns are being created and looks like they're after the Cullens
Bella has started to make friends with Jacob and the wolf pack again
We've learned Roselie's, Jasper's, and the Wolf Tribe's backstory

That's it...the end. All these pages and those are the major things that have happened so far HALFWAY THROUGH THE BOOK. Just...really? These aren't even really important plot points in the series either. Really the only major thing going down is the creation of newborns. All the rest is just mindless filler that doesn't even drive the main plot. Just...how does she do this and then have the nerve to pass this off as great literature?

WORD LIST: None
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: It felt like February, not May.-Um...it's not May either or did Meyer miss the fact that it's JUNE now? Hence the graduation?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 13-Newborn

CHAPTER SUMMARY: We learn Jasper's backstory, it's terribly uninteresting and terribly racist at the same time and it kind of makes me not like Jasper that much now. Long story short: newborn army being created that is possibly after the Cullens. La di da. Figured this out on my own.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Some people have probably heard that Twilight is racist (I've even mentioned in my blog that it's slightly racist) and Twihards are probably denying it with every breath in their body. Yet, how can they overlook the fact that the number of minoritys in these books can be counted on your hands? Or that the minoritys present are terribly stereotyped (see Ben, see La Push inhabitants). Also notice, there are no black people in this. Not a one. Before you all point to Laurent...he was black IN THE MOVIES. He's not black in the books and even then he's the bad guy so black people=evil. Tyler was also not black either just so you know. Then there's the obvious favortism/double standard that Bella gives the Cullens as opposed to the Wolf Pack. The Cullens are all sophisticated and wonderful whereas she sees the Wolf Pack as wild and uncivilized (but grows to love them despite this, according to her anyway). Then...there's THIS chapter.
I was all set to hear Jasper's back story. I've been rather curious about him and how he and Alice met and got together and sadly it all turns out to be racist and boring and sexist too.
Jasper goes into how explaining how not all the covens are like the Cullens (duh, we know) and how not all like the rules that the Volturi set up. These covens are more bloodthirsty and uncivilized and where do they reside you ask? The southern hemisphere, aka South America, Africa. Probably Austrailia too. In other words places that aren't North America and Europe. These covens who reside in the North are the "civilized" covens. Who abide by the rules and are all together decent folk. Don't even try and tell me this isn't thinly veiled racism and if it isn't, it's most definitely ignorance on Meyer's part because I can't believe she or the editors reading this didn't pick up on this glaring issue. Probably all of them are white. But that's no excuse, I myself am white and am raising an eyebrow at this.
Even if it's not the intended racism that I'm picking up, Jasper is most definitely being racist by saying all these covens are the same and are dangerous and uncivilized as opposed to the ones in the North who are all civilized and wonderful. Either way, the way Meyer is painting this picture reeks of black and white mentality with no moral gray areas and lumping people together and I don't like it and can't believe more Twihards don't take issue with this. It does however explain why there are few fans of Twilight who are minoritys. Don't believe me? Look any picture taken of screaming fans of Twihards sometime. My guess is you'll be able to count the minoritys on one hand, maybe both if you're lucky.
Moving on from the nastyness of this subject because it'll make me get angry all over again, Jasper goes on to relate what we already know: newborns are dangerous and out of control. These "uncivilized" covens in the South used newborns to take over territory and start wars and such, some how Volturi had no control over this (considering they reside in Europe, color me shocked). Jasper was evidently turned in 1961 after he joined the Confederate Army (and notice no big deal is made of the fact he joined an army known for condoning slavery). Anyway, long story short, he was helping the army when three women show up and decide he'll make a wonderful vamp (he's not afraid of them cause they're WOMEN, you know?) and he's turned. Even when saying they're beautiful there's racist junk in the description:

"They had such pale skin. I remember marveling at it. Even the little black-haired girl, whose features were clearly Mexican, was porcelain in the moonlight."
From Eclipse, Chapter 13

Yes, even a mexican girl is beautiful, imagine that! Though I love how it's implied she's beautiful because her skin is now pale. UGH. So Jasper goes around reaking havoc with these women, taking over territory and whatnot until...he gets sick of it or something. So he goes north (the "civilized" country) and meets up with Alice who naturally had a vision of them being together and thus they are together. I love how Meyer doesn't bother with blossoming romance in these books. The people see each other and boom, that's it. That's the way it was for Esme and Carlisle, for Roselie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, and Bella and Edward, and even the wolf pack gets insta-soulmates!
So the Cullens decide well now they have to go up against the newborns because it appears they're after the Cullens (I'm still fuzzy about WHY THEY DIDN'T DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE). Volturi won't be any help because Aro wants them killed so he can have Edward and Alice in his group (Edward apparently saw this when he was in Italy and is just now bringing it up...okay). So Carlisle calls up the Denali clan, but opps, turns out the leader isn't happy that the wolf pack killed Laurent and now holds a grudge against the wolf pack for killing him. Chapter ends with Bella realizing there's going to be a fight. Finally, some excitement...

WORD LIST: None
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: the ignorant/or possibly deliberate outright racism going on in this chapter.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 12-Time

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Graduation party is planned, Bella is not grateful as usual. Bella freaks out about it being too soon to graduation and therefore she and Edward postpone her turning, I'm wondering when the plot is going to move forward.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So bad time transition once more, because suddenly we're at school. Meyer attempts (and fails again) to have humor in these books by way of Alice. Then she drops a bomb: she's throwing a graduation party for Bella! I know, what a rotten friend, right? Also in all of this, Bella realizes she's graduating in a WEEK! She's shocked and so am I because in the beginning of this book I was under the impression it was like maybe April/Mayish but no, turns out it's the end of the school year. Which...I'm sorry how can YOU NOT KNOW THIS WHEN YOU'RE A SENIOR? The fact Bella doesn't a) have senioritis like all seniors do, and b) didn't even know she was graduating in a week is just...stupid. Frankly I think Meyer decided halfway through writing this she wanted the graduation in there and therefore just randomly put this in and expects us to buy that a senior is not going to realize she is graduating in a week. Having been a senior twice (in high school and college) I can tell you THIS IS MORONIC.
But whatever, it's in there and now Bella's freaking out over something she knew was coming eventually so I'm having a hard time figuring out this sudden meltdown but it's Twilight so logic has no place here. Even Bella kind of acknowledges in her freak out that she's being stupid.
More thinking as she and Edward and Alice leave school and Edward asks what she's thinking. Then for once Edward shows some consideration and thoughtfulness and says she's not ready (uh...DUH) and then says to wait till all the stuff with Victoria is over instead of graduation. But Bella still protests (I'm also scratching my head a little because wasn't she all ready to go and be a vamp like two chapters ago?) and then this turns out into yet another Edward going "I'm dangerous and not good enough for you" moment. God, now you're recycling scenes from YOUR FIRST BOOK. I'd thought we'd had moved past this conflict but apparently not.
Then Bella realizes Edward thinks he's being selfish. Um...yeah he kind of is. But of course Bella assures him he's not (again, we've had this scene). Then it moves back to the marriage issue and Edward whines about her not wanting to marry him. She whines "But it'll look bad to everyone in this town!" God, first we've had this scene too and second WHY DO YOU SUDDENLY CARE WHAT THE TOWN THINKS? Seriously, she has not given one lick about the people of Forks (including her so-called friends) but suddenly she cares now. Also excuse me while I laugh about her saying she's responsible and mature and therefore shouldn't get married young. HAH. She is not mature (I think she's a pretentious spoiled brat myself). I also have seen very little evidence of responsibility as most of the chores she does she has pretty much taken upon herself. Charlie has never once told her to do something in these books and then she goes and does it. Plus, Meyer is once again making grand stereotypes about young marriage. I know most marriages out of high school don't work out but there are also a few that DO. Those few that do have lasted over forty years too and the people in those marriages are TEN times more mature then Bella and Edward.
Then Edward goes on about how in his time that's how it was done and frankly all this talking goes no where.
Bad transition (where Bella actually studies for a test! First time I've seen this so called Ivy League school material do so) and we get her looking at an article about the Seattle killings. Now apparently everyone thinks it's a serial killer and frankly the article doesn't read like a news piece at all and that's probably because Meyer can't write in any voice but her own.
Edward shows up again after she's finished and now their worried about it again. Question, if the Cullens are supposedly these great humanitarians, why didn't they do something when they first suspected there was a newborn on the loose? You would think they would worry about the humans and would have decided to send one of them right away right? But no, now their "going to do something about it" after who knows how many people have been killed. Some humanitarians.
Once more Bella ditches school and they go to see Jasper for some reason. Okay. All the Cullens gather (again, Esme expresses concern about innocent human life, WHY DIDN'T THEY DO ANYTHING BEFORE????) and this leads to Jasper apparently knowing something that will shed light on newborn behavior...or something he knows that is important. This all leads to Jasper starting to tell his story. Oh...intrigue. Though it's probably going to be more fudging of history like Roselie's story...

WORD LIST: petulantly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I exhaled in a big gust.-Huh? She exhaled twice? She exhaled really long? What?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 11-Legends

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Billy tells ancient stories that while kind of cool...don't really add anything to Eclipse. So this is once more a pointless chapter.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella at the barbecue and the boys being...boys have a large appetite. Cute moment with Paul and Jacob and a hot dog is ruined by Bella's constant inferiority complex:

Hanging out with no one but extremely dexterous people all the time was going to give me a complex.
From Eclipse, Chapter 11

Bella...you already have one. You already clearly feel you and your kind are inferior to these god-like creatures. You also already have a ton more issues but I'm moving on. Though I will say simply catching a hot dog is nothing to really feel inferior about. Any normal human can catch a hot dog.
We get a flashback to a couple of minutes ago (why didn't she just start out with this?) where Bella is warmly greeted (naturally, she is a Mary Sue and thus no one will feel any resentment towards her whatsoever).
People there are the pack, Billy, Quil's grandfather who Bella charmingly decribes as ancient and brittle (way to respect your elders honey), Sue Clearwater and her kids, Leah and Seth. We get pondering on Leah's situation and I love how Bella just naturally assumes she knows how these practical strangers feel, and how Leah feels and pretty much just sits there and judges a situation she is not a part of and has no right to judge. Hell, she even goes and comments on Jared's girlfriend's plainness (which is rich coming from a girl who is apparently plain herself) and pointing out her flaws but then goes on to say how being in love makes her beautiful and now she totally understands how imprinting is not wrong. Whatever, Bella. I also would like to comment on how Bella focuses on LOOKS throughout this. Seriously, this girl is supposed to not care about that, right? Yet she goes on to comment about Emily's ugly scars and it being justice (what the hell?! Because now she's not as beautiful that somehow makes Leah feel okay?!) and then going on about how Kim is plain but then suddenly seeing her as beautiful and that suddenly making imprinting all right. If she supposedly DOESN'T care about looks, she'd be commenting instead on how happy the couples are not what the women look like (I notice she doesn't devote nearly as much time into caring whether or not the men are hot). Also, I don't care how beautiful imprinting supposedly makes them look, IT STILL ISN'T THEIR CHOICE.
Anyway, Billy starts to tell the history of the wolf pack (for some reason Emily is taking notes...why?). I will say I found the stories somewhat interesting. It's the first time in this book, something hasn't ticked me off. Granted, it was all very lackluster and not very relevent (and not very logical but it's a mythlogy story so I kind of am letting that go). Then it moves on to the cold ones. I will not go into these overly long stories (accept for a eye roll at Bella for being scared at one point and doing the gender stereotyping YET AGAIN, god Meyer, you can't just let it go for one chapter can you?) just know there's sacrifice (of a woman of course) and the cold one got defeated (she was also a woman by the way).
I now want to comment on something that irritates me. In the beginning of this chapter Bella simply calls Leah by her first name. But then after all the beauty commentary she's suddenly relagated to Leah Clearwater but all the other members of the tribe are still called by their first name. Why is that? Let me guess, Bella made a judgement somewhere in there and found Leah lacking and therefore decides she needs to be called by her full name instead of her first name like everyone else. Or Meyer made the judgement. Whatever, it's annoying.
Bella goes home after, with Edward of course. Has a vivid dream about Roselie and Billy fighting (I see we're back to the dream sthick Meyer) and wakes to find Edward reading Wuthering Heights. More lack of subtlty as Meyer once again tries to make her book out to be on the caliber as Wuthering Heights (it's NOT, Wuthering Heights was a) Well written, and b) Had a point to it) and then even tries to make allusions between Edward and Heathcliffe. Well, I do give on this. They are both jerks, and obsessive, and controlling. The difference is, Bronte knew there were flaws in her characters and didn't try to make them out to be wonderful magnificent male leads that all men should aspire to be. Whereas Meyer...well, you've all read the books I'm assuming so you know as far as she's concerned her characters are perfect.
Edward leaves and Bella goes, no he's in no way like Heathcliff and chapter ends.

WORD LIST: dexterous, brittle, adulation
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: how the shape of her lips was a perfect double curve,-What? What the hell is a perfect double curve? And how does that suddenly make her beautiful as opposed to a few seconds ago?

ECLIPSE: Chapter 10-Scent

CHAPTER SUMMARY:...Nothing really happens in this chapter so I'm not sure if it even NEEDS a summary...Basically they talk more about who could have been in Bella's room (again, why do we CARE?) and Bella manages to get her man to let her out of her own house.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So excitement time! Jacob is coming over to do...something. Edward leaves because he and Jacob can't be in each other's presence and I actually think this is quite wise on his part but Bella thinks it's all childish. We get a random description of hot Jacob which goes into some awkward conversation and wierdness about something about the wolves needing to carry around their cloths...okay. Please note, this huge problem was never once mentioned in New Moon, you would think the problem of cloths would have been brought up as Jacob was shifting in front of Bella and other people in there...
But it deterioates from there into Jacob trying to flirt and Bella going "oh noes! I've led him astray with my oogling!" and then Meyer assuring everyone that no, she is in no way attracted to Jacob. Whatever. Jacob goes into her room makes a few rude comments about the smells (is it me or is Meyer trying really too hard to pass Jacob off as a jerk to make Edward look better?). Then...nothing new is discovered. Great.
Then Jacob asks all these awkward questions that are honestly none of his busineess. I love this gem:

"Well...I was wondering do you...y'know, kiss him?"
From Eclipse, Chapter 10

Good lord Meyer, Jacob is not FIVE. I'm sure he's quite aware by now that boys and girls kiss when they are a couple. I know you are Team Edward. That much is obvious. Please stop trying to sway everyone else to be. Oh, and the joke about Edward having no fangs? Only proves my point that the CULLENS ARE NOT VAMPIRES. Because Vampires? HAVE FANGS.
Jacob then once again gets upset about the mentioning of Bella's change and I'm wondering how many more times we're going to see the same scene over and over again: Jacob trying to talk to Bella about this, her ignoring him, him getting upset about something THAT HE KNEW WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. Seriously, this is like the third time this scene has played out in this book alone. MOVE ON MEYER.
Somehow in his anger Jacob cuts himself with a knife (real smart there banging around cutlry) and Bella's nausea around blood resurfaces all of a sudden (remember how it was almost nonexistant in New Moon?) and she plays caring female stereotype to Jacob's bleeding hero stereotype. Wow. Meyer leaves no romantic cliche unturned in these books.
But turns out Jacob heals really fast (another thing that seems to be new with the werewolves) and Bella goes about cleaning because she is a female, though Meyer tries to make it out like she has OCD. Um...no. If she had OCD, she'd be constantly cleaning, her room would not be a mess, she'd probably also have a fear of germs. She'd be like Emma on Glee, constantly rubbing/cleaning things because messes bother her (yes, I'm Gleek and I think even when the show's at it's cheesiest it's better then this crap). So, no sorry Meyer, her being OCD does not fly or camoflauge your gender stereotyping.

We get more of Jacob acting like a jerk and then we get this:
He made a noise at the back of his throat. "Is he your warden, now, too? You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and-"
From Eclipse, Chapter 10

Yes, he actually said what I've been thinking all along: this relationship is controlling and vastly unhealthy and while not abusive yet, has the signs of going there. I'm actually a little shocked Meyer even mentioned it. But I'm not so shocked that she ignored it as well by having Bella dismiss Jacob as being ridiculous when HE HAS A POINT.
My theory about why this is here? Meyer probably heard the criticism people were giving about Bella and Edward's creepy relationship and needing to stamp down those rumors fast because they might make her fans you know, think for themselves as they reread the book, put this in here as a joke in order to make fans not take the legit questioning seriously. Because you know, as far as the fans are concerned if Bella doesn't like it or take it seriously then they themselves (who are Bella as they are reading this) won't listen to it either. Sadly it seems to have worked. Want proof? Go to any Twihard forum. In fact I think there's a discusion somewhere on TwiMoms.com about the how ridiculous it all is that people think Bella and Edward have a unhealthy relationship. Sigh.
So that inturruption on the quote was Bella kicking him out and then Edward comes back and is a jerk making light about Jacob stabbing himself. Please note, the pro-werewolf stance seems to have disapeared. Then he hands her an envelope and oh joy, oh rapture, our Mary Sue got into Dartmouth! But is she super thrilled about it? No. In fact, she's almost downright angry about it. Just seriously, are you kidding me?
First, I want to go into the utter Mary Sueness of Bella getting into one of the toughest schools in the country without any extra curricular activities whatsoever. Or even apparently any studying. Seriously, I've never once seen Bella care about school enough that she would be accepted to Dartmouth in the first place. Most kids who go to these Ivy League schools have busted their butts to get in there. They have a intimidating GPA, they have their careers planned out since at least Middle School, they have a buttload of extra curriculars like Clubs or whatnot. Oh, and when they get accepted, THEY ARE HAPPY ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT'S A BIG DEAL.
When have we seen Bella do any of the above? Oh yeah, NEVER. Yeah, she reads...apparently. But I've never once heard her mention any clubs, any future career plans, anything that would even suggest that she is Ivy League material yet she magically gets in there and she doesn't have the decency to get excited about it. Never mind all those other kids who probably busted their butt and actually CARE about their education. God, this annoys me so much. I need to move on...
The ungrateful brat moves on to her much grander plans: abandoning her family and going to a state school in Alaska to give up her soul to be with her boyfriend. I have mentioned what a wonderful role model Bella is NOT haven't I? I have? Good. After these wonderful inspiring plans, we yet again go back to the pointless scent business and then it's moved onto the fact that there may now be more then one new vamp in Seattle. Now, this is actually a problem because this might mean the Volturi will come and check in on Bella. Um...how would they hear about killings in Seattle and immediately assume new vampires, and then immediately assume Bella has something to do with it and check up on her? Meyer is doing the leaps in logic thing again...
More babble and it turns out Bella gets persmission from her guy to hang out with her friend. Who says chilvery is dead, right? She goes to ride her bike and oh look! Edward has gotten a bike too! For some reason Bella has an issue with this. This is obviously Edward trying to gain more control over Bella (and I also think it's another example of "my dick is bigger!", cause you know bigger more expensive bike means better right?) because he can't let Bella have one thing he isn't apart of. She on the other hand is just worried that she'll slow him down. Meyer...just...UGH.
They get to La Push, another obvious "my dick is bigger!" moment with Edward kissing Bella in La Push and then quickly leaving. She and Jacob go inside. Oh, the suspense! Sigh.

WORD LIST: loped, consternation
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Is he your warden, now, too?-There does not need to be an extra comma after warden.
"Edward!" I sang, throwing mysef at him.-a) why are you singing in a normal conversation? b)You just saw him a few minutes ago, you twit, c) it's physically impossible to throw yourself at someone. Launch yourself, sure, but throw yourself? Not really.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 9-Target

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella discovers her sweatshirt is missing and it's turned into a huge crisis....what?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella's kidnappers dropping her off and she's mad at Jacob still and is mad at Charlie for not being mad at Jacob (yes, Charlie is yet again made out to be a jerk in this, I'm getting tired of this Meyer). Bella goes to do laundry and evidently she's the only one who does it in the house. Way to gender stereotype again, Meyer. Then she goes into her room to discover...her sweatshirt is gone. Dun. Dun. DUN. Sorry, but I had to put it in there.
Somehow Edward senses this (or he's being stalkery again) and is at the door and for some damn reason they think it's the VOLTURI. Um...a) Why would the Volturi care about Bella's shirt? and b)They're in ITALY and I thought they had short memory or whatever and wouldn't bother checking in on Bella? Edward immediately coming to this conclusion negates his passe attitude in New Moon, doesn't it?
We get more of Jerk!Charlie as I'm calling this new version of Charlie as the two leave and gather the up Emmett, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, and Alice. Where Roselie is I don't know but apparently she's not important enough to be at this meeting despite the supposed bonding between the two in Chapter 7. Edward goes off unfairly into Alice and we get this lovely:

Carlisle interrupted in a calming voice. "It's not an exact science, Edward."
From Eclipse, Chapter 9

Yet, in the previous books we're told it IS. Meyer even says there's a method to it. No all of a sudden (because it's convenient for the author no doubt) it's actually not an exact science? For God sakes Meyer, make up your mind! Either there is a method to this or there isn't. Or you really are just making this stuff up as you go which is what I'm thinking is really going on which is fine, just don't sit there and try to tell me there actually is logic to all this when it's pretty clear there isn't.
There's a lot of the Cullens arguing back and forth and Bella shuddering helplessly. I'm sorry, what happened to that crap about her wanting to be equal? Just because she's not a vampire yet doesn't mean she can't state her opinion just as much as the Cullens. Of course, Bella takes the oppurtunity to go "turn me already!" and the Cullens are all no. Sigh.
Poor helpless kitten is brought home, she's a bitch to Charlie again after he says Jacob called and Edward sings her to sleep. Cut to next morning and Bella decided to forgive Jacob because you know she's such a decent person and Edward agrees cueing this stupid thing:

"I knew you'd forgive him," he said with an easy smile. "Holding grudges is not one of your many talents."
I rolled my eyes, but I was pleased. It seemed like Edward really was over the whole anti-werewolf thing.
From Eclipse, Chapter 9

Um...what? Where in that sentence did she get that Edward was over being a jerk to the werewolves? All I got was "yes, once again I was right." and that's about it. Sure, he's letting her call him but I didn't really get that he was now suddenly over being anti-werewolf and was all for them. Jeez, way to make a leap, Bella/Meyer.
So Bella calls Jacob and he gushes about how sorry he is (at least he apologizes which is more then I've seen either Bella or Edward do). Then Edward want to talk to him over the phone and the two have a conversation concerning Bella. Never once asking for her input I notice. Seriously they're all "we should do this and this and this, and Bella will go here and there and blah blah". Never once is she asked her opinion on the matter nor does she actually voice her opinion on the matter. So much for that being equals thing.
Well all the talking basically is that the vamps and werewolves are going to cooperate now that they have a common enemy. Jacob talks to Bella some more and yet another boring chapter ends. I'm still trying to figure out what everybody is freaking out over.

WORD LIST: slovenly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Charlie is once more being made out to be the bad guy and Bella is generally a brat to him in this chapter.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 8-Temper

CHAPTER SUMMARY: This horrible series gets even MORE horrible. Bella and Jacob talk, Bella sees Edward and isn't mad at him any more and I'm STILL BORED.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Bella and Jacob wind up at the beach because Meyer is that unimaginative and Jacob is already a jerk and I'm wondering why Bella even went with him if she knew she was going to be ticked off at him for every little thing he did. Seriously, after saying they are at the beach she immediately mentions that he was full of himself and then a few sentences later she gets irritated again after a comment about Charlie liking him more:

Charlie's blatant preference for my Quileute friends was so unfair. I wondered if he would feel the same if he knew the choice was really between vampires and werewolves.
From Eclipse, Chapter 8

First, Charlie has every right to prefer them over the Cullens because as far as he knows, Jacob and his friends haven't put you in danger and Jacob didn't BREAK YOUR HEART AND LEAVE YOU COMOTOSE you utter brat. Second, why do you think he'll automatically choose the Cullens if he knew about what creatures they were? Vampires are just as dangerous as werewolves you idiot, in fact I think they would be MORE dangerous then werewolves so this comment is beyond stupid. Also, I don't see how it's unfair of Charlie when you clearly have a double standard that favors the Cullens so don't go whining about how CHARLIE is being the unfair one you hypocrite.
Well, Bella asks how the pack is doing and Jacob goes silent. Oh, something good went down. Turns out Quil imprinted. Which is three...plus Jacob later on which makes four. Meyer is breaking her own rules yet again just because it's convenient for her. Sigh.
Anyway, that isn't the big thing though. The girl Quil imprinted on? Emily's niece who is a TWO YEAR OLD. No, that is not a typo, he imprinted on a freaking TWO YEAR OLD. Just...process that for a minute will you? I'll wait because I'm still processing this and wondering how the hell people who read this series are a)still going around saying these books are so wonderful, and b)saying there's nothing wrong with this at all. Because on all those Twilight sites I've yet to see anyone out right state this is wrong. Some have even cooed about how sweet it is that Quil will wait for her to grow up. Just...WHAT? Now, if some sites have said so and I missed it, I apologize to you and say kudos because you appear to be the minority in the fandom.
This imprinting business stank enough when the girl (please also note, it's always a GIRL. No gay people seem to exist in this series) was adult and didn't get a say in the matter. Now Meyer is inflicting this on a TWO YEAR OLD. But, Jacob insists we shouldn't judge. Okay, yeah, I try not to judge people because what they do in their private lives is their business. But I will however judge Meyer because she is the one who is a) writing this, b) seems to see nothing wrong with the implications of this, and c) is telling other people, particularly young people, that this is perfectly acceptable.
For those who go on about how the girl does have a choice in the imprinting thing, um...no she actually doesn't as the guy is going to be constantly around reminding her of the issue and then there's this lovely thing that Jacob says after Bella asks if Claire gets a choice in the matter:

"Of course. But why wouldn't she choose him, in the end? He'll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone."
From Eclipse, Chapter 8

So yeah she gets the ILLUSION of choice but she'd be silly not to accept him and it's pretty clear to me that the pack will probably be telling her this as she's growing up. So really, it's not a choice for her and really not even a choice for Quil because I'm sure if given the chance he would prefer not to imprint and shackle himself to a TWO YEAR OLD. Just...God. I have to move on because this just boggles my mind too much.
Disturbing topic is treated like it's nothing though and Jacob and Bella quickly move on (for the movie's sake I hope they skip this part altogether but I have a feeling they won't). They talk and then drive their motorcycles (Bella's magically resurfaced on the beach somehow I guess) and then talk in the garage. Bella whines about Charlie and I'm getting a little sick of this bashing Charlie nonsense. All of a sudden Charlie is this guy who gets worked up about everything when in the previous books he actually seemed rather mellow to me. It's like his character did a complete one eighty. I know exactly who to blame: Meyer. She wanted Charlie to be the bad guy in this so she completely changed his character despite evidence in the other books that implies he's actually not this way. Sloppy writing yet again.
Conversation eventually turns to Edward yet again. They argue about it, yet again (this is what, second or third time? Find something new Meyer), and Jacob loses his temper (thus chapter title) yet again. He then says he'd rather see Bella dead then a vampire...Except when she's a vampire she technically IS dead...never mind. This greatly upsets her and she drives off back to her kidnappers-I mean, the Cullens.
She briefly talks to Alice and then goes up to see Edward and what do you know, she's not mad at him after all. Sigh. Meyer just can't write any sort of conflict between these two can she? Even though by all rights, there should be TONS of conflict. But conflict would imply their relationship isn't perfect (and thus NORMAL). It would also invite character growth and these characters are so perfect they don't NEED to change! Hah. Double Hah.
So instead of the much needed confrontation, Bella automatically forgives and they have a make-out session instead. Gag me. For some reason, Bella is miffed about the bed, I have no clue why. Then we once again get the "I want sex! No, Bella sex is too dangerous and since I'm such a gentleman I'm going to say no." Seriously Meyer, GET NEW SCENES. Also? A much better way of doing this is in the book Rampant by Diane Peterfreund. Giovanni was a much better gentleman about the sex thing then Edward ever was in these books. Granted, he had personal issues about it but still I got the sense he actually respected Astrid whereas here what I get is "You're a silly woman so I have to be a big strong man and protect you from your demon ways".
Then there's this stupid thing:

"I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days-and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."
From Eclipse, Chapter 8

Wow, this a perfectly mature relationship. They should totally get married.
Then there's stupid apologizing and asking of the why should you be apologizing, I should be apolozing. Then what really kills me is that Bella seems to think EDWARD should be angry at HER. Um...WHAT? No, no, NO. This just...NO. EDWARD had YOU kidnapped you stupid bint! Why should you be worried about whether or not he's angry at you FOR RUNNING AWAY? Just...UGH.
But magically, Edward is okay with it and since he's the "perfect boyfriend" he's not going to yell. Never mind that he has no right to yell but whatever. It's so sweet that he's not mad, right? So all is forgiven and she cries to him about what a meanie Jacob was to her. Then for some reason Bella brings up the Denali family and Tanya...why is she even worried about this? So some vampire girl expressed interest? So? It's obvious it went no where so why do you even care? I don't know why it was brought up either because the conversation was dropped as soon as it was started in favor of snuggling and going to sleep in each other's arms, thus ending this very disturbing chapter.

WORD LIST: cavernous
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Jacob was probably right, and that made me grind my teeth together.-Is it me or does Bella do this a LOT in this book? Seriously, so far she's mashed her teeth, ground her teeth, pursed her teeth and so on in about every chapter of this book. It's a wonder she doesn't suffer from tooth decay with all the teeth grinding she's doing.
He's seventeen, Jacob. And I get closer to nineteen every day.-Still doing the ageism thing I see and will you PLEASE stop trying to make Bella out to be the pedophile in this? For the last time, EDWARD IS OLDER THEN HER. Therefore HE is the pedophile.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 7-Unhappy Ending

CHAPTER SUMMARY: We finally learn more about Roselie and like everything else in Twilight, it's clear that Meyer did no research, there is no developement, and I'm seriously bored. Can I skip ahead to Chapter seventeen when the action starts?

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
So for the first time in this book I was looking forward to a chapter because I have been rather curious about Roselie and why she hates being a vampire. As always though, Meyer greatly disappoints because she didn't do research, she tells and doesn't show, and Roselie sounds like a robot when recounting her life story. So this chapter ends up being as dull as all the others. Sigh.
Roselie asks if they can talk and then worries about Bella's feelings which is odd because she's never worried before and then like a robot proceeds to tell her life story. Even the good guys monologue in this series. Awful convenient no? It saves Bella from having the trouble of figuring it out herself or letting the reader piece it together themselves and that's way to much work. But anyway, lets move on to the exciting life of Roselie.
Roselie it turns out lived during 1933 during the depression. Yet somehow her family was a) well off middle class folks and b) her dad had a STABLE JOB AT THE BANK. Um...Meyer? READ A HISTORY BOOK. Bankers were some of the worst people hit during the depression or did you miss the fact that the banks were BROKE? Therefore, they couldn't pay people much less have the money to pay bankers. Also, you know who was hit the hardest during the depression? THE MIDDLE CLASS, it wasn't just the poor. Apparently you slept through history class as well as english class.
But heaven forbid someone as beautiful as Roselie be desitute or struggle for a living, you know? That would be realistic! So her family is well off even though it makes no sense. Sigh. It's even worse because Roselie wasn't even troubled by the depression and her father made it seem like the people brought it on themselves. So her father was quite the ass apparently and didn't read the papers.
Roselie was of course the favorite in the family (beauty, you know) and her family were all silly social climbers. Poor Roselie had beautiful dresses, men falling at her feet, in short her life was horrible. God, so she was a whiny Bella, but in the nineteen thirties? UGH.
But her life wasn't rosy because you see she didn't have a child. Her friend had one and so she wanted one, it just wasn't fair. Her telling is then inturrupted by this idiotic inner rambling from Bella:

It was hard for me to imagine the world that Roselie had known. Her story sounded more like a fairy tale than history to me. With slight shock, I realized that this was very close to the world that Edward would have experienced when he was human, the world he had grown up in. I wondered-while Roselie sat silent for a moment-if my world seemed as baffling to him as Roselie's did to me?
From Eclipse, Chapter 7

First Bella, you clearly have no imagination or paid attention in history. Picturing this actually isn't very hard. Second, why are you even thinking about how hard it must be for EDWARD? He is not even a freaking part of this tale. Third, his situation is in no way like you imagining it because um, HE SAW THE WORLD CHANGE. Fourth, you are just NOW THINKING ABOUT THIS? You've known since the beginning how old Edward was! God, you are slow.
Roselie continues and somehow a royal family gets involved in this and they are uncreatively called the Kings. Roselie of course gets set up with the son (who naturally falls for her at first sight) and they are engaged to marry. Where am I supposed to feel sorry for her exactly? Well, it starts when Roselie tells us that she notices her beau doesn't have much affection for her. Poor thing. Then she runs into him and his friends who are all drunk and gets raped. Meyer naturally doesn't go into the details and for once I thank her for that. Rape is horrible enough.
Naturally though, Carlisle magically finds her and saves her. She is not grateful. When she is turned she kills her attackers and that's the end of how Roselie became a vamp.
Then we learn that Roselie was jealous of Bella because Edward wanted her and not Roselie. But it's not because she has a thing for Edward it's just that she was irritated that Edward never showed an interest in her. Just...UGH. First, once again no one doesn't like Bella just because of her herself. It's to do with a petty jealousy. Second, this whole thing just makes Roselie seem MORE petty and silly as opposed to Bella which I'm sure was Meyer's intention because she probably noticed people in the fandom liking Roselie more then her precious Mary Sue and we can't have that so we destroy what little we've seen of Roselie's personality and just make her into the stereotypical jealous female. Oh, and more sexist junk for the fact that Roselie is naturally baby-obsessed. She can't have a baby now so she's horribly depressed because you know that's all women need is to have a baby and a husband.
Even creepier? After Roselie tells Bella what an idiot she is for throwing her humanity (aka her ability to have children) away, she mentions that she saved Emmett and that he reminded her of the baby her friend had! Just...what? The implications of this are just...wrong. But of course, it's "true love" so naturally it's okay. All of this revealing back story doesn't really do anything though because Bella is already so focused on being a vampire she basically ignores Roselie's advice.
Bad transition and Bella and Alice go to school. Mike is there and he ASKS Bella out! Just...WHAT? Meyer, could you make this boy any more pathetic? He KNOWS Bella and Edward are going out. I was under the impression that he was OVER Bella by now after the horrible way she and Jacob treated him at the movies in New Moon. But no, he asks her out. You really need to give men a better rep then this Meyer.
But Jacob shows up in the nick of time on his bike and she jumps on his bike and they go, thus cutting school. Yes, Bella is a wonderful role model. Chapter ends with them driving away.

WORD LIST:none
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "Did Edward ever tell you what led to this?" she asked, gesturing to her glorious immortal body.-Okay Meyer, we get it, the Cullens are hot and Roselie is so ungrateful for not appreciating living forever.
She looked up at me and smiled; it was a harsh, bitter-but still stunning-expression.-First, how can a harsh and bitter expression be stunning? Second, WE GET IT. MOVE ON.

ECLIPSE: Chapter 6-Switzerland

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella argues with Edward and then gets kidnapped by Alice so she can't see Jacob. This series gets more despicable by every chapter.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We open to Bella driving back from La Push, processing all the stuff Jacob has told her:

I was thinking about the flood of information Jacob had shared with me, trying to sort it out, to force it to make sense.
From Eclipse, Chapter 6

See, even Bella admits the stuff Meyer put in doesn't make sense. It's probably a bad sign when your main character points out your flaws. Then Edward (or his scary volvo) shows up and not wanting to have a arguement with him, she goes over to Angela's to avoid him. How is it that no one sees the problem with this? That all the people touting this relationship as wonderfully healthy don't seem to find an issue that this girl is afraid to argue with her boyfriend? All over the fact that she went to visit a friend? This reeks of controlling boyfriend.
So Bella goes to Angela's place in order to help her with the oh so hard task of addressing grad invites. There are very cute moments between Angela and Ben. I'm sorry, this couple is ten times more adorable and believable then Bella and Edward's epic "true love". We learn a little about Angela finally: she has twin siblings. How sad is it that we don't learn this till BOOK THREE of this series? I mean, isn't Angela supposedly one of Bella's good friends? You would think we would have known this beforehand. But no, little things like that don't matter in this series because it's quickly pulled back to Edward and Bella when Angela asks after Edward. This could have been a nice bonding moment with character developement and we could see why these two are friends, but no. Meyer has to make this book all about Edward and Bella. Sigh.
Long story short, Bella mentions Edward's behavior and Angela rightfully comes to the conclusion that Edward is jealous. But Bella is shocked. Edward can't be JEALOUS! That's so...NORMAL. As we all know, normal is a dirty word in this series and Edward isn't anything but the perfect guy and perfect guys don't get jealous. Excuse me while I hit my head.
We then learn Angela and Ben have gotten into the University of Washington (yay for them, not giving up on college, even if it's terribly unrealistic that the two of them are both a)Still going out by then and b)Both got into the same college). Then we learn that Bella is thinking about going to the University of Alaska as her cover. Um...okay. Rather sudden, but whatever.
Ben comes back and of course he's seen an action movie because that's all guys watch (more gender stereotyping please Meyer, it's not like you haven't done enough already). Bella goes home, random conversation with Charlie, and goes to her room and sure enough stalker boy, I mean, Edward is there. He is ticked that Bella didn't listen to him like she should have and I will say I'm happy that Bella is standing up to him for a change but she still has yet to call him on his controlling behavior (nor does she dump him on the spot which is what most people would have done), hell she even apologizes for making him worry. She shouldn't have to apologize for going to see a friend. Then she asks if he's jealous and he of course denies it and Bella feels silly for implying he's normal. Ugh. Then Bella says she is Switzerland (hence the name of the chapter) and is neutral. Except this isn't accurate because she clearly is on the side of the vampires, she takes their side all the time and clearly thinks they are superior. But whatever.
Bad time transition and then Edward goes off hunting. Bella makes plans to see Jacob but they are intercepted by Alice kidnapping her. Yes, seriously. Edward paid her off by giving her a shiny new car (that's like what, car twenty that these guys have?) and even worse, it's not just this time, he expects Alice to do it EVERY TIME HE'S GONE. This is the relationship that people are saying is perfect? This is what relationship thereapists would call red flags.
But since she's having a good time, Bella doesn't protest. She stays over at the Cullens with all the girls and they do all the girly things. Have pedicures, watch movies (girly romances no doubt), have Italian food. So it's not that bad. Except for the you know, BEING HELD AGAINST YOUR WILL BY YOUR BOYFRIEND. I swear, everytime I think this series can't get more wrong, it does. She calls Jacob to cancel and he's rightfully angry about it, more so then she is which I have to say is sad.
She goes into Edward's room and aw, isn't that sweet? He bought a bed for her! What a gentleman making sure his prisoner is comfortable. Of course, since it's Edward, the bed is in perfect taste. Bella gets ready for bed and there's a knock on the door and it's Roselie asking to come in. Chapter ends and I think this is the first time in this book that I've actually felt some intrigue at all.

WORD LIST: acidic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: I wasn't paying much attention to the road that shimmered wetly in the sun.-If you're not paying much attention to it, why are you putting in the detail then?
Would these new headlines be my fault?-What? How is a vampire menace running around Seattle even REMOTELY Bella's fault? I know we learn later on that it's Victoria doing it, but Bella doesn't know this at the time so this is a stupid comment. But I keep forgetting, everything in this world revolves around Bella.