Tuesday, August 24, 2010

BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 4-Gesture

CHAPTER SUMMARY: MORE sap abounds as Bella and Edward have their reception. Jacob briefly shows up but nothing happens when he shows up and it's all very dull and my Kindle tells me we're already ten percent into the book and I'm apparently halfway through Bella's Part in this book.

COMMENTARY/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS/NOTES:
We start off with the reception part of the wedding. This is a very description heavy chapter and actually nothing much really happens aside from continued sap and repeat scenes leftover from Eclipse so notes for this chapter won't be very long.
Like I said, it's all very sappy. Because Alice is super planner, everything is done beautifully and perfectly. Guests start lining up. Seth and the wolf pack are up first. Leah is naturally not there and so Bella decides to villianfy her mother instead. Sue is painted as a fragile ignorant little woman with a boyish haircut (that of course Bella takes the time to sneer at wondering if she did it just to show solidarity with her daughter. Really, why does short hair on women in this book equal bitch?). Bella also automatically takes time to assume she knows what's going on in Billy Black's mind and this is one more way Meyer is a lousy writer. She is forgetting that this is FIRST PERSON NARRATIVE. First person narrative means that the person DOES NOT KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING. Unless of course you have the deux ex machina device that is mind reading. But EDWARD is the mind reader, not Bella. Really, get this through your head Meyer. It is okay for your main character to actually NOT know something or what a other character is thinking because that makes it so the reader doesn't know and makes us interested and actually WANT to keep reading. For excellant examples of first person narrative see things like Sookie Stackhouse, Hunger Games, hell even Harry Potter which keeps this rule in mind even though it's not even in first person pov.
Where was I? Oh yes. The guest line. Denali clan show up and of course Bella is utterly jealous for no reason and what do you know? Tanya is cool. So of course that conflict is shot out of the water so quickly I wonder why the possibility of it was even brought up.
Usual wedding stuff goes on. Cake eating (Bella makes sure to note she thought the cake was way to fancy for the setting. Way to be ungrateful, Bella), garter throwing (oh on a side note, Jessica and Mike are holding hands. But we are of course told that Mike STILL is hung up on Bella. God), and much much dancing.
Then we once more get the scene of Edward assuring Bella that she is utterly beautiful even though we're supposed to believe she's a plain jane. Really, Meyer. Pick one. She's either beautiful or plain. You can't have it both ways. But then something possibly interesting finally happens: Jacob shows up!
But even that is turned to sap and he dances with her and then it's turned boring as once more we get the "I'm turning into a vampire, no I won't let you!" scene that made up half of Eclipse. Sigh. New material, Meyer. Please.
Though to give her credit, she does try to throw in a twist. Jacob finally has enough and starts to attack Bella/Edward. But naturally this conflict is stopped by Seth and Sam and he is taken away before it gets to dangerous. Sigh. Meyer, conflict is a GOOD THING. It makes things interesting and can be known to create character growth. Which is probably why you don't think it's needed as you seem to be under the (very mistaken) impression that your characters don't need to grow at all.
Naturally, after he leaves Bella blames herself for the fiasco. Edward of course immediately assures her that no, it's in no way her fault. Except...it sort of is. If she had never let Jacob believe they actually had a chance and would also, I don't know, leave him alone after dumping his butt, he probably wouldn't be as bad off as he is now. Though to be fair to her, a lot of this is his own doing as well as Edwards. So really...all three of them are to blame. But of course, as Bella is the female, she naturally assumes it's all on her.
Last pages are basically more sap as Bella packs and she and Edward head off toward their honeymoon. Please god, tell me something happens in this book soon? If I were a Twihard and reading this for the first time, I would feel very cheated right now. I understand why so many of them were disappointed in this. Though I still say why were they expecting anything huge because really this is just more of Meyer's crap writing. It's just now she's not even bothering to try.

WORD LIST: gravelly
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The wedding flowed into the reception party smoothly-proof of Alice's flawless planning.-Er...how is this proof of this exactly? Lots of weddings go right into the reception with no hitches.
His mother, Sue, was tight by his side, eyeing the guests with wary intensity.-I'm going to assume this was a typo and Meyer meant to say she was "RIGHT by his side" because "tight by his side" makes absolutely no sense.
I saw Sue shudder delicately.-Because of course, she is fragile female. Sigh.
Eleazer as a name? Really?
Edward manfully swallowed his portion as I watched in disbelief.-How do you manfully do anything? What does that even MEAN?
Really, really, really bored with this now.

Friday, August 20, 2010

BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 3-Big Day

CHAPTER SUMMARY: The sap continues as Bella and Edward get married without one single conflict.

COMMENTARY/NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
This starts as Bella wakes up and is irritated with herself for having a dark dream the night before her wedding. She then moves on to her daily routine and so the obvious foreshadow is ignored. So why have it in the first place?
Anyway, even before her wedding, Bella acts as superhousewife and cleans because every girl does this on her wedding day, you know. Then we're treated to super boring conversation between her and Charlie and then when Alice arrives between her and Alice. The only thing revealed that is remotely interesting in all this talk is that apparently Edward is deciding the honeymoon local on his own and making it a big mystery to Bella. They didn't discuss where they were going once. Once more, Bella is letting Edward do all the deciding. I'm sorry, how is this being equal exactly? Plus, heaven forbid the two actually do anything like a normal couple you know? Discuss where to go on your honeymoon like everyone else? That's crazy talk!
We get to the Cullens house and of course super shopper Alice gets everything done perfectly. Even though she had no input on what the bride even wanted. Personally I think Alice getting everything perfectly fitting and to the person's taste with no help is Alice's real superpower. Oh, and how weird is it that Bella, who claims not to be a nature person or show any previous knowledge of flowers, is able to pinpoint flower fragrances so accurately? Oh, I keep forgetting, she's a Mary Sue. Never mind.
Roselie arrives and Bella's insecurity pops up again. This would be more interesting to me if Meyer, you know actually acknowledged her insecurity. Because by this point it's pretty obvious that she has deep insecurity issues. Oh, and by acknowledging it, I don't mean her having another character assure Bella that she's beautiful and such a wonderful human being. Yet another way Meyer fails with this series.
Anyway Roselie offers to help, Bella is shocked and we get summarizing, and I start to think there may be a moment between the two that could be you know, actually thoughtful. But no. Roselie fixes her hair and we get much describing of all the girly scenes of wedding preperations. It's all very calm and goes off perfectly. You know what's missing from this wedding? The crisis. Every wedding planner can tell you, there's always SOME sort of crisis at a wedding. There is no such thing as the perfect wedding day. For example at my parents wedding (who have now been married thirty years) my Dad's tux went missing in the church. They all spend hours searching frantically for it and finally found it in one of the rooms just thirty minutes or so before the ceremony. My Mom has yet to let my Dad forget that. But we don't get any of that at this wedding.
Oh no. Dress fits perfectly and looks wonderful. Everyone is in their right place. No high nerves, frantic searching for bouquets, telling relatives not to drink (oh...sorry, that's probably just my family...), not even an emotional moment where Charlie asks Bella if she's sure she's ready for this which I for one was totally expecting considering the bastardization of his character in these last two books.
Nope. It all goes wonderfully. Bella has a few nerves but that's every bride and I don't even get the annual Bella trips moment. I feel cheated. Not to mention bored and slightly ready to yak. Basically they get their ceremony done without a hitch and bing bang boom, Edward and Bella are married. We don't even get Bella worried about it anymore because the minute it's done Bella is all ecstatic and going "I'm Edwards! He is mine! I was so silly to worry about this!" or aka what Meyer calls character developement. Snore.

WORD LIST: assailed, tottered
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "I was barely conscious that Carlisle stood by his side, and Angela's father behind them both."-First, conscious is not the right word to use here. A better word might have been aware? Second, all of a sudden Angela is a minister's daughter? This seems like an interesting character detail. Why are we all of a sudden finding this out IN THE LAST BOOK? God Meyer, you really do make this up as you go, don't you?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 2-Long Night

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella and Edward gush over each other, Bella worries about...things that aren't even important, and we suddenly get unimportant backstory and random dreaming.

COMMENTARY/REACTIONS/NOTES:
So we open with utter sappiness. I mean this chapter is dripping with sappy that puts Hallmark movies to shame. Hell, it's enough sap to put Nicolas SPARKS to shame. Basically the first few pages are Bella and Edward in pre-wedding coupleness and just eyeing eachother and marveling over how much in love they are. Gag me. This is from someone who likes movies like Runaway Bride okay? Even a self-proclaimed romantic thinks this is over-the-top sap.
Through all the gushing we learn that this is the night before they are to married which makes the sappiness a little more understandable I guess if it weren't for the fact that these two ARE ALWAYS LIKE THIS. Even after being together for what...two to three years? If the sappiness isn't bad enough, Meyer has to add in yet another "I want sex, no I'm a gentleman!" scene between the two. Because you know we didn't get enough of that in Eclipse and Meyer has to remind us what is appropriate just in case we forgot from the last book.
On top of the sexist part of that. We get Edward lamenting about the fact that he's taking away Bella's chance to be a mother. Because you know she worried so much about being a mother before hand...no wait she never once mentioned being a mother or ever cared about being a mother period. So I don't think she's broken hearted about it. Yet Edward insists it's horrible. We all know this is foreshadow right?
If you don't believe me about the sap and think I'm exaggerating (which granted I may be a little) here is a taste of the dialogue between the two. Edward on his bachelor party:
"Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point."
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 2

Let me ask you, do you know any guy (or person for that matter) who seriously believes that about bachelor parties? Give me a break Meyer. Someone is very clearly out of touch. If you don't think so, think for a moment on the fact that EDWARD gets a bachelor party but Bella gets no bachelorette party. Tell me how that works in todays world.
No. Instead of going out and partying like a normal person (because remember readers, Bella is not normal) what does Bella do? She lays in bed and thinks about things. She spares brief worry for her wedding dress and then worries about the Denali clan. Why, I don't know. She just does. See, she's worried there'll be trouble because of the whole thing in Eclipse yet it they did harbor a grudge then why would they have been invited and why would they have accepted? Therefore this worry makes no sense.
Another nonsense worry is Bella being jealous about Tanya. See, for some reason Bella thinks she's after Edward. Even though Edward's never mentioned her beyond passing, and she herself has never made a nuisance of herself so this worry is even more stupid then the last worry.
Then all the worrying suddenly turns into flashbacking about Carlisle taking about Denali Clan history and thus fullfilling is role as the backstory giver in this series. Then in even more erratic storytelling that flashbacking turns into Bella dreaming. The dreaming includes pyres of some sort and some sort of demon baby. This totally sappy and random chapter ends with demon looking baby opening it's eyes. I'm sorry but WHAT?

WORD LIST: cavalier
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The utter sap that is the first half of this chapter.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 1-Engaged

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella prattles on and on, she and Edward tell her parents they're engaged and that's that, wedding preparations ensue.

NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS/COMMENTARY:
We open to our Mary Sue driving her new fancy car that she totally hates because it makes people stare at her because people have never seen a fancy car in this backwater town. God. So many things wrong and we're only on the first PAGE. First, I'm getting mighty tired of this notion that this whole town's world revolves around Bella. That their lives are so boring and dull that they get all in a twitter over her getting a fancy new car and will thus stare and not be able to go on with their lives until they gape at it because they're all a bunch of ill-mannered hicks. Really, Meyer, you honestly think people care that much about other people's cars? Yeah, maybe they'll note the fancy car driving through town, but they won't halt their whole lives to gape and gossip about it. Just...jeez, this whole scenario is stupid.
She gets to the gas station and again, assumes everyone's life revolves around her and that everyone is staring. Really Bella, GET OVER YOURSELF. But in her defense, it's not helped that Meyer has guys come up to her and gush over her car. Because you know, guys do that normally with complete strangers. Then there's this:
Personally, I didn't get it. But then, I was just proud I could distinguish between the symbols for Toyota, Ford, and Chevy.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 1

First, this reeks of "Isn't amazing that I, a FEMALE, actually knows something about CARS?" Second, it's contridicted by previous books because I recall in the first chapter of Twilight when Bella arrived at Forks High she sat in the parking lot noting makes and models along with their price range so obviously she knows a lot more about cars then she keeps saying she does if she can do that.
We then get lots of Bella prattling on and on about things. AKA, more of Meyer telling us instead of showing us. We learn that Bella's beloved truck died a few weeks ago and so Edward got her the big fancy car that she's completely uncomfortable with.
It wasn't like I hadn't expected Edward to take advantage of our deal, to weight it on his side so that he could give so much more than he would recieve.
From Breaking Dawn, From Chapter 1

I would like to point out just how messed up it is that Bella is keeping track of the things/favors that they give each other like it's some sort of contest between them. Really, who DOES that with the person they are supposingly in love with? Second, she basically expected Edward to go against her wishes? She (and the Twihards claiming this is the "best relationship ever") see nothing wrong with that? Nor do they see anything wrong with the fact that the car is basically Edward making a joke at her expense?
More prattling and we learn that Charlie put up missing person posters of Jacob, even though Billy told him not to worry about it. Doesn't make sense but it is Twilight. Meyer isn't stopping her attempts to make Charle appear like a jerk I see.
Bella calls up the Clearwaters during her prattling and talks to Seth (after a brief demonization of Leah because apparently she hates Bella for some reason that I can't see because last I checked, they've never interacted...). Nothing new on Jacob. Apparently the pack is keeping track of Jacob via that mental link they have that evidently reaches across entire continants as Jacob is now apparently in northen Canada...that's some mental reach there. Clearwaters are apparently invited to Bella's wedding (of which she still hasn't told her parents...nice).
Having Seth there would be nice-a link, however tenuous to my missing best man.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 1

Um...excuse me? If Jacob hadn't taken off, she would have asked him to be the best man? Just...the guy was in LOVE WITH YOU, Bella. He also HATES Edward. So you were going to ask the guy who is probably STILL in love with you and hates your groom to be the best man (which last I checked was the groom's choice...) at your wedding and you probably would have expected him to keep his trap shut. Just...wow. Not only are you selfish bitch. You're a selfish, insensitive, heartless bitch. Why am I supposed to look up to this girl again?
Bad transition later and Bella and Edward are telling Charlie they're engaged. He takes it surprisingly well. But I would like to point to this paragraph that is after Charlie asks what the rush is:
The rush was due to the fact that I was getting closer to nineteen every stinking day, while Edward stayed frozen in all his seventeen year old perfection, as he had for over ninety years. Not that this fact necessitated marriage in my book, but the wedding was required due to the delicate and tangled compromise Edward and I had made to finally get to this point, the brink of transformation from mortal to immortal.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 1

There. This right here is why I have so much trouble swallowing that this series is about "true love" like Twihards keep telling me. To me this series is mostly about a girl scared of growing up (because you know being old is so horrible) and sees being a vampire as her chance at never having to grow up and therefore latches onto hot vampire to make it happen but saying that it's really about true love. Only it's kind of not. This is also why I kind of laugh hysterically when people comment on how "mature" Bella is.
So anyway, Charlie is surprisingly okay with this but tells Bella that she has to tell Renee. Oh...scary and possible conflict. But wait...no! Renee is okay with it! She's so okay with it, she figured out they were engaged already and called up Esme and now she and Esme are best buds so now there's not even the worry that the in laws won't get along. Cue sappy mother and daughter moment where Renee assures her daughter that she's wonderful and totally making the right choice.
Really bad transition after that. One point we get more demonization of Charlie who apparently though Renee would be against it (which I thought too, because this Renee is like a complete one-eighty of the Renee that was presented in the previous books) and therefore is now mopey. Then suddenly it's later and Alice is there helping him trying on a tux. Edward and Bella are happy couple doing sappy things as wedding preparations happen. End chapter. Please tell me the whole book isn't going to be this uber sappy. I don't think I'll be able to handle that...

WORD LIST: staid, omniscient
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: "my stomach flattened against my spine."-I'm pretty sure this isn't physically possible.
He busted into loud guffaws.-Poor sentance description. Better way would have been He burst into loud laughter.
He wasn't exaggerating, they'd been big on old-fashioned morals during World War I.-Last I checked getting married wasn't considered "old-fashioned". Lots of people do it Bella. Second, it can't really be considered "old-fashioned" morals in the past can it? Third, Edward was changed in 1918, right? World War I was from 1914 to 1918 in the last years of his life as a teen. Generally you're considered already raised by the time you're a teen so he technically wasn't raised during World War I. Just saying.

BREAKING DAWN: Cover and Preface

So here we are with Breaking Dawn. Breaking Dawn is owned by the publishers and Stephanie Meyer and was published in 2009.
Cover: Picture of white queen chess piece. So there's going to be a lot of negotiating going on and ten bucks says that queen in reference to Bella herself as this is one huge wish fullfillment series and Bella becomes the most ultimate vampire ever!

This blog post, is longer then the Preface which I would once more like to point out: IS NOT A PREFACE. To prove how short it is, I'll quote the entire thing here:
I'd had more than my fair share of near-death experiences; it wasn't something you ever really got used to.
It seemed oddly inevitable, though, facing death again. Like I really was marked for disaster. I'd escaped time and again, but it kept coming back for m.
Still, this time was so different from the others.
You run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. All my reactions were geared toward those kinds of killers-the monsters, the enemies.
When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could not give it?
If it was someone you truly loved?

There. That's it. That's the whole Prologue (yes, PROLOGUE, because this is NOT A PREFACE). All I can say is that this is the same as all the other prefaces: Bella heading to danger and is sacrificing herself because she's so "selfless" blah blah blah. I know she's going to live, TWIHARDS know she's going to live because this is Meyer, she doesn't know how to think outside the box and can't bring anything new to the table so therefore it's going to be Bella and Edward living happily ever after, it's just a matter of how they get there.

STUPID TWILIGHT WORDS THAT ARE USED WRONG/DON'T LOOK RIGHT/A TEENAGER WOULD NEVER SAY: None because this is a paragraph, not a chapter and therefore not long enough to have any bad words.
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Same boring nonsense that was in the last three books, can't you think up anything new Meyer?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Starting Breaking Dawn!

So I have Breaking Dawn on my Kindle (no way am I wasting precious shelf space on that sucker...it's bad enough I had to pay eleven dollars for it...). Therefore, my readalong of Breaking Dawn will begin tomorrow. Yay? In other news, have any of you seen this trailer:

This just makes the anti in me grin like crazy. I'm not going to waste money in theaters to see it (I'm saving my cash for Inception aka the coolest movie of the year...depending on how Part 1 of Deathly Hallows is). But I'll definitely be renting it for my enjoyment as a celebration for finishing this series up.
Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow with Preface and Chapter one of Breaking Dawn.