CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella angsts in what is yet another pointless chapter.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
All that drama that was promised? Skipped. We don't get to see Bella attack at all. We see the aftermath instead. LAME, Meyer, very lame. But I don't know why I'm surprised about this anymore. Every violent scene in this stupid series has been pg or takes place off screen. Yet Meyer has no problem writing scenes with violent births. If someone wo.uld like to explain this slight hypocrisy then please, do so.
Anyway, the aftermath turns out to be that Seth got his shoulder broken and Bella angsts about what a monster she's become. But of course everyone (including Seth) is quick reassure her that no, she isn't. Seth even goes as far to say that it was deserved! Um...NO. Look, yes Bella has every right to be mad about Jacob imprinting on her kid but just slap him or something. NO ONE deserves getting their shoulder dislocated, I don't care how made you are at the person. Be a bigger person and kick them out if you're that mad at them. But I forget, Bella is a Mary Sue therefore everything she does is perfectly acceptable. Even when she loses her temper and endangers everyone and hurts someone who she WASN'T EVEN MAD AT. But it's Bella, so it's okay! UGH.
If that's not ridiculous enough, turns out Renesmee isn't venomous! What? Is she a vampire or isn't she? How can you bite but not turn or feed? This makes no sense WHAT SO EVER.
As Bella sits and broods we get more of Meyer's lazy conflict solving. Turns out that now that Jacob imprinted on his little Mary Sue the rest of the wolf pack can't attack the kid as that would cause one of their own harm. Also since Jacob let Bella be turned, that means all is well in that area too. So crisis averted yet again. BORING. We don't even get to see the drama from this. Boo.
Then suddenly Bella starts worrying about Charlie and what to do about him. I'm sorry, why didn't she worry about him BEFORE she was turned into a vamp? Now all of a sudden he's actually important to her? I don't buy it. Sorry, Meyer.
More angst, angst, angst from Bella about the imprinting deal. I'm bored with this already. Suddenly the Cullens are all it's time to measure Renesmee! What? Turns out she is now toddler age. Gives whole new meaning to "my, they grow so fast" doesn't it?
Bella gets to hold her baby and now we learn that Renesmee is not only a Mary Sue, she's a deux ex machina as well. She has some sort of wierd ability to implant memories in a person (how does that even work?) and so we get to see all her thoughts on the matter. She loves Jacob you see. She loves everyone. She just wants everyone to get along! Seriously, GAG ME.
Somewhere in all this huge waste of time, we learn that Jasper (who suddenly has gained the nickname Jazz, when did that happen?) is angsty now too. See, now that he sees how well Bella's doing he thinks all that worry about newborns was just a self-fullfilling prophecy. See, they only acted that way because they were TOLD that they were going to be that way. God, this series gets even more absurd as it goes on. Oh, and apparently vampires don't need to sit either or some such rot. They just sit out of habit. What?
This utterly pointless and boring chapter ends with Alice handing Bella a key with a pink bow. It's Bella's birthday guys! Prediction: this is going to get worse.
WORD LIST: mitigated, antagonistic
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Carlisle chuckled."I wish treating humans were this instantaneously gratifying."-Well, excuse me for being HUMAN, Carlisle. Sorry if my body is inadequate for you. We heal slow, sorry if that's not good enough for you.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 22-Promised
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella discovers Jacob imprinted on her daughter and freaks. As well she should.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We begin where we left off, with much gag-worthy speculating on how wonderful and super special Bella's daughter is. If Bella is Super Mary Sue, then her daughter is like uber Mary Sue extroardinare. Why do I say this? Well, for one, EVERYONE loves her! Seriously, they just look at her and melt. I know she's a baby but even this is a little ridiculous. Also, she has super speed growth. That's right, within a few months she'll be a freaking SEVEN year old! Or her body will be. Her mind too. I could maybe forgive Meyer for the fact that a vampire can suddenly have kids, but now that kid has excellarated growth too? Are you kidding me?! She also is naturally super intelligent already LESS THEN ONE WEEK AFTER HER BIRTH. I'm sorry Meyer, no you are not being scientific at all. You are making this up as you go, stop trying to say otherwise. Don't even get me started that the excellerated growth means that Bella and Edward get to skip out on the hardships of taking care of a baby and being a parent. Heaven forbid they work at something, you know? All these clues make me realize this baby will turn into an uber Mary Sue. As we read on, I'm sure my suspicians will be confirmed.
They get to the Cullens house after Edward talks about the wonderful Mary Sue baby they created and Jacob shows up. Surprise you guys! She's no longer conflicted about him! They are no longer in love. He is now in love with her baby (though she doesn't know that yet but somehow senses he's now over her) and she no longer has any romantic feelings for him! Conflict aborted! In the most lazy way possible. So just note teenagers: to get over conflicting romantic interests: turn into a vamp and have the other person imprint on someone. Problem solved! God this is so stupid.
Just so we don't start getting any ideas that Bella is an equal among these men now that she's a vamp, Jacob and Edward test her and don't let her in on it. Edward also continues to neglect telling her info that she should probably know such as that her best friend imprinted on her baby. So yeah, Bella's strong now but she's still a woman.
Then Bella meets her Mary Sue baby for the first time. Of couse, there's no issue with the bloodlust. She's perfectly in control. It all of course turns into a praise-fest of how awesome Bella was during the hunt. Ugh. I get it Meyer, she's a super awesome vampire. MOVE ON PLEASE. Then her Mary Sue baby appartently has powers to communicate with people so no need to guess what the baby needs or is trying to say. Seriously, Meyer is taking all the fun out of this. I wanted to see Bella and Edward deal with parenting and hard work for a change. Nothing tests a relationship more then having a kid. It also would have required them to work at their relationship too. But as noted before, Meyer seems to detest hard work or conflict of any kind for her characters.
Somehow, Bella finally catches on that Jacob imprinted on her kid. The drama that insues, almost kind of makes up for all the gag-worthy lets-praise-Bella moments that seem to be the only point to this book. Granted, it's still full of grating dialogue and writing, but at least there's finally some real drama and an actual conflict introduced. More then halfway into this stupid book. But it's there!
Basically what insues is over the top Bella on the war path. While it is kind of fun finally seeing her get angry (this is the first time I've actually seen her express strong emotion I believe) it's still contrived soap opera worthy dialogue. She starts yelling at Jacob, he tries to assure that it's really all right, and she points out that no, it isn't. Just when things get interesting with her going for Jacob's throat (yes, really) the chapter ends. At least something actually happened in this one.
WORD LIST:none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: He knew her and I did not. It wasn't fair-Oh gee, Bella, cry me a freaking river. Could you BE anymore immature?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
We begin where we left off, with much gag-worthy speculating on how wonderful and super special Bella's daughter is. If Bella is Super Mary Sue, then her daughter is like uber Mary Sue extroardinare. Why do I say this? Well, for one, EVERYONE loves her! Seriously, they just look at her and melt. I know she's a baby but even this is a little ridiculous. Also, she has super speed growth. That's right, within a few months she'll be a freaking SEVEN year old! Or her body will be. Her mind too. I could maybe forgive Meyer for the fact that a vampire can suddenly have kids, but now that kid has excellarated growth too? Are you kidding me?! She also is naturally super intelligent already LESS THEN ONE WEEK AFTER HER BIRTH. I'm sorry Meyer, no you are not being scientific at all. You are making this up as you go, stop trying to say otherwise. Don't even get me started that the excellerated growth means that Bella and Edward get to skip out on the hardships of taking care of a baby and being a parent. Heaven forbid they work at something, you know? All these clues make me realize this baby will turn into an uber Mary Sue. As we read on, I'm sure my suspicians will be confirmed.
They get to the Cullens house after Edward talks about the wonderful Mary Sue baby they created and Jacob shows up. Surprise you guys! She's no longer conflicted about him! They are no longer in love. He is now in love with her baby (though she doesn't know that yet but somehow senses he's now over her) and she no longer has any romantic feelings for him! Conflict aborted! In the most lazy way possible. So just note teenagers: to get over conflicting romantic interests: turn into a vamp and have the other person imprint on someone. Problem solved! God this is so stupid.
Just so we don't start getting any ideas that Bella is an equal among these men now that she's a vamp, Jacob and Edward test her and don't let her in on it. Edward also continues to neglect telling her info that she should probably know such as that her best friend imprinted on her baby. So yeah, Bella's strong now but she's still a woman.
Then Bella meets her Mary Sue baby for the first time. Of couse, there's no issue with the bloodlust. She's perfectly in control. It all of course turns into a praise-fest of how awesome Bella was during the hunt. Ugh. I get it Meyer, she's a super awesome vampire. MOVE ON PLEASE. Then her Mary Sue baby appartently has powers to communicate with people so no need to guess what the baby needs or is trying to say. Seriously, Meyer is taking all the fun out of this. I wanted to see Bella and Edward deal with parenting and hard work for a change. Nothing tests a relationship more then having a kid. It also would have required them to work at their relationship too. But as noted before, Meyer seems to detest hard work or conflict of any kind for her characters.
Somehow, Bella finally catches on that Jacob imprinted on her kid. The drama that insues, almost kind of makes up for all the gag-worthy lets-praise-Bella moments that seem to be the only point to this book. Granted, it's still full of grating dialogue and writing, but at least there's finally some real drama and an actual conflict introduced. More then halfway into this stupid book. But it's there!
Basically what insues is over the top Bella on the war path. While it is kind of fun finally seeing her get angry (this is the first time I've actually seen her express strong emotion I believe) it's still contrived soap opera worthy dialogue. She starts yelling at Jacob, he tries to assure that it's really all right, and she points out that no, it isn't. Just when things get interesting with her going for Jacob's throat (yes, really) the chapter ends. At least something actually happened in this one.
WORD LIST:none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: He knew her and I did not. It wasn't fair-Oh gee, Bella, cry me a freaking river. Could you BE anymore immature?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 21-First Hunt
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella hunts a mountain lion and of course is super good at it the first time around.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Okay, I know I've been spontanious with the reviews it's just that it's holiday season at the store I work at and if you know retail, you know that this is exhausting and the last thing I want to do is come home and read through a crappy book like this. Plus, I've been busy with actual good books (for the most part...) for my book review blog. But I promised myself I would actually read through this entire series this year and so I'm going to TRY and have a chapter at least every day now, or at the very least every other day. To celebrate at the end, I'm going to give you a complete run down of one hundred reasons why this book is bad (with evidence) as well as my list of why Harry Potter is better then this, and a complete list of books that are better then this series and thus will end this blog. Jury is still out on whether I will bother with Bree Tanner and The Host.
Now that you know my plans, lets move on, shall we? So this chapter is cleverly titled first hunt. Who wants to guess about what happens? If you guessed that Bella goes on a hunt and is super great at it like she is at everything else, congratulations, you win cookies ;sends them virtually to you;. Because this is pretty much the whole pointless chapter.
Bella goes off hunting with Edward. Briefly she inquires about Renesmee (am I the only one who thinks it's weird that there are two e letters at the end of that name? If it's a combination shouldn't it be spelled Reneesme?) and we get hinting of Jacob imprinting on the baby but of course, Edward doesn't tell her this and insteads dodges the questions she has. I see that even though she's a vampire now, Bella is still not equal nor will she be told information that she should know because she's a silly over emotinal female. Sigh. Even when the women get powers, they're STILL demeaned in this series.
Oh, and if you want a laugh, she goes hunting in a blue silk cocktail dress that Alice apparently fit her in. I'm sorry WHAT? I know Alice likes high fashion, but there is practical high fashion out there. This is so totally ridiculous that I don't know where to begin so I'm moving on.
They start off hunting and we are treated to more scenes where Bella is such a super awesome vampire. Hell, she's such an awesome vampire now that the pesky little clumsiness trait she had is totally gone! So now Bella is full blown Mary Sue, with powers! Yay! As if I didn't find her character boring enough BEFORE she was a vampire. Oh, and to add to the ridiculousness of the dress, she's also doing all this leaping and hunting with SILVER SATIN SHOES. That apparently didn't break or fall off when she was doing all these superman heroics. Those must be some well made shoes. Oh, never mind she gets rid of them before she does the serious hunting. But keeps the cocktail dress.
More super awesome Bella scenes (where she's not at all hindered by her impractical dress). I'm so bored with this. I was bored when it started. I'm bored now. Then things just get confusing. I literally am not sure what is going on. Particularly with this exchange:
Beat him before? Huh? What is she even talking about?! I must have missed something...if a Twihard could explain this to me, please do so. Confusing exchange quickly turns into MORE Bella is so awesome now scenes with Edward heaping praise on her. Gag me with a spoon. Then we are treated to a gross scene where she kills a mountain lion. You know for someone who is a vegetarian, I find it odd that Meyer has no problem killing off animals in this book. Wonder what Freud would have to say about that?
Annoying scene about Edward lamenting that he has trouble with not having to protect her now. Some lame thing about how blood with herbivores smells different then carnivores which makes no sense whatsoever. More hunting scenes. I have to wonder where they're finding all this unprotected wildlife in WASHINGTON STATE but whatever.
Turns out hunting turns Bella on so we're treated to scenes with her and Edward. Yack. She asks to see her baby and boring pointless chapter ends. Once again: HOW DID THIS GET PUBLISHED?!
WORD LIST: exultant, dessicated, compulsory
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: she hunts in a cocktail dress? Seriously?
My mouth felt like four o'clock on a June afternoon in Death Valley.-Um...what? She's thirsty? Hungry? What does this sentance even mean?!
Mostly him-his strange honey-lilac-and-sun perfume.-First, why are there hyphans between honey lilac and sun? That's not needed, second what is a honey lilac? I'm pretty sure that flower doesn't exist and SUN DOESN'T HAVE A SMELL.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Okay, I know I've been spontanious with the reviews it's just that it's holiday season at the store I work at and if you know retail, you know that this is exhausting and the last thing I want to do is come home and read through a crappy book like this. Plus, I've been busy with actual good books (for the most part...) for my book review blog. But I promised myself I would actually read through this entire series this year and so I'm going to TRY and have a chapter at least every day now, or at the very least every other day. To celebrate at the end, I'm going to give you a complete run down of one hundred reasons why this book is bad (with evidence) as well as my list of why Harry Potter is better then this, and a complete list of books that are better then this series and thus will end this blog. Jury is still out on whether I will bother with Bree Tanner and The Host.
Now that you know my plans, lets move on, shall we? So this chapter is cleverly titled first hunt. Who wants to guess about what happens? If you guessed that Bella goes on a hunt and is super great at it like she is at everything else, congratulations, you win cookies ;sends them virtually to you;. Because this is pretty much the whole pointless chapter.
Bella goes off hunting with Edward. Briefly she inquires about Renesmee (am I the only one who thinks it's weird that there are two e letters at the end of that name? If it's a combination shouldn't it be spelled Reneesme?) and we get hinting of Jacob imprinting on the baby but of course, Edward doesn't tell her this and insteads dodges the questions she has. I see that even though she's a vampire now, Bella is still not equal nor will she be told information that she should know because she's a silly over emotinal female. Sigh. Even when the women get powers, they're STILL demeaned in this series.
Oh, and if you want a laugh, she goes hunting in a blue silk cocktail dress that Alice apparently fit her in. I'm sorry WHAT? I know Alice likes high fashion, but there is practical high fashion out there. This is so totally ridiculous that I don't know where to begin so I'm moving on.
They start off hunting and we are treated to more scenes where Bella is such a super awesome vampire. Hell, she's such an awesome vampire now that the pesky little clumsiness trait she had is totally gone! So now Bella is full blown Mary Sue, with powers! Yay! As if I didn't find her character boring enough BEFORE she was a vampire. Oh, and to add to the ridiculousness of the dress, she's also doing all this leaping and hunting with SILVER SATIN SHOES. That apparently didn't break or fall off when she was doing all these superman heroics. Those must be some well made shoes. Oh, never mind she gets rid of them before she does the serious hunting. But keeps the cocktail dress.
More super awesome Bella scenes (where she's not at all hindered by her impractical dress). I'm so bored with this. I was bored when it started. I'm bored now. Then things just get confusing. I literally am not sure what is going on. Particularly with this exchange:
"How did you do that?" he demanded.
"You let me beat you before, didn't you?" I demanded back, ignoring his question.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 21
Beat him before? Huh? What is she even talking about?! I must have missed something...if a Twihard could explain this to me, please do so. Confusing exchange quickly turns into MORE Bella is so awesome now scenes with Edward heaping praise on her. Gag me with a spoon. Then we are treated to a gross scene where she kills a mountain lion. You know for someone who is a vegetarian, I find it odd that Meyer has no problem killing off animals in this book. Wonder what Freud would have to say about that?
Annoying scene about Edward lamenting that he has trouble with not having to protect her now. Some lame thing about how blood with herbivores smells different then carnivores which makes no sense whatsoever. More hunting scenes. I have to wonder where they're finding all this unprotected wildlife in WASHINGTON STATE but whatever.
Turns out hunting turns Bella on so we're treated to scenes with her and Edward. Yack. She asks to see her baby and boring pointless chapter ends. Once again: HOW DID THIS GET PUBLISHED?!
WORD LIST: exultant, dessicated, compulsory
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: she hunts in a cocktail dress? Seriously?
My mouth felt like four o'clock on a June afternoon in Death Valley.-Um...what? She's thirsty? Hungry? What does this sentance even mean?!
Mostly him-his strange honey-lilac-and-sun perfume.-First, why are there hyphans between honey lilac and sun? That's not needed, second what is a honey lilac? I'm pretty sure that flower doesn't exist and SUN DOESN'T HAVE A SMELL.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 20-New
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Bella becomes a super awesome vampire! That's about it.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
When Bella wakes up we're treated to how uber special her senses have become. Cue lots of heavy description. Here's a brief example of what we're "treated" too:
...wow, that's a lot of description to describe...dust. Don't get me started on how apparently it's very pretty. Give me a break. Then suddenly we're treated to how she doesn't need to breath yet breaths anyway and somehow that lets her taste everything in the air...just, what? How on earth can you taste anything in the air? Meyer continues to make no sense whatsoever. Oh, and somehow despite the fact that she's in a place where she just gave a bloody birth the air tastes just wonderful and is just as super awesome as the really pretty dust. Whatever.
Then Bella gets up and all the family is cautious. She focuses and Edward and if you thought her waxing poetic was bad before? It's ten times worse now. See, apparently all of that pales in comparison to seeing him when you're a vampire. He's even more perfect and wonderful now. How blind she was! Gag me with a spoon. Proof of how bad it is:
Yeah, like I said before, give me a break. Oh, and how exactly does a voice have velvet folds? It's SOUND.
I have to say, for a newborn, Bella is remarkably coherent. She says that human emotions would come back later but she's feeling them now as she worries about Charlie and Jacob so that discredits that idea really quick. She also still feels the very human emotions of lusting after Edward's beauty so I call shenanigans on Meyer. Bella is still perfectly all right. A fact that is told to us a page or so later. Turns out Bella's such a wonderful controlled person that apparently this makes it so she's not as out of control as other newborns. Or other some such rot. Either way we're basically told: Bella's super awesome so of course the bloodthirst doesn't make her a monster! Now enjoy as she becomes a super special vampre! Ugh.
Then if this lame explanation isn't bad enough, Alice shows up with a mirror for some wierd reason and Bella sees herself in the mirror and OMG! she's so beautiful guys! Cause you know, she was so plain before ;rolls eyes;. Oh no, wait...there apparently is one little flaw: her upper lip is slightly out of balance. Big whoop.
Oh and apparently Edward still can't hear her mind. Can't have that, can we?
She leaves with Edward, Jasper, and Alice to go hunt. End revolting and uninteresting chapter.
WORD LIST: sinously, concerted
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Getting cheated out of Bella being a bloodthirsty vamp
This whole chapter basically is saying Bella is super awesome now that she's a vampire over and over again. Yack.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
When Bella wakes up we're treated to how uber special her senses have become. Cue lots of heavy description. Here's a brief example of what we're "treated" too:
Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In the front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and seperate. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 20
...wow, that's a lot of description to describe...dust. Don't get me started on how apparently it's very pretty. Give me a break. Then suddenly we're treated to how she doesn't need to breath yet breaths anyway and somehow that lets her taste everything in the air...just, what? How on earth can you taste anything in the air? Meyer continues to make no sense whatsoever. Oh, and somehow despite the fact that she's in a place where she just gave a bloody birth the air tastes just wonderful and is just as super awesome as the really pretty dust. Whatever.
Then Bella gets up and all the family is cautious. She focuses and Edward and if you thought her waxing poetic was bad before? It's ten times worse now. See, apparently all of that pales in comparison to seeing him when you're a vampire. He's even more perfect and wonderful now. How blind she was! Gag me with a spoon. Proof of how bad it is:
I could not answer immediately, lost as I was in the velvet folds of his voice. It was the most perfect symphony, a symphony in one instrument, an instrument more profound than any created by man.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 20
Yeah, like I said before, give me a break. Oh, and how exactly does a voice have velvet folds? It's SOUND.
I have to say, for a newborn, Bella is remarkably coherent. She says that human emotions would come back later but she's feeling them now as she worries about Charlie and Jacob so that discredits that idea really quick. She also still feels the very human emotions of lusting after Edward's beauty so I call shenanigans on Meyer. Bella is still perfectly all right. A fact that is told to us a page or so later. Turns out Bella's such a wonderful controlled person that apparently this makes it so she's not as out of control as other newborns. Or other some such rot. Either way we're basically told: Bella's super awesome so of course the bloodthirst doesn't make her a monster! Now enjoy as she becomes a super special vampre! Ugh.
Then if this lame explanation isn't bad enough, Alice shows up with a mirror for some wierd reason and Bella sees herself in the mirror and OMG! she's so beautiful guys! Cause you know, she was so plain before ;rolls eyes;. Oh no, wait...there apparently is one little flaw: her upper lip is slightly out of balance. Big whoop.
Oh and apparently Edward still can't hear her mind. Can't have that, can we?
She leaves with Edward, Jasper, and Alice to go hunt. End revolting and uninteresting chapter.
WORD LIST: sinously, concerted
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: Getting cheated out of Bella being a bloodthirsty vamp
This whole chapter basically is saying Bella is super awesome now that she's a vampire over and over again. Yack.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 19-Burning
CHAPTER SUMMARY: We get Bella's point of view of the change. Yay?
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Pretty much this whole chapter is Bella rambling on and on about nothing in particular. In short: it's another pointless chapter. Is Meyer getting paid by the word or something? That's my only explanation for all these wasted chapters that should have been cut.
We start off with Bella being in pain and apparently surprised by the pain. Okay. Then in case we couldn't figure out Bella was in pain by her stating it, Meyer elaborates in yet another over wordy, badly puncuated paragraph that is not really a paragraph:
More flowery descriptions of pain and then obvious "look how selfless she is!" commentary and then we have lines from the last chapter. That's when you realize: Meyer is basically redoing a scene from the previous chapter in another character's point of view...just...why? Really, what on earth is the point of all of this? Never mind that Bella would probably have been too focused on pain to think this clearly.
But whatever, Meyer continues to rewrite a scene. Maybe she forgot that she had put this scene in Jacob's point of view already? I mean she doesn't edit so it wouldn't suprise me.
So this all ends up very boring and annoying because this doesn't really tell us everything we didn't learn from Jacob: scene was utterly disturbing and gross, we are supposed to love Bella for being such an utterly wonderful selfless person, she loves Edward and baby lots and lots, blah blah blah. God, get new material already! Preferably some that doesn't make me want to puke.
More of Bella being a martyr, blah, blah, more I love my baby so much (even though i call it my little nudger-Really?) and then it moves on to her changing into a vamp. Okay, this I thought would maybe be mildly interesting. Finally, Bella is going to become the bloodthirsty vamp she always wanted to be and I am kind of eager to see how the blood and hunger and all that stuff that comes with being a newborn vamp will effect her.
Well if that ever happens in this (which I doubt it will because it's Twilight, heaven forbid things be DIFFICULT for Bella) it's not in this chapter. Bella loses conciousness before the biting part (assuming there's actual biting in this psuedo-vampire book). Yet again, we get cheated because Meyer is big freaking chicken. Really, if all this stuff bothered her, WHY DID SHE WRITE A FREAKING VAMPIRE BOOK?
Bella wakes up and it's MORE rambling about nothing in particular aside from how much pain she is in. Then suddenly all the vampire senses start to kick in. Due to this, she somehow hears Edward and all the Cullens while she's unconcious...Yeah, don't get me started on how stupid this is.
Then we get one boring conversation between Alice and Edward that reveals...nothing. Meyer, FYI overheard conversations in books are supposed to reveal something. Boring pointless chapter ends with Bella opening her eyes.
WORD LIST: sanguine
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The utter pointlessness of this chapter
NOTES/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS:
Pretty much this whole chapter is Bella rambling on and on about nothing in particular. In short: it's another pointless chapter. Is Meyer getting paid by the word or something? That's my only explanation for all these wasted chapters that should have been cut.
We start off with Bella being in pain and apparently surprised by the pain. Okay. Then in case we couldn't figure out Bella was in pain by her stating it, Meyer elaborates in yet another over wordy, badly puncuated paragraph that is not really a paragraph:
Reality was red, and it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize fighter, trampled by bulls, and submerged in acid, all at the same time.Okay, Meyer, we get it. She's in pain. Move on please. That is also quite a collection of ways to describe pain there, I'm beginning to see where Bella gets her masochistic tendancies from.
From Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19
More flowery descriptions of pain and then obvious "look how selfless she is!" commentary and then we have lines from the last chapter. That's when you realize: Meyer is basically redoing a scene from the previous chapter in another character's point of view...just...why? Really, what on earth is the point of all of this? Never mind that Bella would probably have been too focused on pain to think this clearly.
But whatever, Meyer continues to rewrite a scene. Maybe she forgot that she had put this scene in Jacob's point of view already? I mean she doesn't edit so it wouldn't suprise me.
So this all ends up very boring and annoying because this doesn't really tell us everything we didn't learn from Jacob: scene was utterly disturbing and gross, we are supposed to love Bella for being such an utterly wonderful selfless person, she loves Edward and baby lots and lots, blah blah blah. God, get new material already! Preferably some that doesn't make me want to puke.
More of Bella being a martyr, blah, blah, more I love my baby so much (even though i call it my little nudger-Really?) and then it moves on to her changing into a vamp. Okay, this I thought would maybe be mildly interesting. Finally, Bella is going to become the bloodthirsty vamp she always wanted to be and I am kind of eager to see how the blood and hunger and all that stuff that comes with being a newborn vamp will effect her.
Well if that ever happens in this (which I doubt it will because it's Twilight, heaven forbid things be DIFFICULT for Bella) it's not in this chapter. Bella loses conciousness before the biting part (assuming there's actual biting in this psuedo-vampire book). Yet again, we get cheated because Meyer is big freaking chicken. Really, if all this stuff bothered her, WHY DID SHE WRITE A FREAKING VAMPIRE BOOK?
Bella wakes up and it's MORE rambling about nothing in particular aside from how much pain she is in. Then suddenly all the vampire senses start to kick in. Due to this, she somehow hears Edward and all the Cullens while she's unconcious...Yeah, don't get me started on how stupid this is.
Then we get one boring conversation between Alice and Edward that reveals...nothing. Meyer, FYI overheard conversations in books are supposed to reveal something. Boring pointless chapter ends with Bella opening her eyes.
WORD LIST: sanguine
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The utter pointlessness of this chapter
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
BREAKING DAWN: Part III-Preface
Okay, last one today, I just want this over with since as usual the preface is shorter then this post.
CHAPTER SUMMARY: This starts off with a quotation from Empire by Orson Scott Card. Now, I must say I was surprised at first that Meyer even knows who Card is because the man is actually, you know an author that's still alive and not something assigned in English class or the super-easy YA books she usually harolds as fantastic. But then I remembered something. Card is a member of the LDS church. Also, as much as I like his writing (if you haven't read Enders Game DO SO) I can't stand Card himself. Because Card is frankly a homophobic bigot. Go on the net sometime and look up interviews with him if you don't believe me. Considering I'm pretty sure that Meyer is narrow-minded as well (and probably homophobic herself though I haven't seen tendancies yet, but the fact that there are no homosexuals at all in any of her writing is pretty telling) I'm not all that surprised she likes him enough to quote him. Though who wants to bet like all the previous quotes she completely misses the point of the quote and it ends up having nothing to do with her story at all? I guess we'll find out.
As always Meyer uses the preface to spoil what will happen. Also as always, it's Bella facing danger and putting herself in harms way for someone else. No surprise whatsoever. I'm starting to miss Jacob...at least things were interesting with him for awhile because there were actually some new scenes. Now it's just going to be recycled scenes yet again.
From the Preface, the danger is the Volturi (let me guess, they're after the baby!) and it cuts off as Bella growls and oh look, she's a vamp! God help me, this is going to be torture isn't it?
WORD LIST: billowing
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: They ghosted closer-I HATE this wording she keeps insisting on using. Because to me I picture ghosts closing in on Bella. Pick other wording Meyer!
CHAPTER SUMMARY: This starts off with a quotation from Empire by Orson Scott Card. Now, I must say I was surprised at first that Meyer even knows who Card is because the man is actually, you know an author that's still alive and not something assigned in English class or the super-easy YA books she usually harolds as fantastic. But then I remembered something. Card is a member of the LDS church. Also, as much as I like his writing (if you haven't read Enders Game DO SO) I can't stand Card himself. Because Card is frankly a homophobic bigot. Go on the net sometime and look up interviews with him if you don't believe me. Considering I'm pretty sure that Meyer is narrow-minded as well (and probably homophobic herself though I haven't seen tendancies yet, but the fact that there are no homosexuals at all in any of her writing is pretty telling) I'm not all that surprised she likes him enough to quote him. Though who wants to bet like all the previous quotes she completely misses the point of the quote and it ends up having nothing to do with her story at all? I guess we'll find out.
As always Meyer uses the preface to spoil what will happen. Also as always, it's Bella facing danger and putting herself in harms way for someone else. No surprise whatsoever. I'm starting to miss Jacob...at least things were interesting with him for awhile because there were actually some new scenes. Now it's just going to be recycled scenes yet again.
From the Preface, the danger is the Volturi (let me guess, they're after the baby!) and it cuts off as Bella growls and oh look, she's a vamp! God help me, this is going to be torture isn't it?
WORD LIST: billowing
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: They ghosted closer-I HATE this wording she keeps insisting on using. Because to me I picture ghosts closing in on Bella. Pick other wording Meyer!
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 18-There are No Words for This
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Baby is born, Jacob imprints. Big shocker.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
This is going to be a brief review because my mind is still boggling at the absurdity and slight backwards thinking in this chapter. Long story short: baby is born in a really messy bloody birth scene that is enough to make any girl not want to get pregnant like EVER. Seriously, I thought super religious people saw birth as a beautiful event that was a gift from God or whatever? We know that Meyer is very religious so what's up with this rather disturbing birth scene? Kind of makes you wonder if she actually thinks birth is horrible or something...
Now the backwards thinking I'm referring too is that why exactly is Meyer perfectly comfortable writing a bloody scene where a baby is ripped from her mother's stomach, yet she's not comfortable writing a sex scene? Does that seem weird to anyone else? I know she's Mormon and they have this thing about porn or whatever but I was also under the impression they had a thing about bloody violent scenes and therefore they can't watch rated R movies? Let me tell you: this scene? Definitely Rated R material. So really, what gives?
Well, after baby is born, Jacob mourns Bella (thinking she's dead but as there's HALF A BOOK LEFT STILL she's obviously still alive) and then we get treated to yet another character turnaround where he decides he's going to kill the baby girl (now dubbed Renesmee which has to be one of the worst baby names for a fictional character I've ever seen. Even Albus Severus from Harry Potter is going WHAT?). Couple of disturbing pages of him planning his mode of attack. Roselie comes out with the baby, their eyes meet, and bada bing bada boom he's imprinted on the baby. His part in this story pretty much ends there. The assasination of Jacob Black's character is now officially complete. Congrats Meyer, you utterly ruined the one good male character you had in this series. Pat on the back and all as I'm sure that was your intention because he was competing with your honey Edward too much.
If that isn't bad enough, I clicked next page on my Kindle after this only to find the following: Book Three-Bella.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thought we got rid of her? Damn it, Meyer!
WORD LIST: None for this chapter (but I'm sure there'll be tons of fun ones in Bella's part to make up for it)
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The assasination of Jacob Black's character.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
This is going to be a brief review because my mind is still boggling at the absurdity and slight backwards thinking in this chapter. Long story short: baby is born in a really messy bloody birth scene that is enough to make any girl not want to get pregnant like EVER. Seriously, I thought super religious people saw birth as a beautiful event that was a gift from God or whatever? We know that Meyer is very religious so what's up with this rather disturbing birth scene? Kind of makes you wonder if she actually thinks birth is horrible or something...
Now the backwards thinking I'm referring too is that why exactly is Meyer perfectly comfortable writing a bloody scene where a baby is ripped from her mother's stomach, yet she's not comfortable writing a sex scene? Does that seem weird to anyone else? I know she's Mormon and they have this thing about porn or whatever but I was also under the impression they had a thing about bloody violent scenes and therefore they can't watch rated R movies? Let me tell you: this scene? Definitely Rated R material. So really, what gives?
Well, after baby is born, Jacob mourns Bella (thinking she's dead but as there's HALF A BOOK LEFT STILL she's obviously still alive) and then we get treated to yet another character turnaround where he decides he's going to kill the baby girl (now dubbed Renesmee which has to be one of the worst baby names for a fictional character I've ever seen. Even Albus Severus from Harry Potter is going WHAT?). Couple of disturbing pages of him planning his mode of attack. Roselie comes out with the baby, their eyes meet, and bada bing bada boom he's imprinted on the baby. His part in this story pretty much ends there. The assasination of Jacob Black's character is now officially complete. Congrats Meyer, you utterly ruined the one good male character you had in this series. Pat on the back and all as I'm sure that was your intention because he was competing with your honey Edward too much.
If that isn't bad enough, I clicked next page on my Kindle after this only to find the following: Book Three-Bella.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thought we got rid of her? Damn it, Meyer!
WORD LIST: None for this chapter (but I'm sure there'll be tons of fun ones in Bella's part to make up for it)
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: The assasination of Jacob Black's character.
BREAKING DAWN: Chapter 17-What do I Look Like? THe Wizard of Oz? You Need a Brain? You Need a Heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I Have.
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Jacob mopes and angsts then surprise! Baby comes. I meanwhile am trying to figure out what's up with that chapter title.
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
We start where we left off: with Jacob angsting some more. Yay. Because we haven't had enough of that in this book. He takes off in Edward's super expensive fast car (which is like what, the sixth or seventh car mentioned that these guys own? No one needs that many cars). Like everyone else in this series he speeds yet manages to not get in an accident or get caught by the cops. Edward has his Gary Stu powers, what's Jacob's excuse for avoiding these pitfalls?
Where is Jacob going you ask? Well, he's decided he wants a soulmate to imprint on of his very own. Never mind that in the past he has (rightfully so) stated that imprinting bothers him and feels like it takes peoples free will and isn't fair (it isn't). But never mind that! Meyer apparently feels it's totally understandable that he is now searching for a girl to imprint on. For the record, it isn't understandable. In fact, it's a little disturbing.
Even more disturbing then when Jacob decides to do his soulmate hunting in a kids park. What the hell? Pedophile behavior anyone? Don't get me started on how he takes up two handicapped parking spaces. I hate people that take two spaces diliberately and it's even worse that they are handicapped. But I guess since Jacob is in a bad mood I'm supposed to excuse his disrespectful behavior. Whatever.
Then a girl shows up and somehow comes to the conclusion that Jacob stole the car. Why on earth would she think this? Yeah, he took two parking spaces. But that doesn't scream criminal (I know jerks who do this simply because they can and don't want their precious vehical near other cars). Oh wait, let me guess, he's a minority so he couldn't possibly have afforded such a car on his own. I do want to give Meyer the benifit of the doubt on this, but something tells me this was her thinking.
Then after accusing him of being a thief with no basis for it, she starts ohing and ahing over it. Really? Though I am mildly surprised that Meyer is having a girl know about cars but that pleasant surprise is ruined by Jacob being totally stunned that a girl knows something about cars. Newsflash Jacob/Meyer, girls knowing about cars is actually not an unusual thing. Talk to my over fifty mother sometime, she probably knobws more about cars then my Dad does (and he has no problem with this either or the fact that she's ;gasp!; into sports, imagine).
This pointless conversation doesn't really go anywhere nor seem to serve any purpose. Jacob briefly imagines a whole scene with them dating (who does that with a person THEY JUST MET AND DON'T EVEN KNOW THEIR LAST NAME?) and makes more disturbing inner commentary. Then suddenly he decides to go back to the Cullens (and somewhere along the way accepts Seth and Leah as pack...I think that's what that commentary was supposed to be about anwyay...).
He arrives and finds out that apparently while he was gone Leah told off Bella about the way she was treating him. This of course greatly upset pur wittle Mary Sue and thus all the Cullens because heaven forbid someone actually tell Bella she's in the wrong about something (even when she is in this case). Even Jacob is irritated with her even though she was DEFENDING HIM. Personally, I say bravo Leah, bravo.
But enough about the harpy, Meyer quickly moves onto yet another Bella is so selfless, fragile, whatever scene. I'm so sick and tired of these! Turns out her baby is ready to be born...or at least I think that was what was going on. I was too busy rolling my eyes through the corny dialogue so I may have missed a thing or two.
WORD LIST: none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: treatment of Leah yet again
More ridiculous expensive cars for the Cullens
More Bella is so wonderful scenes that make me gag
NOTES/THOUGHTS/COMMENTARY:
We start where we left off: with Jacob angsting some more. Yay. Because we haven't had enough of that in this book. He takes off in Edward's super expensive fast car (which is like what, the sixth or seventh car mentioned that these guys own? No one needs that many cars). Like everyone else in this series he speeds yet manages to not get in an accident or get caught by the cops. Edward has his Gary Stu powers, what's Jacob's excuse for avoiding these pitfalls?
Where is Jacob going you ask? Well, he's decided he wants a soulmate to imprint on of his very own. Never mind that in the past he has (rightfully so) stated that imprinting bothers him and feels like it takes peoples free will and isn't fair (it isn't). But never mind that! Meyer apparently feels it's totally understandable that he is now searching for a girl to imprint on. For the record, it isn't understandable. In fact, it's a little disturbing.
Even more disturbing then when Jacob decides to do his soulmate hunting in a kids park. What the hell? Pedophile behavior anyone? Don't get me started on how he takes up two handicapped parking spaces. I hate people that take two spaces diliberately and it's even worse that they are handicapped. But I guess since Jacob is in a bad mood I'm supposed to excuse his disrespectful behavior. Whatever.
Then a girl shows up and somehow comes to the conclusion that Jacob stole the car. Why on earth would she think this? Yeah, he took two parking spaces. But that doesn't scream criminal (I know jerks who do this simply because they can and don't want their precious vehical near other cars). Oh wait, let me guess, he's a minority so he couldn't possibly have afforded such a car on his own. I do want to give Meyer the benifit of the doubt on this, but something tells me this was her thinking.
Then after accusing him of being a thief with no basis for it, she starts ohing and ahing over it. Really? Though I am mildly surprised that Meyer is having a girl know about cars but that pleasant surprise is ruined by Jacob being totally stunned that a girl knows something about cars. Newsflash Jacob/Meyer, girls knowing about cars is actually not an unusual thing. Talk to my over fifty mother sometime, she probably knobws more about cars then my Dad does (and he has no problem with this either or the fact that she's ;gasp!; into sports, imagine).
This pointless conversation doesn't really go anywhere nor seem to serve any purpose. Jacob briefly imagines a whole scene with them dating (who does that with a person THEY JUST MET AND DON'T EVEN KNOW THEIR LAST NAME?) and makes more disturbing inner commentary. Then suddenly he decides to go back to the Cullens (and somewhere along the way accepts Seth and Leah as pack...I think that's what that commentary was supposed to be about anwyay...).
He arrives and finds out that apparently while he was gone Leah told off Bella about the way she was treating him. This of course greatly upset pur wittle Mary Sue and thus all the Cullens because heaven forbid someone actually tell Bella she's in the wrong about something (even when she is in this case). Even Jacob is irritated with her even though she was DEFENDING HIM. Personally, I say bravo Leah, bravo.
But enough about the harpy, Meyer quickly moves onto yet another Bella is so selfless, fragile, whatever scene. I'm so sick and tired of these! Turns out her baby is ready to be born...or at least I think that was what was going on. I was too busy rolling my eyes through the corny dialogue so I may have missed a thing or two.
WORD LIST: none for this chapter
GENERAL ANNOYANCES: treatment of Leah yet again
More ridiculous expensive cars for the Cullens
More Bella is so wonderful scenes that make me gag
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